Comments on: What to Do: Living with an ADD Spouse

By: Terri

Terri — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:27:37 +0000

Sarah, please help me. My marriage is about to end up in divorce. My husband has ADD. I am really having a extremely hard time knowing and learning how to deal with it. I know I make him feel a child by how I treat him as if he can’t handle things. But, the truth of the matter is that he can’t handle certain things. I am a organized, neat-freak sort of person. so as you can imagine life in our home is unrestful, chaotic, and stressful. I do love him so much, but he makes me feel embarrassed at times because he carries himself in a way that his low-self-esteem shows. He just recently started taking something called Adderall, which hasn’t seemed to help. On top of all this, I have issues with expressing my emotions to him. Which has made him worst more than anything. Any suggestions…thanks

By: Sarah Markley

Sarah Markley — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 14:44:02 +0000

thank you Rich. feel free to send me an email at sarah at sarahmarkley dot com if you would like. i’d love to help if i can. =)

By: Rich Shelton

Rich Shelton — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 03:30:23 +0000

I really enjoyed listening to this,was very helpful. I also suffer from ADD,and my girlfriend has a hard time understanding me,she thinks I am ignoring her… Please if there is anything you can offer to help would be greatly appreciated… We both are Christians and have a great love for the Lord and for each other,hope to get married one day soon,just would like to be able to get a handle on things first.. Take care God bless. Rich

By: Barb

Barb — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:08:11 +0000

Thank you. I enjoyed listening and watching Chad share about his ADHD. I have been dealing with my ADD husband for 34 years, along with 3 ADD step-children that lived with us, and our ADD son. I am the only one in our family that does not have the disorder. I understand the frustration at having to be the organizer and rememberer for an entire family. When our son, Chris, was 15 he learned compensation skills from a psychologist that helped him use a chart to get to the bus on time. He actually enjoyed it. It is easier to help a child than your husband, though. It takes a lot of creativity, and always with positive reinforcement, to come up with ways to help my husband remember things. I have not yet thought of a way to encourage him to complete tasks, though. I think I will never live in a finished house. I have had to learn to compromise big time in what is important to me. Peace in my marriage is more important than pristine neatness. There are times when I get so upset that I yell at God, “YOU made him that way! What am I supposed to do with this?!” And He usually gives me an idea that works. All in all, though, I am thankful that my husband is so extremely talented and able to fix or build or make or create anything. I am thankful that he does not have a macho, condescending attitude. I am thankful that he is funny and fun and very loving. We complement each other. Without him, I would be boring, and would not be the person I am today. I think it has also helped me be more understanding when I am around other people that struggle with ADD – in fact, I think I am drawn to them.

By: jmp

jmp — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:09:18 +0000

Reading the blog and watching the video have reminded me how different the world looks today, 6 months or so after I began to treat my ADHD as a real thing. As I read this post and the replies, tears welled up, not because of new discoveries but because of the reminder of the impact throughout my life. Thank you Chad and Sarah for posting.

And for the readers, if you read the blog or watch the video and tears have well up as your life is reflected back to you, then please do something about it. Don’t do it alone. See Chad and Sarah’s advice above.

I wrote in my journal on the first day I took action, The ADHD Journey Begins. It has been really hard and really good. It is a journey and it is worth it.

By: chad markley

chad markley — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:17:23 +0000

Hey Jeff! I am impressed you got through the entire video

By: Jeff kling

Jeff kling — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:12:28 +0000

Awesome post. Must have wife read it. CHAD: I was cracking up when you said you put your keys with your stuff cause I totally do the same thing. Also thank you Chad for helping me decide to seek psyciatric help 4years ago. I too have ADD and I second everything that Chad said in his video.

By: liz

liz — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:04:39 +0000

tearfully, thank you! this is a great starting point for me… you’ve given me a lot to do and think about as I try to support my spouse! (I’m not alone…but only through Christ, right?)

By: Lacey

Lacey — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:02:48 +0000

You know what’s cool?
The advice about not lumping your husband in with the kids and talkinh to him aside from the kids about things is good for ANY marriage, not just one with an ADD spouse.
This was one of my husband’s major concerns in our relationship.
And you’re right – our husbands don’t need – or want – another mother.
It’s just sometimes such an unintentional thing I do when I am in the middle of mothering everyone else at our house.

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:47:21 +0000

Thank you Sarah and Chad! God’s timing is SO good! I know these last two posts have been about spouses, but this is very timely for me. My son was diagnosed on the Autsim Spectrum last year and along with it came the diagnoses of ADHD and Anxiety Disorder. One doc went right for the anti-anxiety meds and we said no. I’m glad we did as his anxiety issues have been diminsihing over the last year. However the behaviors have gotten worse. I spent the whole day today at a children’s hospital while my son underwent more testing. The conclusion was that his lack of attention was interfering with him so much that he’s not reaching his potential and he’s getting frustrated. His frustrations are taken out on me and looks a lot like oppositional defiance. This doc’s strong suggestion was medication for the ADHD. I dreaded telling his father as he has been adament in the past about no medications. And thanks to God, your post was in my inbox today. I look forward to showing him your video in hopes (with many prayers) that he may begin to understand what is happening with our precious son.

Thank you ~ May God continue to bless you both!
Heather