I think I’m more of a rule breaker than a rule follower, but that’s not why I felt like I ought to respond to this post. What resonated most for me was your statement, “The consequences I thought would fall like an executioner’s axe weren’t falling.” I’ve spent years alternately rationalizing away and repressing my bad behavior, but I often wished that the consequences I deserved would finally happen, because I was too weak to completely put an end to the words, thoughts, and actions that were jeopardizing my RELATIONSHIPS with God and my husband. Today though, after a close friend/accountability partner helped me make the decision that I’ve known for years that I have to make but have avoided for just as long, I cut off all contact with the person with whom I was having an affair. (The physical affair ended a while ago, but I kept up the emotional affair.) I’ve become so accustomed to the feelings and habits that go along with this person that ceasing that relationship was/is harder than I could have imagined, but I know that my soul is at stake, and that I have to commit myself 100% to making my relationships with God and my husband my primary priorities.

I’ve been seeing a Christian counselor for almost a year now to figure out what this affair is all about – what’s going on within me and with my relationship with my husband that I was somehow capable of behaving so horribly for years- and to deal with all the anxiety I have associated with it, and that’s helping. But I wanted to write to say that reminders of what’s most important – God’s Greatest Commandment – such as those you share on your blog are priceless and cannot be heard too often, and to thank you for them. Life is about more than following rules, it’s about relationships and submitting to God’s will for me not only because it’s right and what He commands, but because it’s what He wants as my Lover and Savior and the only thing that can bring me true peace. Finally, finally, I’ve embraced the realization that that is precisely what I’ve been coveting all along, and that although abandoning my past behaviors and comforts hurts, His Love will surround me through all of my fears and doubts. If I let His Word be my guide, my relationship with Him and pleasing Him through my marriage will become my one obsession. And although it seems unrelated, another aspect of my story that shows God’s grace in my life is that my husband and I recently experienced a miscarriage (first pregnancy), which was almost unbearably painful for me, but it’s led me to become more committed to adopting a child, and the mere idea of this fills me with joy.

Praise God – how amazing that He not only loves us, He gives us second chances to appreciate the blessings He gives us even when we’ve taken them for granted!

I know I’ve been too wordy – another bad habit – but thanks again for your story and the time you’ve devoted to this blog, and I appreciate any prayers you (or readers/commenters) can offer.