When I was a little girl I witnessed the aftermath of one of my uncles in an accident with a chainsaw.
I looked from inside the protection of the house and peered out through a tall window. I saw him come around the side of the house with a white towel around his hand, now soaked with blood. They were going to take him to the hospital and I would stay home with the rest of the family members. That was the first time I remember my stomach feeling queasy at the sight of blood.
But that was an exception, because with normal everyday emergencies, I click into action mode. I take care of the problem.
When a little girl disobeys her mother and splits her chin on the cement in the yard, I don’t scream. I quickly get ice and a towel to stop the bleeding and calmly call my husband to meet us at the Urgent Care.
When one of my girls wakes up unable to take a breath with a bronchial attack just a hair this side of asthma, I jump out of bed, locate the nebulizer and administer the breathing treatment on the bathroom floor while she’s falling back asleep in my lap. I don’t get upset, I just act.
When my water broke in a restaurant bathroom 8 years ago with my first daughter, I walked quickly and directly back to table where my husband and friends sat and informed them we needed to go to the hospital. NOW.
The fear and tears might come later, but these are all manageable stresses.
What about the bigger things?
When the 3 inch stack of papers comes from the attorney that took Chad all of 9 minutes to decipher. “They’re suing us” was all he could say as his face crumpled into his hands,
When our marriage falls apart in the space of an hour and I don’t know if he’s taking our little girl forever; when I understand the only way back is to crawl back bare-kneed through broken glass,
When there is death close, or disease nearer or a lost future,
These are the things that constrict my chest, catch my breath in my throat and close it with and turn my intestines inside out like gravity. These are the things that let me hear my heart in my ears and wrestle a sob back to the floor.
The Big Stress. The Unending Pressure. The Semi-Suffering. This is what makes me faint at the sight of blood and reminds me of a red-soaked bath towel.
But the older I creep, the more I feel like I’m able to treat the bigger problems like the everyday emergencies. Because the world watches us. They see what they do with our pain, circle around us even, watching to see if we crumble.
Anyone can handle a split lip or a broken tooth with grace, but what about the bigger things? Can everyone stand up under a disintegrating marriage? A death? A drawn out illness?
The fact is, Christ-followers have more at their disposal to handle pain and suffering than anyone else on earth. One might even argue that we were designed for it.
The way we face head-on, stand with feet dug-in, set our shoulders to gracefully handle the weight of suffering or pain is a louder and more effective message than anything we can ever say.
Do you faint? Or do you handle trials with grace? In the past? Lately?
i love this post.
lately, i have made up [sort of] my ‘life plan’. or at least for this summer, and i loooove my plan. but i keep thinking that maybe it will turn out just the opposite.
i thought about this. and i saw it.
the peace, the quiet spirit. i had and have peace.
like you said. i have more at my disposal to deal with the unexpected.
of course, my ‘summer plan’ is nothing compared with real pain and suffering and crisis and all the other things. but it’s the little things that are preparing me for when the Big Stress will pop its head behind the door or when the Great Suffering will push my limits.
then i’ll know i will not faint. i shall deal with them with grace, placing them all in the hands of the One that can do so much more than i can or even ask.
it all starts from the little things for me.
[don't know if this makes sense or not, or if it is even what you meant when you wrote the post, but this are the thoughts that piped up in my head while i was reading it]
I love LOVE L.O.V.E.this post. This past year has been the hardest of my life. Not because there have been a plethora of “emergencies” or occurrences where I could “faint at the site of blood” but its just been a slow progression of overwhelming change. I thrust myself into a completely different life. I would love to say that I handled it as well as the premature birth of my daughter, or the late night ER run when my daughter at h1n1. However…I haven’t. I’m better with the site of blood…than I am with cleaning up the mess left after the accident. This post encourages me to calm down and make it through the slow, painful, discouraging times.
Oh Sarah you take my breath away with this post. God has been all around me with the word GRACE today. That is exactly what this post means to me……we get through with GRACE, we show strength when we think we can’t through GRACE, we come out on the other side of something we thought we couldn’t through GRACE, we are saved by GRACE and we live by GRACE.
Oh what an AWESOME GOD we serve and who loves us and carries us.
Oh, it so varies, unfortunately! I was blessed with great strength and perserverance when we learned our first son would be born and die…9 months and beyond of strength…from the Lord alone…then I crumble and yell at the little things my kids do sometimes..things sooo not worthy of it, for goodness sake! I need to cling more. That’s the only solution. CLING!!! Help me, Lord!
Wow. Timely.
I was “fainting” two and a half years ago, a year ago, four months ago. My mother-in-law has taught me some very good, very hard lessons over this span of time. I have learned what it means to be ever faithful in prayer. I have learned not to faint and to pray my way through, pray my husband through. Life is so hard! Blood pales in comparison to the things we do to one another and how hard it is to come back to center and move on!
Thanks for your wonderful words and incredible heart!
Jessica
Wonderful post! I so appreciate your words- they are an encouragement to me everyday.
I KNOW this place you write so eloquently about.
What keeps me from fainting?
The precious fact that we are beautifully, wonderfully, completely covered in the sweet blood of Jesus, pouring out of Him, FOR US.
Blessings,
Lindsey
Oh how insightful, I see you understand. I used to faint, fall apart and feel ill at the sight or thought of trouble. Not blood but documents, news, windowpaned mail, harsh words, hard feelings, troubles, failing marriage, you know. . .life. After many years of trusting Him, I’m getting better. I stand at the mountain – looming ahead blocking my way – then I look back at all the victories, mounds over which I’ve climed and I say: “He has been faithful and powerful enough to deliver me from those then surely he can move this one too.”
I used to be really scared of blood and had a tendency to faint at the sight (and even thought) of it. Not so much now because by Christ’s blood, I am saved and washed clean. No need to fear it.
I was saved around the time my mother passed away a few years ago. She was in and out of the hospital during her last year and spent the last three weeks in ICU. It was then that I realized I was stronger than I thought. I think it was only because while she was unconcious, my sister and I were by her bedside taking turns reading the bible to her. Whether she heard us or not, I’d never know. But I know I was holding on to God’s hand during that time. So the reading was not only for her but also for me. That’s when the strength came from. I haven’t let go since…
The day I filed a missing person report for my son, the Lord reminded me “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. We have been living that out for almost 5 years now and He has given us strength to live each day. I could not survive without Jesus in my life, He is truly an amazing God.
You write so beautifully. My heart resonates with your post – it’s tough to hang in there and not just fall apart sometimes, but we do have others watching how we handle the really tough stuff.
What an eloquent post. I used to get sick at the sight of blood, but every since having kids, that’s gone away. Every since having kids I think the selfish part of me that wants to faint and hide at everything that goes wrong has gone away and left a woman who needs to be stronger.
It’s no coincidence that my faith has also grown stronger since having children.
Lovely post.
the big things make me hug Jesus more…
it’s the little things that get me…for a moment…
funny…eh?
love,
dad
Lovely.
11 years ago I had to tell my brothers and other co-workers our cousin had been killed that morning in a hunting accident. I had to suck up the tears/shock and be there for my aunt, my mom, my brother and tears did not come until after the funeral. I held on to Jesus as a new babe in Christ during that time.
1 1/2 years ago I found my widowed aunt collapsed and nearing death from a severe electrolyte loss. Over the next year I would stay with her often for weeks as she recovered from various surgeries/procedures. I held on to Jesus as a rooted child of God during that time but developed some anxiety issues that caused me to have to go back on anti-depressant meds.
9 months ago I was too many hits of the snooze button away from being in the church service the morning my Pastor was murdered. For months I have held on to Jesus but I am losing my grip. I don’t feel bitter, I don’t feel angry. I feel numb. And I am scared. Scared I will never find my way back to the place of feeling again.
i’m a fainter.
i don’t think i’ve handled my trials of the past few years with much grace. not in the moment anyway…
sigh.
ahhh, but there is so much pressure as a christian to be gracious, to overcome, to handle things well. “because how i respond on the outside is a reflection of what i believe on the inside.”
and honestly sarah, it’s exhausting. i want to smack someone right now. she should be smacked! BUT God… God and all his grace (which i need, and she needs) keeps me from giving her a good blow (which did i mention she needs)!
by God’s grace i am restraining myself, my words (the blow).
BUT Denise… Denise wants to let her have it.
my mother has been a great role model in these situations – she handles most things (big things) with strength and grace.
i find myself handling most situations in the same manner.
i do have one situation that has permeated my life for 13 years that i have rarely if ever handled well. there are times when that situation bleeds into my relationship with lance and i don’t always handle those moments with grace – but i am learning to lean on god and trust HIM in those situations. it is hard, but i am learning i need to be obedient and let God handle it. it can’t be and it isn’t my fight.
Sarah, I thoroughly enjoyed this post. You have a beautiful site.
I thought you might like to know that I used a quote from this article for my post Fire.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
Sarah, this is a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing.
I thought you might be interested to know that I used a quote from what you’ve said here on my post Fire.
And by the way, your site is beautiful.