Losing - Three

After I had my daughter, I quickly lost any weight I had gained.

I filled the next two years with two-a-days at the gym, training for sprint triathlons and a marathon. I weighed myself each day and I got "dunked" regularly to measure my body fat percentage.

I increased my protein intake to build muscle and gave up vegetarianism to be able to ingest more lean protein without upping my daily calories. I drank shakes, ate bars, and spent two or more hours a day working out.

I was in the best shape of my life.

I felt fabulous about the way I looked. It felt good to be knowledgeable about fitness and weight loss and it also felt good that I could turn heads when I walked into the gym. I had never been the pretty girl, and now I felt like I was.

My body was strong but my heart was empty.

When my daughter was almost two, my husband and I found ourselves at the edge of divorce. My marriage and my life fell apart right after the new year in 2004. I began to see all of the awful habits and unhealthy attitudes that had contributed to our mess. We both had made so many mistakes and we needed to rebuild our family starting with the foundation.

Together we decided to renew our commitment to God and to each other. We began to move forward.

Everything in my life radically changed from this point on, even my attitude toward my body and toward fitness. I had been drastically humbled and was able to allow God to deal with my pride and arrogance, replacing it with a soft heart. My family was now the most important thing in my life and I was going to do nothing to jeopardize it. I continued to watch my eating and worked out to stay in shape, but with my new heart and revived soul I wasn't interested in the obsession that had filled me before.

However, God has interesting ways of creating the need for dependence on Him.


Later that year, I began to gain a little of my weight back. About 15 pounds to be exact. I knew I wasn't eating right, and even though my family life was steady and solid, I began to feel badly about my body again. It was as if I had gained the entire 60 pounds back, but this time I didn't know how to get rid of it. The first time I had lost weight, it was entirely based on SELF-RELIANCE and commitment to control. I had depended completely on myself and my own failures or successes were a result of me. I hadn't been in a place before to rely on God for help. Now that I had changed, I needed to let Him help me in this.

I never wanted to become arrogant and self-serving like I had been before. I was going to have to figure out how to lose this weight trusting in God and not in my own strength.

What I didn't realize was that soon I was going to gain back every pound and more that I had lost.

(The last post in my weight loss journey will appear tomorrow)