I hope this doesn’t sound too poetic, but sometimes I feel like I want to transcend.
It seems like so much of life is cleaning out my car and throwing away string cheese wrappers. Or making sure the ill-designed juice box doesn’t squirt out as soon as my three-year-old holds it in her little hands. So much my hours are spent looking at myself in the full-length mirror and walking away disappointed, enduring I-don’t-want-to-brush-my-teeth episodes from a second grader and scrubbing clean the crock pot the morning after a tri-tip has cooked all afternoon the day before.
I combat goldfish crackers between sofa cushions, voicemail messages I’ll never retrieve, the never-walked neighbor dog barking, toilet “requests” from a preschooler, and the always-messy downstairs playroom.
My life is normal.
But sometimes I want to clean a room of my house so it’s spotless, lock the door from the inside, light a candle and turn on the music and transcend the baseness of normal life. I want to live above the grunge and the dusty corners of my world. I don’t want to think about my crumpled-up to-do list on a wide-ruled piece of notebook paper that makes a circuit between my jeans pocket, my purse and the console in my car. I want to just forget.
But that isn’t realistic. Or right, even.
Because I have responsibilities. And promises I’ve made. And things I’ve chosen. Blessings I’ve been given.
And they require me to live at the base level of life where I’m putting three-year-olds in time out and sitting with seven-year-olds during homework time. In order to have the privilege of climbing into the same bed as my husband each night, I pick up dirty socks and iron crisp cotton shirts.
I’ve chosen to live as a wife.
I’ve chosen to give birth to two daughters.
I’ve chosen to love the art of writing and I’ve chosen to spend my spare time doing it.
I can also choose to focus on the good and the sweet in it all. On the blessing. On the beauty, even in the dusty, grimy corners. I can try to hear the pain through my daughter’s angry words and see her blue eyes wide with fear instead of defiance. I notice them. I try not to notice the un-vacuumed carpet.
And then I fall in love. With my girls and my husband all over again. With the whole chaotic mess of it all.
This is where I can transcend. This is where I can live above the goldfish. The music and the candles, those are just extra.
How do you “live above the goldfish”?
Selfishly.
However, your words, MAN, I gotta get over myself.
Thanks!
smooches,
Larie
wow…one day at a time like Jesus said!
amazed,
dad
one day at a time…BUT….I have to have days where a quiet room blankets me and candles burn and a book gets read and the lights slowly dim….OR I’m a crappy person to be around doing what I have to do for my family !!!
they love me better when I take time for me to be me instead of their mother or a wife for a few hours or a day or a weekend…..
and I like myself better after those moments of being away and appreciate what I come back to and deal with life better after I have given myself a break……
i really like your perspective!
its easy for me to forget these things also but, then. it is also hard for me to sometimes get my head back into the right way of thinking!
i agree with the post before me….taking time for me is important.
I didnt use to think so. I use to think that i could just make it work.
i thought that if i took time for myself I was being selfish. But, I have come to see that it is more selfish of me to be constantly stressed, upset, grumpy etc when I have had my limit!!
So, I need to know when to stop and step back.
these days its looking into the flames of the fire i light each morning and each night…
that’s when my mind, my heart, my soul can soar and be free to just…well…be.
think, ponder, let loose ideas good and bad, feel emotions from anger to love and joy, just….be.
and somehow that little space in time, which seems much longer than it truly is, seems to balance me out and set me right for the day and/or night. It’s my time with me, myself and God.
warmly,
Kat
I try to focus on why I do the things I do. I do my husband’s laundry because I love him. I take care of our house because that is part of God’s calling for me.
No, the house is never perfect, and that drives a perfectionist like me crazy at times, but I believe God is calling me to live for him, not for perfection.
For me it’s a recognition that the longing to “transcend” is really a longing for heaven. Where everything is perfect, the joy is never-ending and we are finally healed and whole. When I get tired of “the goldfish” I remind myself of the hope of heaven and ask the Lord for fresh grace to do what He’s called me to here and now, while waiting with fresh anticipation for the joys of eternity in His presence. Amen, Come Lord Jesus!
For me, transcendence is in finding the sacred bound up within the ordinary.
Earth is crammed with heaven, if only we have eyes to see it.
Just discovered your blog – I love your words and pictures.
Just a thought – you mentioned the “never walked neighbours dog” barking. Do you have a little time in your day when you could offer to walk this dog? A happier dog and less unhappy barking could be the result.
Holly
love this… love YOU!
living above the goldfish – by focusing in on the amazing blessings of my life. living a life of thankfulness, hour by hour.
i don’t do this always, but i try…
Sarah,
This is pretty much exactly what I needed today. I have an injured husband home from work, a hyper 5 year-old with no school today, and a clingy 2 year-old, who only wants to be with me. I have yet to take a shower, and all I want to do today is write & scrap in my journal and drink coffee.
While those things WOULD help me transcend the (very literal) goldfish in my life, reading blogs like yours helps too.
Thanks! Keep writing.
Beautiful post. You are a very talented writer. I am glad through it all you have found the time to share this with us. I have a similar existence, I work part time at a church but the rest is similar. I have my girls 15 & 4, my hubby, my home and I write when I can. I have a feeling you have a much better grasp of balance than I do. I am on the ledge most mornings due to lost shoes, un-brushed teeth and late departures. Reading, blog stalking and dreaming is my release. I am blessed and I thank you for the reminder.
Thanks so much for sharing. I’m in the SAME boat, sista! I linked to this post in my own today.
Cheers to “living above the goldfish” one day, task, step, at a time…
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that one ever goes to the grave wishing that they’d spent more time at the office. The same thing goes for the house. Some day, the house will be clean. And, not coincidentally, the kids will all be gone. BUT, you’ll find yourself wishing for the days of chaos; when the kids were maniacs (not that YOURS ever are, of course), the house was a wreck, & the doorbell rings with a visit from “church people.” Here’s how you survive that moment: “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind.” THAT’S how I live above those pesky fish. Well, that, & having dogs who love love love cleaning up after kids. Enjoy your life – revel in the normalcy!
looking at their little blonde heads usually gives me what I need to keep going. That combined together with a 4 yo’s zeal for life and a 2 yo’s special language of his own…just makes me smile. Sometimes I just live for a smile.
This post was incredible. I, too, want to transcend most days, but I’m trying hard to embrace the days as they are given to me. Life is really, really good. And I don’t want to miss any of it wishing I were somewhere else. Even if that somewhere else is in a clean version of my home.
Thanks for this…
Sandy
My husband! Sounds funny but it’s true. He reminds me that it’s just stuff (dirty floors, unfolded laundry, etc.) He reminds me that it can wait. He reminds me that the girls are more important, WE are more important and that dirt will always be there! I Love Him! I’m so blessed!!!
Thanks for the reminder!
Jessica
and i want to transcend, just for a moment here and there. to take a breath. away from the goldfishes. so i am not full of myself. my poor-me-this-never-ends-self. and after i’ve breathed i could care less about goldfishes. i need to transcend, and come alive again in Him. and i am learning how to do that amidst the goldfishes, laundry, dishes, boy loudness, and little sister whininess… i’m learning that my life doesn’t require days of transcending, but moments within my days.
beautiful words again my friend.
Hi Sarah,
I haven’t visited your blog in a while, but popped over on an old link and loved this post. You wrote my life – the tooth-brushing, goldfish, all. I want to transcend the daily as well, but find I can when I think about what others – those elusive others with nannys and housekeepers and lots of free time (and very likely lots of money) – are missing. There’s nothing like cleaning a potty or changing a child’s sheets in the middle of the night to make one feel both humble blessed to even be performing such tasks. It forces perspective about Real Life. The shallowness and emptiness of those single, childless years in which I was sure I had it all are glaring. I wouldn’t trade what I have now for the world.
If it were offered, of course.
Sarah…I just want to know how on earth you know exactly what I am going through exactly when I am going through it? How? HOW!!!??? lol. It is uncanny how you articulate each day the same feelings I am struggling with…on that same day! Thank you. Thank you for sharing your heart and what God has placed on your heart. He uses you every. single. day. to encourage me, little ol’ me who just “happened” to stumble across your blog…gosh I love it when He does that! My prayer is that you are blessed in return…
Hello Sarah! You don´t know me and I don´t know you personally, a friend of mine posted a link to your blog on facebook and I started reading it. Not only am I impressed by your beautiful writing, but also… It is weird. Good weird. You posts apply to my current life situations! It would be great just to be able to apply them to life in general, but I feel that God is talking to me, my heart through you and this is just amazing how it works! There was a day, when I was sitting in bus, in a really bad mood, checked my email on my cell, but didn´t read the email with your post… I came home, acted like a fool, who cannot control herself and then read your blog that was describing the situation I had just had. It hit me right there, that I should have read it when I saw it, in the bus. I didn´t. I messed up. Nut I learn, so I want to thank you for this learning material and inspiration you bring! Thank you and may God bless you and your family!
To be honest, I don’t even know where to begin. I get so caught up in the chaos and the crazy. Don’t get me wrong, we have an amazing and beautiful life and I try never-ever to take any of it for granted…but I get lost in the stupid and I don’t know where to go or how to get out of the mediocre sometimes (all the freakin time) and I have no clue how to balance.
Yep. I get you on this! I would love to have a clean, spotless house, beautifully manicured nails, and a hip and cool wardrobe. But let’s face it…it’s just not happening anytime soon. I can’t pinpoint exactly when I transcend, but it does happen from time to time!
Such a chaotic stage you’re in. And yet, it is over in the blink of an eye.
Now that I have my grand baby, I am cherishing every moment. I don’t take calls while she’s here and I spend all my time with her. B/c in the blink of an eye, she’ll be all grown up too.
I will be back to read this post, for sure, because I LOVE YOUR WRITING… but for now, I NEEEEEED YOUR HELP!
http://ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com/2009/10/1000-petitions-signed-by-friday.html
I’m looking forward to normal…
Sigh.
We have a lot of drama going on that drains me. Right now the everyday, day-to-day stuff is my nemesis. It just seems like when you’re in the middle of life-altering events you shouldn’t have to do laundry. But the daily routine reminds me that life goes on…and that even though His mercies are new every morning, no days have real do-overs. I don’t want to miss out on the blessings hidden in the laundry basket and in the cement Cheerios that I scrape off the kitchen floor every single day. So I’m trying to retrain my mind to be in every minute. Even the ones I don’t like so much, because this is my life and I don’t want to miss it wishing I were somewhere else. I’m just trying to be purposeful in everything that I do so that at the end of the day I can go to sleep knowing that ugly and beautiful, I really lived that day.