I’m just going to be honest.
Sometimes I feel like it’s easier to be real, open and authentic online than it is in person.
I can bare my soul, talk about my weight issues, my marriage issues, show the inside of my van for the whole world to see. At least the whole world on the other end of the pale light of the computer screen.
And here’s a huge confession:
Sometimes I feel like YOU all know me better than my real-life friends do.
[before all of you real-life friends get your feelings hurt, if you are reading this at all, you count in the "YOU" too.] It’s not like I require people who know me in real life to frequent my blog, but let’s just be real here: I don’t hold much back here on this little corner of web real estate.
This is nitty-gritty, scared, bloated, hurt, frustrated, weepy me.
Sure I get feedback: that comes in the form of emails, comments and the occasional twitter @ reply. But it’s far different than the kind of feedback I would get if I shared the same information/story/truth standing flip-flop to flip-flop with a friend while our kids are swimming at the pool in July. If I walked up to a group of moms at the park and told them some of my stories (the ones I tell to you every day) I might get some “hmphs” and another mother might grab her two year old by the hand and with a worried look hurry her to the car.
So here, in the blog/twitter world we start with a context. We get past the how-many-kids-do-you-have questions and go straight for the throat: grace, failure, forgiveness…
It might take me months or years knowing someone strictly in face-to-face real life to cut through the awkward red tape that we cut through daily here on the blog world.
With that said, there is something magical about sharing the same oxygen with someone you’ve met here and then get to meet for real.
Meet Cindy. There was not any first-meeting red tape. We’d cut all that a long time ago via blog comments and phone calls. There was just sisterhood and friendship.
Meeting Cindy from Sarah Markley on Vimeo.
This is why I can be instant friends with someone I’ve met for the first time.
What do you think? Do you agree? Why is it easier to be more real/open online than in person?
click HERE to visit my site and watch the video
Tags: Cindy Beall, IRL, video post
Sarah: I absolutely loved the video; so sisterhood, but I loved when you and Chad were sitting in the rocking chairs at Cracker Barrell. The smile on your face was just adorable and lovely. I agree – it is easier to be more real online; in person I tend to talk more and so does the other person, but on line I can feel and empathize!!! Your blog is so real and loving! Thanks!
I couldn’t agree more. I feel like I have two lives. I suppose in real life I don’t think anyone would want to listen to my stories, but on the web I can write my deepest thoughts and if someone wants to stop by and read it’s their choice; I haven’t bothered or bored them. And NONE of my real life friends are bloggers so it’s a whole different world.
What a wonderful friendship you have with her. Loved the realness in your video. Isn’t this blog-world amazing?
And I have to say- seeing Cracker Barrell made me cry! Cracker Barrell restaurants hold lots of memories for me, and being in Germany and so far away from family… I’m now homesick!
I think that it is easier to be more real online because sure, it is messy, and emotional at times, but the other person doesn’t necessarily have to SEE you at your worst. And I think that a lot of people are uncomfortable with emotional situations, making it even harder in real life. Online we can put it all out there, and people can read, or not read … comment, or not comment, and it doesnt effect us as much because we don’t really know who all is watching.
I CoMpLeTeLy agree! My best friend and I met maybe once because she’s the older sister of my husband’s childhood friend. We were never part of the same circles, until we shared the common dilemmas that come from living overseas, far from our families. A few emails were courteously exchanged at Christmas and a spark fired. Soon enough we were writing “chapters” to each other! (we’re talking over 1500 word emails on average:) I went to Israel last year to see them, and it was a reunion not to be forgotten. We knew each other so well from the sincerity available in type and from embracing the chance to really know each other. It’s been one of the best things I’ve had in my life. Friendship online or in writing is true friendship. It makes the time spent face-to-face even better! You certainly share more genuinely and without doubt when you’re forced to click a “submit” button.
For me, a blog began as more of a journal that other people read than a way to connect with people. It is easier to bare your soul to a journal than a person because there is no fear of rejection. The connections and friendships that I get from blogging are an added bonus that I did not know about in the beginning.
I am such an introvert in real life that some of the things I’ve shared on my blog have completely shocked my sister (one of the very few people in my real life who also read my blog), it’s very cathartic to have a place to be as honest and real as I am on my blog. And so the people I’ve met and become friends with as a result (and yet haven’t met in real life) are in many ways closer to me than some of my real life friends. But there is a part of me that wants to be a little more open with them, it’s just hard. And I don’t really completely know why that is.
OK, that video made me cry. And it made me so happy to be your friend in real life. What a treasure these bloggy friendships can come to be. LOVE IT!!!
I could watch this video for hours.
Love you.
ahhh..the love sisters have for each other when they share the same kindred spirit..it truly is a gift of God to have a beloved friend.
your video made my ♥ happy!
when we are able to KNOW each other thru the depths of our written words, I think it allows us to love more readily…the truth of who we really are is already laid open and exposed..and if a person still loves us with grace and mercy knowing what they know when our inner truths are revealed, then we are truly loved the way Christ intended….and that my friend fills us all with great JOY (and lots of laughter)!
MMmm Cracker Barrel! We used to have 2 of those here in San Diego-no more…
I don’t know why, but yes, it’s so easy to bond with cyber friends. I love them, they’re a special part of my life. Thanks for sharing your fun day together!
When I first started blogging I didn’t tell any of the people in my offline life. I found it so
much more freeing to be able to just spill my guts without having to worry if someone might get offended by what I was feeling or be uncomfortable about what I was dealing with. There are still a couple
of things in my life that I haven’t been able to share (on or offline) but I feel like when the time comes it will be easier to put it on a blog than to talk about it
one-on-one with people. I think partly it’s because there’s not as much accountability online as in real life. It’s been interesting to have my mom reading my blog lately cause she’s called me on things I’ve said I would or wouldn’t do. Now I have a level of accountability that wasn’t there before.
I agree with you about the difference of sharing in real life as opposed to online. People tend to become uncomfortable with the reality of us when it’s infront of their face. Online I’ve found so much more encouragement and support than I’m receiving in real life.
I love, love, loved that video. I wish I would have known you were in Oklahoma City. You have saved my life with your honesty, and transparency. i am glad to know I am not the only person that enjoys being “real”. It’s my motto and the only way a person should live. Thank you for sharing!
so loved getting to see your video! (i’m surprised cindy let you get away with taking so long to get that done – ha!) seeing the two of you together made my heart feel so full!
it’s definitely easier for me to be more open and transparent online. i express myself better in writing. plus i’m an introvert. but i’ve found that starting friendships this way doesn’t mean people end up thinking i’m different in person than i am online. (at least i hope not!) because my friendships are built on a foundation of openness and authenticity, i’m more easily able to continue that “in real life” as well.
I think, for one thing, the friendships and connections I have made online are more “targeted” (for lack of a better word” than my IRL friends. I am drawn to people in similar situations, similar values and similar stories…whereas in real life the people you meet are far more influenced by circumstance and geography. I hope that makes sense (it does in my head
I think it’s easier to bare your soul to strangers because you/they have no investment in the relationship. You don’t have to worry about offending them because, at the end of the day, they can walk away. They can hold you accountable and you don’t have to worry about hurting their feelings or blowing their mind. I have found that it’s like that in therapy, which I guess blogging is a type of. I would love to start a blog but haven’t for a couple of reasons. One is that I don’t know how to do it, two is that I’m afraid of delving that deeply into my life. I absolutely love you…you are brave and transparent and loving and an inspiration. Maybe one day you and I can have a meeting like you and Cindy! And now, thanks to you, I’m going to check out Cindy’s blog.
I think it’s so much easier because you don’t have to see the other person’s reactions. I think that is what I am afraid of most is telling somebody something and having them react badly to it. Online, you can tell your story (without any interruptions, too!) and then the person on the other side of the screen can react however they want and then maybe compose themselves enough to comment, or not to comment at all. The thing is that it’s also easier to judge and criticize people online, and easier for us to say it to someone because we don’t have to deal with the repercussions really. It’s a really strange world, this whole blogging and online place.
awesome Sarah!
We are a community of the best people you’ll never meet!! Carlos Whittaker (www.ragamuffinsoul.com) posed a question yesterday but the other direction. “what do your offline friends and family know about you that your online friends should know, too”.
Online time = Honesty and confession time. I have “met” such spectacular people. Sisters & brothers. People who know my heart. And secrets. And pain. And joy. And achievements.
I know a group of people going on the MusicBoat in Nov. They have never met. If I had the $$$ I would be there with them. I am envious. But, unemployment doesn’t leave enough for a cruise! We are sisters. Almost in the biological sense. True friends. And I can talk to them in my jammies. Before I’ve even brushed my teeth.
LOVE the Cracker Barrell! How very cool you got to meet an online friend, there are a few who I would love to meet someday!
I don’t know either Cindy or you in real-life…but I feel a sisterhood to both of you through your blogs. Enjoyed so much the video of you two meeting! This is when blog-world is a wonderful thing…sharing, loving, praying with another on the other side of the country! Heaven will be so wonderful…meeting all of my sisters in Christ that I’ve grown to love through their blogs. Thanks so much for sharing your life with us!
Hi Sarah. Can’t really answer your question because I don’t make any of my writing public. God has done a truly miraculous work in my life over the past two years and I do write about it. Just not publicly. However, two years ago (when my life fell apart and God started to rebuild it with His power instead of mine) was also about the time I discovered and started reading blogs. I would love to share with others what has happened to me through Christ. I know that reading about what God has done in other people’s lives is so encouraging to me.
The problem is, I can’t really share my spiritual (or any other) journey without discussing some pretty awful things about my husband. The kinds of things that could quickly turn real life conversations into ugly gossip because his sin has pretty much resulted in our losing literally everything, and he is still essentially unrepentant. I would hope to keep a blog anonymous, but my family kinda… sticks out in real life. So I am not sure. And I just don’t know if it is fair to my husband or my daughters (his daughters) to enter into blogging relationships which would reveal things about him that I would never reveal the details of to, say, a women’s Bible study group.
I feel like the blog community is a safer place to talk about real issues. I know I am more apt to think about the motivation behind my words when they are written. I am less likely to just pour out my sinful anger or thoughtless opinions, and that seems to be true of many bloggers. My goal is to glorify God by writing about the hope He has given me. But currently my hope and trust in Christ happens to be played out in the context of what my husband is doing to me and our family. Any thoughts on this?
this video suuurleasly made my heart sing..and i started shedding a tear at the first embrace. i’m so sappy like that! haha!
I absolutely agree that it is far easier to fully express how I feel online or in writing. I can recall sharing stories with my mom on the phone and then she’d cut me off and tell me how she was witnessing to a muslim in Yo-ville! But later, she’d read the story on my blog and respond differently. I tease her a lot about that. Everything I have shared online I have first shared with my closest friends and family. It is vunerable place to just shed and risk what people say, but I am open like that. I recall even meeting a friend for the first time, calling her the next day and in between stories of Christmas, sharing how my marriage was struggling…I prefer phone calls and coffee dates (or lunch!) and I think that’s why I don’t facebook or twitter, although I feel I miss out on not being in the know. I just get way to overwhelmed and shut down. As far as blog readers…I have had my blog for 3 years and it’s mainly people who know me in real life that visit.
I think it’s easier to be open, honest, and natural online because you don’t have to look someone in the eye when you make your deepest, darkest confessions. You just type it and “put it out there”, and when people don’t run away after reading it, you breathe a sigh of relief. You spilled your guts, and no one disowned you over it.
again, wow…so true…so many of your readers agree how easy it is to be open..in print…from a safe distance…
which makes Jesus coming to look for us & then finding us at ground level so much more amazing than we already think it is…no safety net for Him (unlike those we offer trapeze artists)…just face to face…
is that why we’d rather sometimes interact with our theology than Jesus, Himself, the God-man? i wonder…
again, you rock, girl!
love you,
dad
I think it can be easier to be real online, but in many ways it’s MUCH easier online than in person to hide the things you don’t want people to know about and put forth the things you do.
Oops, reading that it almost sounds like I am saying that that is what YOU do. And that’s not what I meant at all, I was just saying that in general it can be easier to be real like you say, but I think it’s also much easier to hide real parts of oneself online as well!
i remember meeting you, i was caught between wanting to hug and look at you.. hold you and soak you, in real life, up. that was a wonderful day.
i have been thinking about this (post content) a lot. i am lonely for real life friends. i find that i am acquaintances with everyone, but not intimate friends with anyone… not really.
i think your right about blogationships (let’s make that a word, like “vlogging”), allow for vulnerability and grace. i think in real life people see vulnerability as weakness, and grace doesn’t come easy.
i wish my blog friends (you) were closer. i need coffee and intimacy.
have fun at blissdom (grab lindsey’s butt and tell her it’s from me
It’s easier for many reasons, at least for me. I do better with lists sometimes, so here goes. 1) They can’t judge. Well, they can, but that’s easily fixed…they can just stop reading. It’s as simple as that. 2) Readers will only read if they find me interesting or can relate to what I say. Unless they’re just annoying and feel their life goal is to put me down. But I think, overall, the community is made up of people who value what you say. 3) Most have blogs as well, where you can learn a whole lot about them in the space of a few hours. 4)You can “catch up” quickly through reading old posts. 4) It’s just plain easier. If they disagree with your honesty, then so what. You don’t have to see their faces. It’s different from disappointing loved ones that you’ll have to see for the rest of your life. 5)There’s “safety” in not seeing who you’re talking to.
For me, blogging allows me to really think about what I want to say before I publish, and revise until it truly says what I’m thinking. I get really nervous about getting personal in real life (at least with the people we have met post- move)because there is no delete button. Honesty in real life means I can see others reactions to my words, sometimes that’s a little too bare for me.
My blogging buddies are friends to me, even if I don’t know them in real life. It’s a place where I can openly grieve and bond with others who have been through the same thing. It can be comforting when I hear that others are encountering similar situations (removes that weirdo feeling), and it can be inspiring when I see how others are using their experience for good. As much as my real life friends try, they just don’t always understand our grief. I wouldn’t give up my real life friends, but my blogging friends are pretty important too.
Sarah,
I totally agree! It’s so easy to write out all your feelings and then it only takes one second of courage to click the “send” button. I find myself confronting even my IRL friends through email becuase I can really think about what I want to say. I can put it in a draft folder and marinate on it. Then I can tweak it to make it perfect, adding in my smiley faces where need be, so as not to be misunderstood. But I am also finding, now that I have recently joined the world of blogging, that by being so transperent, I’m also opening myself up to hurt. To rejection! I mean, hello, I have 8 followers. That feels so small. It ends up making me feel small. I know that I have family who will read my blog, but they don’t put their name on it. So I end up feeling like I’m pouring my heart out to those 8 people…and for what? I guess for the therapy it provides for me. But then I’m also finding that when you put it out there, people start to talk. They beging to share what they read, and then like the childhood game of telephone, things get lost in translation. People convey the story wrong. It changes a bit from person to person, and when it gets back to you it’s false! Then you feel even more exposed and raw. Because not only did you share the truth, as hard as that way, but then you have to defend the lies. I don’t know, I guess this is raw and I just wanted to write to someone who understands it. Do you have any advice on the whole “blogging” world? What happenes then when the people you want to read it don’t, and the people you really don’t want to, do?
Robyn
Hi Sarah,
I am not a blogger nor do I have on-line friends, but this post spoke to me beacause my friends know me better than Jesus does. I would rather talk to my friends than Jesus. It’s easier. But I am now realizing that I need to first talk to Jesus, lay out my heart to Him, tell Him all of my hurts. I do think it’s good to talk to your friends, but (as I am painfully finding out) you will wear them out. You cannot wear out Jesus and He is the ultimate Healer, not my friends. I do think you can talk to your friends, but if you first talk to Jesus you will be more of a blessing than a burden to your friends.
Thank you (again).
Love-Oly
I’m slow on this post but I only met you a month ago I have a lot to catch up on. This meeting was awesome funny I met you through Cindy’s book with your story and was so touched by it I had to become friends with you. I met Cindy Beall 3 months ago well not met met her but we have been communicating. I heard her and Chris’ story on Ryan Dobson and felt God wanted me to get in touch with her. I have a porn addiction and so she led me to Crystal Renaud and DGM which I always see her book on your blog page. Small world. Cindy is so easy to talk to and her book is what got me to be really serious about my addiction that if I continued it I would cheat on my husband eventually. It was a big wake up call.
So back to your question yes its easier to tell people who you are and things your going through online then in person. I find I get judged less. I told Cindy I want to meet her and her hubby one day. I feel she through God gave me hope. Very cool your trip and my fav. is cracker barrel we have none in Canada.
Thanks for your blog and sharing your heart, one day we may meet as well.
Blessings