I am still in love with my daughters.
The honeymoon euphoria hasn’t worn off. I still want to hug them and hold their hands with my every spare second and I look for their approval after I’ve made dinner or I’ve told a joke.
I am infatuated, enamoured, besotted and possessed by them.
But it has changed since each of them were born.
Like love changes with a man — separates then weaves back together again, stronger and more seasoned. It dances together and changes with the other and then settles together in a safe spot.
Love for my girls is like this. When Hope was a baby, she was all squishy, screaming, breathe-in-her-baby-breath love. I just watched her heart beat at the top of her baby-head and I was forever smitten.
Now she is seven and screams at the top of her lungs when the roller coaster takes off. She squeezes my hand and I’m in love with her still. Her laughter, her wild joy, her dubbing the howling take-off, “the moment of my life, Mom!!”
My littlest one was the baby who slept through the night the 5th day of her life. I was captivated. I was more relaxed with her and she’d rest in the evening, instead of cry like her sister, on my lap playing with my fingers.
This morning she walked up to me with her own version of a belated Valentine’s Day card: an index card scribbled with purple and pink highlighter pen. “Happy Bawentine’s Day, Mama!” She waltzes through her morning on princess high heels and curtsies whenever necessary (or just for fun). I’ve never been more in love than today.
I’m enchanted and claimed by each of them. They have a hold on my heart unlike any other two mini humans on earth.
My love has graduated from sticky, squishy new-mother love to something different: a love laced around the intricacies of their unique personalities. And I know I’m nowhere near done loving them yet.
mmmmmm, that’s just the best kind of love isn’t it? And so beautifully expressed. I don’t know who’s luckiest, you or your girls.
i’m afraid of motherhood. but if that day comes that i marry and have babies… this something to look forward to.
rachel – thanks! i’m lucky.
crystal – don’t be scared! its hard but so worth it.
it is so lovely how much you enjoy living in the ‘moments’ of your life . . . your family is very blessed to have you!
I love every word of this post.
Perfect description. (minus the high heels of course!) who knew it would be so amazing. I would have had them sooner had I any idea.
so beautiful! so so beautiful.
Beautiful! I totally get it too! I tend to smother my girls with hugs and kisses now because I know one day they will not want their mom to do that. At least not in public.
its so good to love and be loved. being a mommy is overwhelming and wonderful. and you are a wonderful mommy!!
i love the way you described the way love changes.
and way to use “besotted” in a sentence! : )
love to you!
you are so gifted, sarah. what a beautiful love note to your girls!
Robin said it best : This is a beautiful love note to your girls!
Ah, that was so great.
I love the chills I get when I think of them, grown up someday, and reading the words of their mama who didn’t just love them, but was in love with them…
what fortunate little girls to now only feel it, but have a written reminder that they were the sole presiders of your heart.