Earlier this week I wrote about gifts.
Gifts we give each other, our children, our friends. And how that communicates love.
But the simplest and perhaps the most difficult gift we can give our children is the gift of a growing marriage.
We can shower them with toy ponies, with Nintendo DS’s and iPods. We can even give them an intense, focused love, time spent on the sofa cuddling and hours spent reading books. We can take our teenagers out for coffee and shopping for a new pair of shoes. But if we can’t give them the gift of a healthy, selfless marriage, we are robbing them.
We need to take time alone to reconnect.
We need to spend weekends by ourselves, holed up in a hotel room somewhere rediscovering each other.
We need to be intentional about the friendship we have with our spouse.
We need to laugh together.
And we need to kiss and hug, showing our children what a healthy relationship between a man and a woman looks like.
We owe this to our children that we brought into this world. This world that tells them that sex is alright before and outside of marriage, that it’s better to live with your boyfriend than to wait until your wedding day, and that divorce is normal and expected.
It might be one of the greatest gifts we could ever give our kids.
I know there are a million books out there written about love and marriage and I am NOT attempting to reinvent the wheel. However, here are a few ways that Chad and I try to keep our marriage growing and moving forward:
1. We regularly set aside time for just ourselves. We get babysitters, we get grandparents, we get play dates, we get whatever we have to to take date nights. We see this as probably the most important aspect of maintaining connected to one another. And twice a year we take a weekend away. Some years we’ve driven one hour away to spend Friday through Sunday at small inn. Some years we’ve made a bigger trip, getting on a plane and celebrating our anniversary together in some fun, faraway city. But whatever we do, we make sure it’s just us and that the intent is to spend regular, uninterrupted time together. We watch movies, take naps, take long and late dinners. I find myself looking forward to them when we have them planned and then remembering them well after we’ve come home. We come home better parents and I never feel bad about leaving my girls with their grandparents for the weekend.
2. We talk things out. In the early years of our marriage we slammed doors, went to bed angry, walked out and hung up the phone on one another. I’ll admit that once in awhile there may be a few unresolved hurt feelings at 11pm because of misunderstandings, but for the most part we are committed to sticking a conversation through until we reach a conclusion. Through therapy and also through trial and error we’ve come up with better patterns for disagreement and communication. And the more we talk things out, the more we learn about how the other works the best.
3. We are interested in the other’s benefit and growth. In watching my husband work through his ADD on a daily basis (for the last 13 and a half years) I’ve figured out ways to help him. I try to remove distractions, reduce chaos and allow him an “out” when he needs to calm his mind. The more I’m interested in his growth, the less I’m trying to get my own way. And when we both do things like this for each other, our relationship only benefits. It’s simple selflessness and we try to get better at it every day.
4. We make the choice to connect. When we do get a date night, most of the time we intentionally choose NOT to see a movie (although December was movie-heavy for us watching Avatar and Sherlock Holmes) but instead grab dinner or coffee. Sometimes we just find a fun place to walk around and talk about whatever we feel like. And, we have a busy life by default. So many times we have to make choices, for the benefit of our family and our marriage, not do participate in certain things that may be good, but may not be the best for where we are right now. For example, we may say “no” to dinner out with friends because we know that we need to sit across the Starbucks table with each other talking about our day. Sometimes its difficult to regulate ourselves and can find ourselves in a place where we feel like we haven’t “seen” each other in weeks.
There are more. And we are so not perfect at any of these. But we know that in order to still be married when we are 95, we need to keep things on a steady pace of growth. And we want our grandkids to have grandparents who are still in love.
What are things you do to keep your marriage growing?
****The more I thought about this and after having received a heartbreaking but amazing email, I want to add something. There are many of you reading who are single parents, divorced parents or who are living in an impossible marriage. You are worried that you can’t give them this example.
In the same way that God makes up the gap of sin with the Cross, He stands where we cannot stand, He strengthens when we are helpless, and give’s hope when we’ve lost all hope. God is the Father to the fatherless and the husband to the widow. He, somehow, can fill in the holes left in our lives by hurt, pain and sin. He always makes up where we fail, and in the case of broken marriages, He can fill in that gap left by spouses who make poor choices. Remember, God loves our children more than even we do.*****
By the way, Shannon Ethridge reposted one of my blog posts from last month on her own blog, The Sexually Confident Wife. You can read it here. Thank you Shannon for your kind and humbling words. Your ministry has been invaluable to my own healing and recovery.
I hope I’ll remember this things when I am gonna be married. I too want to have a healthy relationship in my marriage one day and I too hope my one-day-t-have kids will see real commitment and love in my marriage.
This post is so great, because I kept thinking over the years {you know, being a teenager and all people tend to talk quite a lot about boy-girl relationships and marriage} how can two people that love each other keep that love and make it grow. Lo and behold, here a few simple steps and you kind of already answered some of my questions. for the future, of course:) thanks:)
To keep marriage growing….I call it home fires glowing….been married forty-two years and of course we have our Friday night date night where we take turns asking each other out…married in 1967, still faithfully doing it…tonight I asked him out, so I make romance a reality via choices.! I might start with a written invitation I put by his coffee cup; and then he accepts. (Says “Olive Garden or Outback…take your choice.”) Whatever he wants and I am totally interested in his feelings. These years have also opened our eyes to the reality that marriage takes work, patience, and the kind of love that stays true, no matter what because I don’t take his choices away. (& he doesn’t take my choices away.
To keep my marriage growing, I find that we need time away. That makes us appreciate each other more and realize what we would miss without each other. On the other hand, I do have to admit we need more dates nights. Time to reconnect. My children will soon both be away at college. I hope it is not too late to help them see how important a good relationship is. I guess in 2010 I will cultivating my relationship with my husband. Cultivate is my word for 2010. I think it is appropriate in this area as well as what I was originally thinking. Lots of room for growth. Thanks for helping me to refocus my relationship with my husband and give a gift to my children that will be priceless.
We have 3 young kiddos with no family that lives around us so date night is usually a no go. However every night after the kids have been tucked in and are snoring away the hubs and I cuddle. We talk about our day, we talk aboout the kids, we talk about each other. It’s not much but in the calm of the evening when it’s just us we appreciate that time more then anything!
I love this writing. The gentle reminder to take time to focus on the ones we love the most. Thank You!
~Sarah~
Oh, I can’t wait to hear all the responses to this!!
For me, just remembering not to always throw on my oldest t-shirt to sleep in is helpful!! Remembering that although my husband still loves me when I don’t look my best doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to look “pretty” sometimes. Does this make sense? Ok, let me spell it out: it means pulling out the lingerie sometimes!!! Hey, there is nothing wrong with a WIFE actually making an effort to be romantic towards her HUSBAND as well!!
Sarah
Hello! I found your blog through some other people’s own blogs and I appreciated this post very much. I’ve been married 3 1/2 years (no kids yet) to a wonderful, Godly man and I’m thankful for how God has his hand in our marriage. Some things that we do to help our marriage grow: 1) weekly date nights (thankfully we can afford this) that we started since we were dating. 2) no television watching and no fancy smart phones to distract us with. 3) texts and emails every so often to let each other know we’re thinking of them. 4) prayer time, devotions together & discussions about sermons, scripture, etc. 5) lots and lots of laughter!
again…wow!!!
sorry i always start my comments off this way, but “WOW”!
your mom & i have done 2 date weekends each year since our 5th year being married…your mom cried over leaving “baby-you” when you were nearly one year old…but it was amazingly needed for both of us…we were surprised how much we needed it!
listening…being together…talking thru things…each & all are things that took us years to learn…still learning…
as always…whenever you need a babysitter…you know who to call
love you,
dad
love you dad. thank you.
Thank you for your honesty! I learn and grow from it every day.
okay, i just read your dads comment and let me say “wow” and “how sweet”. tears flowing….
OK, going out on a limb here, but I sleep nude because my husband wants me to. I used to have lots of sexy V.S. lingerie (still do – anyone want some?), but several years ago, I was away for a week chaperone our youth group’s mission trip. When I got back, he asked me to sleep nude so we could “skin cuddle.” The rest is history – I’ve never gone back – it really is comfortable.
FYI, our kids are older – 14 & up when we started doing this, & we have a fairly remote bedroom. I’m careful NOT to sleep all out of the covers, because I won’t hear the kids come in, in time to cover up.
Another thing we do is get away several times a year – I can always tell when it’s time, because I start getting antsy, needing some one-on-one time. It always helps!
Nice, Elaine. No limb! I think you are being honest and I love that more than anything. I agree – sex fills an intimacy need and it must be cultivated like anything else.
Elaine…that is so great! I just told my husband, after a night of tossing and turning, that we needed to sleep naked. Much to my surprise, he agreed! I think it’s gonna do great things for my marriage. You go girl!
Great post! I actually was wanting to ask a question about the ADD thing though. We had a counselor mention to my husband a couple of years ago that he seemed to have symptoms of that but we haven’t really known where to go from there. He doesn’t want to do medication or anything and has tried researching some things, but we’re both a little overwhelmed with it I think. With that on top of some other things we’ve dealt with the past few years it gets frustrating. Could you maybe email me some info…just what works for ya’ll in dealing with it or something? I would really appreciate it!
tyra – chad sees a psychiatrist (who incidentally is also a christian) and she has been the one monitoring his medication for the past several years. when chad went on medication six years ago, it revolutionized our marriage.
honest. it doesn’t fix everything but it is a tool for working thru things that maybe have been impossible in the past.
i would suggest he go see a counselor to talk specifically about that and then if wants to go further, go to see a psychiatrist who could prescribe a rx. chad has been on concerta and is now on vyvanse (with a little ritalin mixed in at one point).
there are other things adults with add can do to deal with issues but with chad, medication has seemed to work the best.
if you want to email him directly, he is chad at markleytech dot com.
hope that is helpful.
Thanks! I’ll share all this with my husband and see what he wants to do. I’m sure it might be nice for him to have someone to talk to that actually knows how he feels. (because honestly I don’t always do a good job of being understanding like I could or should!) Hopefully we can both learn better ways to deal with it in the future. And we’re currently trying to find a good psychiatrist that we can go to for other issues as well…seems like those are hard to come by around here though! God’s been working on both our hearts on alot of things lately so I know He’s got a plan to help us through everything. Now if I can just have enough patience to wait for His timing.
yes, tyra. have your husband email chad. =)
This is great. Thanks for sharing. We have been married a little over 6 years now (this is the 2nd time around for me – coming out of an 8 yr marriage) and have discovered in the last 2 years that if we don’t consciously make an effort to spend alone time together, it won’t magically appear for us.
We do basically the same things you do save the weekends away. We haven’t done that yet but rest assured I’m telling hubby about that today so we can start planning.
Coming from a failed first marriage, I have always been an advocate of showing my children what a marriage is all about. I don’t want my 2 girls growing up thinking and believing in the movie/fairytale life of marriage. I want to show affection, respect (most of all) and love and friendship and all those things with my husband in front of them. So they have healthy views.
Thanks Sarah for being so transparent on here. I really love coming here to read your blog. You are an inspiration!
Absolutely – We have gotten much better at this through the years and our marriage has been the better for it. We have three under 10 and it hasn’t always been easy, but we do it. Like one reader, we also sometimes just have our date nights after the kids are in bed. I like being intentional about it – putting it on the calendar or inviting each other – keep flirting. Be in the Word together – we’re reading Proverbs together this month. And, prayer is one way we’ve really connected the past couple of years. We started ending each day in prayer together – out loud. We say our prayers of thanksgiving for our blessings and then we each voice what needs we would like prayed about and then we go to our Heavenly Father for each other. I love it. And, meeting my husband at the door for a kiss not only shows my respect and love for him, but also guarantees I get a kiss! I always know we’re doing something right when the kids talk about the kissing – right now they think it’s silly or yucky. Later, I hope they’ll see we loved each other so much, we couldn’t contain it.
Continued blessings on your marriage.
~ Mela
Ok, I just read your post about the “Friendly Old Lady” – I had to respond and since I’m not sure if you will get responses from the original site, I’m copying it here as well.
Preach it, sister!
_____________
Nope. I don’t think there’s such a thing as “too prudish” when it comes to protecting one’s marriage. I feel like Satan comes to us in the guise of a friendly old lady pointing out cuties in Starbucks, the parking lot, the blog world, or twitter. And I am trying to develop the ninja-meets-cat-like-reflexes to grab the nearest 2×4 and whack that friendly old lady upside the head.
Seriously.
I am so on board with you.
(Pun totally intended)
thanks, Lisa Jo =)
I heard a great Pastor’s wife say once that we must guard the joy of our household, that our Children must see us laughing out loud everyday, that laughter will store up resilience in our Children for later in life. To try as a couple to enjoy finding humor, to not take ourselves so seriously. Jesus was the most joyful man EVER and so we try our best to keep it joyful,lots of laughter and to work quickly through serious things and to find the humor in our disagreements.My husband is the Senior Pastor of our Church and we have 3 children under four, it is a wild ride, but JOY is our aim and THE JOY OF THE LORD HAS BECOME OUR STRENGTH and that Strength is helping us grow together continually. Also lots of Sex and kissing and edifying words.
We do couch time. Every day, when Raymond comes home from work we spent about 10 to 15 minutes just talking and connecting with one another–right away. Before he spends time with the kids, before we settle down to eat dinner, we make time just for us. I think it’s good for the kids to see that our marriage comes first. We still love them, but our relationship is the solid ground that our family stands on, so it has to be a priority. This is just one way we show them that.
I REALLY like this. like a lot. great idea!
This is such an emotional post for me. For almost the first 5 years of having kids we couldn’t make time, didn’t make time and didn’t have anyone close enough to take care of our children. We just thought it was normal. There was nothing we could do about it. But once our kids hit about 3 and 6, we knew things had to change. We started arranging regular date nights and I got referrals for babysitters. Then I earned a trip and so my husband and I figured out that we would have to go- we needed this. We had a very close friend offer out of the goodness of her heart to fly down and take care of our children while we went away. LIFE CHANGING. After that trip, we realized that we needed to figure out ways. Our children needed to see this role-modeled for their future marriages. I couldn’t agree more with this post Sarah. Thank you, as always.
Sarah, Thanks for the disclaimer. I didn’t comment earlier simply because the question doesn’t apply to me. However, with your disclaimer, I felt a liberty to comment and add a bit here. As a single parent, one of the most important things I can do to teach my kids how to be healthy and whole is to take time for myself, just like a couple would take time for their marriage. It is also extrememly important to choose couples who model the behavior I want my children to learn and expose my children to them regularly. This doesn’t have to be only one couple. In fact, it is better if I find many to point out the differences. A godly marriage is definitely learned, but I just have to teach more on purpose what children in a two parent home pick up by living. The other thing I constantly remind myself of is that my children will learn relationship and family dynamics and how things should be because we are all in relationships and we are all constantly modeling that for all children who know us and watch us, not just our own. God bless you and yours. Thanks for posting this.
tricia. i totally agree.
and I’m sorry that i wrote something earlier that you didn’t feel comfortable commenting on. that was not my intent at all. i’d been thinking about what i said in my ammendment, but i wasn’t sure how to word it. then early (like 5:30) this morning i got a long email from a single mom, a woman i know, and her heart was just broken over her marriage, her kids who don’t have a father, etc.
i haven’t written her back yet (i will tonight) but it just impressed me that God stands in the gap when our humanity has holes. holes in families, in marriages, in friendship. He more than makes up for that.
and i’m sure that your children are getting a better and more healthy upbringing than MOST two parent households out there.
bravo to you, single mom, i have no idea how you do it. i admire you and i think what you are doing with your kids is Kingdom-work.
Praying for you tonight.
Love this post for so many reasons. I am thankfully in a good marriage, we struggle to find time just the two of us and it’s not always easy or a regular thing but when we do have time away from the kids it is a recharging experience and we always come away feeling closer. I have a good friend who is in a terrible marriage and it’s heartbreaking to see not only her struggle but know her children aren’t seeing a normal healthy relationship. I agree, it’s one of the absolute best gifts we can give our children!
Great post! My husband I are so guilty of not having date nights. And we really need it! But we are very flirty and fun with each other all day long. He’s self-employed and we homeschool so our days are often spent all together at home. We do have serious time too. But we try to laugh a lot. His biggest complaint after the first couple of years of our marriage was that I wouldn’t just sit down and watch tv with him. I had a hard time not “doing” and he just wanted me to sit with him! We check in with each other often, how are we doing, what is something we’re doing that bugs the other one, etc. My parents were married multiple times before they married and are now divorced and my husbands parents were much the same. So even before we were married, we knew we wanted different! And so we are very intentional in keeping our marriage strong and healthy. We’ve had some rough times, even some very dark, ugly times, but we work hard to not stay there.
We don’t watch tv. We don’t live separate lives. We don’t gossip about our personal lives to others. We don’t take each other for granted. We don’t nag or complain at each other. We don’t hold grudges.
We talk. A lot. We do things together. We enjoy each others hobbies. We keep what’s private just between us. We treat each other as we want to be treated. We forgive quickly. And move on.
When our two sons were very young and we couldn’t afford to go out every week, we had our “date night” at home. After we fed and put the boys to bed, we had our own dinner by candlelight and had time to sit and really talk. I always recommend that to expecting moms. My mom told me to put my husband first because once your children are grown and gone, your husband will still be there. We have been married for 27 years now and have as strong a marriage as ever.
We also were never afraid to show our sons our affections for each other by hugging or kissing in front of them. I remember my parents doing the same as I was growing up and it made a wonderful impression on me. Now, as my mother is fading into the depths of Alzheimer’s, one thing she does remember is her love for my father and she still hugs and kisses him every day!
Sarah,
You have a gift. A true, blessed gift. You’re writing is amazing. You are able to put life into perspective honestly and openly. I love reading and following your blog. I had my husband read this post because it really hit home for me. We are married 16 years, 2 wonderful boys, run 2 businesses together and somewhere along the line, we forgot to make time for each other. I can’t remember the last time we had a “date night” not counting events or weddings that we attend with each other…I’m talking just him and I reconnecting like we should. It’s on our goals for this year to start date nights back up and make time for each other. We still truly love each other, but the spark could be reignited. Right now, I’m feeing very loved and life is good…but we can make it even better together. Thank you once again for sharing your words. You are a.m.a.z.i.n.g!!!!!!
Ok, I know this probably against the rules – posting a comment here and on this post too – on account of me being a boy and all, but I had to. And I’m a musician so I’m not your typical boy – I can multitask, I don’t like sports or killing things for fun and I can emote, so…
Anyway, I date my wife. Once a week we get a sitter or take turns sitting and being sat for with friends/family.
We go somewhere – usually the same restaurant again and again. Someplace with a little music, but not too much. Someplace with comfortable seats because we’ll be staying a while. Someplace with dim(ish) lights because we both think we look better that way. It’s harder to see wrinkles and gray in the dark. And then we just eat and talk.
The second thing we do to give time to each other is we share parenting. It’s not her job. It’s our job. So on Wednesday’s have the kids all day, and my wife, Becky, goes to lunch with friends, or reads Real Simple while sipping sweet tea in a Barnes and Noble, or se takes a nap or goes to that store that’s more enjoyable without three kids to coral. We share the load everyday but THAT day is HER day of total freedom – no phone calls from home, no laundry, cooking or, yes, sex. I don’t even flirt on Wednesdays. There are no expectations from anyone.
Because of Wednesday she’s more present and revived on date night and she says she’s a better mom too.
Of course being a musician without a “real” job makes both of these things possible. Results may vary.
Carry on, ladies.
not against the rules at all.
in fact we welcome comments from men. i like your idea of letting your wife have her wednesdays. what a cool thing.
and i like the dim lighting idea. especially since i just had a birthday…
thanks for your comment! you were the lone male perspective for this post. =)
You know, My first response reading your list was basically, “So you have to be at least upper middle class to have a good marriage?” What do all those people who don’t have the money to get away anywhere or don’t have access to reliable childcare, or who parent in such a way as to consider even a night away from a child younger than 3 too much to ask the to bear do to keep their relationships healthy I wonder?
The truth is, you don’t need those things. You can connect just as easily with your spouse in your own house after your kids are in bed everyday if you are intentional about it. As you yourself mentioned near the end of this post, it’s about putting the other first and being selfless.
I think your heart is right, but I think your list is silly, especially because there are a lot more people who can’t afford those things on it than can, and still manage to have great, wonderful, loving marriages that are a gift to their kids and themselves.
hi carrien,
maybe i should have been a little more clear in my explanation of what a date night is for us.
95 percent of the time we do anything without the kids, we go to starbucks and walk thru barnes and nobles. my parents watch the kids.
out the door we spend 10 dollars not including gas.
and our weekends away, my parents or inlaws watch the kids and we usually go someplace close and cheap.
and the things i listed as 2, 3, and 4 are completely free. talking, connecting, not going to sleep until things are worked out, choosing hanging out with each other and not other people — all free.
we’ve spent many a picnic on the living room floor with tacos and chips and salsa after the kids have gone to bed.
i reread my post and i don’t think i implied that someone needed to spend money to have a good marriage.
i totally understand your point of view, but i don’t think my list was silly. i think it’s practical.
You are right, I was too broad in my earlier statement. What I meant was I think a few things on your list, mostly in #1 are frivolous and come from a particular western mindset that I consider misleading. Do you think that couples 100 or more years ago had getaways or date nights? Do you think that couples living in primitive villages in Asia feel the need for these things? Do you honestly think these things are essential, however lovely they may be when and where possible? It’s an idea that’s very peculiar to modern western culture, and I’m honestly not sure it’s valid.
Hi Carrien, I just read your comment and figured as a guy, my perspective is worth throwing in the ring.
Personally, I love time that is different/apart from our “normal” daily schedule. I need a “pause” button on our life that allows us to catch up with one another and breathe each others air without the frenzy of work, kid, ministry and just normal life issues. This can translate into a date night, dinner, coffee or simply a walk. As long as it is out of the “stream” of our weekly busyness.
To clarify what we mean by a “date night” or a “weekend away”. Date night normally consists of coffee and a stroll through Barnes and Noble. It might include dinner and if so, it’s usually CHEAP. Weekends away are normally within 25 miles of our home and we used a coupon for an already cheap hotel. We are rocking blessed to have both my parents and Sarah’s parents close and they love watching the kids. It doesn’t always work out, but we do our best to do it when we can.
I can speak for a majority of my male friends, they enjoy time away with their wives, whether a date night or overnight. Anything a couple can do to find “protected” time to regroup, connect and get back on the same page with their spouse is worthy of pursuit.
Just to clarify/add to my above post, the reason I bring this up is simple.
I have seen far too many women do damage to their marriage because they want the romantic getaways and date nights when it’s just not feasible. Honestly, those things are more for women than for men. They choose resentment and bitterness over the fact that they can’t have 2 overnight getaways a year, that they can’t afford to go out for dinner once a week. They drag poor, tired, over worked spouses out on dates that they insist that they ought to have and then feel disappointed when their spouse, barely able to stay awake, is unable to summon the energy to be an attentive escort.
What they ought to be doing is cheerfully working hard at making home a restful place, and serving their family and husband well, setting for their children that example of cheerful selflessness toward their spouse, of loving service. Exuding an attitude of “we’re in this together and as long as we’re together and love each other we can be happy.” That would be the mature example to set for your children, far more important than a date night every week.
Of course, it’s entirely possible to be creative about time alone to reconnect that doesn’t involve money, and plenty of women have done that, and done it well, but it only works after you let go of your expectations of what it should look like to have a loving caring marriage and find out what it actually looks like for you in the place that you are in.
The above wasn’t a reply to your reply Sarah, as I hadn’t read it yet. I just wanted to point out how leading with #1 can cause some to miss your point entirely.
And there really are husbands out there who are too tired even for an inexpensive date. Life being what it is, wives need to adapt to that, and vice versa.
Thanks Sarah for another awesome post!! I think your list was great and not silly at all. A nice reminder for myself and my hubby and it is also great to see what other couple’s do to spend time together and get some fresh ideas!
)
I also want to point out that I am not sure how #1 was or could be deemed as misleading at all. I think it is the most important by far for any healthy, fruitful, loving marriage.
“1. We regularly set aside time for just ourselves.”
Whether you live in this Western society, Asia, Down Under, or some primitive village wherever, time set aside for one another, for your marriage, is so important. Marriage is a committment, it takes time and effort and yes even when you are exhausted, something as simple as sitting on the couch (or the bare ground if you live in a primitive village) cuddling and making mindless talk after the kids are in bed is just that–setting aside time for one another.
Right now we are in no position to be able to afford nights out, weekends away, a babysitter, nor do we have family close by to even grant us a few hours “free”, but we still set aside time when we just hang out and watch movies, sit on the couch and talk, read out loud to one another, pray together, whatever. And yes my husband would fall into that category as being one of those that is too tired for even an inexpensive date, but all praise to him, he also realizes that second to God, his Family is by far way more important than his job, studies, whatever. Yes he works and goes to school full time, but he always ensures that he spends time with his family and invests in our marriage no matter how tired he is and I try and do the same even if I have been up all night with a newborn. Time for your family, for your marriage no matter how busy, tired, exhausted, poor, primitive, etc. is soooo important! Thanks for the great reminder and thanks for sharing what you and Chad do that works for you.
)
When we are called to be partners in marriage with someone, we are actually called to be dying to ourselves repeatedly every day. We are called to become more like Jesus through the refining that being in an intimate relationship provides. With that in mind, our marriage should be at the top of our priority list. Willing to do whatever it takes to keep it there and make sure the other person knows that it is up there for us. If that means spending time together when we’re tired, or simply not feeling “in love” with that person, we are called to keep that relationship sacred and nurtured above all other earthly relationships.
I think your advice is practical, sometimes we get very general advice and are not sure how to carry it out. It’s also very timely, with marriage and family under attack from every angle and every turn.
Thanks:)
Hi Sarah, I just wanted to say this really touched my heart today. My husband & I are currently having issues and I’d give almost anything to have our children see this kind of marriage in our home. I’ve had a huge burden this week regarding prayer for my kids–my husband has moved to a friends house & been gone a few months. He travels so much with work that our children haven’t even noticed he isn’t here. I don’t want them to have to grow up thinking this is what a normal marriage consists of. Your post gave me a direction for my prayers today. Love your blog. Keep it up, it is encouraging & I’ve been blessed by every post I’ve read.
i think it is great how intentional you and chad are about making time for each other.
we have not been good about this in the past… at all. in part because of financial limitations and in part because i have struggled with leaving the kids and not feeling guilty.
since we have moved, i think we have done a better job but not a great job. generally if we get a sitter and go out it is with another couple or for an event. we are still not great about setting aside time for just us. our sitter funds are usually used up by that time. i know it is important and we need to do a better job of making it a priority and saying no to other things. or creating at home dates once the kids are in bed… we stink at it!
thanks for the great post. miss you and love you!