Sunday December 28th, 2008
Yield means to give up and give over. To relenquish or surrender. And I’m not talking about the type where I stretch out on my porch and stamp, “welcome” across my forehead.
I’ve learned much more in the last five years of 
marriage than I did in the first seven. When I was 21 and only married for a few months, the manager of our apartment complex confronted us because we/I was slamming doors and we/he was yelling too much. She said neighbors were complaining and that we’d have to keep our arguements to ourselves. Point taken.
marriage than I did in the first seven. When I was 21 and only married for a few months, the manager of our apartment complex confronted us because we/I was slamming doors and we/he was yelling too much. She said neighbors were complaining and that we’d have to keep our arguements to ourselves. Point taken.
We still fought with as much ferocity but just not as loudly. And we moved too.
The normal ebb and flow of married life never caught up with us like it did other couples because by the time we were married for four years, our relationship was already seriously diseased. A few years of big problems, and then a few years of healing and here we are: feeling like we’ve shrugged off the weight of old sicknesses but also feeling the burden to help others.
One of the things that I learned when we begun our healing process and still continues to haunt me as something to relearn again and again is the concept of yielding in love.
Because I love my husband and because we find so much to disagree about each of us is constantly in the position to either forgive or be forgiven. My theory is that couples are either fighters or they aren’t and I’ve given it up to the fact that we will always disagree fiercely and we must work within that. Daily I’m presented with the opportunity to yield to him in love, to give up the fight for the sake of my love for this man.
I give up my heart.
I surrender my hurt.
I give in because I know him so well.
I yield the fight because he loves me.
I’m so far from good at this. But it seems like every year that goes by and we are in a healthy relationship, the yielding part becomes better and easier. Maybe I’m getting more proficient at it, or maybe I’m just falling more and more in love with him.
Sarah, this is beautiful. I got very teary eyed. It’s really neat to hear about your process and think back to several years ago. I’m so happy for you guys. I know what you mean about couples either being fighters or not. I’ve struggled with wondering why some people’s marriages seem easier than ours. Thinking “what’s wrong with us?”. Well, alot. But that’s beside the point. THIS is OUR marriage and the man I’m meant to love. You are inspiring me to yield in love. God is using you!
What a great way to express truth! I so believe that our marriages can thrive, in spite of our personalities and faults, if we are willing to lay down our “rights” once in a while.
Thank you, thank you for this reminder and encouragement.
Sarah, never mind you falling in love with Chad, when you write like that I’M falling more in love with Chad.
Seriously, though, Merry Christmas guys.
James has always said that no one has ever fought him so much nor loved him so fiercely as me. It’s always been tumultuous, yet seems to have mellowed the longer we’ve been together. I’m always having to learn to yield, and to have self control.
Thank you for the reminder to continue. Oh, and your hubby let Jesus use him for many today in service!
and you’re relationship has touched so many others! I have learned more from you two, both implicitly and explicitly, than anyone!
I’ve enjoyed “using your words” the last month, but your post today made me realize i spend too much time wanting to be “right” instead of loving and kind. Your open and honest writing helped me to see what i should be doing.
and Chad….His wise words this morning brought me to my knees and and showed me that i need to get on the path to forgiving. Bless both of you.
Thanks for sharing this. Sometimes we get so caught up in the disagreeing that we forget what we fell in love with…a kindred spirit, a compassionate heart.
My husband and I are going into our 29th year of marriage. We’ve learned loving is a choice. We CHOOSE to love each other no matter what the disagreement.
Your words brought freshness to what I’ve already learned.
This is so incredibly beautifully written and so hopeful for me. Thank you.
wow…to love is to yield… well-said, well-thot…and well-lived!
love,
dad
i so appreciated your honesty and candor about the first years of your marriage. and i never thought of it the way you said it, but i’d concur that my husband and i will also always disagree fiercely.
you have a beautiful heart. and your husband is blessed to call you his.
What a beautiful post… well-said and touching.
Thank you
oh, sarah, how i relate to, yet still learned from, this post.
thanks for sharing!