I tell my new-mother friends to view their would be stuck-at-home status as a luxury.
Because it is a luxury to be able to nap when your baby does, to sling her to your belly when you walk in the afternoon, to be able to have your mind free from other worries to make simple, beautiful decisions like
Should I try to burp her after one breast or two?
Shall I watch the Today Show or finish my yoga workout when she takes her first nap?
Even now I’m not that far removed from that, but it still feels like a million miles away to have a day stretch out in front of me without having to juggle dance lessons and school pickups, blog posts and Bible study, dog-walking and cat-litter scooping.
I’m not complaining.
I’m just not a brand-new mother anymore with the brand-new mother euphoria.
Yes, euphoria.
You tell me to remember the up-at-3am-feedings, the spit-up, the colic. You tell me that I can’t forget the diaper “blow-outs”, all the gear that I had to lug in the trunk of the car just to go to the supermarket. You remind me of the high fevers, the reflux medicine, the fussiness. And the bleary-eyed mornings, the baby-proofing and the pureed food.
I remember all of that.
But I also remember the 5 month old baths, you know, the ones where she can sit up in the kitchen sink and the light from the late afternoon window makes her auburn curls shinier than they already are. I remember wiping off pudgy hands that have gotten into my mascara.
I have my own euphoria during this day, 8 years later.
I look at my four-year-old’s legs, longer, it seems each time I help her with her socks. I look at her thinning arms, nothing left of the toddler she was just a couple years ago. Her eyes look older, her mouth says words I had no idea she knew and her hair sweeps her shoulders like a much older girl. She tries her hand at grace when she does her ballet, the first and second positions of a girl trying to control her own limbs.
My eight-year-old tells me the dreams she has for the future, asks giant questions about God and heaven. She will outgrow me in the next few years, I’m sure. She rides horses with confidence and she’s already begun transfer that into other areas of her life. She calls me Mama and I answer.
And I know some of you are waiting to be grandmothers. Your girls are grown and they are finishing school. You can barely remember life when they couldn’t tie their own shoes and they sat at your kitchen table for dinner every night.
But it all is a luxury.
Every stage of our lives, whether we’ve come home just this morning with a bundled-infant or whether we’ve been invited to our granddaughter’s wedding. It’s all a luxury.
[Let's not wish anything to come faster than it will.]
When we get to pour our lives into the hearts of others, our children, our nieces, our sisters, it is a privilege. The ability to live with others, to engage others, to raise up children, even during sleepless nights of new motherhood or staying up to punish the missed curfews of adolescence, we are wealthy because of it.
There is luxury in holding the hand of your two-year-old nephew as he crosses the parking lot.
And treasure in answering the questions of your second grader and secretly smiling that she will still sit on your lap.
There is treasure in the laughter of your teenager, even when she doesn’t want you to know she thinks its funny.
And when we can’t remember their footed pajamas any longer, there is beauty in the friendship that we have as adults.
Euphoria, even.
Because life is nothing without relationship.
Luxury? I don’t need a day at the spa or a diamond necklace for my anniversary. I just need today.
Where are you finding luxury today? What stage are you in?
I’ve been thinking about those luxurious days, too. My youngest is 7 and she’s such a person with so many opinions . . . makes the days of babyhood feel like a dream. (The almost-17 year old twins loom over me and my baby boy turns 12 on Friday.)
Life only gets more complicated and frazzled the older we all get. We need to savor the moments.
isn’t that true? i try to tell my girlfriends who have only ONE baby that this is the easiest time they’ll every have, so enjoy it.
I don’t have children yet, but as a young married childless couple, we’re finding luxury in this stage of our lives. One day we’ll be moving into the joy of having children I hope but not yet – now we’re just treasuring being the two of us – with as much time sleeping in as we like!
That’s where I am too!! Reading your comment made me smile…I LOVE my sleep!! Perfectly stated!!
I think it is great just bonding with my husband….everyday I continue to learn how to be a better wife even after 2 years of marriage….I look at it as God preparing our relationship for the future addition!
I am right with both of you ladies! I am almost 23 and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and my husband and I are realizing more and more how precious our time is together before we have children. We can’t believe how fast these past few years have gone by and we are trying to make more of a conscious effort to enjoy the childless season with each other.
I have such a heart to be a mom and we have already lost one child due to a miscarriage but every day we both realize more and more how blessed we are to be in this season of life.
One luxury that this childless season allows is the fact that we can take risks in our life. My husband and I decided to take a risk in his business. We are experiencing the hard struggles in the beginning but we feel the freedom to do this because we aren’t jeporidizing the stability of any children.
Every moment is a gift.
My husband and I have been married for 1 1/2 years, and we, too, are cherishing this time of it being just the two of us.
I’m enjoying the luxury of not having a job, taking care of the house, writing to my hearts content, and spending every night and weekend enjoying my husband’s company. We’re so blessed!
So beautiful! Late last night, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my teenage daughter and son, the younger two kids tucked away in bed, and we were laughing and talking, recounting their night at youth group. I paused and wanted to soak in every second of it. Realizing how fortunate I was that I have these wonderful kids in my world, in all different ages and stages(15,13,10,6) and how much we all love each other and love to be with each other. They are each so unique, and yet we all fit together perfectly. I am so blessed.
Robyn, you’re comment made me think of my own kids … (15, 7,5). I find myself sitting with my teenager while the younger ones are already in bed. And, we sit and talk about youth group. You are right … we are fortunate … fortunate to have our unique ones that bless us completely.
Sarah … I love that … You don’t need a spa day or a diamond necklace … today, with the ones we love … THAT is priceless.
Oh man do I love this! This speaks to my heart and I believe every word. I live each day with this mindset so that when it does keep moving forward faster and faster (that is time moving on as everyone says it does) I won’t have missed anything or taken a single moment for granted with my family or my friends. Beautiful words this morning, Sarah.
you are so right. a gift and a privilege! we are blessed women.
You are doing well, Sarah, to advise women to enjoy the time they have right now. Doing whatever it is they are called to do at this moment.
Where am I right now? I am so blessed by the Lord. Our infertility diagnosis was given while I was pregnant with our daughter. (The doctor didn’t examine me at the time.) We were so grateful and thought that would be it. I didn’t take any moment for granted. Oh, but the Lord had unexpected blessings in store for us. Two and a half years later we welcomed our son.
When my older two were 13 and 10 1/2 our family was blessed a third time. He’s 8 now. I know how fast they grow up. I enjoy every moment. I love my unexpected blessings. (The Lord knew I wouldn’t be able to handle an empty nest at this stage in my life.)
And now our oldest daughter is expecting our first grandchild in June. A girl. I can’t wait! Yes, I can. And I’ll relish every moment of it.
oh yay!! you get to be a grandma! that seems like such a wonderful stage in life.
My luxury of the moment is having flexibility to work from home, and take time of to take my daughter to the cardiologist and then treat her to a fun afternoon for being a big brave 3 year old.
i love treating them at that age. =) everything is an adventure.
I am finding it all over again in my grandchildren!
I had a moment of luxury the other day at our local department store. My 15-year-old son needed new shoes and jeans. As we were checking out he asked me for a hug…IN PUBLIC! Totally made the last few days alone with him worth it.
Take your luxury wherever you can find it! And enjoy it each and every time!
Cathy, that is so beautiful. i can totally picture that. and you were there for it.
well done, mama. =)
I love, love, LOVE this post Sarah! Even though i have a 10 month old who wants to be rocked all night. He’s my third and I am enjoying every minute! Thank you for always pouring your heart into these beautiful words.
This stage, where I am home with my girls out of necessity, this is a luxury I longed for their entire life. As a single mom, I never had a choice whether or not to work. Now, I again don’t have a choice as my oldest is disabled and needs me 24/7. This, even this, is a luxury I thank God for.
I love your idea of taking everyday blessings and calling them luxuries – how true. Having raised three children, homeschooling them, marrying off two and still helping our youngest finish cosmetology school, my life glitters from all the diamonds each moment produced. Although, I can honestly tell you there were times when all it felt like in the moment was a lump of coal. God was making a diamond I would later look back on with joy and gratefulness for what He was doing when I couldn’t see it! We just celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary (yesterday) and are loving the luxury of this season more than we could have ever hoped! This is why we’ve started our own blog to help young marriages continue fanning the flames of romance because there will be a day when your house is quiet once again. I’m here to say, it is good! Although when our 4 grandchildren are over the silence is broken as the little diamonds in process get into everything! I’m loving life, and I love this post! Thanks for sharing!!!
After having our third baby Nov. 27th, my husband was laid off on Jan. 1st. . .I’m looking at this time as a luxury. We are home together, teaming up to do the drop offs and pick ups and enjoying each other. Financially, we have not lived above our means–so we are okay for now, and I have faith we will continue to be okay because with God all things are possible. For today, the luxury is in a newborn napping upstairs, my husband bringing me coffee while I am on the computer and a four-year-old attempting to get himself dressed in the outfit of his choosing. Today is a great day!
that does sound like heaven. =)
i love it that you see your situation this way. so many of us wouldn’t.
Sarah, you are always bringing me to tears! Thank you for the beautiful post- it is my life!
I’m in the new grandmother stage…it’s so good. I don’t get to see her often as they live five hours away, but when I do, it’s so, so good. Best of all is watching my son developing into such a fine father.
My state of luxury is a little different than most. My husband and I separated nearly three years ago. Due to the economic situation and my chronic health issues, I needed to move back to NW Indiana to be with my family. Our youngest son has high functioning Autism and there is not a program or the support system medically, counselling wise or educationally, that he has in St. Louis. So, after much prayer, I felt it was best to not uproot him from the programs he is involved in. Also to not separate him and his brothers by bringing the two older ones here and keeping the little guy there. They are 16, 14, and 10.
So, I’d say my state of luxury is in the knowing that “The Brothers” are in the best possible situation they can be in. That they can phone, email, webcam, whenever they want. They come here and stay and i go there and visit. That they know they are deeply loved by BOTH of their parents and we both want the best for them.
My state of luxury…well, when my husband lost his job, he began working from home 2 years ago, giving him the time with our 8 year old son that they both need – doing the school run & praying together before he climbs out of the car & heads into class, talking about “man stuff”, supervising play dates, building such a deep bond and developing an understanding that wasn’t there before! Makes me a little misty just thinking about it! It was what I’ve prayed for since our son was a babe, and I’m so very grateful to see God at work in it all!!
Hi Sarah,
I am enjoying the last year before my youngest daughter starts school. Sometimes I get very frustrated with her and then I remember, this is fleeting and I WILL miss this time with her. I have been living a life of luxury for 7 years now, being able to stay at home with my daughters. Even though I drive the same car, wash the same dishes and pick up the same toys day after day, but I would not trade it for anything!!
Thank you for the reminder, because sometimes I easily take this time for granted.
Love-Oly
Hi Sarah
I think you are very wise to view each time as special. I do wish I had enjoyed it all more when they were little. Made more time just to play and be together. However, I have to say that this stage is good too, watching them all move from child to adult {my boys are 20,17 and my daughter 14). Today’s luxuries include; listening to the middle one describe his English texts preparing for his oral exam, this is a big one because usually school and home are kept separate by him. I’ve just been to parent’s evening at my daughters school and felt huge pride at all the lovely things her teachers have said. Last but not least, we 3 are having a quiet week as my husband and the oldest are in Nigeria with New Foundations and David and Shirley. So the children are choosing the menus and I don’t have to!
Your posts always make me think. Thank you
Katharine
What a good reminder! Thanks Sarah!
Today, I find my luxury in the eyes of my two year old little girl as she watches the snow fall from the sky; in her soft, chubby little hand holding mine as we walk through the mall; and in her sweet little voice saying “I love my families” as she showers my husband and I with kisses. Oh, if only life came with a pause button!
Great Post! My husband and I celebrated our 20th Anniversary last night and what a night it was! We thought we may never get here and yet it has come and gone. We spent the evening reminiscing and talking about our luxuries and blessings (out two beautiful daughters.) We got the best card from them! I cried. My girls are 17 and 12 and they bought us a beautiful card and my oldest wrote things in the card that just made me beam with happiness. SHE GOT IT!
After all these years and all the struggles and all the conversations/lectures she gets it. She knows that God is not only the God of the universe but He is the God of our Marriage! She thanked us for the beautiful example of a Godly marriage and trusting Him to bring us through every struggle we have been confronted with in these 20 years.
THAT IS LUXURY! Knowing that your work and words are not all in vain. Knowing that they hear you even when they ignore you. Knowing that all those nights rocking colicky screaming babies is all worth it.
God is awesome. Thank you for your wonderful words and your heart for God and to help families.
Oh, my. This is so beautiful. My daughter (our first child) is 9 months, and is at that super-delicious peak of baby chubbiness….she’s silly, funny, and smiley. Once in awhile I catch myself thinking ahead to future stages….when it will be “easier” because she’ll be on one nap, or whatever the case may be. I stop myself, though, because right now is perfect. She is perfect. I love my life! Thank you for such an eloquent reminder of that.
We are fostering a newborn, and just having a tiny pink thing in my home is such a luxury to me. We’ve had her for 3 weeks now, and it looks like she will go home to her mommy in about 10 days. I am soaking up every moment, every poopy diaper, every spit-up, every midnight cry, every gassy smile and those big dark eyes that stare at me intently. I can’t complain about being tired or my house being a mess or smelling like spoiled formula, because all of it will be gone before I blink and all of it comes with the package of welcoming someone precious into the world. Thanks for letting us share in your luxury!
josie, placed her hand in mine as we walked into the grocery store this afternoon, and i said, “i like your hand in mine.” she responded, “because it is little” (she likes her spot as baby of the family). and i said, “no, because it is your hand. i like your hand in mine now, and i will like it in mine when it is 11, and i will like it mine when it is 30.” and noah who was walking behind us squeezed my shoulder (with a hand hug, as we call them) and gave me a look that said “i love you mommy.”
ahhh,luxury!
I am at a stage close to yours, Sarah. My DS is 8 and my DD is about to turn 7. While I may complain a bit too much at times, I have the luxury of staying home and homeschooling them. DS has some special needs and it is a blessing to be able to serve his educational needs.
Ironically, at dinner this evening my sweet daughter asked if we could have a candlelight dinner – just the two of us – where we could hang a sign near us which would read “No Boys Allowed!”
Yes, this stage is a luxury. As was the last. And so shall be the next… Thanks for the reminder ~ and some perspective.
My season of luxury is this; Planning my daughters wedding, my son is graduating from college, the blessing of having my Dad living with us after losing my precious mother in Sept. and having a wonderful husband who adores me.
In the midst of change God is good……
I love those sweet luxurious moments! Thank you for the beautiful words to remind me to embrace them more.
Hearing my preschooler sing happy birthday to himself while sitting on the potty, watching brother and sister hug each other when they get up from their naps–genuinely happy to see one another. Listening to their Daddy read them bible stories and pray before bed. Rich beyond measure.
Luxury is lying in bed with my husband in the early morning with a quiet house, enjoying every single second of our solitude and togetherness. It is also anticipating the cries and coos that will soon fill our rooms when I give birth in July, knowing that things will never be the same as they are now, and that’s okay. This post made me cry – in a good way
Thank you.
Trace Adkins says it in this song -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG9XfJxMY8A&feature=related
Thanks for the reminder that it is a LUXURY! About to give birth to my first in the next two weeks and I worry that I will not feel like a whole person by just being a stay at home mom. But it really is a wonderful blessing and a luxury to wrap my life around my little one. I can’t wait…because before I know it she’ll be all grown up.
Beautifully written post. I will read it again when I need a boost!
i so needed to read these words today. thank you for writing them so beautifully. i couldn’t help but cry as i read this post because all too often i find myself wishing for the next stage. overwhelmed with my life, my circumstances, waiting to just get a break. and i rush and put cleaning and computer and my “work” ahead of my children. and now i find myself newly pregnant with #3, completely unexpected and overwhelmed. and now i feel the need to let go of my business, my dream and embrace my job as a mommy once again. but god is changing my heart. i know he is in control, and i know i need to let go of what my plans are and embrace his plans for my life. thank you for opening up my eyes to see my life as a luxury. because already i feel so much is slipping away.