“I’m okay, Mom.” she gave up to me, looking over her shoulder, and then back to circle of other 8-year-old girls. They sat at lunch time brushing their dolls’ hair and exchanging barrettes and hair ties.
“Alright,” I tried to enter their world of second grade, but I was unwelcome. Clearly, as an adult, I was unable to cross that line where I cared about things like doll hair and special brushes. “Okay, so then…if you don’t need me…”
“I’ll see you after school, Mom.” She said cheerfully and allowed me to bend down to kiss her forehead.
When I pick up my preschooler from class at noon on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’ve made it habit to pull up a couple minutes early, walk down the hall to the elementary playground and seek out my older daughter at about 5 minutes until twelve. The schools share a campus which makes drop-offs twice a week unbelievably easy.
Usually Hope runs to me. Most days she looks for me; she sees me standing in the corner and runs across the blacktop to give me a hug. Her braid’s been loosened by the day and the tip of her nose beads a little playtime sweat.
We touch base. Just for a minute or two. She smiles and buries her head into my chest. I ask her how her morning has been, if the boys have been mean or nice and who she is playing with right now. She answers, I hug her again and kiss her cheek.
And then I’m off to pick up her sister from the doll-houses, blocks, and primary colors of preschool.
But last week, the “touching base” was a little different.
She was busy.
Busy with her friends, busy with the dolls, busy with childhood things (the kind that she thinks adults won’t understand).
She wasn’t rude, just engaged.
With a sigh and a smile I walked away. I understood.
I asked her later if I’d embarrassed her at all by hugging her. She said “no” but I know that answer won’t be true for long.
It’s a part of growing up, I know. The breaking of the ties, the severing of bonds. Maybe she doesn’t want to, but she doesn’t know any other way for it to be. Maybe it’s as hard for her as it is for me.
Even I, who can barely remember my own second grade classroom (except for a couple emotion-laden incidents), understand that it can be as hard for the tie-breaker as it is for the break-ee.
But she has to develop feet to walk on. I know that, so I allow it.
In the same way, we as followers of Christ have to stand up straight and grow up strong. We need God in ways that even children don’t need their parents, but we, like children, must take what our Father has taught us and put it into practice.
We must live our lives the way He’s showed us to live.
In essence, we must grow up.
We might even have to escape the safe and sheltered world we live in now and take a step beyond the apron strings. We might have to actually DO what God’s asked us to do, and do it in a grown up way.
We tell. We minister. We pray. We teach. We love. We impart wisdom. And we do it through His strength, but we have to grow up to do it.
Sigh.
She’s growing up. She’ll always need me, but every year that passes she is forced to put into practice the skills I’ve taught her at home. It’s part of growing up.
We need Him.
[She needs me].
But we have to grow up.
What steps do you need to take to “grow up”?
Oh there are so many–and I’m a bit tired at the moment–but I feel like right now, I’m back at a place of infancy–learning the love that God has for me, learning to have that relationship with Him. All of my life I’ve been doing, doing, doing, and being all “grown up” but in reality, not relinquishing my heart to Jesus like He wanted me to do the entire time. I’m learning. I’m falling and letting Him pick me back up. I’m finding out what it means to be wooed by Jesus, by the Creator–what it’s like to start falling in love with the Ultimate One.
That’s what I need to do in order to “grow up”.
sometimes that “infancy” is where God reteaches us the basics. i feel like i’m brought back there often.
To realize that my temporary “afflictions” are nothing in light of eternity, no matter how all-consuming they may seem right now. The things filling my life are working in me a patience, contentment, love, joy, gratefulness, and hope to name only a few. I’m learning to rely on the faithfulness of my Father who loves me enough to teach and guide me every step of the way.
I love that our “afflictions” can be sanctified. It reminds me always of Romans 8:28…
‘And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.’
sometimes its hard for me to see the eternity part of it. thank you for sharing this.
My “growing up” includes letting go of my plans and waiting to see what His are. I guess that mostly includes patience and faith for the mean time.
sounds like you are writing my story.
I am knee deep in James and continually challenged by the charge to go out and do what you know is right from the Word. I am growing in the knowledge that He has equipped me to do what I am supposed to be doing, right now, not some distant event in the future.
i love it. knee deep means you are wading through it. so glad God gives us such deep thing to chew on and learn.
The call to “grow up” has resonated within me for a while now and the very notion arose during my evening prayer walk one night this week. In short, I need to stop throwing spiritual tantrums, folding the proverbial arms across the chest and exclaiming, “I can’t” or even “I don’t want to” when called to do those things that are out of my comfort zone. Oh, to be sure there are many more steps I need to take, but I’ll start with these for today!
i’ve been known to do the same thing… =)
I need to stand up for something I believe it. Sitting down for two years is two years too long. Now if I can just find a way to stand up…
yay! standing up is a great way to grow up. =)
for me ‘growing up’ means doing the right thing~after it all falls apart~no matter the consequences. no matter how difficult. no matter the pain involved. growing up means letting Him put it back together again. getting out of His way.
Less of me, more of Him~that’s’growing up.’
easy to say~harder to practice
oh, i like that. less of me more of Him. so true.
me – when i create a plan (because i’m great at creating plans) i have to stick to it. i create plans for exercising, eating healthy, reading the bible… and then i do really really great for a few weeks, then pffttt. i lose it.
growing up would be staying disciplined.
What a great inspirational post. Though it brought tears to my eyes, thinking about my own three growing up. And I am reminded of how often I see my own childishness in my walk with the Lord played out in my kids’ childishness .. . the way they grumble and pout about disappointment, their selfishness, the way they want to do it their own way. And, once again, my kids convict me . . .
Thanks for writing.
Ah, this is all so very true. How hard it is to watch our babies grow up into mature adults but as you remind us all, it is necessary and a vital process of life. Thank you for this wonderful reminder of how this plays out in our relationship with the Lord.