My seven-year-old’s heart is so soft.
Unnavigated.
Fresh.
She hasn’t fallen in love. Yet.
She hasn’t been ruined by a friend.
She hasn’t been blamed wrongly in for someone else’s bad choice. She’s pliable. She’s not broken yet. She’s intact.
But the problem is, with such a soft heart, she is wounded easily. Small words, tiny glances, simple requests hurt her. Her skin: penetrable and thin. They sink in and move directly to her heart.
I had the same problem when I was little.
But by the time I was 25, my heart had become so hard that I didn’t need a thick skin to protect me. Anything that might have hurt me was deflected by the brick that sat in my chest.
So I lived with that hard heart, allowing it to become stiffer and more like stone with each month and year.
Eventually I broke. Or was crushed.
(a hard heart like that has to be pounded to granite dust in order to be broken)
And then I was soft again. And I felt seven. The unprotection, the youth and newness of being a child. I felt it all.
And I cried all the time. I needed protection from the big, wide world for a little while in order to heal correctly.
My friends have been asking lately how my heart is, with all that has happened recently.
And I say that it’s battered, but I’m developing a thicker skin.
My heart, it HAS to remain soft. It has to. I won’t carry a brick around again. It’s so heavy…
But with hurtful words, emails, comments; articles returned with “not needed, thank you” and misunderstood intentions — all of it thickens my skin but doesn’t harden my heart.
So these days, I’m keeping a flexible heart, one that still weeps and hurts.
But I’m letting my skin help protect it.
Sarah, how do you do it? Well, I know you do it because of Jesus, but I mean how are you able to be obedient?
You have expressed your disappointments in an understanding and a loving way. Wow! Amazing! You’re inspiring and doing a great job.
smooches,
Larie
Sarah,
I’ve been meaning to leave a comment on your blog for weeks. But I wanted to say what a blessing your writing has been. I know that God is using your experiences to speak to so many people out there. Thank you for obeying, even when its hard.
I can’t even imagine what your honesty has cost you. Unfortunately, us Christians can be a pretty condemning lot at times.
I just want you to know how grateful I am to you for taking this risk and telling the truth for all of us out there who just aren’t brave enough.
You’re changing lives with this…and with that always comes a battle. Will be praying for you and your thicker skin to stand strong and steady.
i LOVED this! i think that’s a hard distinction to make…and a very important one. it’s easy for our hearts to become hard along with our skin. but we need HIM to keep our hearts soft to Him and those around us…
thanks for those words!
Sarah,
I don’t know why we, as Christians, are more judgemental and are more capable of hurling nasty words and thoughts that the ungodly world. I wish I could be there to simply give you a hug and remind you that, no matter what anyone says or does, God loves you. Your family loves you. Your husband and children love you. Your friends love you. God loves you. The hurt of the world has to be let go and forgiven as we have been.
Your story has been an inspiration for me to find forgiveness and to forgive. While I have not gone through the same story you have, parts of your story ring true for all of us, if we are strong enough and bold enough Christians to just admit it, instead of just judging. My husband and I have been dealing with what some would consider to be minor issues for over a year now, but they are issues that sent me spiraling into a void where all I could do was curl up on a couch and cry and finally, to admit that I was depressed. A hard thing for me to swallow.
Thank you for being so honest and being willing to simply use your life as a witness. Beth Moore says in her Esther Bible study that “you cannot amputate your history from your destiny.” What powerful words from God. I hope you’ll keep that in mind. Another verse that has pulled me through: “For God did not give you a spirit of fear but of strength and power and of a sound mind.” It’s from 2nd Timothy.
Sarah~I’ve been reading/listening to your blog for a couple of weeks now…pondering and digesting your experiences and your words. Thank you for your honesty and transparency. I also directed someone to your blog who basically has gone down the same path as you but has not gotten very far and is stuck. Praying for brokenness, healing & restoration!
Your description of your daughter sounds like my daughter. She is now 23 yrs old and has lived through hurtful and sorrowful times with vindictive, mean-spirited friends. Middle School changed my sweet, innocent, trusting, loving, out-going little girl. She became fearful, quiet, a follower with a wall around herself. Praise God that over the past 2 years, she has submitted her heart to Him and is emerging a strong, sensitive, caring, loving young woman. My husband & I spent hours upon hours praying for her…God is faithful and we are thankful!
Keep on doing what you’re doing…God is using your life to affect others!
Found you through Melodee’s site and I had to comment and say, I love this! I really relate and feel like I’m striving for that same balance in my life. Thanks for putting it all so eloquently.
I agree with Courtney! Thank you so much for your transparency-you are such a blessing to this fellow sister.
What a lyricist you would be! Your writing is truly gifted. while reading this, I kept coming back to Proverbs 4:23
Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of all life.
Bless you.
Wow, Sarah! I cannot imagine anyone not needing to hear the message you have been sending out. Certainly everyone has different circumstances and experiences, made different choices, etc. but the message of brokeness, humility, grace, and redemption applies to all of us. Regardless. You have been such a blessing to me these past couple of weeks. You words stick with me and I ponder them through the day. So please know that you, your story, your family and your journey has profoundly touched me and I am so grateful!
God Bless You! Your soft heart is a reflection of Jesus and the darts that are fired your way are from the enemy. Keep fighting them off with your spiritual armour and take heart…He has overcome the world!
Keep talking and writing and sharing…there is good fruit in it and we need to partake!!!!
When I read this I think of how you are able to identify with the heart of Christ in you. He too had insults hurled at him. He too was rejected and misunderstood. He too was judged. You feel His heart and how it ached as people just didn’t understand.
I often find situations allow me to feel His heart more deeply. That somehow makes it all worthwhile.
I hate that you have been judged. It’s a sad reality in this thing we call Christianity… Wounded people wound people… Friendly fire is the worst!
I know your Father looks at you and is delighted with you. You have testified of Him… You have allowed His glory, His touch, His healing…. that beautiful heart inside to be seen.
YOU are HIS delight… He is the only one who matters!
Sarah,
I have been following your story for the last few weeks but I have not commented. I always think about it…but never do.
Today though, I just feel that I have to.
Several things come to mind.
First, I think you have been been such a blessing to so many people.(probably many who like me have not commented.)But most of all I know God knows your heart and must be so proud and pleased with His daughter.
Second, You cannot be a God pleaser without offending some people and stepping on some toes.
And lastly the thought that just keeps screaming at me is this
YOU WERE CREATED FOR A TIME SUCH AS THIS
God knew exactly what He was doing when He put you on this earth in this time and place.
It’s time for these struggles to be brought into the light. And more importantly for us to see what amazing victory can come from our Saviors amazing grace!
Keep fighting the good fight sweet and courageous sister!
Sarah,
I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now and all I can say is thank you for sharing. Having others speak condeming things about you is of no surprise to me. The Word is clear that when we are walking in His ways we WILL have great opposition.Remember people who are offended by what you have posted are more than likely offended because of undelt with offense in their own lives. As someone whose family has been shattered by an affair, but rebuilt by the Father, and a wife who refused to turn back to the Lord or restore our marriage, I can assure you that your blogs have touched infinitely more lives than they have offended. Keep up the awesome work. Love your blog!!!
David
I started my morning off reading your entry which touched my softened heart to the point of tears. You have a way of putting my thoughts into words many times. I appreciate the insight. I’m going through a situation where God has been softening my heart. Doesn’t feel good but it feels real.
I’m sorry that you’ve hit some opposition but you know that God has called you to this. Your story, your life, your family have touched lives. As I was doing my Beth Moore Bible study today these words brought you to mind…”Have you noticed that God often requires us to leave our comfort zones to answer our calling? That through which God hones us is rarely within the parameters of the familiar.” She goes on to quote Col 4:17 HCSB “Pay attention to the ministry you have received in the Lord, so that you can accomplish it.” You are on your way to accomplishing his work or better said…God is on his way to accomplishing his work through you.
Thanks for all your encouragement and your testimony. You are evidence of my hope in the Lord.
Sarah –
I have been tracking with you and was praying for you this morning and thought of this verse:
“My heart overflows with a good theme;
I address my verses to the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
…Grace is poured upon Your lips.”
You have overflowed, you have poured out grace, it is beyond beautiful – it is radiant.
With love.
The stone that the builders refuse will be the chief cornerstone.
You’re words have weight and power to move hard hearts and penetrate thick skin.
Do your thing, girl!
you’ve just explained me. i TOO am determined to keep my heart soft.
i’m so glad we have each other, friend.
love you… ALWAYS will.
This is so timely for me, Sarah. It’s something I’ve always struggled with, but never as much as right now. I have always been SO sensitive, and in the last few years, learned to be hardened after getting hurt so badly, but you’re right, my heart needs to stay soft and pliable. I believe that it is a gift, actually, to be broken and to feel as much as I do, it just requires a little more nurturing than what others may need.
Thank you friend-
love!!!
mandie
Sarah, how can you tell the difference between thick skin and a hard heart? Your writing has meant so much to me personally, GOd has used you powerfully in my life. Please keep writing like you do! May God bless you and your family.
Sarah,
I could not agree with Sharon more when she said “YOU WERE CREATED FOR A TIME SUCH AS THIS!”. What treasures you are storing up for yourself in heaven for your obedience to God & willingness to be used in the battle for marriages. Our nation has become so desensitized to divorce & the effects it has. Thank you for being used to fight in the fight against the devil on behalf of marriage. Your transparency is admirable. Once again, thank you, (& Chad) for your obedience & openness.
Sarah, a soft heart is such a gift. I understand the swing you’re talking about — feeling 7 all over again. Several years ago, I prayed for God to help me feel again. I wasn’t prepared for the torrent that washed over me. Now I live with that 7-year-old heart, and I’m so grateful for friends and family who know that’s just who I am.
Thanks for being so transparent.
Sarah,
I don’t comment often, but I am on avid reader of your blog. I just wanted to say how much I’ve appreciated your honesty (not just these past few weeks, but since I began reading). It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to others time and again. Thanks for continuing to share. I know I am often touched by your insights. (((HUGS))).
A pastor I knew talked about developing a “Teflon spirit,” where nothing bad or hurtful sticks to it. I like that. Good thoughts, sister.
I figured I would test our new reply function on my buddy Brad. Love you dude!!
I loved this post! After surviving my marriage and a divorce, I tell people that my heart has been cracked open and I can’t help but be more myself…be more open, and willing to communicate in a totally different way. It’s like I was asked to step off a ledge with blind faith and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop falling sometimes. Now, I see some of the people around me who continue to be cracked and they resist and resist…and “worse” things keep coming at them…they are in pain and question why and I want to tell them to just leap…let go of that heavy heart and allow yourself to be cracked open. THEN you can build a fresh new foundation with a happy heart.
thank you for being vulnerable in a world that doesn’t understand. thank you for sharing and exposing subjects of such tenderness and hurt. thank you for allowing some of my own wounds to begin the healing process.
Thank you for your courage and obedience…God is using you more than we can measure. Thank YOU!
I really love this post. I have been struggling to keep a soft heart, but still have a thicker skin this past year. I want to have the heart of Jesus… cry over what makes Him cry and rejoice over what pleases Him. I don’t want my hurts to cause hardening. It’s a fight, but I’ve come to the conclusion it’s a worthy one. I’ve tried the “brick” route, too… not good. We just need to keep running toward the prize! He is so worth it!!
Sarah,
Don’t you let anyone’s unnapreciation of your lessons get you down. Pearls before swine… :O Whatever advice or stories you might have to share are valuable and much welcome over here!
Much love,
Rebecca
thick skin – soft heart – amazing insight!…keep up the writing…in gods time. And realize that you touch so many people every day through this site. I am blessed by your writing
Thanks for being courageous, and walking boldy where many Christians are too afraid to go – being honest and transparent – which will reach more people for Christ than a million sermons or church services…thanks for being real and kudos to your husband as well…don’t allow the evil one take away your joy or confidence as you walk in the light. Boundaries/Tough Skin=Good. Bricks/Hard Heart=Not Good.
I just ran across your site, and I really like you. Which is funny, because in some ways you kind of sound like me and I don’t like myself.
Anyway.
This was really good for me to read. Because I just turned 21 and I already have so much hate and bitterness and hurt in my heart that I’m afraid I’m going to become absolutely untouchable by the time I’m 25. I don’t understand how to develop a thick skin and a soft heart. I’m so fragile. I cry all the time but I refuse to talk to people about what’s hurting me. It’s ridiculous.
Thanks for reminding me that I need to let God direct the rejection and hurt so I don’t lose my heart in the process.
I found your blog through Incourage a little while ago and have come to love reading your words. Every single post. Just the way you write speaks straight to my heart and creates a stillness. (which is something that I so desperately need more of in my life!)
I think I have allowed my heart to harden in some ways I never would have imagined just to try to protect it from getting hurt. I used to be so easily broken, but have realized that just isn’t the case so much anymore. It scares me a little. Longing for thick skin, soft heart. Asking Jesus. Thank you for being so honest.
I echo all the wonderful things everyone has said about you in the comments already Sarah. You’re amazing!!
And your daughter is absolutely gorgeous…and she looks so much like you too!
thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
It’s a rough road, isn’t it? You have brought such glory to the Lord. Thank you for keeping your heart soft.
You guys are awesome….
thank you.
I love your heart! Our Lord led me (us) to your blog at just the right time
Thank you for your open heart; it touches mine.
Sarah, I’m so sorry that you have received those kinds of responses. I think you are incredibly brave and I appreciate so much your honesty. I wish more Christians would be as honest about their struggles. Instead we sit in the pews at church side by side hurting all alone. It is not the way God wants it to be! He wants us to be FREE in Christ! I pray God blesses you for your witness. Please don’t harden your heart, pray for others’ hearts to be softened. Love and prayers to you!!
Hi Sarah,
This reminds me of the challenge in the parable of the sower & the seed. The only thing God requires of us is to be the ‘soft/good ground’. This is the ground that accepts the seed and grows to its full glory. Everything comes from His hand – He provides the (perfect)seed, the water, the sun – all we do is receive it. Easier to say, I know! We let so many offences, cares, distractions steal and choke it. I’ve had to learn that i can’t afford to let the rocks of offence build stay there in my heart! Because then I miss out on what he is really wanting to grow.
Thanks. I am just so encouraged by your words directing everything to Christ.
Kylee
Sarah…Thank you. Your words, your story, your soft and threatening-to-become-thickened heart have reached out to me today. I am reaching back.
You have glorified the one true and living God by exposing your heart so others might be brave enough to expose theirs. You have so beautifully worshiped our incredible and mighty God with your open heart and your courage to reveal His mercy that none of us deserve but we all receive if we just lay down our pride and our selfishness.
Sarah, thank you for sharing the journey with those of us who hurt, weep, struggle to not become hard and heavy-hearted.
Wow. Sounds like God in his infinite plan led you to your inifidelity so that he could bring all this admiration to you. Let’s all make a plan to sin more so we can get rewarded for repenting too.
my first inclination is to delete this comment because you come from such a place of anger. but i’m going to leave this up to be fair.
but, you are angry, and because you are angry, you are wrong.
if i could have gone back to day one and NOT done what i did, i would have. a million times.
there is no praise. there is no lauding. i have received no rewards.
you simply do not understand. maybe before you leave angry comments you should rethink them before you click “submit comment”.
Maybe you should try to see things from the side of the woman who was cheated on and has to live with it. who can’t eat and barely swallow water. Your reply just goes to show you self-righteous you feel. I think I understand all too well. You just don’t want to think about me, the wife who was cheated on.
i have.
i’m not self-righteous, amy.
don’t you know I think about HER every day?
i am sorry for your pain. it wasn’t me who caused it, though. someone else hurt you. you are angry at me because I symbolize her to you.
Wise words, Friend.
amy,
I am sorry for your pain. I know because I have lived through it. Twice! The first time I blamed the ‘other woman’ for changing my husband, for taking him away from me. The second time it happened (with another woman this time) I finally realized what I should have the first time! My husband (ex now, because he chose not to heal my heart) CHOSE to cheat. It could have been any woman really. It just happened during a time when he was vulnerable and I believe it would have happened at some point anyway because of my husband’s character. And he chose not to change. I gave him lots of chances! I am so sorry you are going through such pain. I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t eat or breathe. It has been a long battle and still causes me sooo much anguish at times. What I appreciate about Sarah is she has taken responsibility for her choices and decided to tell her story to make a difference. I found it hard enough at first just to tell people that my husband and I were having problems! I think it takes a HUGE amount of courage to write this story. Amy, please know that God sees your tears and He knows your pain.
[...] I read what another dear wife and mother wrote about having thick skin but a soft heart. And I wept. And [...]