When my husband Chad was in Junior High school, he was a tad overweight. He likes to refer to those years as “husky”.
His mother would buy him a new pair of pants in a size too small as an incentive to “lose a little”. It would hang on the hook to the closet for weeks. A month. A year. Gathering dust in the crevasses of the tags and on the edges of the belt loops.
(It wouldn’t be until the summer between his 10th and 11th grade years that he would lose 60 pounds in three months, biking to and from the beach every day and playing volleyball in between. By the time he walked through the high school doors as a junior, he was a new person.)
You might think that’s cruel, what his mother did. I don’t. Because I’ve done that very same thing to myself.
I’ve hung a dress on a door that I would like to fit into. I’ve taped a photo of myself when I was at my thinnest in a place where I can see it.
Oh, but that’s not all. I’ve told myself that when my kids are in school full time, I’ll __________. Or when my book is published I can do _________. I’ve even said to myself that I won’t be a real writer until I have a publisher.
These are all reminders that I won’t let myself wear a bathing suit/enjoy life/minister to others until something else happens.
In essence, sometimes I feel that I won’t let my life start until I attain some unreachable or far-in-the-future goal.
It traps me.
And I know it traps you too.
You’ve said to yourself that you won’t have a good marriage until your husband stops _________, or that you’ll never make things up with your mom until she __________. You’ve even told yourself that you won’t go on vacation until you lose ____ pounds or that you can’t start working out when your kids aren’t in school yet. You’ve said that you can’t go back to school, can’t quit your job, can’t get married, can’t give your whole life to God until _________ happens.
Fill in your own blanks.
I know you do.
I’ve done it too.
So what are you going to do about it today? What are you going to START?
I’m going to start accepting me for me. How look now. Who I am now. And stop dwelling on how I looked then and who I was before.
This is a great reminder. Thank you for sharing this! The things that we are waiting to see happen before we can move forward, may never happen. Life will keep going and then we will regret not living. I used to think that I couldn’t go to new places and travel the world or buy a home or other similar things until I had a husband to share my life with. If I never get married, I am limiting my life by making a husband the prerequisite for living. I no longer let what I don’t have stop me from living from my heart. Thanks again!
Ooh. You always hit me right where it hurts when it comes to issues in my life. There are too many excuses to name them all. I need to pray about this and see what the Lord wants me to start right now. Thanks for the start kick.
Oh Sarah… I’ve been in a rut recently with the, “I can’t until…” statements. Thank you for this gift today.
How true Sarah, how painfully true!
How often do we put our life on hold, waiting, waiting and waiting for the “thing” that often never comes. Wishing our very life away.
I agree with you and your other readers that today we will start, right where we are.
Wow…I do not know what I am going to do about it or what I am going to start but…Your post just really hits home with me.
There are so many things in my life that I don’t attempt or things that I would like to do or go but I won’t because I am over-weight. My weight is ALWAYS in the front of my mind, sort of a blocking thing or something. Unless I am home alone. When I am out in public or around others my self esteem is taking a hit constantly. From myself. I don’t feel pretty regardless of how many times my husband tells me that I am beautiful. I know what I look like…I do not understand how my husband can find me attractive; especially when we are lying next to each other and his hand is on my stomach. Last year I lost 50lbs by walking two miles daily and watching what I eat. I then hurt my ankle and it turned winter so I got out of the habit and haven’t picked it back up yet.
This IS definately something that I need to make a change in! I felt so much better about myself last year….First of all, I need to find my self worth and image of myself in God and second I need to make a commitment and stick to it regarding my health!
“I’ve even said to myself that I won’t be a real writer until I have a publisher.”
You truly know how to let the Holy Spirit speak through your words. I have thought this dozens of times in the past year. Wow. I needed this today. Thank you!!
I just found your blog this week and I am subscribing. You really encourage me with each post! Thanks.
One of my best friends and I are struggling with the “I can’ts right now”. Both of us want this fantasy life and neither of us have it..
This was the perfect blog for us both!
Thank you!!
Very good reminder Sarah. I have a tendency to do this to myself a lot. We just have to keep reminding ourselves when we hear that type of comment/voice in our heads that we need to live in the moment.
This has never been as clear to me as it has this year. My mother suffered with ovarian cancer, went through chemo and had so many complications from a bowel re-section that wouldn’t take that I watched her fight, bed ridden and unable to eat anything, taking her nourishment from a tube until finally she passed away after a year this past Oct. I listened as she told me her painting days were over and I realized how precious time is and that we should sieze the day, whatever it brings.
Love others and be gentle with ourselves.
Great post and reminder to do what my mother taught me even in her very last days on this earth.
~Lanie
Ohhh, I so have those jeans in my closet, the ones I can’t bear to get rid of, trying them on periodically to see if I’ve magically lost a few pounds and they fit! I thought I’d hit the gym more regularly once school started, but it’s four months later and I think I’ve been maybe 6 times. Thanks for the reminder. It’s time to just do it!
That has been one of this years themes-I am who I am and God knows what He got Himself into with me, it’s high time I start accepting me for me and where I’m at for where I’m at. He hasn’t forgotton about me and He’s working in my right now. If I am faithful to do what I can do-He will do what He has promised to do.
Good stuff this morning!
Thank you! as much as it hurts, I immediately thought of the blanks in my life right now… thank you for the reminder to live life to the fullest, right now, in the present, as God gives us.
Thanks for the great post! I was actually just talking with God about marriage and singleness and that has definitely been one of those blanks in the past and He’s showing me again and again that I can’t let either be that, but to instead “press on to know the Lord.”
Sarah, thank you for this post. It hits a bit too close to home to be comfortable. Thanks for making me feel that discomfort so that I will get going again!
This is so true for me. My excuse is “when life slows down.” When the little boys are in school, when we are settled into our new house etc, when everything is in its place. Then I am reminded of the verse that states if you wait until everything is perfect, nothing will get done. So I am prioritizing, leaving the dishes undone sometimes, jogging in the cold on the Saturday afternoon, staying up another 30 minutes. Don’t wait for perfection ladies. Let’s go for it TODAY!
Reading this today really stung.
I have a bridesmaid dress hanging in my room, a glaring reminder of my need to get off my ever-widening butt and exercise.
I have books on my night stand, a silent reproof that I need to read the Word, and take in the good things of God.
I have laundry all over, a blatant rejoinder to take care of things around the house.
In my own head and heart, I have the nagging feeling that my life won’t start till my schooling ends (I’m all but thesis on my MA, have been for several years now).
Procrastination is not my friend, but it is my constant companion. *sighs*
I’ve been saying this same thing to myself all week. I took a (major) test this week, one that I’ve been studying for, and using as my excuse not to do a lot of living, for the past year.
The test is over, and I’ve not lived any more this week than I did while I had an excuse. (Excepting, obviously, the *other* excuses I’ve been finding…)
I thank you again, Sarah, for once again saying something I needed to hear someone but myself say. I’m not crazy. There’s nothing wrong with me that isn’t wrong with lots and lots of other people. I can change it, one little bit of living at a time.
I need to, today, *live* in the pants I’m in.
Thank you again.
I finally decided last week to stop waiting around. I thought I’ll train for a half-marathon when I’ve lost the weight and can run. So I finally stopped fooling myself and I’m training now. I don’t care how bad I look while running, I love to run. It doesn’t matter that I let myself get to almost 300 pounds. I’m running now. It doesn’t matter that the half I’m training for is in April. I’m running now. Its time to finish what I’ve started.
Are you kidding me, my sister and I were just talking about this and that we are tired of not living our lives. I don’t want to hold back anymore I want to fly on the wings of eagles. Thanks for writing this, the conformation is beautiful. God used someone I don’t know to confirm what the Holy Spirit was stirring in me. Isn’t God grand.
Sarah, thank you so much for a great post. This is right where I’m at — starting instead of waiting. Moving ahead right now. (For example, I finally started the blog I’ve been thinking about for months…all year, in fact.) I too realized there were things holding me back, areas I wanted to have “all together” before I moved forward. No more. Jesus calls us to come now. We just have to reach out and take His hand. Thanks again!
ouch. this one hurt. i know i do this. so i’m going to think about what i’m going to do about it. i’m going to try and clarify what it is i haven’t started yet because of weight/feelings/insecurities.
Sarah, you are such a FABulous writer. Every time I read your blog I am inspired to be a better person. My sister reads too. We have never commented, but we love your message. I thought I might as well tell you! Thanks.
sarah, i am anna’s sister (above comment). we do LOVE you blog. it is inspiring and so personal. when i am reading it i feel like you are talking to me! now thats a real writer! thanks so much for sharing your gift.
This came to me at the right time today. I have been trying to start my own business now for three years, but I’ve never really done what it takes to do it. But today I took the first step forward, the first real step. So, what I am starting is my own business – and I will succeed at it because I will continue to take steps forward and not dwell on all the things that ‘could’ hold me back.
I’m going to stop blaming my husband and God for all the drama and crap that goes wrong in my life and start with me.
oh man Sarah. I’ve gotta think about this one. What have I been putting off until we get out of seminary? Or until I can get a “job” that I really like? or…? Yeah I’ve been doing this too.
I am reading this as I sit at Bodie and Heidi’s House on December 30th. We come back every year and start it off with the people we truly love the most. My husband has also learned over the years that it is people he loves to be with the most. I knew we were supposed to leave 5 years ago and even though it hurt we went. It has been a rocky 5 years since then but this I feel like we need to do what ever it takes to get back here….so I am making this my starting right now moment. Starting right now I will begin to work on getting back to the place we love to be. that means a lot of sacrifices and things to give up temporarily to reap the benefits of being where we as family want to be.