There’s nothing like forced isolation to help me regain my balance.
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, overstretched, over-committed, and over-used over the past few weeks and I’ve been looking for ways to cope.
But my oldest daughter has been sick with a respiratory infection (not H1N1) over the past couple of days. It has forced us to stay home from the soccer game, have a quiet Saturday game night at home, and spend the normal at-church Sunday morning here at home in a calm house. And I imagine I’ll be here all day today too.
I’ve been spending my time taking care of Hope, administering medicine, cups of ice and video game controllers rather than responding to emails, running errands and going to the chiropractor.
I’ve been home so I’ve been cleaning and baking (and disinfecting). The clutter is (sorta) gone, the crumbs are swept and the laundry is (almost) folded.
I needed this.
I need the time to sit and the reason to say “no” to a million questions and requests for time or energy. It seems like since school started I haven’t been able to put my finger on a rhythm of how my life should be organized into tidy blocks of time. I feel like every day is different and each hour needs a new lesson plan. I wake up in the morning mentally running through our to-do’s trying to make sure it will all work.
It’s been weeks since I’ve had the time to sit and listen like I’ve had this weekend.
I’m a little mad at myself that it has taken one of my girls to get sick in order for me to sit back and look at all my priorities. It’s like I’ve been pushing everyone along the last few weeks just trying to get to the Fridays. And then by then everyone is grumpy, exhausted and spent. Or maybe it’s just me that’s grumpy, exhausted and spent.
So today, I’m home.
I’ll make a hot lunch for the three of us and make sure they eat their fruit first. I’ll listen to the music that makes us all happy and sit down with my calendar and a red pen. I’m going to draw some new boundaries. I’m going to pray through a few Psalms and thank God for the beauty in today. And then I’m going to sit on the sick sofa with my girls.
How do you regain balance when you’ve lost it?
Sarah,
I love how you always ask a question at the end of your posts! That forces me to think a bit and not just read and absorb without applying what you’ve said.
So how DO I regain balance? My secret weapon has been clearing the schedule for a half-day retreat with the Lord. What I should really do is schedule these times, but instead I usually end up “planning” them out of necessity…when I’m already feeling frazzled and worn. It is amazing to me how just 3-4 hours alone with the Lord, free to worship, pray, read the Word, and really LISTEN can totally change my outlook and perspective, not to mention foster intimacy with the Father. I highly recommend it…sometimes itcan be hard to free up the time, but it’s worth it!
This sounds wonderful…
I agree with Rachel, I love that you ask a question at the end of each post. It makes me stop and think too. Our pastor does this same thing each Sunday morning. We leave church with the question in our minds, we think on it during the week and it helps us to keep our minds on God.
I work a full time job and have three awesome boys. So, balance feels like a tilt-a-whirl on most days. But, I find my focus is slowing down to their fast pace. That probably doesn’t make sense as children seem to go at a much faster pace than adults. But, it’s what keeps me grounded. It makes me see things through their eyes and appreciate each day just as they do. I also spend time just sitting and talking with my husband. It centers me.
Thanks for sharing this today. God Bless and hope your family stays healthy
I’m kinda a coward about it, I tend to just avoid the people or places that I know will “make me say yes.” It also takes for me to get sick to sit back, but then again, even in that case I just end up doing something that can be done while I am lying down!
smooches,
Larie
I try to get outside, even if just for 15 minutes, and breath in my surroundings. Sometimes it’s just my backyard, sometimes it’s the local park. Watching the cardinal at the birdbath or admiring the sun glinting off the honey locust leaves gives me a renewed spirit and the gumption to tackle the zaniness of life with two young boys!
Just read a post on another blog that got me thinking about bringing order to chaos. And then read this, which shares the same thread. Hmm…not ready to answer the question just yet. But ready to ask God it!
I finally (around age 43 ~4 years ago) learned to say to people “I will get back to you to confirm that commitment.” While this started out of neccesity…I had another child 13 years after my 2nd child…it has proven to be one of the best things I do. It makes me look at the calendar before I commit to things. I was awful about saying yes to everything because in my mind. as a stay at home mom, I had the time. The problem was I was doing nothing well and in the middle of things the very place that I was determined to be orderly, our home, was crazy! I also had no time for me to exercise or really meet eith the Lord because I was a always running around!
As time has gone by, I can schedule a lot better. I have one rule that has helped tremendously…we go to bed on time now. My husband travels a lot and works long hours. He requires rest. I like to get up early and get my exercise in..if not then, it doesn’t happen. I now tape anything I want to see on tv (not much) and spend my hour before bedtime reading, sometimes pleasure…sometimes catching up on the things of life. If I am really fortunate, I get an extra time with God. It was hard at first and I will tell you, I thought I was being punished. The difference it has made in so many areas of our life is amazing. I am much more productive during the day. I can think about what I need/want to do. I wonder why we resist sleep so much. It seems we think we are more productive running on a half empty tank, like we are more virtuous for killing ourselves and walking around bragging on how little sleep we “operate” on. Just a thought…
Live Joyfully!
This is the story of my life. I feel like in the past year I can’t get any “normalcy”. I can’t put my “finger on the beat” that is supposed to be constant in our life. I often wonder if thats just me being overwhelmed or me not being flexible! I crave structure but I think I get so focused on “obtaining it” that good enough…never is. I’m always running through our “to-do” list that I miss my husbands attempts to love me, I miss the moments my children are sweet and caring towards one another, I miss the times that it all “should” be well with my soul!
Thank you for making me not feel alone in my struggle for some consistancy!
Monday’s are a hard day at our house. We have EIGHT appointments routinely scheduled on Monday’s. The offices are in the same building, right across the street, and just down the street from each other, but because the day is so draining, my girls end up whiny and irritable at the end of every Monday. I hate not getting any school accomplished on a weekday, so I am irritable, too. I have begun scheduling Monday evenings as reading time. Each of us snuggles down with a book every Monday evening and we do nothing. Games require too much interaction and sometimes cause a fight, so it must be books. Dinner is simple and prepared ahead of time. There are no responsibilities that I let creep into that time. It keeps us from fighting just because we are fatigued. And it helps us get on the right foot for the rest of the week.
Wow, that sounds crazy!! it looks like you’ve got it handled though. i like the idea of simple dinners and using the time in between to rest. well said.
Unfortunately, it takes me getting sick for me to redraw my own boundaries. 4 years ago when I was working nonstop 55-60 hours a week, it took me getting so sick I lost my voice to slow down and cut back to a max of 45 hours a week. And now, the same thing. I just took on a second job and it has really cut into time ministry-wise, time with friends and my sleep cycle to the point that I have started feeling sick yesterday and today…
God is just starting to teach me boundary setting at almost 39.
I have been getting better at it. Pre-planning as much as possible, knowing how you handle certain situations and planning accordingly helps. Knowing when to say no and actually saying it in love is very important.
Planning a date with God is helping me keep balance. Different than a morning quiet time-I plan a 2-3 hour praise and worship session or sit down with the Word and do a study on a certain subject that is on my heart. It renews and refreshes me-making me a much nicer person to be around…….
I have a very hard time saying ‘no’. When someone asks me to do something or commit to something my automatic response is ’sure, I don’t mind at all’ when the truth is I don’t want to do it!
My husband helps me balance by reminding me that when I say yes to everyone I over commit and then I get stressed out and take it out on him.
I have the things that I do every week such as jail ministry, small group. My husband also does both of these. I have learned that I need down time. I need time to be alone. To read, to take a bath, to do whatever. If I don’t have this time…I get very frustrated and stressed.
So, I don’t over commit to anything. I am learning to say no.
My kids are older than yours but I have learned that the key is: delegating. I came to a point where my body told me I can’t work full-time, run a household, do ministry and still be a sane wife and mother. Now the trick is to let them take over but not expect perfection. For instance, I fold the towels a certain way ~ just like Martha Stewart (I know!) ~ and when the boys do it, it’s not quite the same but I thank them, take a deep breath and move on.
Another area that gets off balance is sleep. I tend to stay up way too late on certain days and it just affects me physically. I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour and sometimes give myself a treat by closing up the kitchen early, so to speak, and go upstairs to read.
God has a way of making us sit still sometimes!
I push the pause button on everything when I start feeling overwhelmed, stretched and things are unbalanced. It’s amazing how many things CAN be paused, though initially it seems like everything else is so important and they’re all running you. I try to pinpoint what exactly is bugging/affecting/stressing me and try to come up with a course of action that’ll work for me and the family. And I pray, processing all of the above with God, telling him how I feel and then asking Him for clarity and guidance. He’s always there and is so great at getting to the heart of the matter
I’m glad you had the weekend and today and as much time as you need to get back to center. Miki
I meditate
funny you post this. last week, i was looking at my calendar thinking… when is ME time… FAMILY time. we made Tuesdays empty… on purpose… and they’re staying that way
Funny you should ask, our family just took Sunday as a day of rest in the truest sense of the word. We took time off from the expectations of others and downsized the day to the four of us. It was breakfast between the pillows and then off to the park. It was bliss stored up to get us through another work week when we are separated. It was our best shot at beating the Sunday night blues. I blogged about it yesterday, so your post today was right on for me.
my son is in year round school and whenever a break comes a long I am always amazed at how crazy things have gotten and I don’t even realize it!
He is currently on break and I have been trying to make the effort to s-l-o-w down!
I have been having fun with my two boys and trying to enjoy the moments i have with them!!
For me being busy is easy!! Taking the time to enjoy my boys and the time i have with them is not and I am still learning!
i walk around gray’s lake. Google it. Des Moines, Iowa
Hi Sarah,
First, I hope your little Hope feels better soon!
Second, I usually take a “hookie” day to do some re-grouping, re-balancing. I, on purpose, don’t have anything planned and just go with IT…whatever IT may be. Sometimes it’s actually sitting down and enjoying my entire cup of coffee, or it’s listening to some great music while I am doing chores or just sitting in my living room with a great book. Either way, it’s good for the soul…the re-balancing, the re-grouping, the reviving. Breathe in deeply and breathe out slowly, clear your mind of all the negativeness going on in your life that you’ve let in and focus on all the good that God has blessed your with! Have a wonderful day!
Be Still and Know…
I have built into my day time to be silent.
I found this celtic prayer book and devotional.
It has morning and night prayers that focus your mind on being still and feeling gods presence. The very first page says “Silence – be still and aware of Gods presence within you and all around”..
kinda hard at times to be running to soccer games, cooking, cleaning and writing…and be still and silent and feel Gods presence…
At lunch i set aside time at work to sit and listen to monks chanting, crochet and be still and relax. I look a images of nature, run string through my hands and just for a moment – stop the outside world …
It has be so helpful to me to stop and feel gods presence in my life several times a day.
i should add that inspite of my daily breaks to be still and know and feel Gods presense…i feel a building need to escape the city lately.
I long to be in the mountains, breathing clean mountain air, listening to the wind through the tress and feeling mountain dirty between my toes…
I want a day where i do nothing…i dont clean house, i dont go to the office, i dont have to pull little boys off of each other because “he has my toy”…i just sit and breath and mediatate…
Sounds like you’ve rediscovered “the best life of your days,” to reform your blog title. Good for you!
perfect, Brad. =)
Oooh..I’m home sick, too- Dr. told me I had to stay home until I had been fever free for 24 hours- it’s only been about 4 hours, so i guess I’ll be home tomorrow, too, and so while I’m BORED, it’s been nice to just be taken care of, too. I’m trying not to care about all the housework that ‘needs’ to get done and just BE.
I have found the most wonderful yoga instructors…they are incidentally husband and wife, and teach 2 totally different classes each with a spiritual component in them that allows me to reconnect and let go. I also “force” myself to have a day of “Not leaving the property” at least once a month, which takes some planning ahead (I usually rent movies and buy extra special treats…) but it is very restorative and creative. It’s fascinating to watch what you come up with in order to run out of the house sometimes…
Good post!
On a regular basis, I regain balance by being out in nature for an hour or two – whether it is swaying in my hammock or ’studying’ the full moon or going for a walk, run or bike ride.
But even now and then, when my world has been too busy for too long – I need a day to regroup and that takes discipline to make that happen, but it’s always is worth it when I do.
Be still and know that I am God …
Sometimes we don’t know what we have until we loose it.
Staying balanced is something that I’m sure I’ve always struggled with. It’s so easy for me to get carried away with everything.
Right now, there are a lot of parts of my life that have been put on a hiatus (too much to explain in a comment). Having being released from several responsibilities and the tasks that accompanied them was at first very disappointing. As time has gone on, I’ve found that I had let the things I was doing become my identity. Without them, I really didn’t know who I was. It was a frightening revelation.
Now, I am in a process of centering myself, in hopes that who I really am will determine what I do, not the other way around.
Yes! I know exactly what you mean. I think it is the time of life that we are in. It seems like you only take it moment by moment. Glad you had some time at home, it’s so rejuvenating!
Oh, I could have written this! Sounds so familiar! I can get so “manic” with my to-do lists, and “go-go” personality, that I then just get burnt out. Ohhhhhhhhhhh, to learn to live a life of balance.
I regain balance by sitting down and physically writing stuff out (in a list of importance)- so yes, a priority list.
I also clean the clutter… I find that when I clean the clutter out of my house, it is therapeutic… I can then clean the clutter out of my heart, at the same time.
God is so good, to bring us back….. ain’t HE!? God is good…. “all the time” All the time….. “GOD IS GOOD”!
My daughter DID have h1n1 this weekend and we both actually really enjoyed it. She didn’t feel too horrible and she loved staying home from school and reading all day. We watched movies together and just relaxed (my sweet hubby took care of the other kids).
Normally, though, on Saturday mornings I escape to Starbuck for a few hours to relax, recoup from the previous week and plan for the next week. It’s kind of like a weekly balance check. I love it.
I also find boundary making a challenge, especially when I know God has gifted me in an area to help someone with true needs. Even though I’m improving in that area a bit, the real difficulty is the demands put on me that I have literally no control over. That’s when I tend to go into my plate-spinning mode. Adult children making their own choices, the economy impacting our family’s business, church politics…these things that come into my life which have their pull on my time and more importantly emotions.
The one thing besides being in God’s Word each morning that I can’t live without is sleep. I don’t have trouble with that boundary. I go to bed on time!
Sarah,
Great post again. I love what Jenny said way up above. Lately I have really been scheduling time. JUST TIME. I make sure there are parts of my day where I take a break from bills, mothering, taxi driver, whatever it may be. I may exercise, catch up on something I recorded, read, etc.
All too often our day is filled with needing to be somewhere, do something, meet someone. I definitely have, like Jenny, taken my time on committing to something. I let them know I need to check my calendar and get back to them. Because I will do it – I will overschedule myself.
I have also been getting more sleep. This has helped tremendously. I used to think that I could stay up past everyone else and then be my most productive. But that has proven to be untrue over these last few months. I have told my husband that it is so strange because it seems like when the sun goes down, so do I. I have no energy to do anything more. So I have been getting things done earlier in my day- like when I am making dinner I will then make lunches for the next day so they are done. I immediately do the dishes once dinner is done and even in between so that way I can go straight to bathing the kids and getting everyone ready for bed and the kitchen is already clean and I don’t have to come back to it.
All of these little things have helped my sanity SO much. Even my husband made a comment that he noticed that. Also, my kids and I celebrate the days we don’t have to do anything after school or after soccer on Saturdays. We will come home and change into comfy clothes and yell “It’s A DO NOTHING DAY- YAY!” Then we take the time to just hang out together or do our own things- but we are all home and are not obligated to anything the rest of the day. We love those days.
This was an all too important post – thank you for writing it. I have seen so much more value in this subject- it is so important that we take the time.
xoxo
Hi Sarah..
I have never commented but find your blog wise, and honest, and so I was reading today and had to comment because I was just thinking those same thoughts as I have been sick with the flu and caring for my 4 year old who is also sick and my 2 year old, and not to mention having our newborn son Cam who is just 10 weeks and we want to protect him, so it has been wild, but I was thinking that I have been tired for a long time and being tired and tired and tired eventually can turn into WEARY and weary is harder to overcome, it becomes emotional in a whole new way… SO i was thanking the Lord for his perfect timing even in our sickness to slow us and center us.. it has been great being sick for what it made me lay aside and so I could focus on the children and being with them in the purest sense, playing laughing and guarding the joy of my household is how I regain balance before tired turns into weary..
Well, this explains it. My son woke up with a fever today. I didn’t want him to be sick, but I couldn’t figure out why I felt more at peace today than I have in awhile. This is why. I needed a break but for whatever reason haven’t felt like I could take one. I shouldn’t need a sick child to have an excuse to stay home.
Sarah!
Okay, so I know I’m your ‘FB friend’ and have seen some of your writings from time to time..and think you are soooo talented. I’m amazed by your writing, actually. However, tonight something prompted me (the quiet I guess…Scott and Selah are out to eat)…and I got to read ‘your story’…wow. I have been really blessed by it. To be honest, it helped me because in California, I had always wanted to be your friend..thought you were so beautiful and wise and deep, but you never seemed to want to be my friend. Of course I would like to think it’s because you were dealing with all this stuff…truth is, you just may not have been into it. Bottom line is, reading your story tonight…it helped me to understand what you (guys) were going through at the time. I so appreciate your amazing honesty and the way you guys are letting GOD shine brightly through all of this. It’s true beauty. Anyway, I guess I just wanted to tell you how wonderful I’ve always thought you were, and always wished we could have been friends. Thank you for doing what you are doing now..being such an inspiration!!! I love it!
Love,
Tara…