Tuesday April 15th, 2008
When my toddler became a child and not a wailing infant any longer and she was able to walk and giggle and put words together, she began to play with her sister. Their similarities were obvious – both strong willed, both highly emotional, both full of energy and both continue to move ahead at full force until they fall into bed at night. I thought that I had gotten the four-year-later version of her sister.
I am convinced now that my girls are polar opposites, at least one significant area.
When my six-year-old was a toddler, I had to create reasons to leave the house so that she could get out of doors to release her energy. I would plan our days around a trip to the market and the park or a walk in the local zoo. She thrived on being away and cried when we had to come home. Without much thought, I had made assumptions that my Naomi was the same way.
This morning, after an extended and ear-piercing screaming tantrum in her play and music class, we left and came home. The class had just begun and Naomi wouldn’t be calmed or quieted. A normal two-year-old tantrum quickly turned into a kicking and screeching mess in the bathroom. I picked her up still kicking, grabbed our shoes and took her to the car.
I told her we were going home and almost as if she had intended this outcome, she calmed down and began to sing a song. Her sister at the same age would have wailed louder at the thought of going home, whereas Naomi wanted to come home. She wanted to be here with her toys and her dolls and her bare feet. She loves the confines of our home and our yard and everything that is hers. I am only realizing that now.
I understand this is only a minor issue in the whole idea of adjusting parenting styles for each child, but it might actually change a lot. I know that Naomi loves Disneyland and needs the fresh air at the park; she has to go with me if I need to get something from the store, but in general she lives for being at home.
She is a homebody.
I think that part of helping my daughter grow up is about getting to know her and searching her eyes and whines for clues to her heart. It is understanding her motivations and the place she is in her development; guessing at the things that might scare her and make her feel her instability. It is both as simple and complex as recognizing she is a homebody and trying to provide a balance for her and her sister in this home. It is providing boundaries inside which she can run and play without feeling vulnerable to the huge world.
I want to be the mother that both encourages her to take healthy risks that she must in order to grow and change, but to allow her to rest and be herself here. Perhaps understanding her is as simple as understanding my own need for home….I’m a homebody too.
The twin and I are exactly the same way. Faith is the homebody and I am the one who NEEDS to get out.
It’s so cool how everyday we get to know our kids a bit better. They are themselves, not who I thought or imagined they would be. Little personalities with ideas and preferences. I want to be insightful and understand them. Love ya!
That is sweet. Pumpkindoodle use to cry whenever we came home and it made me so sad. She’s just so social that she thrives to be out and about. It will be interesting to see how Pickle energizes.
Isn’t it amazing how God made each little one so unique and different…And what a great mom you are to pay attention to that & not get caught in the “exact mold” syndrome.
I think this is the key to parenting as a whole–figuring out what makes our little ones tick, and like you said, seeing into their little hearts. I’m learning that when my toddler throws a tantrum, it’s always indicative of something that should have been different–he should’ve had an earlier nap, I didn’t give him (or enforce) proper boundaries, or there’s just too much stimulation around him. (Not that tantrums are allowed, of course
… I still don’t want him to think it’s okay to react like that, but I need to see my own part in contributing to it.) It can be so easy to forget that my kiddos are just their own little people, with all their own feelings and preferences and way of responding to the world around them.
i loved sticky space bars and this post really spoke to me today as well. it is such an exciting challenge to get to know our children and not pigeonhole them and make assumptions. what a blessed challenge! thanks for sharing.
I am such a homebody. I start feeling stressed and overwhelmed when I am not home enough. There is something comforting, safe, and peaceful about being at home. My husband thrives on being with people and out of the house. I guess we balance each other out in that sense.
It is an adventure getting to know our kids and unravel the mystery of their personalities.
Great post! You show such insight, understanding and love for your girls.
I am continually amazed by the differences in my kids. Just tonight my little one had a soccer game, he is such a different little personality on the field than his brother.
i’m SUCH a homebody. so much so that even when i’m at home i still WANT to be at home… like: please don’t make me leave – its saturday – the day when i don’t have to go anywhere! i wanna stay stay stay.
how sad?