Because you will be tempted.
Someone will look at you in that way the same morning your husband didn’t thank you for getting up in the middle of the night with the kids.
Somebody will share their heart in a way that tugs at you and you’ll want to respond in kind.
You won’t always be in love with your husband.
You will get distracted with good things like kids and church and blogging.
You will be tempted.
And this title is a little misleading because I don’t really think you can affair-proof your marriage. Not really. By now, I hope you all know that we are fallible and vulnerable at times. It’s not like baby-proofing (because we all know babies who can climb over the gate at the bottom of the stairs) or fire-proofing (at a high enough temperature, something will burn or melt).
We all are capable.
All the boundaries are good things. They are what keep you from walking down a path toward someone else or another kind of life you think you want. But boundaries are merely safeguards, not free rides to fidelity. It is the heart is that truly matters.
So forgive me if any of you have given sermons or written books about 10 ways to affair-proof your marriage or the 5 things to keep your husband faithful to you. I’m sure there are some beneficial pieces of advice there. But in all honesty I think it all boils down to one thing.
Follow close to Christ daily.
That’s it. That’s the mystery.
Both of you. If you both are walking in close relationship to God, you will be in close relationship to each other. If you are closely following Christ, attempting to allow Him to transform you on a day by day basis, you won’t want to be unfaithful to each other. There will be no need for it because Christ will be filling the needs you have and your spouse will be right there with you. Daily dying to self and becoming alive in Christ is what does it.
Your desires become God’s desires. And you won’t commit adultery.
You can live your whole life trying to safeguard your marriage. You can do all the good and right things, but there will be someone someday (if it hasn’t already happened) who will think you are attractive and tell you so. There will be someone who seems to know you better and listen in a different way. There will be a need that your husband cannot fulfill in you and it will seem like someone else can.
When the boundaries that you’ve carefully placed become habits and the fences you’ve built become the necessary routine of your life, these temptations become easier and easier to combat.
But nothing takes the place of a living, breathing daily relationship with Christ. This relationship, this following hard after Him under girds all the boundaries you’ve put into practice. The boundaries are tools to a healthy marriage; they aren’t the heart of a healthy marriage. Truly living for Christ is the only way to “affair-proof” your relationship.
All the boundaries, all the rules, are important. But love (for the two biggies: God and others) is the real rule. Love God and you will do what is right for your marriage.
What do you think? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Why?
Let’s have a discussion today.