Talking to Myself

I’m famous for browsing without purchasing: picking up items from a store, walking around with them for the duration of my arc around the displays and then replacing each item one by one before I leave. I put down the spatula I don’t need, the pan I can’t afford and the candle that is on clearance but not the right color.

I talk myself out of it.

Maybe it’s a good thing when it comes to buying (or not buying) things from Williams Sonoma.

But sometimes I talk myself out of doing things I need to. Because right now I’m sitting in Starbucks and just hit “send” on an email that I didn’t want to send.

I needed to address something that had happened that had hurt me. And I didn’t really make a big deal.  I just sent a simple email that explained my hurt (not anger), and my confusion (not bitterness).  If the person had been in my circle of immediate reach I would have asked them to have coffee.

But, being impossible to talk in person, I sent an email (one step above a text and two steps below a phone call).  I hate the emotional distance that the written word (vs. the spoken word) can carry.  My currency is the written word so I did the best I could.

I wrote from where I was.

Hurt, but not angry.

Confused but not bitter.

I even sent it to my husband for him to edit.  And then I looked it over once again. I clicked send quickly before I could talk myself out of it.

But I did it.

It wasn’t about getting an apology or an explanation, or even about me feeling resolved.  It was something that needed to be done and I was avoiding it.  I jumped into it, I didn’t talk myself out of it and I did the hard thing.  Because it would have been easy to let this roll into Internet oblivion and never address it.

[note that I often do NOT do the hard thing: I avoid doing the dishes and cleaning the playroom on a regular basis]

The side effects?  I do feel a lot better.  I got a very nice and apologetic email from the person. And I conquered a few mini fears: the someone-getting-mad-at-me fear and the what-will-this-person-think fear.

It was one little step on the road to began a habit of forcing myself to do a hard thing.

Maybe I should stop off on the way home and buy a spatula.

What are you talking yourself out of doing that you KNOW you need to do?

Comments

  1. says

    Hello Sarah, I love this one, because I struggle with the same things, the someone getting mad at me, and the what will this person think fears…. God has been helping me get over these fears, but sometimes I wonder if they will ever totally leave me be. In those situations I also would rather just let things go, than say what needs said.

  2. says

    This is so what I do. From the walking around Target putting back things to the talking myself in and out and in and back out of how to or even if I should address situations.

    Sigh.

    This will be reflected, but not obsessed, over all day.

  3. says

    im so glad to hear you talk to yourself because i do too! :) i also will have picked up many things i dont need from the store only to really purchase half of it. :)

    i have been thinking about this similar thing recently. facing things i dont want to face!

    its hard. i would rather not!!!!!!!

    but i have found that when i do, i grow!

    easier said than done!

  4. Cathy Westley says

    this post really hit my heart…

    i do the exact thing in stores…the longer im in the store, the less i buy (if anything). i have faced difficult things, one thing in particular, that i have addressed but got no results. i have learned to depend on God to help me past these tough things that i don’t understand. as long as i let Him, He takes the pain away. as soon as i take back the issue, the pain comes back. im trying to let God have it all the time, but its hard. the one thing that God has taught me during the difficult times is that i need to pray and let Him lead me. im trying to grow and mature and think before acting and im learning. its hard and its painful but i am learning…

  5. says

    Too bad I didn’t read this earlier this morning – I need to clean the house! I’ve let the cluttery stuff get out of control and allowed clean clothes to sit around folded but not put away. I really need to just do it, but I haven’t.

    Good for you – I’m glad you made a good decision today to do what you needed to do! I praise the Lord for His Grace in that matter.

    Thanks for the GREAT post!!!! Julie

  6. says

    I am SUCH a people pleaser– something I am really working through with God’s grace. In the past, before I sent an email, or asked a question, or reached out for help, I obsessed over how I thought it would be received; and often didn’t move forward due to my own fear or rejection or condemnation.

    I have learned to seek God’s counsel in a lot of these areas, so if I have that uneasy feeling, I try to determine with His guidance whether that feeling is just the “crazies” talking in my head, or whether He is telling me to hold back for a reason.

    Great post, and I am proud you were brave enough to hit send!!

    Blessings,
    Lindsey

  7. Susan says

    I generally talk myself out of working out if I am not scheduled to teach. Thank-you again for sharing. I have been blessed with your insite.

  8. Heather says

    I am still stuck on yesterday’s post on losing the last 10, I mean 15 pounds of baby weight. Hit me right in the gut…….in more ways then 1.

  9. says

    I need to stop telling myself that I am not losing weight because I am gaining muscle…and just adjust my diet already! That or double my running. I think I will scrap the potato chips and chocolate.

  10. says

    I’ve been learning to address issues better this year, too. It’s hard. It’s a risk. I’m glad you gathered the courage and hit the “send” button. :)

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