I don’t read the Bible every day.
[insert shock and awe here]
But I don’t say that often, at least not on a public level, because it’s hard. I know what’s expected of me from other Christians. I know what’s expected of me by my friends. And I’m pretty sure I know what God expects from me.
And quite honestly, I’m embarrassed. It kinda makes me cringe.
But I imagine I’m not alone. I know I’m not alone.
But this isn’t a post about if I think I need to read my Bible every day to be a Christian. We can talk about that another day. But this is my confession: what I hate about my own faith. I think everyone has something about their faith that they wish was different, that they wish would change overnight.
I just don’t get a chance to read it every day and I’m confessing it to you all here.
So before you go racing over to the comments to tell me about the Read the Bible in a Year books, hold on. I read the Bible and I love the Bible. I just don’t read it every morning at 5:45 with 4 colored highlighters and a OT/NT schedule taped to the inside flap. I have a living, breathing relationship with God, but it may not look exactly like the next person’s.
Nonetheless, I still hate it that I don’t read it everyday. I hate that I know I should do it because my whole day is different when I do. And I know that it glorifies God.
It makes me cringe.
Confess here today: What makes you cringe about your faith? About your life? Be anonymous if you want.
Actually my confession is the same as yours. I too cringe at that…but I also know that religiously reading it every day doesn’t mean you’re getting revelations and being changed (I have my parents as proof of that – they have religion but not relationship with God). I know the value of it and my day is also better when I read it, but I think it’s better when I read it cos I take time to let God speak to me – rather than it’s just cos I read it…know what I mean?
Hmmm…what makes me cringe?
That I don’t read my bible every day is cringe worthy…the reasons I do not are cause for even bigger cringes. My lack can be boiled down to a quick and obvious answer.
Sin
I can speak truth very well, because I WAS that woman up at 5:45 with the highlighters trying to learn as much as I could about this AMAZING God who saved me.
My passion for Him and His word was obvious and admired by many…unfortunately it was THAT passion that drew a wicked man to me, my life has never been the same since.
My passion has become passive, my zeal has become vapid, my heart has become unresponsive.
I pray for restoration…I pray for healing…
I think maybe I am the seed that was cast into the rocky places, whose root was not deep and when the storms came, was blown away…or maybe I am the seed whose heart rejoiced at the good news but whom the birds plucked up, not that the seed thrown on hard packed earth would have had a chance to grow anyway…
Maybe one of you can answer this:
What is fruit? Who determines if you have it? Is it possible to bear fruit sometimes, and other times to be barren? How long is too long in sin? Who determines that?
If David, and Samson were really Christians, then shouldn’t we look to THEM and their failures to encourage us…to inspire forward marching?
My thinking is if God can use a mess like them…surely He can use a mess like me…
BUT
It’s always followed by a but…
but how?
but why?
but MY sin is TOO great…
Anonymous,
I’m so sorry you have been through something painful. I agree with you, we can look to those in the bible as encouragement. God used them (in all their sin, all their mess) for good. He used them and can use us. Not only did He use them, those people were included in His word … I’m sure there were many people He could’ve included in His word … He chose those people, the ones with sinful pasts … and look at how many lives have been touched by their testimony…
I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
God Bless,
Aine
anon –
thank you so much for sharing. those are some big, tough questions. can i address the last one (or your last thought)…about your sin being too great.
ALL of our sin is too great. that’s why there is jesus. because we couldn’t bridge the gap that sin makes. he does.
my favorite story in the bible by far (and i’m sure you know why) is the woman caught in adultery. i love the grace that christ shows her – he acknowledges her sin, but he tells her to go and not to do it anymore. he doesn’t make her “pay” for it, he doesn’t make her feel awful about it (i’m sure she was already ready to die), but he gives her a chance to be righteous.
your sin isn’t too great. not for christ.
Hi Anon,
It doesn’t matter how much you mess up…remember Peter after failing Jesus (a man who deeply loved and closely walked with Jesus in the flesh for 3 years and then denied even knowing him)? After his failure, Peter had basically given up and decided that he’d live out the rest of his days in quietness b/c of his failing the Lord. Then one day, Jesus came to him on the shore and asked him a simple question “Do you love me?” Peter could answer yes, and the Lord restored him. He didn’t chastise him for all of his mess ups and roll out Peter’s laundry list of wrongs. Jesus simply forgave him and then Peter was able to move forward, knowing that he loved the Lord and knowing that the Lord knew that Peter loved Him. Even if the remaining love that you have for Him feels like the smallest mustard seed, it’s enough. The first part of Psalm 145:20 says “The Lord preserves all who love Him…” The definition of preserve means: 1: to keep safe from injury, harm, or destruction 2:to keep alive, intact, or free from decay 3:to keep up and reserve for personal or special use. The Lord promises to keep those who love Him in an untainted, preserved condition, which He can use now and in the future…only Jesus has the power to preserve His flock. Remember that your standing and future in Christ is not determined by your past (or future) failures or your righteousness (or lack thereof). It is determined by your faith in Christ and Christ alone. He is your righteousness. There is ALWAYS forgiveness and restoration. His love is stronger than death, stronger than hell, and I don’t believe that He would have sacrificed His very life for you if all could be so easily lost. The Lord didn’t save you because you were “good enough” to be saved and used for His purposes, He saved you because He desperately loves you and you were created to walk in His purposes. The enemy is a powerful liar and he would love nothing more than for you to believe that there is no future for you so that you’ll just sit down and wait to die one day. I promise you that the Lord’s heart burns with love for you and and He is longing for you to come back to Him. I would encourage you to read Psalm 139 as well as the story of Peter. My email address is bklynsoper@yahoo.com if you would like to email me. My church (Times Square Church) has a few absolutely incredible sermons about restoration that I know would encourage you. 2 are based on Psalm 139 and one is based on Psalm 23 and the story of Peter as well.
The Lord used this very truth to deliver me from a place of absolute despondency.
Actually, you can listen to the sermons from my church for free online.
The 2 sermons on Psalm 139 are:
1.http://www.tscnyc.org/sermons.php?sid=1502 “The Consolation and Comfort of David” by Teresa Conlon
2. http://www.tscnyc.org/sermons.php?sid=1692 “The Introduction Part 2″ by William Carrol
Then the one on Psalm 23 and Peter:
http://www.tscnyc.org/sermons.php?sid=1402 “The Shepherd of our Souls:Jehovah Roi” by William Carrol
When you click on the links, they will bring up the webpage for that particular sermon and then a few seconds later the sermon itself will pull up and start playing in Windows Media Player.
LOL … Ummm … I was sitting at my kitchen table (5:45 am) with my cup of coffee and my bible (no highlighters though) … sorry, I just had to laugh. I’ve been through the times when I don’t read my bible daily, right now I’m reading daily.
As for what makes me cringe … reading the Word but not living it. The truth is, I can sit at my table and read the Word every day, but it doesn’t really matter if I’m not living it out every day.
This morning, I read of Solomon and his request for a heart of understanding and wisdom. So, today I am going to try and live out that word rather than simply reading it to say I’ve read it.
Thank you, Sarah … for making me think about my faith and life this morning.
God Bless,
Aine
I have a couple of confessions…one, I don’t read my Bible every day…I don’t read it very often. I wish I did and I know I should…but I don’t.
2nd…I yell at my kids. I am working on this one and it is a HUGE struggle…they make me crazy when they don’t listen and it seems like yelling is the only way…I know it’s not but it seems like it.
3rd…I am not the person I should be. I want to be better….I want to be kind, loving, wonderful at all times…and I am SO not…
AMEN Tamara. You said everything I need to work on too! Praise God for grace and fresh starts.
Yeah I probably should have added those last two to my list too…we all have so much in common here ladies don’t we?
Thankyou Sarah for the way you bring us into these reflections on our life. I haven’t read my bible for a week or so now, last night I set my alarm for 6am…I ended up waking up at 5:30 before it went off…which gave me time to wake up properly, get in early with preparing a bottle for the baby before she woke up crying – and then I sat down with my Bible. My goal for the next month starting today is to read every day, no matter what! My biggest distraction in the past has been the computer. I tend to check email and fb before I read…then sometimes I don’t read. So I turned it off yesterday and will not be turning it on til after 10:30am every day…so far so good – day 1!
Lord help me stick to this!!
Bless you!
Sarah, When my girls were little, I secretly struggled with this same thought, that I should read my Bible every day, that I should pray more, etc. A pastor prayed for me one evening that God would give me Mommy grace, for all of those moments that I wished I could be doing something to glorify Him and instead was to tired to do more than function. That God would strengtehn and encourage me as if I had read my Bible and prayed, even though there was seldom time for it. That I would rest in His loving arms throughout the day without the guilt. Today, I pray for you that same prayer. Mommy grace. Because we all need it, especially when they are little. Keep your heart centered on Christ and you will find that the day will come that it is easy to read your Bible every day. In the meantime, trust Him to give you grace to make it through. God bless.
I don’t want to answer!
I cringe because I also don’t read every day. I was doing great with my Beth Moore Bible Study but then I missed 2 wks…gone.
I cringe because, despite knowing that I am saved, I question him constantly on my life. The why me’s, the insecurity, the testing of my boundaries.
I cringe because I am more observant of my husband walking at a guilty distance than I am of my own self.
I cringe because I let sin come in and I can’t let that go and forgive myself. I now struggle with other issues…a lack of self confidence, emotions I don’t know what to do with, the inability to forgive my husband for hurting me with his sin, being scared to go and talk to someone, being scared to share my struggles with someone else, being ashamed of taking depression medicine, giving myself such stomach issues over worrying that I now have to take not one, but two stomach medicines every single day.
Will life ever go back to some version of normal? It doesn’t have to be the old version but I have to learn to deal with it and not stress and worry every single detail to death.
I cringe every night when I think about how I promised myself that I wouldn’t raise my voice and yell at my children. I promised myself that I would set a great example and not lose my temper. Remain calm, but every night I cringe because I failed again. I make excuses for myself… telling myself that I have a 1, 2, & 3 year old and I never ever ever get a break. I’m up most nights… I just need a break. Excuses, excuses, tomorrow will be better… it rarely is. I want to be a better mother, I pray for patience, deaf ears when all 3 are screaming at the same time…. I pray God will help. It makes me cringe when I fail.
My confession is the same as your! It makes me sad when I realize at the end of the day that I haven’t spent time in the Word. But I know that God still loves me anyway and he is also changing me. I’m better. I just need to keep getting better.
Cringe worthy:
-it’s far easier for me to pray than it is for me to read (my Bible). I’m aware that this is because I have an easier time TALKING to God than listening to His Word(s).
-when I fail to rely on God’s strength, I eat.
-I don’t use my time wisely; this actually makes me ill to think about… Often, God is not given the #1 spot in my day.
I’m thankful for His grace!
It makes me cringe that often I am more concerned about being right and just than about giving life changing grace.
I cringe when I see my sin reign and the effects it has on those around me.
lots of things make me cringe, including not reading my Bible every day…..there are just too many to list. thankful for the Cross. great post sarah.
I never pray. It is a chore I know my attitude is wrong, i just don’t know how to fix it.
Sarah,
First, I want to say thank you for what you do. You inspire and make me reflect on Gods direction in my life.
To answer the question “What makes me cringe”? What really makes me cringes is a few things. Rather large things. The Holy Spirit burdened my heart to guide me to say this.
1) It seems to me that allot of Christians Judge other Christians with a much higher standard than they do for non-Christians. Often tearing each other down. I can’t understand why we find it difficult to just Love one another. Lift each other up. Be real for Christ.
2) The second thing that bothers me, and is without a doubt the biggest thing Christians are like ostriches. Christians DO NOT get as involved politically about Christian values as they really should. Issues like abortion. or teaching children (any age now-a-days) to stay pure till marriage, or how about not conforming to a highly PC world, or any of the so many other social issues that plague our churches…Gods church and our communities. Let us get our heads out of the sand and stop hiding. Be active. Vote for Godly people at the very least.
And yes, I feel we all should feel like we haven’t done enough for God on a daily basis, on an hourly basis, even minute by minute. Lord knows I sure don’t.
While my words may sound slightly abrasive, I feel my heart is where my heavenly Father wants me and I feel it is righteously justified. I often ask myself, “is my Lord pleased with me today”? My hearts desire is to believe God will answer “yes” each time.
I love your ministry, Sarah, God ministry in your life and my husband respects you so much because of it. Continue your writings knowing that God is reaching others for him. We are blessed by your words. Thank you so much.
I love you so much,
Melia
Melia –
Thank you.
And I agree that Christians judge. Sometimes its purposeful and other times it’s accidental. I think that for a lot of us who’ve grown up in a fundamentalist or evangelical environment, its a constant fight against casting judgment. And It’s one that i have to battle and give over to the Holy Spirit and to change in me.
Good thoughts, Melia.
I cringe when I know exactly what I am supposed to do to draw near to the Lord and I choose NOT to do it!
I know that when I pray OUT LOUD it helps me to focus and helps me to enter into His prescence. But I get too lazy to carve out a little time where I can just be before God and pray. and THEN…when I actually have the time and I am by myself, just sitting…I will think about praying without actually doing it!
I am so grateful that the Lord knows that we are just dust and He has grace for us humans. It would just be so much easier for me if I would be obedient to do what I know brings fruit!
I must confess I have a hard time reading my Bible. It’s a struggle. I do my devotions, but actually picking up a Bible is a chore… I know I’m awful!
i don’t read my Bible everyday, i usually grab it to look up a scripture when i need one. but i pray daily and i really try to walk the walk and live my faith. i am very involved in Young Life but working in a public school, i can’t “announce” that or that i am a Christian so i work at letting Christ shine through so the kids will notice that there is something in me…and, don’t tell anyone, but i pray at school!
) All the time!
Thank you so much Sarah for your ministry…it helps me everyday! God bless you…
I was thinking this morning – if I truly want to know God, shouldn’t I spend more time learning about Him? The Bible is where I can learn everything I need to know about God, yet I don’t go there as often as I should.
Note I said that “everything I NEED to know”, not “everything there IS to know”. That’s a huge distinction that most people forget.
I’m embarrassed that I can remember passages or statements that are in the Bible, but don’t know where they are. I’ve used the Bible Gateway website to find verses more times than I’d like to admit. It’s a great resource, but I should know the Bible better than that.
I cringe at feeling alone, Anywhere. My faith tells me that I am not alone. Sometimes I feel alone even though I am in the midst of a congregation…. How come reaching my hand out, and offering it to a stranger; maybe another alone person, is so hard? ……
…another non-disciplined Bible Reader,
Reese
My cringe comes from my prayer life. Oh, I TALK to God all day long, randomly, in little spurts. I give thanks for blessings that come throughout the day. I ask forgiveness for my thoughts and actions. I ask Him to protect my loved ones. But to sit down and really PRAY? I’m terrible at that. I’d say it’s a matter of time, but even when I make the time, I find it so hard to concentrate. My mind drifts to other things and I can’t stay focused. I hate it. :[
you guys are so awesome. it’s so hard to say these things.
i pray that you each find a little bit of clarity and peace from sharing today.
Cringe factor: when i am embarrassed by the acts of a fellow follower… and cast judgment on him/her.
then i realize i AM THAT person.
*sigh*
I can relate to your post and so much of reader’s comments. I am (sounds horrible to say) comforted to know that I am not alone in these struggles. There is a lot that I cringe at. I am relieved to know that I can cringe at His feet and He will lift me up and hold me close regardless.
I cringe that there are huge chunks of my day when I forget to talk to God or even THINK about him. What the heck? I work in ministry, how is this even possible?!?!
I cringe that I don’t always use the time wisely that God has bestowed on me on this Earth to be his hand and feet. I agree with some of the commenters that reading His Word is easier than living it out in day to day life.
I really appreciate your honesty.
Thank you,
Dawn
First…I don’t think not reading the Bible every day is cringe-worthy. I think it’s awesome that you embrace your relationship with God to the point that you aren’t afraid to tell others that our walks don’t all have to look identical or we’re Christians.
My cringe factor is when I realize how little I truly trust Him and how I’ve let the betrayals of humans reflect on Him.
I don’t pray enough.
Shouldn’t pastor’s wives pray like 5 hours a day?
Wow… these have been so great… reminds me how we are not perfect… and how there is a reason for that!! This line popped out at me…
“it’s far easier for me to pray than it is for me to read (my Bible). I’m aware that this is because I have an easier time TALKING to God than listening to His Word(s).”
I cringed when I read this… because I have no problem talking with God… but the listening part… yikes!!!
What makes me cringe? How quickly I can go from deep, assured belief to raging doubt and unbelief. It’s so discouraging!
Sarah I think you are inside my head. I feel the SAME way. I cringe at my lack of time in my bible and in prayer. When I take the time I LOVE to read my bible and pray. I feel like a car that has just been given a full tank of gas. No fumes. It fills me up.
THANK YOU FOR BEING REAL SARAH! It blesses so many of us.
I find it difficult to focus during prayer. My mind races and I become so distracted. Even if no one else is around. Even if it’s quiet. This is something that makes me cringe, because I know how important these conversations with God are for my faith.
I cringe at the fact that I can’t find a church where I feel like I really fit.
I’ve found more community online than I’ve ever had in church (although this is recent and still developing).
I can’t get past the feeling that I need to be in church somewhere (especially after spending most of my adult life as a minister in some capacity in a local church).
Your confession brought my own experience to mind… http://www.oneordinaryday.com/2009/10/15/thankful-thursday-28/
I’m finding SO MUCH joy in learning that God is so much bigger than my perception of Him. He sees where I am and what needs to change and HE will do it, if I just let Him. I think the biggest problem is that change/growth is hard so I tend to resist it. But He’s fixing that part of me too. It’s all about Him and His work in us. I’m realizing what freedom in Christ really is…the freedom of knowing that I will always have confessions because I will always fall short and that’s okay. That’s why He came to save me. That’s what makes His love so amazing.
Sarah,
I have a thought for you…. Let’s say you wrote a book for your girls. In your book you told them all about you. What your life had been like, who you were, what you loved, what you hated. What you desired for them.
What if they got married and moved on into their lives and had their own children. They took your book with them.
What if they didn’t read it every day. How would you feel about them? What would your desire for them be? That they know they were loved by you, or that they memorized your book by reading it cover to cover starting early in the day?
I spent most of my years hating that I didn’t read more about God…
And then God spoke to my heart…. I’ve written about it in a couple of places on my blog:
Here: http://jewelsightings.blogspot.com/2009/03/laying-down-shoulds.html
And this one: http://jewelsightings.blogspot.com/2008/10/rebel-with-cause.html
This is an awesome question. I don’t formally study the bible a lot either right now. In fact I have about a dozen half-started bible studies sitting on my bookshelf and at least 3 different versions of “How to Read the Bible in a Year” tacked to my bulletin board, unused past a few days.
I am pulled in so many directions with work, life, kids. But I do pray constantly, do mentor others to seek God diligently, do write about His glory, and definitely have mastered the art of googling snippets of bible verses I vaguely remember and want to write about
.
What I have learned most recently is that seeking His face in the little and big blessings each day also teach me knowledge of God…the random act of kindness from a stranger, doing a bible study with my daughter, laying in my husband’s arms. All miracles, all beautiful, and all showing me God.
Here’s the thing; I think that this falls under the heading of what season of life are you in, and how do YOU feel or learn about God uniquley.
If you are a singer, you can learn about God through song.
If you are an artist, you can learn about God through a picture.
If you are a writer, you can learn about God through a pen (or keyboard).
If you are a mother, you can learn about God through your children.
The list goes on and on.
For me, for now, in this season, that is enough. God knows my heart, and my desire to seek more of Him, and is happy with the effort of trying.
I cringe that I do not take the time to worship God every Sunday. It grates on my mind all the time yet I still do not go to church and praise the Lord. Not sure why!!
I cringe for so many reasons but the big one is that I am fake. People look at me and they see someone who isn’t real. They see a girl who is organized and disciplined, who loves the Lord and has a passion for His Word, who enjoys encouraging others and helping them find comfort in the safety of God’s perfect love … and I am that person … but I’m also this desperately wicked soul who judges and stares, who envies and covets, who yells at her child and ignores her husband … I don’t pretend (at least not on purpose) and I’m honest about my failures but for some reason people never seem to grasp that I’m just a girl who struggles and fails and just keeps getting up day after day by the magnificent grace of God. It makes me feel fake because I don’t want to be the gauge they use to measure … I’m not a plumb line … I don’t like people to look at me as an example of anything except the grace and mercy of God. I cringe when people say, “Ask Teri Lynne, she’ll know.” Because all I know is GOD’s grace cannot be explained.
LOVE this- I feel like this all the time. I think you understand the importance of being real, and that is so invaluable.
Blessings,
Lindsey
I don’t even know where to start with the bible, which is why I have hard time picking it up.
I don’t feel quite so bad not attempting it every day!
So I greatly appreciate your post today
So here I am, WAAAAAAYYYY at the bottom. But I felt I needed to vent a bit of my junk and be honest.
Everyday I have people come to me and ask me for spiritual advice. I give them Godly council and push them to the cross. I do exactly what i am supposed to do as a leader, just like scripture tells me to. Here is the disconnect; I can’t tell you how many times I don’t listen to my own “wise council”! I’m walking around telling guys how the bible says this and that and I am a total flaky idiot doing just the opposite of what I’ve suggested.
So that is the dirty dirt on me but the thing I realized as I was typing this…I am a work in progress. I love that Paul was able to tell his people, “imitate me as I imitate Christ”. I REALLY want to get to the place where I can say that and not feel like a TOTAL LIAR! I know the day will come because Christ is in the business of “long-term life change”.
I am in for the long haul and so is He.
Chad, I so get this … it’s where I am … you said it so much better than I did.
Hey TeriLynne!
The cool thing is, we are madly loved by a Great King. He knows we are flaky and stumble, often.
We just gotta keep going and coming back to the cross.
I’m right there with you on this one, Chad.
I cringe when I realize I’ve allowed my thoughts and behaviors to be influenced by my non-Christian co-workers. For the first time in my adult life I muttered a curse word at another driver during my commute home. Lord, create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me!
Thank you, Sarah, for your thought-provoking posts.
i don’t really like praying.
I don’t like that there are so many translations to the bible, and when I start to think about the fact that I really should go back to find the latin/greek word and work my way forward to english to properly understand the scripture, it overwhelms me. Then I just don’t bother to learn any theology.
Thank you for this post. I wholeheartedly agree with you!