I’m going to be honest but I’m not going to wallow.
I’ve had two separate (but familiar because they are so similar) disappointments recently.
Two distinct opportunities that I thought God had placed in my lap. Two ways in which (somehow) I’d been in good favor. Two amazing things in which I would have been able to speak to the hurt in others, proclaim the beauty He’s made from ashes, and see people healed. Two platforms to share our (mine and God’s) story in a more public venue. Two opportunities through which I would have been able to point glory to God.
But both things fizzled.
Follow: feelings of rejection paramount with a high school I’ll-never-be-popular-enough mentality.
Obviously someone had made a mistake. These two things seemed so… PLANNED BY GOD. How can God plan something and then, I guess, UNplan it? I’d come to expect His grace and favor, so these disappointments seemed like a kick in the teeth by a God who I thought had my future in mind.
He does have my future in mind, and He didn’t kick me in the teeth. In fact, he’s preserving me.
What I’m realizing is that I can’t make God love me any more than He does right now. Any favor I’ve received from God or man is by His grace. Not because of anything I’ve done and I can’t do anything to grow in favor. I’m His costly, expensive treasure whom He’s already bought with His blood.
And God will have His glory regardless of the opportunities He puts in my path. His message will be shared whether it is my lips (or pen) that speaks it. The beauty He creates from dust will be shown even if its not the beauty He’s created in me, but the beauty in someone else.
Back in the spring, God gave me this book to write. And then in the summer, He told me He’d give me the time. And ever since I’ve been trying to carve minutes out of my already busy days to do it. Maybe these disappointments would only have served to be distractions. Maybe God does know what He’s doing. This might be God giving me time to do what I know He’s called me to do and helping me preserve my heart-energy (something that comes in small portions lately) for the things that are most important.
He protects me.
He preserves me.
He stands beside me.
And any platform that I might use to speak God’s story should only be the platform that Jesus Himself has built. I don’t want to stand on anything else.
So yes, I’m disappointed in the giving and the taking away. I’m disappointed that I can’t share to those people who would have heard. I’m saddened that I won’t be changed by the women and men I might have met. And it sure doesn’t feel good to be disappointed.
But now I’m seeing these disappointments as a means to God’s end in me.
Have you been disappointed lately? How is God using it to change you?
Tags: disappointment, favor, future, God, opportunity
Yes, I’ve been disappointed. I thought for sure that God would deliver us from financial hardship and I’d give Him all the glory. Seems He’s wanting the glory IN and THROUGH the financial hardship instead.
As a writer/speaker person, I know EXACTLY what you mean about the disappointment/fizzling/rejection. I also know that God’s plan is ALWAYS better. Sometimes laughably so (in hindsight).
i completely understand, but i also stand amazed at the times when He arranges the time for us to share our/His story with others when we least expect it….at work, over coffee with a friend who asks the tough questions, with my teenagers. His ways are not our ways….aren’t you so glad about that? thanks for sharing, Sarah.
Several years ago I wanted interviewed (several times) at this particular ‘Christian’ place. I was certain that the job was mine. I was certain this was where God wanted me. I was SO certain. Turns out, I didn’t get them job. I was still SO certain that God had picked me for this job that I was convinced that the people who would have hired me must not have prayed AT ALL about this because if they did – the job would be mine! I was angry and I didn’t understand how someone who claimed to know God wouldn’t even pray about a situation such as this. I cried, I ranted, I yelled, I prayed and I fussed at God.
Several years later, I see that God had his hand over that entire situation. I am so glad that I did not get the job because now I know that it was definately not the job for me.
There was a valuable lesson in that situation…learning to trust God.
I am sorry that the opportunities did not work out. I am glad that even during those times God is teaching us about Him.
I am sorry that you are disapp
I’ve been disappointed many times, after thinking that what I was pursuing MUST have been God’s plan. Sometimes it looks so much like a God thing…but it’s not. I’ve come to realize that those instances might be designed (by Him) to open my eyes to a possibility for the future rather than start something right now. Or – like you said – it might just be a good opportunity that isn’t quite right for this time.
God is so been dealing with me lately about a certain area. Time after time He has been reminding me that my worth is in Him, my value is in Him, my purpose is in Him. It has been highlighted in my spirit by my reaction to people and things that have been happening lately. That if I really believed those things about Him and I, I wouldn’t have the reaction that has been surfacing in these situations.
Two statements that have encouraged me in the past week have been “whatever He is dealing with, He is also equipping me to change or overcome. In the spirit realm it’s already done.” The other statement is “we might be dust, but we are gold dust. Precious to our Saviour.”…………
Just keep being open and honest, and He’ll give you the right opportunities. I’ll bet that you won’t even realize the impact you’re making most of the time because it may not seem like a ‘usual’ opportunity.
I know- nothing I’ve said is news to you, but sometimes(ok, often!) i need to be reminded of things I’ve ‘known’ my whole life.
Love you!
“And any platform that I might use to speak God’s story should only be the platform that Jesus Himself has built. I don’t want to stand on anything else.”
I love that. Thank you for writing it.
My book (or should I say I?) was rejected by three different publishers a couple of years ago. And I took it personally for about two hours. Then, I conjured up enough gumption and said, “God, if what I want isn’t your best, don’t give it to me.”
So when I whine or pout about this or that not coming to pass, He reminds me of my surrender. Not saying it’s easy, but it is freeing.
A week and a half ago, I found out that the man who I was completely convinced God had ordained for me is engaged to his best friend. They weren’t even dating, and I found out on Facebook. It has completely rocked everything I know to the core, most of all my faith. It’s hard. And it sucks. But for probably the first time in my life, I can finally accept God’s love for me. Simply because I have nothing else and I can’t fight it anymore.
Sarah, I can relate in so many ways…. The waiting is the hardest part of all, in my opinion.
When you finally begin to realize those things inside that you feel you were made to do, you just want to get on with it. At least that’s how I felt. But one of the things that I have seen in my 52 years of life is that often the desire is awakened to then be honed, and sharpened. Like the butterfly in the cocoon the waiting has it’s transformation place.
I am often encouraged by Joseph’s life. He had a dream in his youth that would one day be his reality. But nothing looked like the dream would be fulfilled. He was sold into slavery, and then thrown in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. While there a baker and cupbearer came, and then were released. They promised that they would remember him as they left prison… but…. they didn’t remember him. Two years longer he waited.
Then one day, he woke up to a normal day in prison…. and something astounding happened.
He was set free… He walked out of prison right into his destiny… the dream was fulfilled.
The thing is, Joseph’s life testifies of the transformation that occurred in the time of waiting.
His son’s names and their meanings testifies. The waiting was for a purpose and Joseph was able to see that.
I’ve been in a waiting period for several years now…it is having it’s purpose! God is not only maturing me into my destiny he is transforming me in such a way that when He does open that door, the message will be loud and clear. I know it will be the same for you.
Be encouraged in knowing that when the time is right…. when God has everything in place…. you will step out, just as Joseph and fulfill those things He has given to you to fulfill. Until then, rest in knowing that He’s making all things new in your life…
THANK you Julie. Perfectly said. =)
Wow, I agree Sarah. I do pang with you at those closed doors, because I’ve stumbled into my fair share too—both as a pastor and especially a writer.
A lead to a famous author… and a rejection letter.
A connection too good to be true… that wasn’t.
A school that almost used Finding Home, my book, as curriculum… almost.
But then, as I’m patient, other things come along—things I never could have planned.
A German publishing house that I’m about to sign with for the German and International rights to that same book.
A seminary professor teaching a class at Bethany College on parables who used my book as part of his course as required reading.
A Canadian Christian television station that invited me to be a guest on The Bridge, an interview show.
And NONE of these came as a result of my own hand. Not even a little bit. Be patient, sister… God IS building your platform. And he’s good at it.
Brad
You are awesome, Canadian Pastor.
Sarah,
Thank you so much for this post. I love what you said about Jesus building our platform. That is absolutely right. It’s all about Him and His good plans for us. We continue to trust.
Know that God is already using these disappointments. He has shown you how He is using them to reveal Himself to you. And I am so sincere when I tell you I will always remember what you said here today and will live by the truth you pointed out — the only platform worth having is one Jesus builds.
I agree with Brad’s last words. Jesus was a carpenter. He knows all about building. And He does very good work. I am sure your platform project is well underway.
Blessings,
Erica
I lost all my close friends a couple months ago, including my best friend. I thought we’d all be friends forever, especially me and my best friend. We were as close as sisters. Now they’re all gone, though. It’s been a huge change and disapppointment. It’s taught me that God is all I truly need, though. He’s the only One that is faithful.
Oh, Sarah! I can so relate to this post. Disappointment. Desert places. How I have spent much time in both of those lands. I love your perspective. Your peace. You are in a good place. God’s place. May He do in and through you something bigger than you could even imagine!
Oh how He is changing me. I just wrote about this myself. One thing treasure about our God, we are in His grip and we don’t have to hang on. I would fail at that if that were the case.
He has you in His hands…I cannot think of a better place.
Mary
When my husband and I were first married (8 and 1/2 years ago), I thought surely when we finished college we would have plenty of money. We would live in a big house and never have a worry. Little did I realize that God had a much bigger plan. You see at the time, I was not a Christian. I just assumed that if I were a good person, I would have all that I wanted.
About nine months after we were married, I became a Christian. I began to realize that there was a bigger picture and that I was supposed to live my life for God. Josh and I began tithing on what little income we did have. At first, I thought we were crazy. You take no money, give some of it to the church and you are just asking for trouble.
Well, God knew exactly what he was doing. We have never done without. God has always provided for our every need. Over the years, we have prayed and prayed and prayed for a better job for Josh. One that would give us the financial stability that I longed for. Josh went on many, many, many job interviews. We were sure that each one was the right one. But each time, no job offers would come up.
Josh worked at the job he was at for the next 7 years as we prayed and prayed. This January, God provided Josh with an excellent job. This is the job that was made just for Josh. Financially, it provides for our family and emotionally, it provides for Josh.
During the years that Josh was working his other job, we had all that we needed, but we had to count on God to provide it. Without this time to learn how to do without and how to trust God, I don’t think that we would be the same. I can truly look back on the disappointment as a time of growth and blessing for our family.
Thank you for such a wonderful reminder that there is a plan and God knows the details of it!
One more thought, Sarah…. I read a book by Alicia Britt Chole titled “Anonymous”.. The hidden years of Christ. It rocked my world….
Did you know that Jesus literally lived in anonymity for 30 of his 33 years?
Can you imagine that? He came to earth to fulfill a purpose. He knew His destiny yet He too waited… The time of hiddenness had it’s place in the life of Christ. It prepared him for His 3 years of ministry.
That book ministered more to me in my time of waiting in profound ways.
You’re in good company!
Yes, in the last year I have applied for 2 different jobs that I was sure would benefit me and my young family. Neither one panned out, even though I was a “perfect” candidate for both. I was disappointed, I won’t lie. But I am trusting that God has something else in mind for me. Yes, He loves us and only wants His best for us. That is my consolation. I am resting in that knowledge, waiting with joy and full confidence to see what He has in store!
sorry you’ve had some disappointments. i know God is using you in big ways. i’m very very confident in that. praying that you’ll experience that confidence.
this week wasn’t so much about disappointments but conflict for me. too much conflict. yuck.
anyway, i love you!! xooxxoo
In July, I found out I was pregnant. A crazy miracle, an amazing blessing. Against all odds. (I had a Mirena put in after the birth of my 4th child, because *I* determined 4 was more than enough.) But apparently God wasn’t done giving me more children, and we felt totally and completely blessed, unlike the previous pregnancy where I was P.O.’d!!! I was so happy. All I could do was laugh. But then, there was no heartbeat. I would miscarry. And it felt like God had taken away the blessing. I didn’t mourn so much for the loss of child as for the loss of the blessing. All my happiness was gone. And in it’s wake was a cruel amount of crazy hormones. It sucked. I’m still not sure how it’s changing me. It’s too early to tell. But I can totally relate to that disappointment.
I don’t mean disrespect (but I feel it will be taken anyways). Perhaps it’s a little self-serving to think that God is involved in every aspect of our lives. He’s given us free-will and talents. Why not make something of it than to see his hand in everything that happens. Can’t we just appreciate what we have than to question why he didn’t come through for our basketball team or job or whatever?