FOUNDATION
He told me that Jesus screws up everything.
My husband had been on his own journey during those 24 hours and when I met up with him the next day in the presence of our associate pastor and his wife, Chad said he had to forgive me.
He must.
Because Christ had forgiven him of so much. He wasn’t that different than I was, in his words, and that we all equally were in need of forgiveness. In his opinion, he didn’t want to forgive me but he had to. For the love of Christ, he forgave me. And he did so fully. And he still loved me even though I’d hurt him and ruined everything so desperately. Jesus in the mix screwed up his desire to hate me, to hold a grudge, to be bitter.
Each day that passed I realized my own sinfulness more, understood God’s grace more and embarked on a campaign to clean my own mind of images that used to comfort but now haunted me. I never defended my own actions. From the beginning I understood how my own poor choices and pride had resulted in this affair.
I was done with my old self. I removed phone numbers from my phone, took pages out of my address book and deleted emails and voicemail messages. I began to try to erase all that had gone before. And God softened the hard places of my heart and brought me close.
And together as a couple we made some serious choices. Our marriage had been diseased from the start and we were beginning to realize the gravity of that. We poured out all of our alcohol and threw out all of the questionable movies we owned. We cut off our cable and went without television for the next two years. We existed in an almost monk-like state for as long as it took to heal the relationship that I/we had destroyed.
The foundation that our family-house was built upon wasn’t solid. It never had been. So metaphorically speaking, we had to tear down the walls and start over.
We immediately began attending crisis marriage counseling.
And then I fell in absolute, head-over, crazy love with this man, my husband. Different and deeper than when I was 18. It was a love that had been matured, beaten, broken and mended and it was better than it had ever been before.
I started to let my husband lead and he rose happily to meet that. I backed off and practiced God-designed submission in the marriage relationship. I started letting him make decisions and gave my own opinion when he asked for it. And he asked for it a lot.
And it was so freeing.
I read through the Bible that first year. Cover to cover, Genesis through Revelation. Knowledge and spiritual gifts, that I’d suppressed for years, began to flood back to me. God hadn’t left me, he’d just let me walk away or a long time. But he hadn’t abandoned me.
We created boundaries in our relationship where we’d never had them before. I am never alone with men. Ever. And I tell him everything not because he asks but because I want to.
There were times when he wanted to know details of the actual affair. And I told him all he wanted to know. That eventually subsided because anything he asked and anything I told him tortured the both of us. Him because any more details just hurt him more during a time he was trying to heal, and me because I was trying to forget it all. Trying to remember details just brought up everything I was attempting to forget.
The next months and years were hard, excruciatingly so at times.
But I was still a wife, his wife. And he still wanted me, amazingly. I was still a mother. My daughter still loved me. And I was still willing to do anything with my whole heart to fight for my family.
** ** **
I’m writing my book about this. There’s more. SO MUCH MORE.
Miracles. Healings. Protection. Intimacy. Love. Renewal.
But I can say that it has been more than 5 ½ years since January 4, 2004. It has been 5 ½ years of restoration, God’s provision, hard work, tears.
Chad has never thrown it back in my face during an argument.
He’s never brought it up again. And I have remained absolutely faithful.
We rarely talk about it. But when we do, it’s with forgiveness and grace and amazement about the power of God.
Know that I am the same woman who had an affair, and at the same time I am completely new. I am the living proof of the grace of God.
I am the woman in the dust who was caught in adultery. I was given grace when Jesus spoke directly to me and told me to go and be different. So I did.
He called me
Loved.
Saved.
Restored.
And these are my new names.
Maybe you hate me. I understand if you do.
But maybe you don’t. Maybe you see yourself in me. Maybe you recognize warning signs in your own marriage. Maybe you are here reading this for a reason. Maybe you love knowing that one more person is new in Christ. Maybe this is you and you can’t stop. Maybe you need to stop what you are doing and get help. Maybe you need to confess.
Maybe you understand God’s grace just a little more.
[From the beginning, read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4]
Photo by Misty Matz
Tags: adultery, forgivness, grace, marriage, My New Name, my story
Sarah,
Your story hit me at a point in my life that it rings HARD.
I was sent a link to your blog today and 10 hours later I need to post.
Last year on my b-day I had an old friend from my past email me.
It had been about 12 years of no contact. Let me clarify, 12 years with one phone call.
When the email came into my work email a wave came over me. My first thought was, could this be…..? I sent back a reply asking a question that only she would know.
It was.
My heart and head raced all day. My kids made me a cake and I opened homemade cards.
Once again my wife got me nothing for the day.
Every year since I was 19 my bday was our day (turned 39). So it was always a hard day for me.
That night for the first time I sat down and wrote her an email. (the web was just getting started when we parted ways years ago)
My wife and I had big issues for the past five years. We have lived in totally different worlds. From work, vacations, church, outdoors, raising kids…..we have been on a different tracks.
After my son was born she has been a totally different person. Not what I married.
She didn’t want more children, and I do.
I work too much and she spends too much.
We don’t like the same vacations.
She doesn’t attend my family’s functions
I’ve sent her to her room many times when she is furiously screaming at the kids.
We have been sleeping in different bedrooms for months.
….the list goes on and on…..
About two years ago I MENTALY called it quits (never said a word to her about it). I stopped expecting her to be the person I wanted and focused on being a great father. The marriage vows played a big role in me not walking out. I was raised where my word is my bond. Very important for a farm boy .
…So this old friend is back in communication.
All during these years we have lived our separate lives. Created families, lived 20 miles apart and never crossing paths.
After the second or third day of emails. I had to tell her something.
Simply: “ I have thought of you every day for the past 20 years.” This was a minor stretch but 99% true.
But I had to tell her. After 12 years I wanted to let her know.
An hour later, I get this email back—“so have I. “
About a week later we met for a cup of coffee. (after 12 years of NEVER seeing each other). We caught up quickly.
Then I had to tell her: I still love you. I always have.
Every step of my life I have thought of you.
When I built my house I thought of you.
When I said my wedding vows, I thought of you.
The day my children were born I thought of you. ( a week later over a different cup of coffee, we realized my daughter and her son were born on the same day, the same year.)
We compared time of day of the children’s birth and realized this was only one of many times we had thought of each other at the same moment.
All she could say is, “I know”.
She had been in the same situation, had all the same feelings and her love for me was still there and never left. She told me the day she was to be married, her husband asked if she expected me to show up? (I didn’t know until after)
The day I got married, she drove by the church, then cried all day.
Where am I going with this?
We feel helpless.
We have our best friend back in our lives.
She’s had a very rocky marriage for years and so have I.
We have never felt like our spouses were our best friends. We have had a million conversations in our heads with each other. She was still part of my dreams.
I remember many mornings, praying to God to get her out of my head. I needed her out of my head and heart.
I’m a outdoorsy guy in the West. I remember being at the top of a mountain watching the sun come up. I was praying to God that he would remove her from my thoughts. Tears running down my checks. I couldn’t get her out of my head.
We feel like we have married the same spouse. Quick to anger, argues with volume not logic, degrades, says words they don’t remember the next day…….
So here we are today. Torn. For years our marriages have been held together by wedding vows, God and determination of no ‘D’. ‘Not an options’.
We know we would be much happier together. Life would truly be different. Our children would live in a peaceful loving world, BUT with D’ed parents. And that is so important to us.
We have both gone to counseling.
Our spouses have learned of our renewed friendship.
Through months of conversation we have been honest and maybe too honest but we have told them we still love each other.
She is my best friend. Always has been. Always will be.
Even when we didn’t know where the other one lived, we were still best friends.
We don’t know what to do. Live in a loveless marriage? Is that what God intended marriage to be?
We feel like we have been the only glue in our marriages for so long. I know we both have tried to make then successful.
For all these years we have tried, prayed and wanted to forget each other.
Now I know we never will.
For the 11 years I have been married, I NEVER believed in soul mate. Now I do.
Is there a bigger purpose for us getting reacquainted?
You are more than welcome to send us your thoughts. We will both read them.
lostbfriends@gmail.com
She found your blog and sent me the link.
Over the last few months I have never felt as honest and open with myself and with others.
I have prayed more than any other time in my life.
T -
This comes from a woman’s perspective, with probably a totally different journey from yours. But I want to share with you. I am a child of a completely messed up home. Plenty of affairs and carrying on and foolishness. Not all one person’s fault, but all devastating for my brother and I.
By God’s grace in our lives, our family is whole again. God has done a new thing. The thing we ALL saw as impossibly broken, is whole now. And it took a lot of time and work.
I’m not speaking to make you feel guilty. My heart is to encourage you. One thing is certain, God can do ANYTHING if we trust Him to work.
No matter the state of your marriage now, as a Believer, you are called to honor the vows you made. Nothing is made better by destroying two family units in the name of best-friendness. Please understand my heart. It is full of compassion for you. And it is full of God’s love. And that love means that as a sister in Christ, I have to be candid and honest. Please take a step back from the trap the enemy has set for you in your discontent, and take your discontent to the One who can change it all.
God is faithful. And when we honor Him, He honors us. If you are to be released from your marriage, it must be in God’s way. Do not risk your children for a woman who will only make you FEEL better. This is about righteousness and it is about clinging to the cross.
I have an urgency in my heart for you, and I pray that you read this. I am praying for you and your family, and your friend and her family as well. I believe that God has great things for you, but you MUST walk the narrow road. His plan, His way is ALWAYS best.
I am going to have my daughter read your posts. She is 17 and made a couple of poor choices lately. I think you have the ability to reach many, many people. Thank you for your honesty and transparency.
Dear T,
my brother. Can you honestly say you have put 110% into you marriage relationship??I think a “loveless” marriage must suck but have you loved your wife to the point of death? What I mean is, have you loved her until there was nothing left of you, put her needs before your own?
Once you “nuke” your marriage it is really hard to go back and it is far too often that we find the “greener grass” is nothing more than cheap Home Depot astro-turf.
You say you have been praying more. So take this situation and sit you and it at the foot of the Cross. I believe you will find Christ sharing some of the same thoughts with you that I just did.
I am praying for you my man.
Chad
I hope that you have heard the song, I Will Change Your Name. If not, check it out on itunes. It ran through my head the whole time I was reading your blog. Hang in there, it’s a hard road, but God is faithful as you are faithful.
Yea Jesus for messing everything up
He is so good and so gracious, thank you for allowing your story to be known!
May God bless you and your husband
Melissa
Some of my favorite parts of reading through your situation are reading the comments left by your groom and your family. Yay, they are amazing.
Beautiful.
Beautifully written.
Beautifully told.
(Beautiful picture!)
[...] out this 5 part series written by Sarah Markley, she is one courageous woman to write all [...]
You tell a story remarkably similar to my parents, only you would be speaking from the voice of my father. He too, was caught; devastated; shattered; redeemed; miraculously changed; and my mother embarked on a painful and heart-rending effort at forgiveness. They got counseling, worked on the “diseased” aspects of their marriage– which there were– and I, first as a 14 year old, and on through my 23rd year, watched and marveled. First, reeled from the excruciating pain of my world falling apart, and then, found comfort in God, who emerged as the rock for all of us.
Until 23, I watched healing.
When I was 24, it all fell apart again. He had started up his affair again– though it was only emotional at that point. But the betrayal was explosive, crushing, slaying, and it ruined my parents’ marriage for good.
I say this not to inspire fear, or to shed a grim reaper’s shadow, but to BEG you to be VIGILANTE. The devil prowls, and he is looking for a crack through which to sneak back in, and grow and fester. Don’t stop going to church. Keep people around you to keep you accountable. Keep communicating with your husband. Keep reading your Bible. Keep PRAYING.
The flesh is weak– He IS more powerful, and I know that. But I also know that there is a powerful counterforce that wants nothing more than to drag us down. Don’t ever trust in your own strength to keep you safe. It won’t– it can’t. Please, please– stay at the feet of Jesus and continue to remind yourself that it is only because of Him that you are able to experience such miraculous healing.
Stay vigilante. Don’t look away for a second.
Many people have commented on the happy ending here…but this was just the beginning…..the middle is all of the other amazing posts we are blessed to read…and the end will be when you stand in His presence and he says…well done my good and faithful servant. thank you Sarah …for all of the stories you share.
Greta – THANK you for that. Thank you for the reminder that we are never fully impervious to temptation. I’ve put a lot of things into place in my own life to try and safeguard me from anything in the future, but I know that the only real answer is to remain wholly and completely committed to God. To die daily and to stay faithful to Him. Thank you for the reminder, Greta. I will take it to heart.
T – I echo my husband’s comment to you regarding your situation. I also am so sorry you live in a loveless marriage. But I know that God is in the business of reviving what is dead. that is what He did when He came to earth. He took lifeless, loveless, dead hearts and softened them and made them new. He does that with marriages too.
I don’t know what the answer to your situation is. But I do know that the answer lies with Christ and not in another relationship. I would hope that you would direct your prayers to help you make the right, God-honoring choices in your relationships.
And then please get help from a solid counselor or pastor who will direct you to Jesus. Thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing like you did.
a friend told me about your blog yesterday and as i read part 5, i was wrecked. my wife was sitting right beside me and as I read your blog out loud, tears rolled down my cheeks and we both cried together and just hugged and held each-other… our experience has been so incredibly similar to your own… it was just over a year ago that i was caught in an emotional affair and through an amazing journey of God’s shattering me, an then lovingly picking up the pieces and putting me & us back together in his image that, in Chad’s words, our world has been freaking rocked by Jesus.
ever since then, we’ve “spewed” our story to anyone who would listen and have seen an amazing move of His Spirit in our lives, our church, our friendships and our family.
may He continue to freaking rock your world and may your joy and love infect any and all who read your blog. (sorry Chad but i’m going to be stealing your phrase now!)
T – i can all too painfully relate to your feeling of being trapped in a “loveless” marriage. there is truth, and there are lies… right now you are fully engaged in, believing, snuggling up to, and indulging in a lie. read God’s Word, ask him to reveal truth to your heart and He will. it will be painful for you but He is faithful and will honor that request. He did for me and i can honestly say that today, He as not only healed my marriage but has made it into an incredible source of joy and passion in my life that all of the romantic poems, paintings, and love storys in the world can’t even come close to describing! i have been where you are and there is hope. I am praying for you brother. oh, by the way, read “The Bondage Breaker” by Neil T. Anderson
Jesus never fails us…. ever.
sarah – i love you. and i respect you more today than i ever have.
i am praising God for your journey. i am thanking God for your friend who told your pastor. wow…that must have been very hard for her. i am blown away by chads response. and i am so proud of you! your book…will minister to A LOT of people! and i am so grateful you can and are writing it, sarah. thank you!
Wow, what courage it must take to share your story. Thank you for sharing and pointing others to Him. We need more women like you in this world!…willing to be vulnerable and bring hope to those who have broken relationships.
Thanks to both of you for sharing your story. I’m very grateful and am amazed, once again, by grace.
I’m glad I didn’t find this story until today, as I’m not sure I could have waited for each installment. Thank you for telling it. I think people can relate on so many different levels.
Amazing Grace. Thank you for being humble enough to share your story.
“Maybe you see yourself in me. Maybe you recognize warning signs in your own marriage. Maybe you are here reading this for a reason. Maybe you love knowing that one more person is new in Christ. Maybe this is you and you can’t stop. Maybe you need to stop what you are doing and get help. Maybe you need to confess.
Maybe you understand God’s grace just a little more.”
Yes to all of the above. I read Brad H’s blog the same day I read yours, Sarah, and my life has changed. No more “token kisses,” so help me God. Thank you both for sharing. May our LORD of grace be with us all.
I love you.
Thank you for sharing this with the world.
Sarah you have so much courage to share this. Thank you for the reminders of so many important things, especially to value relationships. So happy and praising God that he worked things out in your family.
If there is stigma and judgement – how is there forgiveness?
Deborah – what do you mean? stigma and judgment – I’m referring to a small group of people who are still angry. And I make the assumption that if there is anger, there isn’t forgiveness. but i’m not sure. i can’t judge another human heart.
and i truly believe there is forgiveness with the people in my life that matter the most – husband and family, close friends. does that answer your question?
I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’m 21 and so I’m still waiting. But I have major personal issues about cheating that I think stem from my mother’s situation right now. Basically… anything about infidelity makes me so incredibly angry. So angry that I want to cry, as odd as it sounds. And I was angry as I read this. Yes, I was fuming and steaming up a storm. I had some really negative thoughts that I won’t repeat but they were nasty.
But as I got to part 4 to the end… I wasn’t as angry anymore. I wasn’t happy either but I didn’t have blind rage going so much. Part of it I think is because you’ve actually explained in detail the why. It seems with those who have been unfaithful, you never know why it has happened, why they did it.
And it’s funny because it seems simple when you put God into the mix. I’ve never thought of him with these issues and I never got why people stayed together after such an act. I’m still a bit iffy to be honest but you make it easier to understand how couples get past it all. Because it has to just be more than love and trust. It has to be more.
Thank you for sharing this story and being brave enough to leave yourself vulnerable to judgemental people like me.
I don’t think you are judgmental, Didi. Just honest.
Thank you.
Sarah, thank you so much for your bravery in telling your story. It is so good for young married couples to read about your story and to understand the very real danger in this. I love you and your family and how God has shown his love and mercy through you.
Thank you
What the enemy intends for evil…God uses for the glory of Him. And WOW, has He!! You are making Him so proud by sharing your story & giving Him the glory for taking you through this. You will bless so many, with hope & a better understanding that we are restored only through Him. Thank you for your story & for your honesty. Your book will be an inspiration to so many & it’s my prayer that He blesses you the entire way through the process!! To God be the glory!!
Be Blessed!
I know why I read this amazing story. After we were married for 6 months, I found out (in a not so great way) that my husband had been talking to another woman on the internet and on the phone. He was hiding her from me because he didn’t want me to be upset about his new “friend”. It crushed me… tore my heart out and ripped it to shreds. I moved out for a few days, didn’t think I would ever trust him again, and wasn’t sure what was going to happen. It was definitely not in my little plan of what should have happened in our marriage, let alone before the end of the first year. This happened 4 1/2 years ago, and I still have a hard time trusting my husband sometimes. I still wonder “what if he’s doing something again, and he’s hiding it from me?” I, unfortunately, still bring this up when I get really mad at him, or when he gets mad at me for asking him questions and grilling him about why he stays late after his job (that was one of the times he talked to this other woman). I need to be more like your husband. I need to fully forgive and forget as much as I can. It’s in the past, and my husband doesn’t deserve to have that brought up as often as I bring it up. I’m ashamed to admit that I do this, but I do, and it needs to stop. Thank you for sharing. I have truly enjoyed reading this. And, a little prayer that I would get over myself would be appreciated, too.
I would also appreciate prayers that the raw pain goes away. It’s been quite a while, but I still remember and it still hurts like it happened yesterday. I want that to go away. I know that it’s not good for our marriage, and it’s also not good for my mental and emotional well being to constantly be worried that something is going to happen again. It has been one of the hardest situations I’ve ever faced in my life, and I’d like some comfort and closure so this doesn’t continue to haunt me.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am going through a very rough patch in my relationship and have really been wanting to give up and walk away…or into something different. This gives me the hope that there is another alternative. I’m getting ready to go to a joint therapy session tomorrow and I am so scared…but I am thinking that I was led right here to read your story so that I may have hope. Thank you. You’re here at the perfect time…God always leads us down the perfect paths.
B – I will be praying for you. I’m sorry that your pain is so raw. I’m sitting here talking with Chad about your situation and we agree that after that long, you have to decide to get past the pain or it will always throb. the only way to get past it is to just decide to trust again. Chad says, “if not, 4 more years will pass and you’ll still be in the same place.” I don’t know. i will be praying that your marriage will have complete healing and restoration.
sadira – don’t be scared. just be honest in your counseling session. i’m glad that God led you here. =)
Wow again. Amazingly stunning, tragic, broken, and powerfully transforming, breathtaking, and beautiful. It’s forgiveness personified…in your husband, in you, but most of all in Christ. Wow.
Throughout my marriage, I’ve struggled over the years with what I call an unfaithful heart. I’ve never committed adultery physically, but I’ve looked at other men and have been discontent with mine and secretly wondered what it would be like with someone else. I confided this “unhappiness” to my dad a couple years back, and I will never forget what he told me. He responded with, “Sara, do you think God had you marry Eric so you could be HAPPY? No, He had you marry Eric so He could make you more like Him.” My mom has also given me the sound wisdom of praying that the Lord would restore my love for my husband, and I can say today that it works. I first confessed my unfaithful heart and then prayed faithfully day after day that God would restore the first love I lost, and He did. With Jesus, all things are possible, and I hope my faithfulness to my husband will prove to make me more like Him every day.
First of all, thank you so much for sharing your story and not being afraid of being so real! I love your transperency….it’s refreshing. What I love the most is that it is a story of forgiveness, grace and His mercy! We all need it!!!!! Thank you for reminding me that even in midst of incredible pain, there is always hope!!
Do you all have anything to share on recovering physical intimacy and emotional connection with your spouse after an affair? I of course know we are a work in progress, but there are still some things that are so difficult in our marriage. I feel like we are back-pedaling in some areas and am unsure what to do about it.
We both believe in God, but it has been a long, hard road- us still in the infancy stages of a faith and trying to overcome a world of betrayal and disappointment from each other and by fellow Christians.
The man I was involved with was a sexual predator/addict who brought us to church for the first time in our lives, was a leader in our church, who then befriended me and seduced me, all the while teaching me about God – obviously a very messed up distorted view of God.
I also have a background of severe abuse, so part of my not being able to let go of some aspects of the affair physically have to do with my tendency to feel I need to be treated in an abusive way. All my life I have been used sexually and have such a difficult time seeing sex as a beautiful, God-given gift.
I am reading a lot of these comments wondering if I have truly fallen in love with my husband again the way you all have with each other; or if I have been holding back out of fear, and a lot of discontent, and an inability to truly believe that what happened to me as a child and what I allowed this man to do to me is not what I deserve. Not sure what to say right now.
People think we are an inspiration, and I feel like such a fake sometimes. One minute so grateful for God, the next wondering what is wrong with me– why I have not fully broken free from the bondage of my past.
Sarah, As I read the words here I am amazed at God’s deliberate wooing of hearts. Look how many He has brought here to hear that there is hope… Absolutely stunning.
At the same time my heart is pricked as I read your dad’s words each time… It reminds me…. My dad went to heaven in Feb… I miss him….
Hug your dad tight… linger in his embrace, savor his words… They are a gift you will always have with you.
Have a blessed day!
Julie
I’m sitting here just riveted. As I read your account and the comments that followed, I pulled Kleenex after Kleenex after Kleenex. I can relate to some of the posters. What do you do when your husband has checked out of the marriage? It’s hard to keep fighting when you seem to be the only one trying. But fight I must. Yes, God can certainly revive dead bones and dead marriages and dead hearts. Thanks again. I am in awe of His work in your life.
LMH – oh! my heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for all the pain that you have undergone in your life. especially at the hands of someone that you trusted.
I am so sorry.
I am so ill equipped to answer your question. I really am. I would say that this is probably something you need to work on with a good, God-focused therapist.
I really hope that you can find the wholeness of restoration and healing. I will be praying for you.
A book… was wondering why you posted this. Good luck!
Thankyou for sharing this Sarah. I’m blessed, encouraged, challenged, and moved. Thankyou for being vulnerable and honest and sharing your heart and life with other women – God will use your story to touch many lives! And I can relate to so much of it…oh you have no idea how much I can relate!!!
TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORLY
Thank you Sarah, and Chad.
The power of your testimony has only just begun to touch the many lives God intends it to minister too. Thanks for being such a wonderful example of Him making all things work together for our good.
wow, thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful story of redemption. Praise God.
Thank you for letting Christ use both of you. What a truly MIGHTY God we serve!
Thank you for your beautiful honesty! Though I have never experienced the same things firsthand – I am reminded of God’s unconditional love and His mercy, something we are all in need of. What a powerful story!
Sarah, thank you for your honesty. God used you in my life so deeply. He reminded me through you that I am still His child and worth so much more than what I have given myself. God bless you.
Sarah, I read your words again and they strike a cord deep within me…a place we all know, the one of redemption, of beauty from ashes. And you are beautiful, girl, gorgeous in and through what God has done. I’m so proud to call you “friend” and so thankful to call you “sister” in the One who blesses our brokenness.
Thank you for the prayers & the email. I am looking but have not yet found a good counselor in the area. My experiences in the past with even my Christian counselors have not been much help in those specific areas- I need more of an addiction/abuse recovery group.
In any case, I think what has resonated with me the most is that I have done a great job at giving what seemed like ‘little things’ to God during our restoration, but now it is time for me to give those ‘big things’ that run deep also or healing of my heart will never truly happen, and I won’t ever experience the true joy God offers.
Second, that I need to TRUST that He will heal those things, even though they feel impossible to me. It is so scary.
Hi LMH -
I will be praying for you. It is so easy to give small things to God sometimes. Be encouraged, though. He does do the impossible. I’m living it.
Give Him the big stuff. It wont happen over night, and you just might need help – that’s ok. But give it over. He breaks strongholds and bondages and fears – destroys them completely.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made and all that has happened in your life, God will use for good. That’s just who He is.
Blessings, and I’m praying for you.
Rosheeda
So many emotions while reading this. first, honestly, i was p*ssed. judgmental i guess you could say, wondering how you could write this all out in black and white for Chad’s eyes to read and be reminded over and over again? Isn’t the fact that it all happened, how it happened, hard enough? Yes I understand the power of testimony, but i can’t lie, while moving through the words, i wondered about the potential for this to work against you and your marriage. But by the end i was fighting back tears, realizing the bottom line truth: Light exposes darkness. Writing it all out shines a big fat spotlight on this thing. The lies, deception and death that were mounting in the dark are now shut completely out by the Light. Just like that. I know the aftershocks are still around, but healing and wholeness is now certain for you and Chad. period. Sarah, I’ve been happily and faithfully married for 12 years, but I thank GOD for leading me to this blog. no one is exempt from the potential of such a thing. no one! Today, I’m the woman who understands Grace a little more. thank you.
Sarah, thank you so much for sharing your story. Isn’t it amazing the unintended journey that God takes us on only to bring us fully to Him!!!?? I have one question for you and Chad, and I don’t really know how to ask…I was wondering if knowing some of the “details” helped or not. And that is not really what or how I want to ask. And I’m sure you can tell that I have been in this same boat. And I am wanting some “details” and yet not really sure why or what details I even want. Any way thank you so much for your story. Blessings on you both!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. All I can think of is that it’s beautiful. Thank you!
Thank you. He is so much more splendidly glorious than our failures. I have the utmost respect for you and Chad. It wasn’t just that he loved you, it was that he loved HIM. Thank you.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It touched me deeply. God bless you.