Comments on: Looking at Myself

By: gitz

gitz — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 22:53:38 +0000

When the Cushings was at its worst this summer, I was deformed. Not just hugely fat and swollen, but deformed. Friends couldn’t help but cry when they saw me, and as hard as I searched in the mirror, I couldn’t see myself. Looking up in the computer screen that went dark after not being used, I would gasp at the reflection it showed me. This stranger I’d never met.

I never got used to it. I’m not used to it now, even though the deformity is gone, the weight I’ve never carried before is there. But my heart never changed. My attitude never changed. My love never changed.

I know who I am. But if I’m being honest, no amount of knowing myself helped me accept myself. It’s a weird battle.

By: kara-kae james

kara-kae james — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 01:26:15 +0000

I’m with you. It’s SO hard for me to look at myself in the mirror (especially being 8 months preggo right now…). My hubby has threatened on occassion to get rid of all of our mirrors until I can learn to love myself the way he does. Praise the Lord for great husbands and a perfect Savior who made us in HIS image!

By: Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 22:10:44 +0000

That was a great reminder Sarah! I think we often times get so busy being busy we forget to “look at ourselves naked” with God’s eyes. It is very difficult but something so necessary. I actually enjoy it now…haven’t for a while.

Bless you Sarah for making things a little brighter in my life.

Jessica

By: Joni

Joni — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 20:45:37 +0000

Two new wrinkles here, more than a bit chubby there…
They said that old age was not for the faint of heart.

Looking in the mirror takes a major act of courage. Do I get a medal?

If God let me see all my heart at once, I would die of fear and shame.

In His grace He shows me His heart and reminds me that by beholding I am changed.

By: Kelli

Kelli — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 20:15:38 +0000

I hate looking at myself, but its oh so necessary.

But chica, this picture you posted of yourself is smokin’! YOu look like a movie star : )

Great post.

By: Mary

Mary — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:50:12 +0000

Thanks for this…I needed it!

By: Sarah Markley

Sarah Markley — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:38:39 +0000

right. i never thought about it like that. =)

clothes must be on my mind.

By: Sarah Markley

Sarah Markley — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:38:16 +0000

I’m so sorry Jessica. I can’t imagine the pain and difficulty you must be enduring right now.

Thank you for sharing here on this blog. We as a community will be praying for you.

By: Amber@theRunaMuck

Amber@theRunaMuck — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:36:03 +0000

You’re totally trying to find clothes for Blissdom, aren’t you?

joking

a little.

This post is right on, Sarah.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:25:10 +0000

What is funny is that I can stand in front of the mirror and scrutinize every little flaw in my naked body. Everything is “wrong” in my eyes. Then, I think of my heart… why is it so much harder to see the flaws there when clearly they are so much worse.

I find myself most likely facing divorce. My husband has left. My life feels in ruins. I wish I could say that God was the filter and the catalyst for my desire to change this messy heart of mine. Unfortunately, it took the pain and anguish of betrayal and abandonment to spur change. That was my catalyst. I wish it hadn’t taken that. I wish I had seen the need that was there as well as the hope that remains. I wish He had, indeed been my catalyst long ago.

I wish I had been stripped naked and vulnerable on the inside before now.

Yet I still hope. I still rest in the promise that change is possible and that he is making me new everyday, that he can use my bruised and bloodied heart in His Kingdom.

Thanks for reminding me, Sarah. I needed that today.