I never thought she would take to ballet so well.
We tried a year of ballet/tap with my seven year old when she was in Kindergarten. She liked it but it wasn’t her thing. Riding horses is.
My three-year-old, however, has been trying to dance from the time she could walk. She’ll prance, hop and strut through the living room with brightly colored dress up clothes and high heeled plastic play shoes. So when the school year began last week, I signed her up for a 40 minute preschool ballet class at the studio a mile from my house.
I had no idea.
In her black leotard and pink tights, we strapped on her mini ballet shoes and she became a different person. She stood up straight, giggled at her own reflection in the mirror and began to point her toes. First postion, Miss Heather showed them. Second postion, third and fourth. The girls followed her across the dance floor.
Naomi paid perfect attention, a departure from her normal 2.5 minute attention span. She pointed her toes inside pink ballet shoes and took correction when needed. All of a sudden, my three-year-old felt beautiful. She knew that she could make her little leg and foot look pretty if she extended them the right way in an arabesque. If she held her arms right, she would be praised by Miss Heather.
It was like she’d always felt like dancing but never knew how to do it right before this class.
But what she didn’t realize was that she’d always been beautiful. She didn’t need pink slippers to make her pretty. She didn’t know that she’d always been a dancer; the class was simply a tool to hone and teach skills. The shoes and the class only expanded the grace and beauty she already possessed.
Sometimes I feel like if I can only be something if I’ve done something.
Until my book is finished, I’m only a writer, not an author.
Or, maybe I’m not worthy because I’ve done nothing to deserve worth from God.
And that I’m unlovable because of all people I’ve hurt, things I’ve done. I want to be loved.
But what I fail to realize is that I’ve been an author all along. I’m writing my story as I go. I’ve been loved this whole time and I’ve been worthy. I don’t need people to say so in order for it be true. It’s a state of who I am rather than what I’ve done. And even though I’ve hurt, there is grace and forgiveness. There always has been.
But sometimes there are tools to expand God’s grace and beauty in me: a finished manuscript, an apology, a grateful heart to God for giving me worth…
Naomi has always been beautiful. She’s always danced. But now, with her shoes and instructor, she not only is beautiful, she feels it too.
Do you feel like you have to DO to BE?
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good post and congrats to Naomi.
Sometimes….Great post you always leave me deep in thought…thank you for that! Have a wonderful day with those beautiful girls.
I’m feeling much the same way, except it’s more about at what point do you call yourself a writer – for me. Does that make sense? I write, but what makes me a writer? Getting published? Finishing something?
I hear you loud and clear.
And there is such beauty in ballet! What a wonderful gift for your daughter!
I’ve been listening to Joyce Meyer for quite a few years now and she always says, “You need to separate your “who” from your “do”. It always helps bring me back to where I need to be when I remember this.
Thank you for reminding me again……
For me, it’s not so much a “do” as an “accomplish” – I have to accomplish to be someone. I’m not saying that this is good – it just is. I’d much rather “be.”
SUCH a struggle for me…and, ah, your words once again so eloquently written and thought provoking.
I too loved ballet, and I even as a tiny girl like your daughter I remember feeling beautiful in my shoes and first position. All grown up now and the ballet slippers have been long gone, it is a daily struggle to find that same sense of beauty in myself. I appreciate you “speaking” truth into my life this morning..”I don’t need people to say so in order for it be true. It’s a state of who I am rather than what I’ve done.” will be with me all day.
Also so happy Naomi has found her thing!
This is one of my favorite things the Lord has taught me this year: Who I am is not what I do. He made me and gave me gifts that are irrevocable no matter what the world says. Even if it’s not my “job” at a given time it doesn’t change who I am.
Yes. I understand. I’m a do-er. I like the feeling of accomplishment, and truth be told, the affirmation from others.
But I’m learning to rest in being. I actually just wrote about that.
ben, i know. i think this even may be more difficult for men. the fact that JOB equals IDENTITY is tough. what if you lose it? what if you are a songwriter (like Chad) but haven’t done an album in awhile?
i think this is especially true for men. but women too…am i a mother only? because that is what i seem to do ALL DAY LONG. Am i only a wife at the end of the day?
thank you for ringing in, ben. it’s great to hear from the male POV.
Another great post, Sarah. I’m so glad I found your blog. It seems like in the last couple of posts you’ve been reading my mind.
Keep it up.
Beautiful, Sarah. And this is perfect timing for some of us, most likely all, though. Thank you.
thanks for this reminder! i needed this today!
Yes, I do.
But I know in my head that it is wrong thinking. I know it’s not about me and what I do or don’t do. I know that it is about what He did on the cross. Galations 2:21 reads, “I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.” I confess that more often than not, I do treat the grace of God as meaningless. I try to be good, better, less this or that, but I know in my head that He wants us only to trust Him and place our faith In Him, not in ourselves or our circumstances.
About the ballet – I never took it. I’m afraid it may take heaven for me to realize my beauty. I do have a beautiful little 3 year old daughter and I want her to feel that way. I’m going to check into a class for her. It is funny because my husband asked me just last night to look into one. I said I would, but I didn’t assign meaning to it until just now.
Thank you for your lovely post and God Bless you!!
Julie
beautiful post
one of my girls danced for 11 years
i love watching her in that role too
xo
I am so glad I found your blog.
YES! I’m all teared up right now, because YES, I feel like I have to DO to BE. It’s something I need to work on, I am working on, God is working on.
I love this line: It was like she’d always felt like dancing but never knew how to do it right before this class. That is beautiful, Sarah.
Thanks for this post Sarah, I really needed to hear this.
I have been struggling lately in trying to find out just who I am in general. I have learning so far that I am not the person that I thought I was for past 18 years. But I do know that it will take time.
Thank you & God bless Sarah…
Wonderful post. Thanks!
Sometimes..
Sometimes I feel like other women make feel that I have to ‘do’ to ‘be’. I feel like they think that I am not really a ‘woman’ because I have no children. Often I am talked down too, ignored, looked at crazy, etc because I have not birthed a child.
I do not want children, never have. I have two step daughters who are wonderful and I love them dearly but they are not ‘mine’ and I am glad. So many times other women try to convince me that I ‘need’ to have a child in order to be complete. I ‘need’ to have a child to feel real, true love. I ‘need’ to have a child for whatever reason fits the topic of conversation.
Maybe this is all in my head…maybe not.
Poignant and true. You have such a gift with words that get right to the heart. Thank you for sharing your gift and making a simple toddler ballet class a life lesson. You are so talented, Sarah
Someone once told me I am royalty not because of what I am but because of who I am.
This happens to me all the time. As a journalism student, I so often feel like I’m measured by how many times I get published or how many internships I have. I feel like I don’t measure up very often. Thanks for the reminder that it’s not about what I do, it’s about being and living. I’ve never commented before but I love your beautiful writing. It inspires this Florida college gal. Thank you for sharing your gifts!
i used to. I am only recently begining to understand that I am made in gods imagine. i used to put to much stock in outside validation. I wasnt beautiful unless everyone thought it. I was devisated when some coworkers and I ran until a women who had known me since I was a small child. She told them “you should of see her before she had kids…she used to be so beautiful before she gained weight”. I was devasted. Floored. Torn apart by that one thoughtless comment. This was in the middle of when I was withdrawing from my husband and god and engaged in thoughtless selfish behavior.
what a difference a few months can make. I find I feel loved when I do loving things. I am standing in the midst of the rubble of my marriage. Destruction all around me. My husband and I both hurting. But at the same time. I am closer to God today than i have been in years. I am finding I know myself better. I am rediscovering who I am. That it is enough to be Gods child, wife and a mother. That i can spend my days, doing loving things for my family and that in its self is enough. I guess i am saying…I do love and for the first time in years….I am feeling loved.
Loved by God
Loved by my children
and YES – even when he is hurting and angry and doubting my feelings for him…i feel loved by my husband. He may not believe yet that I love him…but he still loves me regardless. and that is amazing.
i am not sure the above made any kind of sense.
I am beautiful not cause people think I am…but because i am Gods child. I dont need to do anything to be this.
But = I have the tools now – my loving actions as a mother and wife – that help me realize that i am worth loving…I am having to do right now to be…but perhaps…with time and healing…this will change.
in your papa’s eyes…you have ALWAYS been a ballerina!
love,
dad
So many times I don’t have any words to respond to your posts (in a good way), but was here and I’m glad!
I loved your sweet post today. I remember when my daughter was in dance. I enjoyed watching her twirl and sway, it was so sweet. She only stayed with dance a few years before she moved onto something else. Nonetheless, it is one of my sweeter memories of her. Those little shoes leave imprints on your heart.
As for being an author or writer, I have struggled with this for years. I embraced being a photographer much easier, but I also have sold my work for years. Yet, I still am not sure if I would call myself a “professional” photographer. The qualifiers we put on ourselves or allow others to, can either hinder or motivate us. For me, I think it has hindered more than helped. I am working towards coming to point where who I am and what I do only matters to me and not whether I make tons of money or not.
As for the writing, it seems much harder for me to embrace that I am writer much less an author. I once heard Cec Murphy speak on writing your story. Some stories are for publications others are not. Just getting the courage to write my story has been incredibly difficult, but to think that it could be published, I don’t know. I can only hope that others may gain and understand the grace of God from my life. Whether that be from my past mistakes or the process of being healed from extreme abusive situations.
Writing for me has been cathartic, but also very empowering. I can trust the Lord to know whether my/our story should be published.
While i think that the feeling of needing to Do to BE is largely a thing of THIS world and that we mostly try to ‘measure up’ to or get our justification for being from the things of this world (and the praises from it) as a race of beings as a whole…
i don’t believe this is what we are here to DO.
i believe we are here to learn how to Be while BE-ing IN Him – and not in the world.
Once we learn that He is of more importance to us than are the things of this world (have Faith) then we can better DO what He has placed us here to do and demonstrate our Faith (and what He can do through us) to all others.
THAT is true Being. – As i see it.
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There is just something about little girls and ballet that is sooooo precious!
i use to feel that i had to “Do to Be.” i was a good doer, could out do anybody any day. now i feel that i just have to Be. i HAVE to be HIS.
what comes from that is a lot more beautiful than anything i ever attempted on my own.
and i have watched naomi dance, it’s crazy how at so young she DOES have crazy dancing ability!
I love this post. I think it’s easy to forget that we are what we do today.
I agree, you are an author. A woman who is pregnant for the first time is a mom already even before the baby is born. So keep writing, keep blogging, you ARE an author to many people. And I agree with you about grace. He is showing more grace every day. As he opens my eyes to see the error in my past theology I am humbled and thankful to have his unending grace.
[...] to make a dent in the 700-plus blog posts that accumulated in my Google Reader last week, I read this post by one of my new favorite writers, Sarah Markley. She actually wrote the post on the same day my [...]
So I love this post! Thanks so much for sharing — I know I get caught up in doing so often that I forget to just be. To be still and know that He is God. To be myself, knowing that I am made exactly how He designed me!