I didn’t get a picture.
[You would think I would have, being that I pretty much take photos of everything. My camera has become one of the filters through which I view my world.]
But I had the pleasure of meeting Trisha Davis last week when I was in Nashville. In fact, I got to see her twice but I didn’t take a picture of us so you’ll just have to trust me that, yes, I’ve hugged her in person.
Her’s and Justin’s story of marriage restoration is amazing, close to my heart and it was beautiful to hear her tell parts of it to me in her own words. Their website, RefineUs.org is dedicated to seeing marriages reborn and healed.
Today I’m posting over there (actually WE. Chad wrote some of this one) about one thing that we wished we knew before we got married.
Here’s a peek:
Growing Up Beside You
It’s difficult.
You can’t quantify a question like this.
Because we DID get married when we were 21. We DID have problems with communication. We DID use pornography in our early marriage as a means to quell the disturbing divide between us. We DID yell and scream and belittle and hurt. We DID bring baggage into our fragile relationship, a full set of new Samsonites each.
We DID get married early and young and a little stupid.
And we have the battle scars to prove it.
Click here to read about the one thing we wished we knew before we got married.
What is one thing YOU wish you knew before you got married?
And if you didn’t get a chance last week, visit my new LISTEN page to hear a few MP3s of us/me speaking.
You can also SUBSCRIBE or GRAB A BUTTON here.
I cannot think of one thing! I was married young…at 19. This year we are celebrating our 24th wedding anniversary. In fact, the end of this month we are renewing our vows!
Nope, wouldn’t change a thing!
That God needs to be in your marriage.
I’m with Jen. So silly of us to think we have everything under control and we can “do this” alone.
I married my husband at 24 and although we knew each other 12 years before we married I wish we would have known that marriage would be the toughest job we would ever have. It’s a constant compromise, give and take, in good times and bad. Yes, it’s a struggle sometimes, but worth it!
In the three years that I have been married, I have learned not to sweat the small stuff! There is a ton of big stuff to sweat!
i totally agree. there is far too much to work through to worry about clothes on the floor. =)
the issues you have before marriage are going to still be there, maybe even intensify instead of going away. i remember thinking… oh this won’t be an issue once we are married and i am his wife. i was wrong and it has taken a lot of heart ache, struggles, and work to get through those issues in 13 1/2 years. even though we should have worked through and resolved those issues before we got married i don’t know if i would change anything. we are now different people and different as a couple because of those challenges.
The one thing I wish I’d known was that I wasn’t ready.
that my marriage is a direct reflection of my relationship with Christ.
I wish I’d have known myself better so I’d have my own two feet to stand on when the person I married began tearing me apart. I wish I’d have known my husband had mental illness and would either from choice or mental illness, control, manipulate, and verbally, mentally, and emotionally abuse me. I wish I’d known I’d have no voice. I wish I’d been stronger and known how to love myself from the beginning before I walked into it. I’d have made different choices for myself.
And I wish I could say the nice things other are saying about their marriage of 24 years, but I can’t.
Sarah, I really liked this post (I clicked back here after reading the whole thing). I was 20 and my husband was 22 when we got married. And for us, it was WAY too early. I don’t necessarily regret getting married, but we just didn’t know what we were doing! And because of that, we’ve had several years of HARD, MESSY and HURT.
Don’t get me wrong – we’re okay now! But wow, when I think about how long it’s going to take us to get from BAD to OKAY to GREAT? Well, I just wonder what our marriage would look like if we’d figured some things out before we got married. Then again, I’m not sure we WOULD have figured out the most important things on our own.
So, I waffle on this issue. As you can see.
I wish we’d known so many things (don’t sweat the small stuff, put God first and each other immediately second, respect my husband, don’t lie to your wife, and on and on). But I kind of like the way we’ve grown up together.
Wow! That’s a loaded question!! I was 22 when I got married. My husband is pretty much the only guy I ever really dated…and I was definitely the only girl he ever dated. I think I thought that just because we had dated for 3 & 1/2 years, we knew each other perfectly…but, it takes WAY longer than that to really get to know each other on a deep soul level.
I wish I had known that you aren’t nice or giving to your spouse because they are being good to you. You give of yourself to them regardless of how they may be treating you. When you truly learn and understand what it means to love someone unconditionally, that is when marriage really becomes AMAZING. We have been married almost 8 years, but I’d say it took us a good 6 years to really understand how to love each other (that adds up to almost TEN years before we really “got” it!!!).
To any other people who get married young, I would just say that marriage is ALWAYS worth the work and struggles…because with time, it is those things that will eventually lead you to an AMAZING LOVE and marriage. I always felt so discouraged when we had times that we just weren’t getting along…I felt like we were destined to be another statistic/divorce. How GRATEFUL I am that God has seen us through. I can honestly say that my whole heart belongs to my husband that I am madly in love with him (not that I always like him…hahaha). Marriage is worth the fight!!
So, to sum it up, I wish I had known that having an awesome marriage takes a lot of time, work, sweat, and tears…but, it will get there with time!!
Hearing this from you a few years ago changed my life and kept me from getting married to young! thanks
I wish I knew I get a whole family with my husband. Of course I knew that but I wish I could comprehend it truly. We come from very different backgrounds which is really hard for me now (after 3 years of marriage).
Wow….this was a good post and good comments to read right now. I am 24 and just got engaged. Anything that has to do with preparing for marriage I want to read right now! Thanks for all of the stories and thoughts, ladies!