In a room with 400 people watching (or it could have been more than 400 because we had to bring in extra chairs) we stared at each other. And we thumb-wrestled. 400 people more than we could feed dinner to so we offered them cake and punch later on in the fellowship hall.
And then we said things to each other that were supposed to be written on some heavenly stones for the angels and all of eternity to witness and seal. Vows. Covenant vows.
But things don’t always work out the way we think.
People don’t always keep promises.
But this isn’t about promises kept or broken. Its about purpose.
Because standing across from my husband with my father the minister asking us to repeat our (covenant) vows I began to feel a sense of purpose. As if the something that I was doing that June afternoon was more important than the church or the 400 people or the dress. There was a bigger reason behind getting married than just being in love.
There were several years when I squandered that purpose and he squandered that purpose. We knew we were meant to be together, to do “big things” for God (even if they were in small bits and tiny corners of hearts). But for many years we both resisted in every way we could. We rebelled. We closed our ears. We looked the other way and wore dark glasses.
We were trying to escape our purpose. And to be honest, for a long time I didn’t even know what I was here for.
This past weekend I felt closer to my (and our) purpose than I ever have before. My husband and I shared the stage as we spoke to a group of about 150 about grace, repentance and restoration. We shared our story and how God has redeemed our marriage. How He has made our covenant vows real and alive again even after they’d been squandered.
We finally moved and breathed together like we were meant to.
And I don’t think the 400 people in the room 13 1/2 years ago had any idea what would come of our marriage. And they certainly didn’t know what our purpose would require. If they did, they might have gotten up and walked out. Who wants to watch a marriage fail? I don’t think they knew that we would walk through something that would change the course of our souls.
And we didn’t either. But we hung on to the immovable thought that we were meant to be for something bigger even when we struggling the most.
He is faithful to His purpose in me even when I’m not.
[In case you're wondering, I think my purpose (and our purpose as a couple) is to see hearts changed and healed, and to offer a story of grace to those who don't believe grace is possible.]
What is your purpose? Do you know it yet? Can purpose change throughout your life?
You continue to cause me to dig deeper into my thought bank with your vivid analogys. I appreciate your sharing.
smooches,
Larie
so thankful that oftentimes our purpose comes out of the broken places in our lives. we also took those vows and i often find myself wondering “who would have thought we’d end up here 17 years down the road…with purpose squandered?” The wonderful part is that He IS faithful to our purpose EVEN when we are not! and He uses the time of squandering…..
Hi Sarah,
Reading your blog I sometimes find myself ‘face to face’ with God, even when I avoid Him. I know God was prompting me yesterday about my purpose and how I could serve Him purposefully. I just pushed Him out of my thoughts and proceeded with my day because I AM BUSY and have much to accomplish (all of which has no eternal value, at least the way I did it). There’s also the whole I-was-mad-at-You-and- even-though-now-I-am-not-I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-it-or-talk-to-you, except on Sunday.
And then I read your post today. It could be a coincidence or maybe the God of this universe is trying to draw me to Him, either way I find myself ‘face to face’ with Him. Thank you. I know I have already said this and I don’t want to be creepy, but THANK YOU for your faithfulness. I am your target audience, it is very difficult for me to accept His grace, to believe that it is for me and somehow you, whose story is nothing like mine, is ministering to me. Did I already say THANK YOU! (I should probably start thanking Him.)
Anyway, I have two beautiful girls to get ready for school. I hope you have a blessed day and you find encouragement or whatever you may need.
Love-Oly
thanks Oly. and i don’t believe in coincidences either. =)
Thank you so much once again for sharing with us this past weekend! To see you speak together was amazing and you could see God working through your relationship with each other. I wish I could have talked to you longer but couldn’t think of anything to say, which admittedly is lame, but I really did appreciate your honesty. Hearing about grace in the context of your marriage was great. It really spoke to me when you asked if we were willing to throw away our “religion” and everything we hold dear and fall in love with Christ. It was great! =) Thanks again!
i’m so glad you were there!! it totally blessed me. =)
One word – Awesome.
Sarah, please pray for me. My husband and I have been struggling with a similar story for a year now. We are both so broken and hurting. Last night, he left me. Please pray that God will speak to his heart. I thank you every day for your inspiring words.
Marlo – I’ve been thinking about you for the last hour. I’m praying for you.
Thank you for being willing to share this. I’m still praying.
My husband and I have exact opposite personalities and temperaments. That’s probably what attracted us to each other initially. So I know as a TEAM we have a lot to offer to each other both in encouraging and refining-wise.
TOGETHER, this would also be a great combo to minister and reach out to others like couples or students (he’s studying to get his doctorate to teach collegiate level philosphy and we want to have an ‘open door’ to our home to students that are struggling with BIG ideas).
But we need to be willing and able to embrace these differences that after 9 years of marriage can seem a nuisance at times rather than endearing.
Great post. Our blog post are very similar today. We have realized our purpose as well, and come to learn that sometimes even the most tragic events in our lives are used by God to place us upon a track of life that will Glorify Him. We are learning sometimes has to completely break us in order refine us. To chip away the bad part of our lives to make room for the good. You and Chad are such Godly inspirations.
Hey Sarah,
I have been so blessed by your blog in the past few days (I am new here!) I am struggling to find my purpose these days and constantly in prayer that God would reveal himself to me and my husband and help us to see that the hurt and pain CAN have purpose and CAN be folded into His greater story of redemption.
Will you and your husband be doing any speaking engagements in the OC area anytime soon? I would really love for my husband and I to be able to hear God speak through you guys.
So appreciate you…
Jessica
Purpose – my purpose in life…this is something I have been thinking about alot lately. I dont know the answer yet. But I am listening.
I found you through Lisa Leonard’s blog; her son and my daughter have the same syndrome.
5 years ago, before I had my two kids, I would have said that I completely knew what my God-given purpose was. I was a high-school teacher in the inner city, and I KNOW that God used me powerfully to touch many lives. That was my purpose at that time.
But now I’m an at-home mom with an almost 3-year-old and a special-needs baby …
What I thought about when I read your post was about my own blog. Just a mommy blog, but since Emma, there are many, many people reading it who I don’t know in real life.
I am SO up-front about my faith on my blog and I’m frequently told that people are blessed by our journey.
But am I using this “blog-fog” internet community as some sort of unhealthy escape? Or is this truly God “expanding my territory”? I try every day to keep that balance!
I’m quite sure my purpose right now is tied to the beautiful gift God gave me when he gave me Emma, but discernment in this area is hard, amen?
Thanks for all you write! God bless you!
A friend’s husband left her. He has been having an affair. The woman he was having an affair with has left the country. I know he will probably follow her. His wife doesn’t know. He is my husband’s boss. He is in Christian leadership. His attitude has changed. He says he is seeking God’s will. He used to treat my husband with respect. He has become a liar. A bad one. I don’t know how to do this. I have prayed. WE have prayed. My friends have prayed. I’m thankful for your blog. It has helped me understand a little better. Thank you.
I talked to someone this morning who said you helped her recently.
Redemption in its purest form, Mrs. Markley. Pure and sweet redemption.
the body of Christ at work. love that.
Sarah-I am SO thankful for this post. My husband is having a tough day at work. He is the CEO and is having to make some tough personnel decisions. Today God has called me to PRAY for my man. God is showing me that I was meant for Ben, to support him when he desperately needs a place to fall. A place that is safe, secure and HOME. I am so thankful for God’s provision.
I prayed for you this last weekend that things would go well.
I love you two so much and know that He is just starting to reveal His plans for want the enemy meant for evil…It has only just begun! Let the games begin my darling.
Loving you and looking forward to seeing you in about a months time.
I’ve just got nothing to say. This is beautiful…
I cannot get over how you both have embraced the grace bestowed upon you, and how you are moved to share. You guys seem like such good, real, people.
This has been my quest lately…to find my purpose. I have a general idea, but want more. I also want to find what my husband and I are meant to do together since I know we will complement each other as far as our giftings go. Thank you for another wonderful, thought provoking post.
amazing!
yesterday i had the chance to talk to 100 kids at northview hs in covina about Jesus!
i briefly told 4 stories ab out “choosing” and what a huge difference our choosing makes each day.
the stories i took the most time with were the story of Jesus & the “young rich guy” who walked away sadly from Jesus, because he didn’t want to walk with Jesus to life…and the story of a turning point in your mom’s & my courtship.
from the moment i woke up yesterday…all day long, my heart “sat” inside those stories…i realized what a different (& better) guy i am now than then…because i have been choosing your mom every day all day!
i’m richer too now…i have you, chad, charity, hope, naomi & my girl!
love you,
dad
we just talked about this last night at our small group. i posed a similar question.. does our purpose change by the choices we make or are we detoured and come back on the path of our original purpose?
i am learning that i was created for a purpose, i just don’t know if i clearly see my purpose yet. in the last month or so my eyes are being opened. between our small group study and the study lance and i are doing with some teens on sunday nights at our house – i am learning and being convicted.