I check on my littlest one before I go to sleep.
Her hand is steady. She’s been in bed for three hours now – enough time for her little body to settle into its sleep rhythms and breath patterns, into its own warmth it will keep during the night.
Her hand is warm – not the sweaty fidgeting of falling into sleep, or the cool skin in the early hours of the morning when the light seeps through her shutters. But the comfortable, safe warmth her body lives in in the middle of the night as she sleeps.
(I thank God that I can keep my children warm at night. Under familiar blankets. In smooth beds. With fresh scents and clean sheets. I thank God I can bathe them in the evening and place them on their pillows with damp hair.)
I check on them. Before I can sleep, long after they’ve closed their eyes, I need to check.
Maybe it is that promise I need to keep. To them. Or too myself. I’ll check on you…
Or maybe it’s seeing that she is safe before I can give my own mind over to rest.
Maybe it is simply checking that her hand has reached its warmth – that she is under her blanket (the fuzzy side, not the silky side) – and that her dreams seem peaceful to me looking in. Her blondish curl is stuck to her forehead and she turns and lets out a sleep sigh. It is long and drawn as if she is too caught in sleep to stop her little voice. I put my two fingers in her palm and she immediately, slowly, curls around me. She grabs my hand and loves me, even in her sleep.
Maybe this is why I check on her. Selfishly so, to feel her love for me before I go to my own bed.
It is such a lovely, quiet moment–checking in on the sleeping children before going to bed myself, one of the best mommy moments.
I cherish those little sleepy sighs.
There is little as sweet as a sleeping babe – and this post captures that sweetness beautifully.
It’s the only time I can kiss my son without him squirming away and wiping off my kisses. I love it. The smell of him as I kiss on him.
My girl is such a light sleeper that I don’t dare kiss on her. But I love watching her sleep.
I am so bad when I go into check on the kids. I want to love on the so bad I end up waking them up.
I guess that isn’t so bad huh.
beautiful sarah!
it is part of my night time routine to check on the kids as well – i just want to get in their beds and hold them close or have the baby sleep on me. to watch them in their peacefulness of sleep reminds me of what amazing little miracles they are…. it does help me to drift off knowing they are comfy and cozy in their beds.
I look forward to these experiences…thanks for sharing =)
Yep, me too. It’s one of my favorite mommy moments. I just love to watch her as she snuggles with her bunny and contorts her body into all kinds of positions that only a 1 year old can achieve.
“the children are sleeping, but their running through my mind” (from sacred).
every night i MUST check,
kiss them,
whisper in their ear “Jesus,”
get sleepy kisses,
know they are safe,
praise God that they are mine.
So beautiful. Your words just remind me how I feel when I check on my kids at night when they’re all fast asleep… and the feeling of being a mother is so undescribably beautiful!
ps.. your blog is so lovely
Beautiful! I could stand over my children and watch them sleep for hours…they entrance me.
You have the most wonderful way of telling the stories. This is exactly what I feel, but I could never express it in the elegant way you do. Thank you for sharing such moments in your lives.