When my six-year-old becomes frustrated with a task, she growls or screams or pounds the floor. The first time she did this I was flabbergasted, wondering at what gene of my husband’s produced this reaction in her.
We are trying to teach her to control her frustration, quietly asking an adult for help, using words and not grunts, and attempting the task again with calm concentration rather than the fire in her eyes minutes before.
It doesn’t always work.
In fact, it usually doesn’t. Sometimes, instead of growls, her frustrated cries turn into small whimpers. I still often look in amazement at her exaggerated emotional outbursts and shrieks at not being able to succeed at something.
Last night, as I was working on an article that I thought I might submit, attempting to rework the structure, inserting the right descriptions and removing the unnecessary ones, I became frustrated.
I told my husband that it wasn’t even a good idea. The whole basis of the article wasn’t worth going forward with it. I shut my laptop and laid my head on the table. I was done.
I didn’t shriek or pound the floor, and I didn’t growl at anyone. But I stopped and I didn’t press through. In essence, I committed the same crime as my daughter. I gave up.
So tonight, when the house is quiet after the girls have fallen asleep, I am going to attempt it again, this time with calm concentration and hopefully renewed strength. I will have a new eye that hasn’t looked at it for 24 hours and I might have a new idea throughout the day. Hopefully, tonight, I won’t give up.
i too need help learning to control myself when frustrated. i compare it to labor and delivery. there is something inside i must labor through, but once i have given birth to it, it’s done… but labor is not pretty.
When my daughter becomes frustrated, i send her to her room, and encourage her to stop,breath,gain new perspective. i
see maturity in my 8 yr old in handling frustration. i want it in myself.
did you give up? i do not see that, i see wisdom taking over. and from what i read you are “going to attempt it again.” and if you must
attempt it again and again, i encourage you to do so.
praying for renewed strength.
You really need to write a book. Seriously, over the years we’ve lost touch and reading your blog has been an amazing experience. What makes it special is the fact that it speaks to me – as both a father and husband … today’s more than most … In fact, you inspired me to create a blog of my own. Maybe it’ll be witty and insightful or it may be filled with self-deprecating humor or funny anecdotal stories about Kaiya … ???
In my mind when I am frustrated I stamp my feet and scream, I try to show calmness and control to my children. I know that feeling of being done – but I have found that coming back to look at the situation later gives me fresh eyes, a clear mind, and I am ready to tackle the situation.
I am praying that you will have fresh eyes and clear mind in working on your article. You can do it Sarah!
Good luck with your renewed attempt tonight. I’m sure you will do great. If it’s anything like this article, I’m sure it will be wonderful. You are a superb writer. I enjoy every entry.
Hey Dave! I thought it might be you! So cool you found my blog. Your daughter is gorgeous! Thank you for the encouragement. Believe me, I certainly do NOT have “raptor-like” focus! =)
Hang in there! There have been (and still are) times I want to quit because it feels hard, or itimidating but you can TOTALLY do it–you are gifted. And it’s worth a shut down or even a tantrum to get there…
Great insight Sarah. We learn so much from our children even when we aren’t looking to learn. Oh, I’ve added you to my blog roll.
Get going girl! Write that article!
You know, funny that you should mention this. We as adults do pretty much the same thing as kids do. Only we don’t throw a tantrum and we are usually better at covering it up.
We’ve just learned to be more self-controlled in our tantrums
My daughter very rarely lets frustration get to her… she usually just gives up. Which is probably worse. The scary thing is that I think she learned that from me! We have both worked on this. It’s amazing how much we can teach… and learn from our kids!
Isn’t it funny that the advice we give to kids as we’re teaching and nurturing and supporting is hard to take for ourselves? I found that was true for myself when I was teaching 5 & 6 year olds.
I bet you’ll sit down to your article tonight with fresh eyes and know just how to finish it up. The wisdom to step away and come back without giving up is inspiring!
I have one like that, too! Oh, you perfectionists, you.
I find the process of writing to be very fascinating. I would LOVE to hear about how you think, what motivates you to write, and how you feel when you write. Do you get tense? Do you relax? Are there thoughts waiting to be said, stories waiting to be told? Or is it new, every time you sit down? Is it comfortable or excruciating? I don’t know why, but I’m very interested in the act of creativity itself…
Just curious!
Thank you for asking, Jennifer. I’ll try to answer this in a future post…let me work on it! =)
I love that you are teaching me and making me laugh all at the same time. I had to laugh at your comment about what gene of your husband’s produced that behavior. Our adult temper tantrums come in different packages, but they are there none the less.
Let us know when that article gets published.
)
I so understand where you’re at. I have often wondered where Ellie gets her frustration from. She has fits when things don’t happen the way she thinks they should. I seriously never saw that side of myself, until recently. I get so frustrated with her for getting so frustrated! Ironic, isn’t it.