We must let them practice and maybe even fail.
We have to let them run and
to dream and
to think and
and to
Because if we protect them too much from failing
or hurt feelings
or bruises
they’ll never learn.
How did you learn? You tried and screwed up and then you tried again. Then you got it right because you a. remembered what went wrong, and b. had the confidence to do better the next time.
Because eventually they’ll be out there without us trying to navigate the big wide world on their own. They have to have memories of failure in order to succeed.
Protect them from speeding cars and from peanut allergies. Protect them from falling down cliffs and from ocean waves that would drown. But don’t protect them from failure.
Do you have any memories of failure that have helped you?
You are so right. Every big point of growth in my life has failure of some sort; embarrassment, pain, fruitless actions… Eventually we learn the better way. Lessons aren’t painless, that’s for sure. But they are life-altering.
It’s so freeing to look back and see where it is that we’ve come from…and to see how those failures have turned into worthwhile lessons.
Thanks for the blessing, Sarah…
Nicki
I do not like this post, as true as I know it is. This is my major struggle with being a parent, my husband is always nugging me to let go a little, but I think I can be in control. Duh, I am not. Why is it so hard to let them grow? I want to wrap them up and hold them close, instead I need to trust God and know that he is preparing them for the life He has planned for them. Thanks for opening my eye a bit more today.
God Bless,
Cha Cha
Every life lesson, major or minor, has pretty much come from some sort of failure. I grew up afraid to fail and tried to order my life in such a way that I prevented myself from failure. It happened anyway. It wasn’t until college that I began to embrace “failing forward”. I appreciate my failures now and know that is the best way to grow!
Thank you Sarah…it’s Friday:)
Faith
great post! i have learned that not only do i grow from my failures, but when i look back on them, i see that God has used them for good. everything in my life that i thought was absolutely the worst possible thing that could ever happen – looking back now i can see why they happened and how God used them to make my life better. jeremiah 29:11 is so true! our God is an awesome God!
thank you sarah for being here every morning when i wake up!
cathyjoy
This will sound strange, but my mother was (is/retired) an R.N. and the school nurse. She could talk to my whole class about, you know, that female curse, menstruation! (shhhhh). But, she could not talk to me. When it came to 1st bras, I think I got someones hand-me-downs. They never fit right and I got large really young, but was called “pointy” by the guys & girls because of ill-fitting undergarments. 40 years & I still hear it. Since you have girls, I figure it’s something you’re going to deal with soon. I probably, as a mom, went overboard with my child! I didn’t want either part of growing up to be an embarrassment to her!
Many..but that’s a long story haha.
Here’s are the verses for the day. It’s super long, but really good.
[Romans 8:26-39]
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
When i was a teenager my dad was taught me to drive a standard (stick shift) and I spin out of control on an empty road, near the desert where we lived. i was scared to drive again and he said dotn be afraid you can do this, dotn give up.. A few days later I was driving a stick shift! Knowing my dad beleived in me was all it took. Its one of my very most cherished memories of me and my dad.
Such a hard thing to stand by and watch with your teenage and adult children….. But it’s the only way…. For it’s in the falling down and getting back up that they learn the sufficiency of a God who loved them before they took their first breath.
Hardest release I’ve experienced in my parenting years…. letting go… trusting…. allowing them to go out on their own, to grow and learn.
One of my earliest failure memories was from when I was 5. I had my first big-girl bike. I was good at riding but not so good at stopping. I failed to apply my brakes several times before I learned. My parents did not let me give up. They made me keep trying.
There have been countless mistakes in the 35 years that have followed. Little mistakes. Giant mistakes. Mistakes that have left me in tears. And mistakes that have formed me into the person I am today. A better person because of some of those mistakes.
Knowing what I do about mistakes shaping a person’s character is why I am saddened when I hear about sport’s teams of young children that don’t allow either team to lose. Or, EVERYONE gets a trophy at the end of an event. Or my favorite…not allowing an older sibling to do something they desperately want to simply because a younger sibling cannot do it and is throwing a fit. It is terrifying to think of these kids growing up and facing the real, not-so-gracious-and-accomodating world.
Right you are. One of the hardest jobs I face as a mom is allowing my sons to fail.
#hurtsbigtime
Oh boy, have I ever! And still continue…
Because I continue to have moments where I try to take control and not let God work out His perfect plan…
Because I have moments where I don’t think God really knows what is best for me…
I think this is why I have to stay FALLEN on my knees. If I’m not there, then I am up trying to take control again.
Someone recently told me “If you could see God’s plan for you Sarah (that’s my name too!), you wouldn’t try and change anything.”
My biggest failures are always when I sin…even though I know what God clearly says in the Bible about it and how it is destructive. THe AWESOME thing about Christ is He never says “I told you so.” He just welcomes us back into His arms.