When I was a little girl my dark brown hair was straight and thick.
Even when I was a teenager and I begged my mother to grow my horrible side bangs out (don’t ask, a layered look leftover from 1985), I would wash my hair at night, comb it and go to sleep with it wet. When I woke up it would be completely straight.
Straight.
Never a wave or a curl. In fact, if I tried to curl it, the weight of my hair would pull it out by the time I walked in the door to church on a Sunday morning.
It wasn’t worth it.
When all my junior high friends were getting perms in the late eighties and I was feeling ugly about my own body, I knew that even if I pleaded with my mother for a perm, it would only destroy my hair. The spiral curls would probably not even hold.
Before the days of flat irons, all my friends knew the language of hair dryer diffusers and mousse and I, well, just continued to wash my hair.
Then, college.
Oh yes, my hairdresser convinced me that the Jennifer Aniston Friends cut would “look great on me.” And I will have to admit, I liked it at first, but the more I looked in the mirror, the more I understood I really didn’t have the body to support a pixie-ish cut. Something happened to my hair between 18 and 22.
It got wavy. Or, actually, frizzy.
My once stick straight, never-a-blow-dryer-in-my-drawer hair betrayed me.
For the last decade-plus I’ve tried every flattening product on the market, expensive and cheap. I’ve bought the the best flat irons, serums, gels, pomades. I’ve spent almost 13 years fighting against the natural progression of what my mind-of-its-own hair is doing.
Until recently.
I decided to embrace the waves.
I’ve found some hair products that make my waves less frizzy and I rarely use my flat iron anymore. (I fight the urge to bring it with me on trips lately even when I know I probably won’t be using it. It’s like a blankie.) I put my hair up and let the loose waves fall. It doesn’t always work; sometimes the frizz takes over and rules my head.
But I’m learning to stop fighting.
Even if I lose the extra 20 pounds I’m carrying and hit my pre-pregnancy weight, I still won’t fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. My hips have changed as a result of two babies.
I have to give those jeans away.
Even if I try my hardest to keep my house in a spotless array of shiny-clean counters with nary a loose paper to clutter I still can’t maintain it. I have a (wonderful) husband who comes home from work each night and detonates receipts, mail and electronic devices over every square inch of available flat area.
I think I have to stop fighting the chaos.
I have to work with my hair, with my body, with the personalities in my house to live this life well. My idea of “perfection” is probably skewed anyway.
It’s more than being FINE with it. It’s embracing it.
To hug, to clasp, to hold, to envelop, to entwine.
Embrace.
I’m going to embrace my husband’s clutter and love him because of it. I’m going to embrace my post-kids, aging body because it means I’ve lived some life. I’m going to embrace my wavy hair because it tells a story about loving and jealousy and contentedness.
I’ll embrace the things in my own life that only scream imperfection to me, but shout LOVE to God.
He loves me because of my imperfections.
Because of my failures.
Because of my not-good-enough attempts.
He embraces me because of all of these things.
What are you learning to embrace?
I’m learning to embrace . . . uh, I’m going to have to get back to you on this one.
Okay. Let’s just say I’m learning to embrace the idea that my life is more like a ship and less like an island.
I’m learning to embrace all of who I am, the person God made me to be….
I’m learning to embrace the fact that God didn’t create me to be self-sufficient. He wants me to be solely reliant on him, not myself or anyone else….
I’m learning to embrace the fact that I need to let God be God and my Husband be my Husband…..
I’m learning to embrace and accept praise and thanks from other people graciously, instead of explaining it away…..
I’m learning to embrace each of my children for who they are, and not try to lump them in a mold that I think they should fit in…..
I’m learning to embrace the fact that I may never have my house clean “like it should be”….I’m not wired that way, and with four kids and one on the way, it’s okay…..
I guess I’m learning to embrace a lot, and this is just the tip of the iceberg……
That’s funny – I have been fighting waviness for a longtime too.
My hair is longer now than it has been since grade school. I am beginning to embrace the frizz somedays, the slight curl on others.
I am beginning to embrace my new knowledge that I have never been in control and to rest in God’s peace about my future.
I want to begin embracing the fact that God can meet my needs. Every. One. Of. Them.
Ooh. All of this speaks to me. But the hair part… You’ll have to come to my blog and read this to understand: http://itwasbroughtonbylove.blogspot.com/2009/10/hair.html
And you will understand when you read it.
Embracing where I am right now is difficult at times. I have to remember God has me where I am in His perfect timing for His perfect plan.
Thanks for this.
Your story was so much like my own, I had to laugh. The hair, such a constant battle and the school pictures to prove it. It brought back so many memories for me. Yikes! And I have a “how come no one ever told me about mousse before” moment in my own hair story as well.
Everyone fights that about hair…people with straight hair want curls, people with curls want straight hair…what a cycle huh? Embrace is the word of the day for me…I will embrace what God blesses me with. Thanks for the post!
A funny thing happens when I finally give in and embrace all the things I’ve been fighting because they didn’t quite fit into the way I thought things should be. I actually enjoy those things that I fought against with all my might. When the struggle stops, I have more energy to focus on what is good and lovely in my life.
I am learning to embrace that sometime you can’t unscramble eggs and make them whole, no matter how hard you try. God is greater than the mess we are allowed to sit in for awhile….
I appreciate Sammie’s comment here! I too am learning to embrace the messes I have made and wait patiently for the Lord to finish cleaning them up!
And like you, my hair is definitely something to work towards embracing! ha With each of my 3 pregnancies, it has changed colors and textures. I once had board straight hair, then it became wavy, and then as curly as if I had put a perm in it! Once I finally adjusted to the curls and was learning to love them, my hormones changed again, and we are now back to the waves! LOL Such is life, I suppose…
Making peace with my naturally curly/frizzy/out-of-control hair started me on a journey to embracing other “imperfections” about myself too. It’s so much better to go WITH it like you said
I LOVE this post!!!! I am learning so much about this topic right now!!!
I think it is so much more BEAUTIFUL to observe a person who is not fighting against what they cannot control but rather is embracing those aspects and either manuvering around those things or engaging with those things. the stress decreases, the joy is prevalent, and the environment is safer.
I have been doing a lot of observing of some examples in my life who are good (and some that are NOT good) in this area and trying to find a good place to land for myself as I am still in the beginning stages of creating a home environment and atmosphere.
Thanks SO much for sharing your heart and the lessons that God is teaching you
Your last two posts have practically begged me to respond. I have so much to share, but yet I’m not a writer.
After reading yesterday’s post on breasts, I thought, surely, more people had my problem and were ashamed of their little, underdeveloped breasts. Oh, how embarrassing to go through puberty and the teen years and be so very small, like you were “slighted” in some way. Shopping for bras was a nightmare; you knew the training bra would be the only one to fit. Even having clothes fit properly; the darts and curves had nothing to fill them in. But when you have a body part that you’re not happy with, you try to focus on a different part, a part everyone tells you is beautiful. For me, it was my hair, my extremely long, thick, dark, shiny hair. Oh, yes, I definitely was known for my hair. It didn’t matter what the hair styles were, my hair always remained the same, very long and straight. Now, my hair was naturally curly and frizzy, and being a teen in the ’70s we didn’t have flat irons. So my hair dryer was my most important tool; we spent hours together almost daily. Even after college and becoming a professional woman, I was still Sue with that long beautiful hair. And I do confess, I’ve always been thin and have not had to struggle with weight, part of the small booby problem.
Well, in Dec. of 2007, at age 47, I heard that dreaded news that too many women have to hear, breast cancer! I had a double mastectomy and five months of chemo. My little boobies and all of my hair were gone. I went through a year of reconstruction and several surgeries and even had my first tattoos (yes, that’s how they do that!). I now have skin and muscle from my back where my small breasts should be. Oh, how I tried to hang onto “the hair,” by buying a long-haired wig. But now I have short curly hair. And weight? Chemotherapy is pretty much a guarantee to help you lose weight. Weekly I would pray before they weighed me that I did not lose more than 10 percent of my body weight or I knew I wouldn’t be able to get my chemotherapy that week, and it would just delay the whole process. But I will confess also — man, what does this say about us?– that I even enjoyed going from my normal size 7 to a size 3.
And how I could relate to your husband’s cluttery lifestyle, as I’ve been married to a packrat for almost 27 years. I don’t allow anyone in our basement or garage; they’re so full, they’re almost impassable. But I’ve always accepted it without too much complaining because he’s been a great husband. What has been really hard — I MEAN, REALLY HARD — like the hardest thing I have ever lived through; yes, worse than being married to a packrat, having small boobies and having lost my beautiful hair — and, yes, even soooo much worse than having breast cancer — has been having my best friend, my lover, my other half betray me by having a three-year affair that started before my diagnosis and continued throughout.
Oh, Sarah, we have so many things in common, or should I say opposite of one another. Yes, I’ve been learning about embracing things that are totally out of my control and, as Paul says, learning to be content in any and all circumstance. Humility, control, peace when you just want to die are just a few things our amazing God have taught me in the past three years. I will have to write you another book to tell you of His faithfulness and love and mercy He has shown to me and my children in unbelieavable ways. I can honestly say it’s “been worth it all” because God has drawn me and my children close to Him in a way I have never even thought possible.
what a story.
How amazing that you can say “it’s worth it all” and to be able to come out the other side stronger and closer to God.
what a testament you are to god’s faithfulness and hope.
Thank you so much for sharing your story here. i loved it.
I challenge the “I’m not a writer” statement…thank you for sharing this story with us!
What a story, Sue. Thank you for sharing with us!
I’ve been on this odyssey before in regards to my hair–straight or wavy, colored or natural–those little gray hairs that pop thru drive me crazy, but they reappear every 3 to 4 weeks without fail. I’m learning how to embrace these things as I teach my daughter how to embrace her curly hair and darker skins. She lives what she learns…from me. Progress, not perfection.
Sarah-thank you for the strength that you showed in your story-that gave me the strength to share mine. May God bless you!
With much appreciation,
Reyna.
http://www.reynalay.blogspot.com/
I’m trying to embrace change. Trying not to embrace fear. Damn fear keeps getting in the way.
I had straight as a stick hair growing up too. I’d spend hours curling it with a curling iron and tons of hair spray only to have it go limp within an hour. Perms never lasted long. As I got older I too started getting curl and wave. I pretty much can wear it curly/wavy with some product. I always did want curly hair as a kid. Now that I have it I sometimes wish it was less curly.
I’m learning to embrace so much…
Like the fact I can’t control everything.
And the fact my husband isn’t perfect, and in order for him to lead our family, I have to give up some control.
And that our house doesn’t have to be spotless to be filled with love and fellowship.
That my parents did the best they could, that they are human, and I need to love them as much as possible.
And in God’s perfect timing, we will be blessed with a baby, my husband with a job, and a house of our very own.
Letting the brick wall down and opening my arms is much harder than I ever thought… but the rewards have been greater than I ever thought as well!!
Thanks for sharing!
thanks for your post…it is encouraging and inspiring.
embrace the imperfections because in being imperfect we are perfect…just the way God made us! : )
I think it’s amazing HOW MUCH I can identify with so many of your posts. I was really encouraged with this one. REALLY. ACCEPTING myself and others is TRULY a DAILY struggle.
There is always a friend who has a cleaner house, a better mother and wife, more talented and prettier, and it can be a very destructive way of thinking when it becomes my normal thought process. Even in blogging I can get jealous! lol One of the contributing factors that lead to me
being unfaithful to my husband , was that I wanted to prove that I could be wanted, that I was attractive, that I was better. How SAD and TAINTED was the LIE! Now I just let God’s BEAUTIFUL
WORDS tell me who I am, and tell me who others are.THE TRUTH TRULY HAS SET ME FREE.
When we allow ourselves to SEE THROUGH HIS EYES, my how the darkness fades and the LIGHT
COMES FLOODING IN!
THANKS FOR BEING YOU.
THANKS FOR YOUR VULNERABILITY.
THANKS FOR ENCOURAGING ME, TO BE ME,IN HIM:)
Wow. See, this is a tough one for me. At age 10 my formally-normal hair got curly, and frizzy. To wear it curly takes me nearly as long to flat-iron it, because I’m applying product for 10 minutes just to keep from looking like Diana Ross!
Seriously, I have battled with this…SHOULD I embrace my curls when I clearly look much, much better (and oddly, 10 pounds slimmer!) with my hair straightened or pulled back? Wearing my hair curly means I spend that day feeling a little self-conscious. It’s like make-up…I’m my best “me” with a little color on my fair skin. And I also feel like my best “me” without my curls. Does that make any sense? I DO wear my hair curly from time to time. I just know that I feel my best when I don’t.
Aw, man, Sarah…why you got to go and challenge me today? I am struggling so much with God’s timing. Embracing the amount of things I can achieve in the time I have to do things….that is what I am LEARNING (I am so not there yet ) to embrace.
And I am learning to embrace the hard stories of my life. It is so easy for me to tell my story of rescue- of God’s beauty…but it’s the darkness that God rescued me from that I struggle with…The mistakes, the missteps, the truth of what I was before God entered my life. I often tell myself it’s ok to avoid those stories, as in a way I am avoiding the darkness all together…but by hiding those cracks from the world, God’s light is not able to fully shine through them.
It’s funny you posted this, because just recently I realized that four pregnancies has changed more than my body. I too grew up with hair that fought any attempt to curl it. After the birth of my second child I thought my hair was damaged because when I let it air dry it was all frizzy and crazy. So I cut it off. For the last 3+ years I’ve had pretty short hair. I’m currently pregnant with Baby #4 and decided I wanted to grow it back out…it’s still frizzy and crazy. I haven’t colored it or used a lot of curling irons/straighteners on it…so I’m realizing this is the new me.
I’m learning to embrace it and work with it.
BTW, your description of your husband “detonating” receipts and electronic devises over every square inch of flat surface in your house cracked me up! What a great picture. Haha!
I wanted curly hair — I’ll embrace the crazy.
I wanted a husband — I’ll embrace him and stop trying to make him me.
I wanted kids — I’m embrace the clutter, changed body and lack of sleep.
i am embracing the fact that this extra weight i am carrying is not post-partum weight anymore….
coz my son… well he is almost a decade old. LOL
i need to embrace that my body is not what it was once so i must take care of it, because this body is His temple.
Sarah & Teresa, the bobbsey twins with stick straight thick brown hair. Mine has also turned wavy/frizzy. I flat ironed it for years until I got tired of the work. Funny how similar we still are after 35 years =)
I’ve learned to embrace my curly hair too! I got the opposite in seventh grade, a permanent to straighten my hair…bad move. My hair was fried and was clearly not what God intended for me
I’ve embraced the hair and am working on embracing the body God gave me 
thanks for sharing!
i’m embracing the fact that i will never, ever be perfect. never.
not in body, mind or spirit.
at least while i’m on this earth
Yet, HE is perfecting me. And it’s the process that is pleasing to Him. not the outcome, but the process.
difficult to get my brain around that one sometimes.
great post, sarah.
I’m learning to embrace satisfaction in HIM alone. Nothing will make me truly happy/joyful, apart from Him.
He is what will bring lasting peace and fulfillment.
Love ya!
Traci
I still have those jeans- the pre-two-beautiful-boys jeans.
Until a few weeks ago, they mocked me. Now, I’m packing them away to be donated. And embracing these curves I never knew I wanted.
I’m learning to embrace my clutter. It’s ok to not have a perfect house.
I’m learning to just embrace… every moment of every day.
I’m just learning…
You tried Moroccan Oil??? I love. Wavy or straight it makes my hair look better.
Guess I’m not helping here
wow. seriously every time i read your posts you speak to me, right where i am at. god completely is using your words every day. so keep writing them. i sort of wish you could just pop into my head for a day, and then write what’s going on in there so i can have a clear cohesive thought to chew on.
Wow can I relate to everything you’ve written about (well…not the stick straight hair. Mine’s always been wavy. I don’t even want to tell you what the “perm” looked like!) and agree with you that once you begin embracing the things, people, and situations in our lives the more content and peaceful we can be in the midst of the chaos.
this is such a great blog, because the way we see ourselves god sees us in a completely different image. he accepts us for who we are and what we’ve done but we cant accept ourselves. this is an inspiriting piece really given us something to think about..
Sarah, thank you for this post. I really needed to read it…. I wrote a post you might wanna read called Surrender. It tells some of my struggles, and helped me get through some of it, although it’s a long road… warning- I don’t write well, so beware
Thank you for your honesty…..
Whoops! Forgot to tell you WHERE!!
http://rollseyessighs.wordpress.com/