“Are you going to get married someday?” I ask my three-year-old.
She scrunches up two little eyes and a nose in disgust and stomps, “NO!”
“But what if it’s Prince Charming?” I ask, hoping to memory-jog the recent emergence of Prince Charming and Snow White in our video library.
She thinks, relaxes her face and asks, “Is he three?” Apparently an age near hers and a proclivity for watching Strawberry Shortcake top her demand list for a future husband.
However, my older daughter wants to get married. In facial distortions and hand gestures she answers all of my questions.
“Who are you going to marry, sweetheart?” I ask her.
She motions wildly hoping I’ll understand without making her answer with real words. “Oh, I know.” I tell her, “Garrett, right?”
Her face lights up at the mention of a playmate she’s known since she was 4 months old in the nursery at church. I want her to tell me her reasons.
“Because we’ve…” and then she uses her hands in an elaborate pantomime of
I
have
no
idea.
Oh no! I hope she’s not saying they’ve KISSED!
Evenly I ask her to explain. “Because we LOVE EACH OTHER!” she half-whispers, obviously embarrassed by having to talk to me at all about it.
Well, now that we have that settled, I think.
I guess Garrett is her Prince Charming. Through almost eight-year-old eyes he’s everything she could ever want, most of all the perfect Star Wars conversationalist and Wii opponent. And that’s okay with me as long as he grows up to love God more than her.
A lot can happen in the next 13 years.
But in reality, Prince Charming is a fake. He’s a tenor-voiced opera singer who waits around(only God knows where) for Snow White (or Cinderella – two timer?) while she gets chased into the forest by the knife-wielding huntsman, is abandoned in a house with 7 tiny men and falls for the witch’s evil apple. All by herself. Where is he when the dwarves and forest animals are mourning her death around the glass coffin?
I know, I know. He eventually comes around, kisses her (morning breath) mouth and she wakes up. All is well, a song is sung and she dances off with a giant diamond on her hand.
It doesn’t happen like that, right? There are good men. Amazing men. Men who adore God and serve Him first, treat their wives well and are great fathers. But even they burp at dinner and leave their jeans in piles around the bedroom.
So how do we prepare our children with high expectations for their future spouses, but at the same time not perpetuate a lie that life will be roses and singing squirrels after they say “I do”?
What do you think?
Tags: children, marriage, parenting, Prince Charming, Snow White
” And that’s okay with me as long as he grows up to love God more than her.”
We have to teach them that this is the most important quality when choosing a mate.
I think that we need to teach our kids what real love is. Real love is a choice that we make daily. It is choosing to be selfless to my husband today and to put his needs and wants before my own. Real love is NOT the infatuation we feel the first few months of our relationship. Real love is not what they show on TV or what we read in fairy tale books. Real love is sometimes hard but always worth it!
You have an easier task than I in this manner: YOU SIMPLY LIVE IT. I must take pains to point out not only the goodness in the men they admire, but to respectfully point out the flaws so that mine do not grow up with that distorted image of perfection that we as adults sometimes even see when we view other people’s lives. As a married mom, though, you simply live. They see their dad’s flaws and (hopefully) your respect for him in spite of them.
The next part, we as parents struggle with equally no matter our marital status. We must teach our girls to love God above all else so that they have a chance of finding a God-loving man. “A woman’s heart should bo so lost in God that a man must seek Him to find her.”
I think Tricia is right on…we have three daughters and they are absorbing things by example. How my husband and I relate, the way we talk together, the way we smile, hug, and laugh, and unfortunately also sometimes the way we use an irritated tone, or have to retreat to the bedroom to “discuss” things. Though our daughters are young, we already are teaching them the importance of marrying someone who loves Jesus. My girls LOVE the princess stories too, but I think instinctively they know that real life doesn’t work out “just so” all the time. In fact, because of sin, real life will never really work out until we get to heaven.
By the way, have you ever thought of the Snow White story in spiritual terms? The analogy breaks down eventually, but there are some similarities like Snow White waiting faithfully for her beloved, like us waiting for Christ’s return, then she “dies” and only he has the power to bring her to life again because of his love, and he takes her off to his castle in the sky…when we watch this with our girls we always talk about how that’s how it will be when Jesus comes back for us!
Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Based on my own experience, I would say what I saw modeled in my parents marriage made the biggest impact…much more than anything I was ever told. I didn’t realize how much what I had seen growing up would influence my expectations until I was married and they all started coming out. I also think it’s like that post you had a while back…if we just show our girls Jesus and His love for them, and they are loving and following Him, then everything else will just work out. And prayer, of course! Lots of prayer
Our parents can positively or negatively teach us about marriage. In my case, my parents did not give me a healthy picture of marriage…and unfortunately I unknowningly brought that into my marriage.
Those of us who are learning as we go and trusting God to help us overcome the negative influence of our “role models”…the task of teaching and modeling healthy relationships to our kids can be daunting…and filled with a lot of mistakes.
I pray that my girls will learn from my mistakes and that one day I will be able to model to them a healthy marriage.
‘A woman’s heart should be so deeply buried in God, that the prospective husband should first go through God to get to her.’
Something I strive to live by with as a 20-year-old who’s never been on a date before…
this is such a good question! especially because we want to teach kids to have really high standards, but to also realize that every good marriage has it’s struggles and rough patches. i also agree that the strongest method of teaching is modeling. kids learn this by watching their parents or other couples living this out, and by watching people who aren’t married date and find a husband in an honorable way.
Pondering the excat same thing
We just got Pres a Disney collection of the Princess books…Coincidentally, I was reading Snow White to her last night and felt the strong desire (and tried) to explain how “happily ever after” isn’t really and how Jesus is the only thing that makes you truly happy…all this explanation to a 2 1/2 year old!
Since my sons were young, whenever the subject of girls came up, I’ve always mentioned the quality of godliness FIRST. I hope that my boys know that is the #1 quality to look for. And I pray that as they continue through these teenage years, they can look past the distractions of the world and are drawn to young women with hearts that are passionate for God.
I know a certain three year old boy who can handle a Strawberry Shortcake marathon with style. And he’s already smitten with a certain three year old who lives with you. Just sayin.
Hi Sarah,
My husband & I talk about this often (we have 2 girls) and I think the most important thing is their relationship with #1 God and for practical reasons their dad. I think we tend to think about our Heavenly Father the way we think about our earthly dads. I also think they learn what to expect from boys from watching how their dad treats me and how he treats them. My role is to show them what to expect from boys by what I expect from my husband, I LOVE how you pointed out that he should love God more than me, that would be my #1 expectation!
Thank you.
Love-Oly
What kind of guy leaves his jeans on the floor and doesn’t put them away!!
At first thought I would LOVE to be the perfect Prince Charming for you. But after really thinking it through, it would be bad! If I were able to meet all your emotional and physical needs it would put me in the place of God in your life. The same would happen if you were the perfect “Cinderella”!
I don’t think the idea of “falling short” Man’s failure in the Garden. I believe that in the Garden of Eden, as perfect as Adam and Eve were, the relationship and provision of God was still necessary and paramount in both of their lives.
So, we both agree we aren’t perfect. This puts in a perfect place to have our needs met by a God that IS perfect. We will teach this to our girls by modeling the life of submission to our Savior.
Hmmm, I guess it would be by allowing them to “see” our marriage. I mean, if we live a true life and not as if we are Snow White & Prince Charming in public’s view, then be like two uninterested people who are just cohabitating, behind closed doors, our children will have a real understanding of what marriage really is like.
I’m not saying that we should include them in our disagreements or point out the jeans on the floor and so on, but just be real about it. Does that make sense?
smooches,
Larie
I was a reading a post yesterday (and forgive me because right now I can’t remember who wrote it) about how a lot of our favorite movies – CHICK FLICKS – set us up for disappointment in our romantic relationships because they paint a picture of a perfect guy… and a perfect love… that simply doesn’t exist. I’ve yet to find a man as flawless and romantic as some of the characters in these movies I love, but thankfully I’m wise enough to know that life doesn’t usually turn out like the movies.
When it comes to our kids, I like to think that we set the best example we can in our own relationships. I think it’s important for kids to see that we don’t always get along. Sometimes we disagree and occasionally we outright argue, but in the end we’re committed to the marriage and each other, and we work hard to get through the hard times.
The most important thing we can hope for is that the mate they choose, even if he or she falls short of the expectations set by these crazy movies, loves God and puts Him first. Because if that happens, I think it’s highly likely that everything else will fall in line. At least, that’s my prayer!
sarah i love you ….as garretts aunt i will personally pound him if her ever hurts any woman! but that it a while from now … what my mother did with us three girls was simple she told us to try to find our father in our “prince charmings” and it seems to have worked for morgan,she has found hers and he loves God and her and he fits into our crazy family like a glove and when I look at him and see how he treats her in her weakest moments and I see the love and compassion that my dad has twords my mother. Brian is like a brother to me and Makenzie and we both feel that he is another great example of a GODLY AND GOD FEARING MAN. Another rule my mom gave us what that he had to be approved by the brothers (as well as her and dad) and at this point morgan got the easy way out she only had to get two too like brian but now makenzie and I have 3! coming from recent personal experience I NOW see what she ment by the first and most important rule… they might say things but do they really mean it? Im 19 going on 20 and still waiting on my prince charming to come sweep me off of my feet but I just repeat to my self that its in His timing and I can see that i am not ready yet i just want the name and the emotional benifits but I now know my standards even more clearly and I need to give him time to beable to hit the high bar!
That has got to be hard to explain!! I know my vision of prince charming at that age, isn’t the man I ended up with… He’s more! Thanks to a million and one reasons!
loved the discussion here. something i’m praying about daily!