Monday made me feel like summer was around the corner.
Sunny, warm and perfect.
Except the sand was a little too cold and the water a bit too icy. The beach hadn’t been cleaned up since the rain and the sand had collected all the storm wash-up in squiggly lines roughly following the shoreline. In the zenith of the night-tide the water must have washed up high, depositing the seaweed and wood on the sand.
We had February bare-tender feet so we had to dodge sharp sticks and sea-glass.
It looked like summer. But not quite.
“Mama! Why can’t WE wear our bathing suits?” Eight-year-old whining sounded sad in my ears.
She watched some middle-school aged girls laying on their beach towels, off for the holiday, baring their winter white skin to the wintry sun.
Everyone seemed to be having more fun that her. Building sandcastles in their two-pieces, skim-boarding, splashing in the cold water.
“Trust me,” I told her. “The two of you would be too cold. I know you.”
Hmph. And she ran toward the waves, barely touching her toes to the edge of the water and staring out toward the pier. Her sister stayed back already up to her elbows in damp February beach sand. For some reason winter sand doesn’t brush off the same way summer sand does… And she tapped tapped tapped her hands on the bucket to clean them.
“But MOM…” Hope said again, turning her head back toward me away from the ocean. And then she gave up. She knew her bathing suit was at home. She knew that she would have to make the best of it. She watched a group of kids dig a castle moat, all of them knee deep in water and sand.
It isn’t fair.
Naomi ran toward the water to rinse off her sandy arms. For a second they stopped watching the sea. For a second they worried about being left out.
And in that second: Crash.
An unexpected wave full of sand that had been churned from the deep hit them both across the fronts of their sundresses. Colder than they’d imagined and sandier than is ever comfortable.
They were wet up to their shoulders.
Before they even asked I began to gather up the sand toys and the towel. I knew they’d ask to go home. “I’m wet!!” one of them wailed. “I need a new shirt,” Naomi complained as she began to undress on the beach.
I knew best. I don’t always know best, but in this case I did.
I knew that entry into the winter waves would send their teeth chattering and turn their lips blue. I knew better than to even bring the swim suits.
And I knew that what they wanted, what they SAW that they might have desired, what looked normal and good, in the end, was not good for them. Because in February, bathing suits would have only allowed for a shivery dash into the water and then out again.
Even though they thought they knew what was the best for them, they did not. They wished for the freedom of sunscreen and flipflops, but I’d planned an afternoon for their enjoyment, not for their capricious desires.
We walked back to the car, a little whiny and ready to go home.
“I want that.” I say sometimes. I whine. I look mournfully and hyper-dramatically at something someone else has and I immediately insert myself into that scenario. That is what I best for me, I think. I should be doing that. Why aren’t I? I wonder.
Where is my bathing suit? I ask myself. Or God.
He tells me, I know best. I understand you better than you do sometimes, He whispers. If I let you have all that you think you want right now, it wouldn’t be beneficial to you.
You’d run cold and shivering back from the water into a warm towel agreeing with me in the end.
So I’m learning to be patient. To trust.
To wander around the waves with my sundress on waiting for summer.
Are you learning how to be patient and trust with anything right now?
Thanks, Sarah. I needed to be reminded that He knows me better than I know myself and that He knows what’s best for me. You always get me with your parenting analogies! My relationship with my Heavenly Father has changed so much since becoming a mom because I know how much I love my kids and then realize how much more He loves me. I’m gonna enjoy the warm towel today.
Oh yes.
What a perfect analogy.
Is this why God blessed us with kids anyway? To provide example after example of how we look to Him, of how we need Him?
How hard it is to recognize in ourselves – when we look at what someone else has and want it.
I am learning right now how to trust God, how to be patient, and wait for His timing in my marriage.
Let God do the fighting for me.
(And some days I even see sweet rewards – like staying dry and warm.)
Wow Sarah, you are right on target again!!!
This hit home for me today. I’m in the waiting…longing and looking for what is next. Seeing others doing what I think I should be doing. But I keep getting reminded that right now I am where God wants me to be and I am trying to stay content and learn all that I need to in this time.
Great post!
Where do I begin?!?! I was just talking with a friend Tuesday night about the last few years of my life. I went from obsessing about starting a family, to not wanting any children ever, to confessing to my husband that I wasn’t sure what I wanted but part of me still struggled with wanting to have a child, to us having open lines of communication and praying about God’s timing to try and get pregnant. I’m learning to be patient and content. As I told my friend from our view certain things need to happen before we make the decision to actually try.
Then waiting and trying to be patient with next steps God has for us as far as moving, being involved in a church that shares the same passions we do. Still standing on that precipice waiting for an indication of which door to go through.
I totally understand that feeling. After two years of fighting it, I finally accepted that I wasn’t going to get what I wanted in the timing I wanted it to happen. I finally “gave in” and decided to “bloom where I’ve been planted”. And that’s only on one of the many issues that I “want my bathing suit” on.
I’m so glad God is so patient with me!
This is a lovely analogy… children help to put things in perspective, hmm?
This brought back lovely memories of living on the Central Coast for me. One Thanksgiving we roasted hot dogs on the beach and wandered too close to the waves, soaking ourselves to the skins. It was a cold ride home.
Definitely learning patience right now because all I want is an at-home ultrasound machine so I can psychotically check to see if I really am pregnant…instead I have to go to “that place” of trusting that God knows what the heck He is doing and that I can’t control my own universe! The fact: I am pregnant. The faith: I need to enjoy one day at a time because each day is numbered in His hands, not mine…sucks being a human!
Note: without fail, every time I went to the ocean, namely the Pacific, growing up, I fell in…usually every November as long as I can remember. I’ve entered restaurants with only long sweaters or sweatshirts on…only…
WOW. Huge dose of perspectivical magical medicine for me. Exactly what the Dr. ordered. This is one bill i’ll be anxiously awaiting. Thanks, Friend!
Amen!
Thank you. That was just what I needed to read today as I learn that what others have and do isn’t what I’m supposed to have or do right now. God’s timing is perfect and in Him is where my contentment is found.
“I’m intense and I expect a lot, and because of that I’m lonely sometimes.” You said this in the “Tell” section of your blog and I SO UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!! I just have never been able to verbalize it! In reading alot of your stuff(and some of your hubby’s) today I have had my eyes opened to some things about me! I am ALOT like both of you! I flip out with chaos, I am INTENSE and expect ALOT from others, I HATE shallow relationships, I want to KNOW you(or whoever!) deeply not surfacey! My husband experienced an emotional affair due to my overbearing controlling tendencies but we serve an AWESOME God and He delivered us out of the mess before it errupted into anything more than emotions. I am constantly amazed at the healing power forgiveness brings and that transformation that has come in both me and my precious husband because of this trial. I SO love Jesus Christ and ALL that He does for us and through us! I was blessed to have found you and your blog, thank you for your transparency! God bless you!!!
Waiting while wanting is so hard…One of my most frequent prayers is that God would give me perspective, because HE sees the big picture…and I don’t. Although sometimes I think I do. I so relate to this post.
ASH
http://www.faithdare.blogspot.com
“Everyday does not have to be ordinary”
Thanks, Sarah. The Lord hit me on the head with that one–in my struggle in my singleness with him…and seeing others getting married, with kids, a husband, and family…learning and trusting, surrendering. Beautiful picture and words. They are both growing up so quickly and great picture with the words.
God bless.
I needed this reminder today Sarah. Thank you so much for sharing it. Our children teach us so many things.
Wow. You are smart. It is totally the same..but I would have never put that together.
Thank you. I just discovered your website and got reading. Very hard to stop, actually. Some good reminders and words that touch my heart. Thank you for sharing it. God bless you
Good thoughts, thanks.
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