I remember the first time I sent off an article to my writing group to have them critique it.
Ouch.
It came back with three different people’s remarks, criticisms and suggestions: the equivalent of your 11th grade term paper coming back with the RED PEN of not just one but three teachers.
After a deep breath and a little growing-up in the space of about 3 minutes I was able to disconnect the critique from ME as a person. They were helping me and not hurting me. These women loved me and sincerely wanted me to do better. So I took the criticism in and used it to work for me.
My article didn’t get published but it was a heck of a lot better than when I begun.
I have a theory.
[Or at least I've espoused a theory that my husband thought up and shared with me during a particularly rough time that I was having.]
The more authentic/raw/real/open I am on this blog the more people feel comfortable with being able to be real with me.
Most of the time that is great. I get both wonderful and heartbreaking emails from women and they are sharing their stories with ME! WITH ME! I am honored and humbled by the raw honesty of so many of you. I wonder why you trust me with your hearts.
But sometimes the whole Raw Theory translates into people feeling absolutely comfortable with trashing me.
- Emails attacking my grammar.
- Comments about how a particular post of mine was far too shallow.
- Or even the reader comment about how my “Real Me” video wasn’t real enough because I was wearing makeup and my hair looked brushed.*
[I'm here to say that the real me wears makeup. I just do.]
In all honestly I’ve never deleted a comment. I return all emails**
But sometimes people are just abusive.
They attack my character, my motives, my mothering and even question my relationship with God. All from what they read on my blog.
There is nothing loving about that. Or helpful.
I’m aware that being raw and honest opens me up to a great deal of criticism. But to me it’s worth it because by being so open I get to share in all of your beautiful stories.
Your email about your marriage being restored makes me thankful that I’ve said what I’ve said. And that I’ve been as open as I’ve been. Your Facebook message telling me how you stumbled across my blog makes me smile. Your encouraging words always, always help to heal me.
But please know that I am a flesh and blood woman and bad emails make me cry.
I’m going to suggest something.
Let’s use kind words. Helpful words. Words that heal.
Let’s try not to cast legalistic or judging glances at others.
If we need to criticize, let it be within a loving context where it is welcomed (my article), needed and/or asked for. And let’s make sure that we have the RELATIONSHIP to back up the “helpful” words.
Criticism in the right context is good and part of our growth. It makes me write better articles. It makes me be a better friend.
But in the wrong place or with the wrong motive, that kind of criticism is hurtful and abusive.
What do you think? Has criticism helped or hindered you in the past? Has it been used in the wrong way?
* Said comment was originally tagged as spam so I just left it there nestled between comments in the Czech language and ones trying to get me to buy Viagra.
** I’m running about two weeks behind on emails. If you’ve sent me a direct email previous to two weeks ago and I have not returned it, please resend. I’m not perfect. It was not intentional, I promise. I’m sure I read it and thought I returned it but I neglected to. I’d love it if you would resend it to me.
Sarah, I totally know what you mean! (And I’m sorry for my red-pen comments.)
I even had someone create a whole blog devoted to attacking me. Yeah, that was fun.
I’ll ever understand why people just don’t click away when they have nothing nice to say…
For the record, I think you are a fantastic human being, beautiful inside and out.
oh, mel. i’m so glad you did. you and annie and linda have helped me in priceless ways. thank you. =)
We have a saying in our house, as I am sure most do. If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your mouth closed. Why can’t more of us adults aply this to our lives. There are millions of websites go find one you like, being mean to someone on line is NOT going to make you like yourself anymore. I am so sorry to you and to anyone esle who has had this done to them, I honestly feel that those kinds of words are coming from unhappy people who crave attention. We should cover them in prayer and move on and know that they need more than we could ever offer them. I have nothing mean to say because I think you awesome. Thanks for being the You that God has made.
Cha Cha
I’m crying with you. I have learned to love and embrace constructive criticism. It is a gift. Unfortunately, there are times when I forget to make the distinction in my own mind behind loving correction and scathing attack. Those are the times when I am tempted to live a more private life. But that is certainly the enemy. Now, I try to imagine God speaking the writer’s words and if they don’t sound like something He would say, I put it away. But I still cry.
I love Life as Mom’s statement on her comment form,
“This is a place where moms can be themselves. Remember that each mother’s path looks a little different. Please keep your comments respectful and kind. Reasonable minds will disagree in a nice way.
So let’s talk about it, using “our big girl words.”
I think that hits the nail right on the head. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with these types of emails and comments. Praying you’ll be able to stand and not falter handling it all as graciously as you’ve done here.
It often amazes me how people can leave comments like that when IRL they would never walk right up to you and say it.
It’s easy to hide behind a computer screen and keyboard. I wonder what that person is like in real life. She must really be hurting inside to say such things.
I am sorry you were saddened. I’m sure there are many, many people out there that you touch in a positive way. Keep up the good work!
~Lanie
“Bad Emails Make Me Cry”. Sarah, you are able to keep it so real! My guess is that “bad emails” would make most of us cry. You are precious.
Sarah: I look forward to your daily posts. Most days they inspire me, other they are a reality check on the things that I too could be doing better in my life. Like I have said before, more often than not I feel like you are speaking to me. Keep you head held high and although I am sure like Keri said the bad emails would make most of us cry, know that you are giving a gift by sharing your story and daily triumphs!! Joy
i would cry too, sarah. i agree. we should all play nicely on the playground. but i guess it doesn’t always happen. thanks for taking a risk.
Sarah, I love your posts. I read them so that I can see someone who puts “out there” the daily struggles that most of us moms all have, but keep private. I read them to know that I am not alone. And most of all I read them because I love them, I love what you do, and know you are genuine. You have put yourself into the world as a transparent person to share your joys and triumphs….and most of all the Glory of God! Our speech to one another is called to be salt and light- and Wise. Wisdom sometimes comes in the form of NOT speaking, as much as we all like to think our words impart some sort of wisdom upon others. Too often we get caught up in giving “advice” that is often un-wanted or unnecessary. I just want you to know that the majority of people reading your blogs can relate and love them. We read them because we want to. So, since I said all of that above, my advice is this….If someone finds themselves tempted to say something unnecessary or ugly, they may need to stop reading this!!! Go write your ugly comments on a piece of paper- not here. Go read them out loud to yourself in the mirror because we all have faults. I am certain there are so many grammatical errors in my paragraph here that someone could point that out. I don’t care!
I love you Sarah, and you have touched my life deeper than any of my friends ever have. Please continue what you are doing and feel encouraged. You are doing a wonderful thing by sharing your gift from God with all of us. THANK YOU!
You’re right, criticism in the right context makes all the difference. If there’s no relationship then it is only hurtful. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt by such people.
[...] http://www.sarahmarkley.com/2010/02/bad-emails-make-me-cry/ [...]
Oh Sarah! How I can empathize with you today! Thank you for your continued transparency. It is such an encouragement to me.
Love & Blessings!
Tamara
I read this on a blog once:
Love without Truth is neglect.
Truth without Love is abuse.
I think it fits…
Oh Sarah, I’m so sorry your were hurt! Sometimes I think the whole wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap disciplinary method would be best applied to adults! From my little corner of the world, I have to tell you that I am so thankful for you, for your heart for God and for what you write. You are a blessing to me! I hope your heart smiles today!
A formula for our words, whether written or said …
Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?
It was out of a bible study I did and I thought it was profound and yet so simple. It stuck. Do I always follow it? No of course not, but it was I strive to follow.
I’m sorry for your hurts, but thank you for your words, they’ve encouraged and challenged me on many occasions!
Oh, this hurt to even read because I can so identify with your reaction to these hurtful emails. I think when you’d never dream of criticizing someone else in such a manner, you’d never dream anyone would do it to you. But so very unfortunately, that is not always the case! I’m with you–an unnecessarily harsh word can devastate me.
May the next many, many words you hear leave you more and more confident that the Lord is using you in really amazing ways. You have no idea just how much your offerings mean to a lot of people, and surely to HIM! And let the ones who read this be encouraged to take the opportunities and go out of their way to speak BLESSING, not discouragement.
I’ve been there, girl. And my hubby always steps in too and says stuff like, “If you’re getting negative feedback, you know you’re doing something right.”
Hugs!!
Sarah, I am sorry that people can be so mean and judgemental. But we love you and so appreciate your honesty and your way with words.
Michele – thanks for sharing “love without truth is neglect and truth without love is abuse”. I needed to hear that!
Sarah,
I love your posts. Your heart. God has used them to work in me.
Easy to be critical & unkind from the safety of a keyboard. My father always told me “Consider the source”. My husband does the same. And they’re right. Do those anonymous people know me? Do I respect their opinions? Would I ask them for advice (besides “Where’d you get those great shoes?” – which isn’t really advice) Any truth in what they say? No? Then pffffffft. Those who love you, care about you, invest in you will give you feedback/criticism in the same spirit. Big difference from those seagull style comments.
And to the person who made the comment about make-up, I NEVER leave the house without it. NEVER. When I die, I’m sure that I’ll rise up & grab my little bag of MAC products before they carry me out so that I’ll look good in the ground. Just keepin’ it real.
hmmm. why do you think you do not look good (or is not good enough) without makeup? Would God love you any lesser? Would your friends think of you as any lesser?
I hope you are kidding, but I cannot imagine NEEDING to apply makeup before going to the doctors or to the hospital in the case of a medical emergency, or even if its just a quick run to the store. Its like “hang on kids, I know you are hungry but let me finish perfecting my blusher first will ya?!” LOL!
Think about this: What can possibly happen if you spend a regular day without makeup on?
God bless.
Hi Leigh,
I tried to email this directly to you but the email came back as undeliverable.
Do you think this comment might be a little harsh?
Please be a little kinder to the recipient when you choose to write something like this. You could have communicated the same thing without sarcasm, I think. I doubt she makes her children go hungry because she’s putting on blush.
I understand your opinion that life should be lived no matter what we look like. And if our lip gloss isn’t perfect than who cares? I totally agree with you. It takes me about six minutes to put makeup on in the morning and NEVER touch it up. I wash it off before bed.
However, I don’t think that was what she was saying. I just re-read Cindy’s comment and I think she was commenting with a tongue-in-cheek tone. Please try to see the WHO behind the comment.
I understand your point of view, Leigh. And I’m glad you commented. And by the way, I’ve spent plenty of days without makeup. =)
There is scientific proof that when people spend an “appropriate” amount of time prepping for the day and enhancing their appearance (i’m not saying COVER THEIR FACE, but a little blush never hurt), their day actually is more efficient and their days work is actually more effective.
“Love your neighbors as you love yourself”
The first part is loving yourself… taking care of yourself…
Sometimes, that’s getting away for a weekend retreat. But for most mom’s with a busy schedule… a little blush and gloss is gonna have to do.
I need to pipe in here as the one who knows, more than most, that Sarah spends plenty of days w/o makeup or spending tons of time in front of a mirror “getting ready”.
I can say however that regardless of the day or event, she is always classy. That is one of the things that made her stand out when we first met 18 years ago. She doesn’t need makeup, expensive clothes or costly jewelry; she is simply a girl with tons of class.
Love you so much… and I adore your transparent heart. Thank you, thank you for continuing the brave the bad emails and be authentic for us.
Yeah, criticism hurts me a lot.
I particularly dislike it when it is under the guise of being helpful but it really is an attack. I’m not an idiot. I know the difference.
Mike Hyatt wrote a great post of this…http://michaelhyatt.com/2009/11/friends-critics-and-trolls.html
Oh, and the real you does wear make up and has pretty loose curls framing your face that make me a little green with envy.
I do not want to attack you, this is not to attack/demean you. I am plain curious. How can the REAL you be wearing makeup? Its fine if you say that you are just not comfortable baring EVERY aspect of you, but to say that the REAL you wear makeup is plain….strange (for the lack of a better word)? Its like an oxymoron, you know what I mean?
Anyway, hey lighten up. I dont (or I dont think anyone else will) think its a biggie. So what if you need to have makeup on all the time? Who says christians MUST sure be comfortable with themselves in their own skin/flaws 100% (god prob dont care how much makeup you have on right?)?? You are just human too, and are entitled to your own securities like everyone else. And I am NOT snarky or anything, this paragraph comes from my heart to yours, in all honesty.
Hope you feel better now.
just a thought:
how is “real” so connected to “no make-up”? placing those things in the same category makes no sense to me. being real and authentic has much less to do with physical appearance than communication and overall representation of who one truly is. the issues of being “real” and wearing or not wearing make-up seem like they shouldn’t even register on the same radar.
Hi, Sarah…
I’m so sorry people say hurtful things…when I read your posts, I’m grateful that there are people (Christians, at that)that can be real, truthful, and just say it like it is.
Thanks for that.
Sarah,
Only by the grace of God do we make it through each day. Each one of us participating in sinful activity on a daily basis. Sin that is not categorized or rated by a scale in God’s eyes. Sin that is just sin, that put Jesus on the cross. Thankfully He loved us enough to bear that sin. How humbling as a sinner I find His mercy and grace concerning me. I say all this to say that critcism of any kind regarding you and your posts is simply the sinner not recognizing the plank in their own eye. Your my sweet friend have ministered to so many and I want to encourage you in your journey, your journey in God’s grace, mercy, and sovereignty in every part of our lives.
I have a handwritten sign up in our house – “We are BUILDERS, not destroyers.” This is a reminder for us to build up with our words, no matter who we are talking to. Helpful criticism is an oxymoron – if you’re going to encourage someone to do better/be better, you had better have the character and integrity with which to back up your suggestions.
If we’re addressing sinful actions or trouble between people, The Bible puts it plainly: Matthew 18:15-16 When there is conflict between two people we are to go to our brother or sister PRIVATELY and talk it over with them.
However, if our criticism is about makeup or grammar, we should remember to swallow our ego and the words we were about to spit out. That’s not healthy for either party and it’s sin.
If you don’t like what you’re reading, move along. There are plenty of people who know we are ALL sinners saved by Grace – and we can show grace to others because of that.
Keep shining brightly, Sarah – the Kingdom needs your voice.
Curious and Leigh –
The whole makeup issue…is it really that big of a deal?
Some of us feel more comfortable in makeup. Some of us feel like makeup covers them up. Either way, please let’s understand that we are all different. AND we are still sisters.
I’m actually a little amazed that this has turned into a conversation about makeup.
I wear makeup. Not a lot. But I do. I don’t wear makeup when I run or walk the dog. I don’t wear makeup to bed. But part of my routine in getting ready in the morning is to wash/brush my hair, brush my teeth after I’ve taken a shower, and then put on some makeup. It’s just part of me getting ready.
I really never thought, considering ALL the things I’ve opened up about here on this blog, that I would be getting a hard time about wearing makeup.
I hope this makes it a little clearer.
Why do you feel the need to wear makeup? I am genuinely wondering. Do you feel lesser/smaller if/when you bump into friends when you don’t have your makeup on?
not at all.
honestly it’s just my normal. i’ve never really thought that it might be considered offensive to some that i wear a little makeup.
i’m telling the truth. i’ve seen plenty of my friends when i’m not wearing makeup. they don’t care. i don’t care. but truly, when i leave the house i just wear it.
habit.
routine.
normal. and i’ve never really thought it was morally wrong.
Well put Sarah!
Leigh…
I don’t always wear make-up during the day, but it’s because I have two young boys at home. However… this doesn’t stop me from dabbing on some mascara, brushing my hair, changing my shirt and somewhat pulling myself together before my husband comes home from work.
Men are visual creatures… and I think what’s bad is when a woman STOPS trying to be attractive for her husband.
My bigger question for you is why are you all over Sarah… over make-up? Do you feel lesser/smaller if you don’t have the last word?
Just sayin’…
I always find it funny that people are telling me, as my appearance has changed due to illness, that it’s what’s inside that counts. Yet, someone HAVING makeup on somehow doesn’t fit into the equation. Wearing makeup and taking care of one’s self shouldn’t have an impact on who they are inside any more than not wearing makeup does. If we are going to preach “the inside is what counts” than it should stand in all circumstances.
I also agree with Jenny… 95% of my life is spent in isolation. No one sees me. But I still put on makeup… because it uplifts ME. I still look in the mirror and it helps me feel put together, cared for, doing my best to be my best. If that uplifts my spirits, then it’s not someone else’s job to tear down my spirit with judgments.
Leigh: does she wear it on a train? Would she wear it in the rain? Would she, could she, in her house? Would she, could she with a mouse?
But I think the REAL question here is: SARAH, DO YOU LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM?
‘Cuz that’s what I think *really* matters.
this kind of stuff cracks me up. ruffled by non-essentials. no ones relationship or connection to the Lord or their ability to be real is dictated by wearing make-up or not.
but their heart is.
this is like saying anyone who matches their clothing, puts on a ring, a matching scarf, clean shoes or even brushes their hair and shaves are shallow. how silly.
ive met sarah, face to face. ive had incredibly deep conversations with her. ive admired her beauty, her poise. but never has her very small amt of makeup suggested to me that she was shallow.
makeup or not…who cares. this is not gospel. and the fact that this has become the main topic on this blog by a few speaks much about the opposers. if you have issues with makeup, then dont wear it. we must not impose our personal convictions (primarily over the non essentials) onto others. this is where division is born. and it is not loving or grace filled. at all.
Sarah,
I’ve been reading your blog for a couple months and never left a comment…or felt the need to join in on the conversation. But today is a different story. Be encouraged by all the women here that are being helped by your story and your life. I’m sure being so open and raw isn’t easy…but take the critisim as a compliment of sorts…you are stirring something within people–you’re having an effect. There are SO many blogs/women out there that don’t “keep it real” and although those can be encouraging in their own ways—you’re realness speaks to people in ways–theirs never could. And just remember that …”We fight not against flesh and blood…” You know who doesn’t want your story told…he doesn’t want lives to be changed…marriages mended etc.
I definitely think critique has its place…be open to it..learn from it…but don’t let it steal your JOY of your ministry in writing this blog. You will only be held responsible to the One who made you who you are…not some fussy pants wanting to say her piece.
Prayer over this blog…seek His face…and His will…and leave the rest up to Him…He has chosen YOU to “suffer” this for Him!
Sarah, it is always refreshing reading your blog! So sorry you have to receive e-mails like those, but KNOW you are helping so many people by your transparency and honesty. Those that write those things….do not have the Hope we have and have only loneliness in their hearts. You are a bright light in a dark world. Keep on writing from your heart…..you are helping so many!!! Love and hugs from Va! =)
I appreciate your openness. I read your story last week and was moved to evaluate my own marriage and pray that God would protect it. Thank you for sharing your story of sin, repentance, grace, and restoration.
I for one could care less about the makeup issue( I commonly refer to mine as warpaint(mother too 2 boys)), but I do so love hearing your daily thoughts and musings. They truly, in my life, are heaven sent. Please dont stop sharing yourself because you are impacting others and making a difference in this believer. God bless you.
Sweet girl. Your ability and capacity for naked honesty provokes people who hide behind masks.
The hope you offer is dangerous. Write on. God gets glory and you have a real enemy who robs, steals and destroys. That’s it. Write on. Your life is like truth serum, others don’t want to swallow it. Write on. Truth sets us free. People want to keep living in prisons of denial. Write on.
You need to read Hugh McCleod’s Ignore Everyone. Will give you a boost!
ha! just the name of that makes me smile. thanks for the tip. =)
Just wanted to chime in on makeup…
I don’t have a bit of problem with ladies wanting to put on makeup! I rarely wear it, and if I do, it’s usually just some powder to even out my skin tone. But I can understand a little why some have a problem with it; my mom {when she was younger} let makeup “take over”. She used a lot, and could never be without it. It {essentially} became an idol for her, so she gave it up. But I don’t have a problem with wanting to wear makeup to look nice, especially when it’s not spending a lot of your time. For some, it’s just everyday life!
thank you, jacky, for your balanced perspective. i love it. =)
Wow. I came over from Twitter after seeing your tweet about this post getting criticized. How stuck on ourselves are we? When somebody opens up about what’s going on in their world, do we really need to “one up” them? Seriously, folks.
Thank you for your brutal honesty, Sarah. I pray that God will help you overlook the “unnecessary” comments that people feel they need to leave. Sometimes people forget that real people are writing blogs – not super humans.
I look forward to reading your blog again!
love you. love your words and your heart. i wear makeup–i never even thought about that being an issue. so many are being blessed by your blog. not sure why a few feel they have to be negative–but i know, with all my heart, God is using you in big ways. love love love you!
Sarah, I think my reply to those who criticize me for wearing makeup would be a couple different ones. I like you reply, what is the big deal. The other I thought of is I do this for my husband. He may not see me at all during the day but when he does he knows that I care enough about what I look like to be a representation of him.
Been reading your blog for a couple of months. Your post a couple of weeks ago on why it seems to be easier sometimes to be raw & open as a commenter. It is about the attraction of the post. And the comments already ahead of me. Being raw is part of the process of finding out how much strength I have in myself. Peeling back those superficial layers that I hide behind. Why? I truly believe because God has brought each person here for a reason. To use that red ink. To learn a little about me. When I see something in a comment that makes me go “ah-ha” it is awesome! I learn about me. That I’m not alone in my fears. Or my love-hate relationship with God. I don’t want to be that superficial girl. I want to be transparent. I don’t feel I have anything to hide anymore.
I am 52, and I really don’t like my fair-skinned, blotchy face. It is the real me & I am ok with that, but I think a little Bare Minerals helps ME feel better. And not so scary!
As for the red ink. Isn’t there an app for washing that away???
Complete facepalm/headdesk mode over here about the makeup issue. I understand exactly what you mean- I don’t feel normal without makeup. That IS real me. That’s the real me that everyone sees. Heck, that’s the real me that I see! I rarely don’t have makeup on and honestly it’s a comfortable part of my routine. I like taking time to ponder what color of eyeshadow that I want to wear. It’s almost like putting on my courage to face the day. Reminding myself that I am a work of art and that I deserve the pampering.
The funny thing is that every single woman that gripes at you about wearing makeup does something to pamper herself. There’s that one thing in her routine that’s not necessary at all but she likes to do. It might not be as often as you put on makeup, but she does it and loves it and would get defensive if someone questioned HER about it.
I know this is getting long winded, but I’ve been working out a rocky patch in a relationship with a close friend over the past few days. They have accused me of things that I think are completely unfounded. Normally it would rip me apart. Yet the last night, every time I tried to process those accusations to see if they were legit and if I should learn from them, God honestly stopped me. Every time. I wondered if I was in denial, but He told me that He was not going to let me think on those things because they weren’t my problem. Those were words coming from a hurt soul who was trying to displace their own mistakes and downfalls onto me. I think one of the hardest things as a Christian woman is to separate ourselves from our critics. We also have received so much criticism in the past for not being a cookie cutter model of feminine Christianity that we sometimes throw out cutting remarks to let people know that we think they’re doing the wrong thing. Because that’s how we’re conditioned.
So…ultimately, thank you for being one who is standing up for change. The status quo isn’t love, and therefore…it sucks.
I love you.
I enjoy reading your blog everyday because you are so brutally honest. I wish that people would lift up and not tear down, the world is cruel enough. Also, if they don’t like what you write about or your makeup choice read another blog or keep the comments constructive. Btw, I love your real life video because my car looks like that on a daily basis and it is good to see that I am not the only one.
I agree that it’s easier to say harsh things when hidden behind a computer screen. I *love* that you mentioned that you reply to all comments, nice or harsh. I think engaging in conversation makes the situation a little more REAL to those who have not so nice things to say. I think it reminds them that they’re talking to someone, a PERSON, and not just replying to a computer.
I love your blog. And I love knowing that you’re a real person- that you struggle, and laugh, and cry, and make a mess.
Don’t stop sharing that.
The fact that you are genuine and honest makes your blog more appealing! I have appreciated your openness and it inspires me to be vulnerable in my own postings. I think the fact that you take the time to reply to people who are criticising you, instead of just dismissing them, shows just how good and caring your heart is. Don’t let other people change that about you by their ugliness. I look forward to reading more in the future.
i sure do like you… a LOT!
i know what you mean about the mean emails. i just keep the best open mind i can, giving the benefit of the doubt that they mean well… but many times, it’s hard to find any way around their notes except pure judgment. and at that point… it doesn’t matter.
i’ve learned i don’t need to own anyone else’s feelings… but man, words can be harsh.
my prayer for you, dear friend, is that you always see and FEEL the 100 good and encouraging emails to every bad one.
love you… and can’t wait to see you soon!
sarah,
i’ve read your blog several times, and i think i’m following you on twitter now.
in all honesty, i can’t see why ANYONE would feel the need to criticize another’s work/thoughts unless it is blatantly morally wrong. (for example, if you were to blog about how fun it is to beat children. or to steal money from old people with fixed incomes).
you being real is an awesome thing. sometimes i think criticism and nit-picking is really just a symptom of a person’s own insecurities and inability to see and address one’s inner issues.
i’m sure you know this, but i’m sure the criticism still bites. as someone who really reads love through words and compliments, seeing harsh words can be tough, especially when they’re not given (or seem to not be given) in love and in a manner of helping you, rather than hurting you.
i think you should keep on doing what you’re doing. because it’s a blessing to read your stuff. ESPECIALLY because it’s not always perfect. it’s real instead.
Ladies who’d like to criticize other ladies for wearing makeup…do you realize that not every woman has the same heart you do? To you, there may be a CORRELATION between makeup and hiding or makeup and not accepting who Jesus made you to be naturally. But that’s not the case for every woman.
At the risk of over-spiritualizing this, an illustration from the bible. For the Pharisees, having a meal with a sinner was CORRELATED to carousing and sin. But Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” Essentially, He said, “You don’t know the REAL me. I’m not doing this for the party. I’m doing it for their hearts.”
This makeup stuff is no different. It’s not going to build-up your heart. What I mean is that for one woman, makeup means bad things. But it doesn’t to every woman! Self identity in makeup – bad. Makeup – not bad. As many here probably know, in counseling terms, it’s called projection. No one needs to explain themselves. Jesus didn’t. He said something simple. Ladies, say, “Wearing makeup makes me feel beautiful.” End of story. No apologies. If someone keeps pushing you with constant haranguing, don’t let them in your heart! Say, “Later, hater!” and talk to Jesus about important things!!
Sarah you’re awesome. Chad is awesome. You’ve got a friend in Nashville (and pretty much everywhere else around this country!)
Live free, yo!
Thanks Andy. Nice to hear from a guy on this. =)
ay, ay, ay. ::sound of head hitting my desk::
hang in there girl. you’re right…opening up yourself can be a blessing and a curse. in the end, it’s more of a blessing, so you keep on keeping on.
Sarah, it’s hard to find the words to tell you how incredibly blessed I feel when reading your blog. You are genuine, honest and open and I can relate to most everything you say. Though we’ve never met I have come to know you and love you in Christ through your blog and your tweets and I’m so thankful that @cindybeall “introduced” you to me. Keep being open, keep being honest, keep being REAL. Thank God for you and for moving you to share your life. Your bad emails remind me of the three “friends” of Job. They continually put down Job’s actions, words and way of life but in the end, after talking in pointless circles that did nothing to help or encourage Job, God put them in their place.
You are encouragement, you remind us to be hopeful and to rest in faith for a better tomorrow, you are an example of God’s love and grace and you move us to better wives/mothers with your wise advice. Thank you for being YOU and for encouraging all of us to better and to live a life reflecting Christ’s image. Love you!
Great post! The thing I love most about reading your blog is your honesty and openness about things – things that I think most people would shy away from blogging or talking about. It’s intriguing to me that in this blog about being critiqued in such a unkind, severe way, there were some people who responded in the manner you were talking about – unkindly. It makes me wonder what they’re going through that has caused them to respond that way. I pray that one day when they are in need, they are treated with the love and truth that you talk about instead of the sarcasm and harsh criticism that they are displaying. Keep up the great posts Sarah!
It’s unbelievable that this turned into so many comments about makeup. I was reminded of the verse: “always seeing but never believing, always hearing but never understanding”(matt 13.13) because we get sidetracked so easily! Such silly, menial, nit-picky things! I’m an English major too who earns her living as a technical editor, and grammar isn’t a problem for you, Sarah. Not sure about the advice you’re getting. We read your blog like we’re sitting across from you at Starbucks, and we certainly don’t speak in proper English 24/7. The bottom line: Jesus is using your words. That’s the truth. As always, there is opposition. I’m embarrassed for those people who find courage to criticize overtly when they could be supporting His message by being an encouragement to you. I hope you are bolstered by the many comments today because you deserve to hear how you really have affected many, many families, lives, marriages. Thank you so much for your willingness to be real and transparent and vulnerable to us. <3!!
Seriously?!?!
Someone made the comment that you weren’t real enough bc you wore make up.
uh uh. That is beyond ridiculous.
I’ve got news for people….
GET A GRIP!
seriously though.. you are kind.. you are honest.. you are real.. and none of it has to do with what you are wearing or not wearing.. who gives a crap anyways?
Jesus sure doesn’t.
and neither do I.
So,
Carry on.
In Christ.
Sunshine
A year into my first job out of college as a nurse I was up my review. I was excited that I had a glowing evaluation until my boss said one thing; “you do not take correction well.” I was devastated. I mean I went home and cried like a baby. I took great pride in the job I did. Later that night I sat down to evaluate her words. She said correction, not criticism. I had a bad habit of giving my patients their medications at the prescribed time, I did not, on the other hand, remember to document it on the chart. I was often corrected. (As a legal matter, she was saving my rear!) What she also did though was always preface her correction with words of life. “You always remember those meds that are given at off times, just remember to note it in the medication chart.”
Twenty five years later that still resonates with me. It is a lesson I have used with my kids many times. Correction , where needed for safety, legal, or ethical purposes, is okay and even though may be hurtful (to those of us who are perfectionist and think we could never possibly make a mistake…)but it is for our good. Criticism, for the sake of being right or one up on our neighbor is not beneficial and hurts our neighbor (or in this case, our blogmate). Words of life are like water to my thirsty soul, criticize me and wound me to my core.
In response to all the “makeup” nonsense. I was once criticized for wearing expensive jeans to church. How I was “flaunting” and maybe I should be more apt to donate that $ to a better cause.
1. I’m wearing jeans on my body. I am not flaunting by any means.
2. The amount of $ I donate and to what is between God and I.
3. God loves me. Regardless of my expensive jeans or the makeup on my face. God wants me to be happy and comfortable and if that means in expensive jean with lip gloss on. So be it!
if this were facebook, I’d be giving you a “thumbs up = likes”
I often find that when I post about things I care about or are concerned about, I receive the harshest criticism. Because it is hard to read the tone of a blog post, many women feel that you are attacking THEM and their beliefs…even if you state that you aren’t. I believe becaus women are so passionate, we often type without first thinking of how this person will feel when they read our critique.
There are those who purposely seek to hurt with their words…and to those women I feel sorry for them and I try to pray for them as God would want me to. I don’t always succeed. But I do try. But for most of those who leave harsh criticism, they may genuinely feel like they are trying to help. Perhaps they need to understand a little more about the meaning of telling the truth in love.
As for makeup, I wear it. Everyday. And sometimes I wear a lot to keep things spicy. That doesn’t define me. My love for Christ does. And I know that is the case for a lot of other women too. Whether or not they wear makeup.
Xoxo!