Definition: I think we live our lives seeking it.
My chiropractor told me I wasn’t allowed to run anymore. Something about my hips and compressing something. I looked at him with wide eyes and told him,
But I’m a RUNNER.
Maybe you should become something else, he says as I hear/feel the crack spill down my spine.
I’ve classified myself as a part of this group from the time I ran the LA marathon in 2003. I run, I like to run, I feel good when I run. It’s my preferred method of exercise.
And even when I’m a little out of my best running shape (like I am now), I’m still a runner. I’m not going to let him tell me who I can be.
I’m embarrassed to say it but I cling to it because it says something about me.
But fill in the blank: these are the identities I’ve come to hold dear.
WRITER (it took me a long time to claim that, but here I am)
MOTHER (I will still be this long after my girls are mothers in their own rights)
WIFE (In my life I haven’t always honored this, but I am and always will be)
And there are others of course. As soon as I do something and succeed, I run quickly to scoop up a name: I taught school so, teacher. I bake cakes and bread so, baker?
So if I lose the ability to walk in some freak car accident will I still be a runner, or if I get early Alzheimer’s when I’m 45 and lose my ability to think right, will I still be a writer? What if my husband dies and I’m a widow? Will I still be a wife?
I seem to pride myself in these identities that I’ve picked up along the way and I hate to think what would be left if they were stripped from me. It’s only because most of the time I allow these classifications to define me. And that isn’t good.
So what do you say when someone asks, who are you? Who are you? I know I begin to speed down the list of all the things I do, like running, writing, homemaking and mothering. This is what I say.
But I don’t want to allow these things to define me.
I will always be a mother and a wife, and hopefully will continue to run as long as my body allows. And I can’t not write, it’s just in me. But I learn kindness and patience in mothering; I learn perseverance and discipline in running. I work on my communication and my affection as the wife of my husband. My writing teaches me to try to look at the world with fresh eyes every day (I must to write well).
So who am I? I am all these things, but I am the sum of what I allow myself to be taught through them. I am the sum of love I practice, the truth I tell and the passion I try to live out each day.
And I’m not going to let my chiropractor define me either.
I’m still running, and he’s still adjusting. Not because I want to be a RUNNER, but because of what happens as a result.
What defines you? Who are you?
I want to say that I am a wife, mommy, writer, caterer and event coordinator.
But I know that I should say that I don’t know what I am because God is still making me what He wants me to be.
smooches,
Larie
I love this post, it’s something I’ve thought about a lot in the last few years. I love the things I do and the roles I have, but I’m learning that the most important one is child of God. All the others – wife, sister, daughter, friend – are relationships he has given me, but it’s being a child of God that defines my life and all those other roles.
Most of all I am trying to learn that the only thing that defines who I am is God.
Most of the things that I define myself as aren’t good things.
*Overweight
*Insecure
I do prison ministry and am a small group leader but I don’t think those things define me.
I am trying to learn that the only thing to define me is ‘Gods daughter’.
A friend sent me your blog because I’m “a blog reader”.
Yep, that’s my identity. Haha
I really hear you on this one! The last 3 years have been about me losing my identity as I have known it, and finding it in Christ alone. I don’t have much tagged on to my name anymore. But I am beginning to see myself and others more clearly as a result.
I wish I could sit in your living room with you and hear your heart in person. That’s just the kind of thing I like to do. And after seeing how transparent you are, I imagine we’d get along well.
(BTW-I’m intense too. And sometimes lonely as a result. Reading those words from you brought healing to me, in some way I don’t quite understand.)
P.S. Committed adultery at 17 (now 27) and pray to have my testimony used in the way yours is.
Blessings on you, your marriage, and your family – Coli
Coli, I like to do that too.
So glad you’ve found healing and redemption. =)
Sarah
Wow, Sarah. This is one of my favorite “writings” you have posted so far. Keep writing what God is speaking to your heart. He is touching many through you.
Honestly, I have the same struggle— all those are God-given roles and talents; but the most important one to remember, and one that I repeat every day when I get up and the one I strive to let define me, is that I am “A Child of God.”
I can think of no other answer than daughter of God. All that he gives me to do and “be” in this life I want to do for His glory. Whether it be mother, wife, teacher….it’s all what He has given me and it’s all about bringing me closer to Him and honoring Him. I can do none of these well without His grace and love and indwelling. It’s a relief actually to define myself so simply. I don’t have to strive for anything in that description….I just have to rest in Him.
i like what you have to say here.
i have always tried to define myself and make myself more interesting so that way when i am asked something like ,’well what do you do?’, i have something more to say than, ‘well i stay at home with my kids……..’
on the other hand i have always hated ‘labels’.
i believe that they do not define us! just because you have a 2 yr old does not mean he is in his terrible two stage…..it doesnt have to be that way. just because you are a teen does not mean you have to be awkward and rebellious……it doesnt have to be that way.
there is something to figuring out and defining who we are but, like you said it wont necessarily always define us. i am learning to not put people or even myself in a box that we cannot get out of. or i wont let them out of, in my mind.
i agree with you. labels (especially with kids) are difficult. my older daughter has been known for being emotional and it’s hard when people peg her that she will always react in a wrong way when she only does sometimes.
And another point here, my husband has ADD and it’s hard when people assume he will forget or be late or lose something. i hate that. i even do that to him.
The first thing that comes to mind is I am a single mom. This defines every moment of my life and has for 12 years. Only when I realize that is out of balance do I think, I am a child of God. This should define who I am, and sometimes it does, but the tangible often gets in the way.
Up until very recently (weeks) Ive let bad decisions on my husbands part (and mine for not seeking the Lord)define me. Im talking every part of me to the point where I was someone completely different, tainted and miserable. My very health deteriorated and I physically, emotionally and spiritually wasted away. Ive found my way back to the Lord and things are looking up and I’m hopeful after having been hopeless for so so long. Im not sure who I am yet but Im sure of who I wont allow myself to be…
I loved this post. It reminded me of when I DID become a widow (at 30) & it wiped alot of my definitions of my slate. I WASN’T a wife anymore. I WASN’T a caretaker, a nurse, a cook, a housekeeper. I WAS a WIDOW. And now, I had to check THAT box when defining myself on an application or a ‘new patient’ information form. And at that point, I realized what it meant to have a ‘Defining Moment’. Those moments that change your definition. The REAL moments that define who you are. And now that I’m married again, I wonder…am I STILL a widow? And what box do I check? Should I check both? Because I was….and I AM. Widowed AND Married. Sometimes….the definition….is what we make it.
This is beautiful, Tracy. And i never thought about this idea in the terms of “defining moment”. i guess that is exactly what a moment like that is: it has the power to give you a definition forever. if you let it, i guess.
and i’m sorry for your loss.
Great post Sarah.
This has been something I’ve mulled over and fought — except in a different way. I think it’s okay to identify ourselves, defining ourselves. It’s human nature — something tangible to be grasped.
However, when I was in college, I found myself in circles where my identity “missionary kid” made me special – all of a sudden. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been considered. Period. It drove me crazy that the only reason I was special to some was because I was a “missionary kid”. So, I stopped telling people. It stemmed from sort of a rebellious place inside of me – I would introduce myself as Lisa. Nothing more, nothing less. And being who I was simply was. Me. It was a test of my soul’s freedom, I think, to let myself be, not to define myself according to others’ “special” definitions. And it was freeing.
I’ve kind of gotten over that part of my life, but still feel the same. In God’s eyes, we all have worth, not because of what we are, but that WE ARE.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to the point that I KNOW I am a CHILD of the KING. That’s the most important and only ‘label’ I try to live up to…bringing honor to His Name. All the things He’s given me as far as talents and gifts are to bring glory to Him. I represent Him wherever I go and in whatever I do and with His guidance, hopefully I’m doing that.
Up until a few years ago, I would have said “Mother” then “Wife” Then I came to know my Savior and realized, things needed to change: So now it’s Daughter of the King, Wife and Mother. I still mix them up some days but I know my starting point.
Thanks for this thought provoking post.
amazing thots again, girl…
looking at you…looking at Jesus…
looking at your sis, your girls & your guy & my bride…
i am (& want to be) a dad, a “papa”, a brother & a husband…
all this to be a Christ-follower…
everything else is less…
love you,
dad
wife (I failed at this, and now he rejects me in this role from time to time, but I am his wife)
mother (always will be – i thought for a time motherhood, because it came to me so young, hid who i truelly was – now i realize it examplifies who I am, nurturer – care giver – i have always been those things)
Little sister and older sister, daughter (gypsy child – they claimed i was left by gypsy because i was so different from the rest of my family)
Singer – I have sang since I was small, I am lucky enough to have been paid for it from time to time. Now i sing to my children every night and in church. My voice isnt a schooled as it used to – my tremilo is AWFUL – but my sons love it!
Writer? – I have friends who are published authors who say i should write this book i have been toying with – i keep saying I am not a writer – you are – write my idea so i can read it. They keep insisting it is my story to tell…i am still not sure i am a writer.
I love to bake and cook – my kitchen is my safe place – so baker
Crocheter? I find peace as the string runs through my fingers – am not very good, and cant follow a pattern to save my life – i just make stuff up.
Swimmer – i competed in hs – havent since but somehow consider myself a swimmer still
mountain girl – i find peace in the sweet mountain air, the pine trees and the clear running water. I am happiest in the forests and higher elevations. I find the city confining and oppresive…some day i will live amoung the trees. I imagine myself often as a young indian girl, walking through the trees before roads were cut through them.
pastors daughter – its why i am so messed up
Cops kid – see above
army bratt – ditto
i think i define myself i more ways than those listed above…not sure wht it all means…
there is a song called “who I am” that I love because well – its all true right down to my grandmothers name…
If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
Thatll be alright
If I dont make it to the big leagues
If I never win a grammy
Im gonna be just fine
cause I know exactly who I am
Chorus: I am rosemarys granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My mommas still my biggest fan
Sometimes Im clueless and Im clumsy
But Ive got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
Its all a part of me
And thats who I am
So when I make a big mistake
When I fall flat on my face
I know Ill be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin
I will be just fine
cause nothin changes who I am
Chorus
Im a saint and Im a sinner
Im a loser, Im a winner
Im steady and unstable
Im young but I am able
Chorus
————-
okay i am so long winded….sorry
Broken Woman,
I love this song and I love how you used it here. Thank you for sharing all of your “definitions” with us.
Blessings.
[...] October 2, 2009 Filed under: Thoughts — alisabethsalois @ 6:50 pm This blog post got me thinking today and wondering how I define myself. One of the first two [...]
It’s ironic that you should choose this for your topic today. I was sitting in church last Sunday and the Lord was dealing with me on this very thing. Basically He was asking me who I would be if my spiritual gifting, my job and my family were suddenly stripped from me. I sat in grief over the thought for a few moments and then the Father started showing me that if my identity is based in anything other than Him it can be stripped away, but identity in Him can NEVER be taken.
I’ve spent the past year of my life trying to figure this out, and I’m still not quite sure…
I am a runner too. I still define myself as a runner/marathoner, even though its been a bit of time since I’ve trained for a longer race. I am also a wife, soon-to-be-mother, writer, sister, daughter, photographer, teacher, student. There are so many roles that define us. Thanks for this!
This is an especially relevant topic right now. I just graduated, and being a college graduate doesn’t have the distinction it once did. Even in West Virginia, it is commonplace. So now I’m thinking of going to law school. But is it what God wants me to do, or for the prestige? I’m not sure yet.
I am a daughter of the Most High God! I am forgiven! I am trying more everyday to be faithful! I am my husbands wife (nearly 20 years). I am mother to my two incredible daughters. I am so much more but those are what define me. Those are all I ever wanted to be!
Hopefully one day I can say I am a nurse as well. That’s what I’ve always wanted to do.
at this moment i am sad, as i watch the thing be stripped away again.
i’m tired and done.
but i am a worshiper.
I am a writer.
God, I hope I’m a writer.