I can't help but think that raising daughters is a series of heartbreaks. Her breaking mine. Me breaking hers.
Not the kind of heartbreak that leaves you in a blubbery mess on your bedroom floor when a boyfriend loses interest. Or when your best girlfriends let the mean girl bully you in an eleventh grade fight.
Not the kind of heartache that leaves you broken and mangled.
But a hopeful heartbreak.
(It is difficult to suppose at something that is only just now happening.)
I break a little heart when I require something that is too long or involved for a six-year-old will. Or when my frustration for my little one becomes a strong word, then a yell, then my own tears of anger. I break little hearts all day long.
She breaks my heart when she lies. And she's learning to (a little) and I am trying to help work it out of her before I turn around and she's fourteen. It breaks me on the inside when I can't make her understand how important truthfulness really is.
And we haven't even hit the big time yet.
They haven't even discovered boys and Iphones, and texting and the Internet that exists beyond Webkinz. They don't even know about alcohol and drugs, and getting good grades to make people happy, and hanging out with the good kids or the not so good kids. My girls don't even know why older girls wear tight jeans or low cut tank tops.
They don't even know how words cut other people or their parents or their sister. They haven't learned how to manipulate or to use other people to get what they want. They are still baby-heartbreakers.
And I know that there are big aches to come. Soon.
And I'll make wrong decisions regarding curfews and who they can hang out with, and I'll be OLD AS THE TREES when I don't understand what they are going through. I was never a teenager. I'll break young hearts when I yell (probably) when they make poor choices and we all reap the consequences. I will break their hearts then too.
I'll just have to remember that when they break my heart, I've broken theirs too. There is always hope...
Hope in knowing the women they are becoming.
Hope in watching them become wiser.
Hope in seeing them grow in grace and learn kindness.
Hope in understanding this is all necessary to grow girls up and out of my house so that they can be mothers and wives.
That will break my heart too.
10 comments:
that's so beautiful. thanks for the reminder.
Yes, it's heartbreaking as we work our way out of the best job we'll ever have. Heartbreaking in a good way.
what a touching post. i love your insight.
How do you do it? How do you write the most thought provoking posts ever?
Teach me. Or maybe what you have can't be taught.
You are one gifted woman.
So so so true! I am glad my friend sent me your blog link. My oldest who is a girl just turned 5 and you put into words everything I think on a daily basis.
whew
i'm not a mom. but i'm a wife.
my husband and i ~ we break each other's hearts in small ways all the time, but we still choose to love each other. we still choose to trust. we still choose to forgive.
and i think this choice that reaches beyond our own human hurts is what makes us most like Christ, transforming us into His likeness with ever increasing glory.
We wear our hearts on our sleeves every minute. Lovely words, Sarah. Just lovely.
absolutely beautiful. i see this happening in my relationship with morgan - the glimpses of emotions that will arrive with puberty are showing up. Oh brother! I pray that God will grant me wisdom and patience so hopefully the breaking of each others hearts will be less.
I recently had a baby girl about 3 months ago and what you wrote have been my exact thoughts lately. I know I broke my mama's heart and made bad choices, and I look around at young girls today and see them doing the same. I want so badly for my little one to never have to feel the kind of pain I did, but then again I am refined by the fire. I love your words!!
This is as very awesome post! I needed it today of all days. My Hope is really trying me right now but I have to have faith and hope that she will be an awesome person!
Thank you for laying it all out so wonderfully! I agree with Cindy you are a gifted woman! :)
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