I know her ears get hot and it becomes hard to hear the teacher.
I know her back feels tingly and that she can’t control the expression on her face or the tears that begin in the corner of her eyes when Logan says what he says to her every day.
“You’re mean!” he whispers under his breath as she walks by his desk.
Unprovoked. Uncensored. Unecessary.
And a little inncuous to adult ears. The label of “mean” by an eight-year-old is hardly comparable to other curse words she could be called. Still, she panics. She reacts to the word, the attack, as most little girls would — without the benefit of perspective.
She can’t see past today and how now feels. All she feels is the welling up of grief that fills her to the top and in her mind she doesn’t know when that pain will end. She forgets that in ten minutes Logan’s insult will be a faraway memory.
When I was 14 my boyfriend broke up with me.
(And this is the boy I wasn’t even supposed to be dating but we were together anyway.)
Hot tears. Angry tears. Alone tears. All of a sudden I’m abandoned and I begin to panic. I shrieked into a pillow on my mother’s sofa, “I CAN’T LIVE ANY LONGER!!!”
Seems silly, right? I know. It’s still silly 20 years later.
But that afternoon on my mother’s sofa I couldn’t see past the pain of the moment. The grief was entirely real, expected and valid. Just like my daughter’s horror when the boy at school calls her names. But nothing is as bad with the proper perspective.
It’s the four o’clock in the morning phone call. No one calls at four am so there must be something horribly wrong.
It’s the letter that comes in the mail from one person who you know would rather see you burn in hell than see you face to face.
It’s the huge bill that arrives that you weren’t counting on. Panic.
It’s when a friend calls you and says, “I don’t know the right way to say this, but…”
Panic.
But here’s the perspective: You can get through ANYthing. You can.
You can walk through a parent’s death. Through divorce. Through rejection. Through cancer. Through miscarriage. Through infertility. You can get through it. It may be the hardest thing you have EVER done, but you can get through it. It won’t last forever. Nothing does.
How do I know this? How can I say these things??
Because He is able when we are not. He is strong when we are weak. He is Peace when we are Panic. He is Faith when we are Faithless.
He is the same One who calms the worried seven-year-old girl and soothes the mother who’s baby has died, who holds the hand of the abused woman and searches out the kidnapped.
God is able to sustain us, each one of us, and BE the perspective that we lack.
Do you panic? Do you have trouble gaining perspective?
Oh, Sarah, good stuff. I have had a year or transitions and watched numerous dear friends walk through unimaginable junk. And yet with God sustaining us, we have walked through it. I think I’ll share thus with my two teenage sons who are reluctant to embrace our move from the only home they’ve known.
Sarah…you seem to always know my struggles! My initial reaction to problems, trials, difficulties is always a panicky feeling in my heart and in the pit of my stomach! Eventually I come around to the truth of God’s Word that He NEVER leaves or forsakes me. But…my true desire is to turn that initial panic into a peaceful calm in the midst of the storm. Thankfully my husband has that peaceful calm initially…so I feed off of him…but I desire to be that peaceful and calm person! Thanks for the reminder…love this that you wrote: Because He is able when we are not. He is strong when we are weak. He is Peace when we are Panic. He is Faith when we are Faithless. You are a blessing!
Sarah,
Thank you for writing this today. It is exactly what I needed to hear!
GOOOOOOD Stuff this morning sweet Sarah……..
I have been reading your blog for a few months but this is my first time leaving a comment. I start every morning being inspired by your thoughts and this post is such a good reminder, especially now when times are tough. Thank you for reminding us that He will always be there, because you are so right, He can help us get through anything even when it feels unimaginable. It’s important for us to be a living testament to His love. Thank you, Sarah and God bless you!
wonderfully said!
Where I run to when panic or anxiety strikes – pull out the armor!!
pslam 27:1Of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation–whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid?
Phil 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
turn worries/panic into prayers…
Just Sunday as I watched a harried young mother with an infant who won’t let her mommy out of her sight I remembered when my son was like that. Then I recalled a letter I received in the mail. It was from a mom of a teenager who noticed the clinginess of my baby and my harried state. She reminded me, oh so gently, she knew what it was like and to enjoy it because this too shall pass. It put it into perspective just like your post this morning. Thanks.
And, yes, my first reaction is usually panic for just a moment. Then the Lord bring His word to mind and I have to calm down. He’s good like that.
It is wonderful to think that the same Comforter can soothe all of those needs. Thank you for the post.
I needed this this morning–I’m 36 weeks pregnant and have been getting monitored due to low amniotic fluid and I’ve let my mind go to places I should;t in sheer panic mode–thank you for this reminder. I’ll carry these words with me as we go to the hospital this afternoon to check on our girl.
Enjoyed the post. It’s so important to build the foundation of your relationship with God during the “easier” times so when there is a panic time you are on solid ground. Thanks for sharing!
Sarah ~ For the past six months I have been learning about how not to panic! I don’t show it on the outside but on the inside I can easily fall apart. I learned how to do that a long time ago… this was a good reminder for me to check my perspective!
I struggle with perspective, even now I’m in my 30’s.
The things my kids panic about though helps me see more clearly though.
Thia is a great post! Thank you.
Whew. The Lord knew I needed to be reminded of that. Have been sitting here at work at my computer with a heavy heart and tears. Recently lost my husband of 13 yrs over to infidelity and homosexuality.Just came through a nasty storm of divorce. The court system failed me and failed my children. I am now a struggling single Mom of 2 children and have to watch my ex-spouse make terrible lifestyle decisions that impact both kids. Last night I discovered that my 16 yr old is infatuated with a girl that will NOT point him to Christ. You name it, she’s into it and even denounces Christ and would like to change her name to “Synner”. So, last night my world was spinning out of control and I cried out to the Lord.I cannot keep my ex-spouse from moving from one place to the next and living with different men–taking my daughter with him every other weekend and I cannot(no matter how hard I will continue to try)keep my son away from what the ‘world’ has to offer. Last night was Panic. Last night was faithless. Today I CHOOSE to trust God.
*You CAN get through anything. Thanking my Lord that he has never left my side through this nightmare.
praying for you Whitney.
I totally relate to this post!
If I had known in advance the type of year I was going to experience this past year, I would not have been able to handle it. But God has brought me and my husband through death of loved ones, a miscarriage, a stressful and scary job transition, financial hardship, heartbreaking church transition, and family heartache. I have had so many “panic moments” this past year but the more and more I had, the more I realized I would get through it…that it would end.
I am so ready to embrace this last month of the year rejoicing that I am stronger than I was last December and more mature in the Lord (hopefully!)
You have a beautiful way of putting such widespread emotion into the perfect words, Sarah; thank you!
heidi: i love that attitude. i don’t think i would have the same attitude if i’d encountered the same things. wow. the comments today are amazing me and humbling me. thank you so much for sharing this today.
Thank you for writing this. i had ironically just sent out this tweet “praying for grace to get through this day. woke up very very emotional and overwhelmed. Asking God to be my strength.” and then clicked into my reader to read this.
I am sitting in starbucks crying because it spoke so deeply to my heart today. to my spirit…to me. thank you.
Sarah,
Wow…I so needed to read these words today. I do have trouble finding perspective. When the fire comes, it feels like it will ALWAYS be this way, I will never survive etc. BUT as each trial comes, God is teaching me about his unwaivering faithfullness and how He sustains us. Love you:)
I loved this post Sarah. God has had to teach me about this very lesson the past 14 years of my 15 years of marriage as we’ve had to lay down the dreams of children and embrace the childless life God has called us too. How I’ve made it through totally has to do with perspective. Now I don’t cry about my life anymore, but rejoice in the perks of a child-free life… something I never thought I’d ever be able to do!
God bless you for sharing such poignant thoughts.
I wake up each time my husband moves at night to make sure he is still there. I am still not sure he wont leave me.
I panic when he is angry – going into a turmoil of fear = desperatly trying to pull him back to me and calm him.
I panic when the house is dirty because it stresses him out
I panic when I am in groups of people and my husband isnt there to make me feel safe.
I panic when I drive at night and the lights are running together and there are lots of cars and I have to make a decision – especially if I am driving my husband. Will I shift the car wrong, will I be in the wrong lane..will I break wrong…the list of things I am afraid of doing wrong is very long.
I panic at review time at work – i hate writing personal reviews and hate getting a review even worse.
I dont panic when I am with my children – I am a good mother
I dont panic with I am with my parents or my sister.
I dont panic at church…
i want to remember this when i panic!
Panicking is so darn easy for me. Things are never as bad as I fear. After so long trusting God you’d think I could remember that.
Thank you for this, Sarah. It about made me cry. I’m still waiting for that Peace in the Panic etc. But He is completely and totally faithful, able, and strong. It just took, and is taking, really hard times to show me those things so that I will believe them beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Thank you for your words. So true. In the years since my very unexpected miscarriage, through the grief, I’ve come to understand that God is bigger. It doesn’t matter what we’re facing or going through, God is BIGGER. That helps me.
This is a brilliant post. Sweet girl, you have a way of putting my heart into words.
Love you
Sarah this post was so good. I worry so much about the things I can’t control. Worrying and thinking “what if” all the time…and forgetting just how in control God really is. That regardless what I may experience in my life..that I will get through it. Because He is there. When I lost our very first baby at 11 weeks in utero..He was there. When I thought my marriage was over..He was there.
Thank you for your words.
As someone who is prone to panicking… this speaks to me deeply. Thank you – I need to keep this in the back of my head, always!
Exactly what I needed today, Sarah. Thank you for the gentle reminders that we are not alone and that we will get through it, whatever “it” may be.
Thanks for writing this today. I needed to read it today.
Thank You Sarah. I was already crying when I sat and read your email and with words of inspiration, It was just what I needed to hear….that I would get through what put those tears in my eyes today.
Wow…panic. Hate it.
I began having panic attacks about 9 months after my mom died. She fought a four month battle with adrenal cancer. Three years ealier my grandfather commited suicide. Four years prior to that my closest uncle was killed in a single vehicle accident. A string of events that were only supposed to happen to other people…not to me.
I dealt fairly well with the loss of my uncle and grandfather, but Mom was my best friend. I think her death was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. I began to be afraid of who I’d lose next. If my mom could die, then so could my husband or son. If God let mom die, then….
Satan persuaded me to forget that God is God and that I didn’t need to know everything about all situations. I still struggle with fear sometimes, but I can honestly say that my God is faithful to me in everything and at all times. I love Him more now than I did before. He is my source and my refuge. Any panic or fear I experience is straight from the pit of hell and is not WHO I am or what I will become…it’s just another attack from Satan and a battle he won’t win.
wow kim. what amazing perspective in the face of so much loss. you are such an example. thank you for sharing with us.
Panic is such a helpless feeling. There’s nothing you can do to change the situation that you’re in. You have no control. You have no champion.
I panicked last night when my husband and I had a fight.
It’s amazing how much of my confidence is wrapped up in his approval of me. Amazing when healthy…debilitating when it’s not.
Thanks for helping me refocus on the Lord.
Sarah, that was an amazing post. It is so true. We definitely underestimate our strength and our courage. Thank you for reminding us of that. xoxo
This has been one of the roughest years of my life. I am still able to look at my life and feel very blessed. But, it feels too much at times. Thanks for this beautiful post. It really spoke to me today…
“Because He is able when we are not. He is strong when we are weak. He is Peace when we are Panic. He is Faith when we are Faithless.” LOVE THIS!!!
one of things i admire most about my mom is that she is a rock in hard situations she doesn’t panic or get stressed out. i have learned from watching her.
i can handle big things but i tend to panic over little things. things that don’t matter. i definitely need to gain perspective and focus on what really matters.
thanks sarah!
I SO relate to this post… I’m truly one of the most even-keeled people. Always have been. But there was a moment in college when I was dealing with this illness when all the panic I’d ever tried not to have in all my life hit me all at once. I wrote about it here: http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/2008/06/panic.html
But I honestly am glad it happened, because if it hadn’t happened I don’t think I would have learned how to get perspective. I think I had to be truly terrified in order to let it go. Give it to Him. Learn how to “be” no matter the circumstances.
God is Peace when I am Panic — that is so true in my life. I am constantly learning how to allow God to give me peace, when quite honestly, I would rather be FREAKING OUT!
Thanks for the reminder of what God is trying to break through my hard head.
After going through the real pleasant post attendant, I went through some of your old work. I also brought you to my favorites. Preserve the good work. Wish to learn more from you in the future.