Sunday April 20th, 2008
Her legs stretch longer, it seems, with each month that passes. Soon, she’ll stand taller than me, I think, and her arms will hug my neck from my own height. I will be able to put my own mother-arms around her and hold her body as a woman, not a child.
I took her to tea yesterday with her aunt, her grandmother, her great-grandmother and me. Four generations of women from six years old to ninety, we sat around a table and shared cups of different teas (juice for my daughter) and tiny sandwiches (peanut butter and jam for her; egg salad for the adults).
She laughed or whined as she danced between the desire to be woman-like and the needs of a child. Hunger and impatience took over as we had to wait for a table or quietly converse before our food arrived.
My daughter got up from her chair often, partly to combat six-year-old restlessness and partly to try on hats from the tall rack in the corner of the room. She returned with a hat for each of us – an old fashioned black felt hat with flowers for my elderly grandmother and a maroon velvet one with netting for me. Hers was a giant silver hat with a wide brim fit only to be worn to the Kentucky Derby or a southern wedding.
I sat next to her and watched her as she ate, looking up with young feminine eyes from under her hat. She sat, legs underneath her, and reached for the sugar bowl to add to her “tea”, making the juice even sweeter. She ate a currant scone with precision, but grinned up at me with raspberry jam at the corner of her mouth. She felt grown up.
And she felt her beauty. Before we left she wanted me to comb her hair and wanted me to dust a light layer of rose-colored blush on her cheeks. She wanted a little pink lip gloss that would no doubt be worn off before we got to the tea house.
With a dress on she walked slower and stood taller. She spoke more quietly and moved with less of a child’s gait. She tried to walk like a lady. She was becoming aware of herself.
With this awareness also came a sense of easy embarrassment: the temporary loss of childhood abandon. A group of ladies at a nearby table giggled quietly with good intention at her hat-switching abilities. She immediately threw the hats down and ran to my side, hiding her face behind my back. She was no longer aware of her beauty, but was conscious of herself and felt vulnerable.
My Kindergarten beauty is beginning to become aware of herself, and soon she will become aware of her own body and how it compares to her friends. Maybe her feet will feel too big or her skin will feel too pale. Or maybe she won’t like her nose, the one I kiss every night. Maybe she will grow taller than me and be painfully aware of her height and wish she was still shorter than me still.
Maybe when she is tall enough to look me in the eyes, when she has grown to her woman’s height, I will have walked the journey long enough to give her some wisdom. I’m glad she still moves between child’s fears and adult awareness, and that we both still have so much growing up left to do.
I love the last paragraph of this – so beautifully written.
(And going to tea is one of my all-time favorite girls’ outings!)
I have an almost in kindergarten little girl. I noticed a couple of days ago that her legs have gotten so long – where did my baby girl go? I have so many thoughts about her that swirl around in my head – I do hope she will always feel as good and beautiful about herself as I know she is.
Beautiful writing!
-Andrea
One of my favorite activities is going to tea with my mom…or just with the girls. What a wonderful memory to have generations of women sharing this time honored activity. Your little girl is learning to be a lady. And dressing up in hats is STILL one of my favorite parts….
Beautifully written post Sarah!
It is such a confusing time for little girls as they grow older when they still want to be little but also want to grow up. Oh to just keep them little for as long as we can -they have so much time to be grown up! I can see that inner struggle in Morgan so often as well.
I love that you had four generations together for tea. How wonderful! What cherished memories for Hope.
she’s becoming a great beauty…inside & out, just like my little girls did…
amazed by Jesus & you,
dad
Because I am a mother to our (now “grown”) two daughters, the wonderful stories and experiences that we shared, I am now “paying it forward” by creating YEAH YEAH Out Loud. IF there had been blogging available to me “back in the day”, I may have been able to share and encourage others earlier. Nice you can do it now, and have a record of the stories as you go. “Being a mom is the best job I ever had!