I’m at the I-have-nothing-to-lose-anymore point in my writer’s conference.
[Actually, I think I'm at the I-have-nothing-to-lose-anymore point in my life but I think that might be tomorrow's blog post]
I should be pitching a book proposal to the editor I’m staring at from across the table. But instead I’m telling her my life story. And I’m starting to cry.
“I’m going to have to be honest with you,” I said. “I really don’t know what on earth I’m doing right now.”
I’m proclaiming self-doubt, a lack of confidence and vulnerability to this woman, who, if she fell in love with me, could hold the keys to my future.
I might be squandering the scant 15 minutes I have of her time to cry about the lack of focus in my writing. There is empathy in her eyes as she’s listening to my desperate rant.
“My story is good,” I tell her. “But I know it’s not enough.”
There has to be a reason to tell it. The story itself is not the purpose.
“What is God’s purpose for your story?” the editor-turned-therapist asks. “Once you figure out what HE wants to say through it, THEN you have your book.”
Then I have my book, huh?
I realized quietly that she doesn’t have the keys to my future. I don’t even hold the keys to my own future.
The keys to my future are held by a King who’s story He’s commissioned me to tell. If He wants to use me, I’m honored. HE will open doors. Why? Because He fashioned them Himself. He will bring opportunity. Why? Because it is HIS story that will be told.
And if He wants me to begin again, start again, commit again — then I will because it isn’t about me.
She grabbed my hand from across the table, closed her eyes and prayed for me. And while she did, I thanked God for grace and redemption once again.
And I thanked Him for a community of saints that transcends job titles and bottom lines.
How have you found community in an unlikely place?
None of us know what we are doing. But God qualifies who He calls. If you feel called by Him, then let Him lead you and qualify you…all you have to do is be a willing vessel!
Have confidence in knowing that your story has already and will touch MANY lives who can connect to you BECAUSE you are broken, humble, and openly admit you don’t have it all together.
And when we are that way, and something awesome happens because of what God has done through us, there’s no way we can take credit for it, because it had to be God who did this amazing work in us!
it isn’t about us, is it sarah? i like that reminder. thank you.
i’ve found community here. partly because you are willing to share your story.
i’m praying for you.
“The keys to my future are held by a King who’s story He’s commissioned me to tell.” Amen!
I have found more community online than I have elsewhere recently. So I guess that is an unlikely place. It’s still my prayer that I would find the type of real community I crave.
I have felt the same way before, Elaina. I remember after a conference and connecting with people on Twitter through that, I tweeted, “This is the most community I have felt since I moved to Orlando.” At that point, I had been in Orlando for a year and, though I found a church, didn’t really know anybody there. It was a huge struggle for me. It still is, but I realize that God has more for me than just connecting with people online (as great as that can be). I have been intentional about getting together with women (I’ve tried to do at least one dinner a month). Keep doing what you can to connect with people in person. It’s really great once you get it!
Okay, I know your question was about community, and I have lots of answers for that. But I really want to talk about what that editor said! Because this:
“What is God’s purpose for your story?” the editor-turned-therapist asks. “Once you figure out what HE wants to say through it, THEN you have your book.”
is HUGE for me. I don’t suppose that editor happened to give you the three simple steps for figuring out God’s purpose for your story?
“The keys to my future are held by a King who’s story He’s commissioned me to tell.”
Man, Sarah, how those words resonate with me! What a beautiful reminder to get out of the way and let God tell the story through us…Thank you!
I was thinking about you this morning on my way to work. The fulfillment of your 30-minute challenge on Friday was today and you crossed my mind and your post yesterday and mentioning writing your story for the world to read. I read your story and that of Amber Haines & Jenny Clayville and so many other husbands & wives and I see stories of grace. Of redemption. Of one spouse living out the type of love Christ has called us to. I see broken and contrite women, and Jesus living out in the lives of your husbands.
With all the news of celebrities that has broken of unfaithful spouses, your stories are proof that not only is reconciliation possible but God is faithful and powerful to heal marriages. And every other part of our broken and contrite lives.
What I love about this story, is you found the person with the message you needed to hear in that moment.
Providence is such an awesome thing sometimes.
I have a lot of respect for that editor for knowing when they needed to be just a person and relate to you not as just an editor, but as a friend.
ohhh my heart is with you… you can do this. God has planted this desire in you for a reason… and i love that even in and through all of this, He is continuing to write His story through you.
your story… just as it is… is beautiful, its inspiring, its poignant, and it is such an authentic witness of how God is working in your life…
and i love that editor too … what a blessing!
((internet hugs to you))
Wow! What she said is so powerful! Just knowing God wants you to tell the story is not enough – we must also know WHAT He wants us to share through it! Though I am not facing the same choices as you because my conflict doesn’t involve a book at this point, my heart is so there with you! I’m still trying to figure out for sure what parts of the story need telling and how exactly He plans to use it all! {{hugs and prayers!!}}
It’s okay to cry regardless of the circumstances, remember…Jesus cried too.
Sarah,
Pastor Tom’s sermon was pretty spot on this weekend, talking about how God chooses us, like he chose Simon of Cyrene to help Jesus carry the cross to Calvary. We don’t always know, or understand what God will use us for, only that He will use us.
Sarah,
Thank you for sharing this post and the editor you cried with and prayed with is an amazing child of God. Hugging you and now watch what the Lord will do in your life.
Shoot I’d like to just find community in a likely place but that’s a story for another time. Today I just want to say wow what powerful words she said to you. I KNOW that God has a purpose behind you telling your story. I will praying that God solidifies that purpose in your heart. And for the record, you risking so greatly is giving me courage to risk in small ways. As always sending love, hugs and prayers from the Carolinas.
Makeda,
My husband & I just found ours – and it’s been about two years looking and praying for the right one to come along.
you will find your community. I promise. We are wired for it, so it’s out there.
Thank you, Makeda, for saying what you did about finding community the likely places. We’re just now sensing a renewal of community in a likely place, but it’s taken a LONG time.
Instead, my family and I have found community which on the surface seems unlikely and it’s been getting to know Sarah and Chad and other people with whom we share things in common in various parts of the world.
We know we have friends who will stop what they’re doing and pray for us if needed or just ask how we’re doing or say something silly and make us laugh. That’s community and the ironic thing is we may never meet them all while we’re here on the Earth.
I digress.
Sarah, I hope it all goes well. Thank you for being raw about your circumstances and saying what many of us feel but never verbalize. Your courage is inspiring.
I have goose bumps. And I think it is because I am reminded that when we live in obedience, we can be going along life and the Holy Spirit bomb will drop in situations like these. We think we will be proposing and agenda, and God shows up and the agenda goes out the window. Continue in obedience Sarah and just be willing. As always, thanks for sharing!
I have goose bumps. And I think it is because I am reminded that when we live in obedience, we can be going along life and the Holy Spirit bomb will drop in situations like these. We think we will be proposing and agenda, and God shows up and the agenda goes out the window. Continue in obedience Sarah and just be willing. As always, thanks for sharing!
“What is God’s purpose for your story?” the editor-turned-therapist asks. “Once you figure out what HE wants to say through it, THEN you have your book.”
thanks for sharing this. i am in the process of writing a book as well…. and with that decision to obey His voice came so many insecurities… i get so lost in thoughts and so lost in words.
and i also get lost in the blog world and i see people like crystal renaud, anne jackson, paul matthew turner, pete wilson other “well-known-uner bloggers” and even you, and i feel like my story is not new…and there are other people who are so much more gifted in writing than i. i go to the books stores and i see people like paula white, joyce meyer, beth moore and i see that there’s nothing NEW to write about… every topic has been covered already.
i’ve found myself asking God continuously…
“who wants to hear another story about abuse? who wants to hear another story about being a single mother? who needs to hear another story about being caught up in porn, drugs, etc. when everyone else is doing so already. who would want to pay $10-$20 hear my story God?”
and He gently reminds me and whispers to my heart “that is not my story… it is HIS.. and even if my book never gets published… even if no one reads it… i will do it, because i will choose to obey Him, rather than listen to my insecurities.
He nudges me to choose to write and inspire others to continue to write… because every life that He has redeemed is a story that is worthy to be shared about.
*sorry i meant to say “uber-blogger” not uner-blogger
I heard it once said that to try and write a story like Faulkner or Steinbeck or Hemingway is pointless – because it’s already been done. There are no new stories. But. There are new writers. And new heartbeats. Go live your life as He calls you – your story will show itself.
Patricia you have spoken so beautifully what I was trying to say in response to this post. Wow! Thank you.
And thank you Sarah for sharing. I am so glad to stumble upon this post today.
Thank you for sharing your heart so openly– we all have those fears of stepping into the unknown, of feeling like we don’t know what we are doing. It’s what we do with that fear that matters…do we trust God that He knows what He is doing and WILL do it in His own time, or do we continue to doubt and let that doubt hold us back from all He wants to fulfill in us?
I believe in you, all of us who come here every day to read the wisdom He bestows upon you believe in you, and HE believes in you. And whether your destiny is to write books or just write here, you’ll bravely continue to use your story to spread the name of our great King despite your fear.
And THAT is courageous and beautiful.
i am so glad you corrected your thinking… when i saw the tweet i was thinking, “no sister, she doesn’t hold any keys!!! only God does.”
you have a story. and there’s a purpose within it that the Lord is going to use. that is something i am sure of.
this is only the beginning.
praying for you.
love you.
Sarah – this is absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. As for community in unlikely places? The packed living room of a local high school teacher – almost fifty inner city kids listening to hope and truth in the midst of chaos. It was beautiful.
This is what is wonderful about being part of the body of Christ. Yes, she is a book editor but more importantly she is a sister in the Lord and she took the time to listen and pray. She didn’t have to do that but she did. Yes. God IS ultimately in control and He will guide the direction of the story you have to tell. I learned that through my own process of writing and publishing my own story. I had to wrestle with all the fears and doubts but I know that God has a purpose in the telling and if ONE life is changed then that is all that matters. I suspect it is the same with you. God has a purpose and a plan for you and your story…and it’s a good one.
Wow…the power of this question…
“What is God’s purpose for your story?” the editor-turned-therapist asks. “Once you figure out what HE wants to say through it, THEN you have your book.”
THEN you have your calling. THEN you have your purpose. THEN you have your life.
How I needed this today, Sarah! Thank you! I’ve recently been asked to speak twice in the fall and share my story and I’m in the same place feeling like it’s not all written and not quite “enough” yet. But I need to remember that God commissioned this story and seek His heart for what He wants me to say. Thanks for the reminder.
Praise the Lord for a community of believers. I think community is hard to find. I keep pretty busy, but since becoming a mom, I’ve felt pretty disconnected and community-less. I don’t mean without a community, but certainly without the level of depth I once felt.
Feeling communityless however has its ups…it reminds me to cling to the Father as he always understands.
Whoa. Thank you for sharing! I love how we can all walk this journey with you.
When the book does come out, I’m buying a copy
I love how God provided your compassionate editor at the PERFECT time to be there for you and pray for you. God sends His angels in the most unlikely circumstances. This post, as all of your posts do, hit home with me. I now stay home w/my kids, as I’ve told you previously, because 1)this is where I’ve always wanted to be and 2)my health issues demanded it. I had always planned to homeschool our 2 and 3yo until at least 1st grade and then they would attend the same Christian school our 8yo currently attends. My husband and I are now praying about homeschooling the 8yo. I really don’t want to. For many reasons. I don’t feel I could give him the attention he deserves or requires, he loves where he’s at and will miss his friends and teachers and the school he’s at, I believe, will benefit him more than I ever could. It is an amazing school and my husband actually graduated from there. Then there’s my health. I don’t think I can handle all 3 kids and teach them all, give them the attention each one will need, and still deal and function with my situation. But after reading this post I realize now that I haven’t really turned that decision or my concerns over to Him. I’ve been a vessel of “can’t” or “won’t” rather than releasing Satan’s stronghold on me and letting God lead my path.
I will pray for you Sarah and I ask that you might add me to your prayer list.
Thank you for your sharing your journey. I believe that you bless many women like myself and I’m so glad we can all walk through these things together.
Much love.
His gift will make room for you. His favor will prepare a place for you. Seek Him first and all these things… blah, blah, blah. Amazing how these little reminders must be echoed in our self-consumed hearts on a regular basis.
It was great to meet you… you’re well on your way.
What a wise editor!
Wow…just…wow.
Crystal tipped me to your blog post because I had been telling her about the nervous feelings within me over my first writing conference in a few weeks. I honestly had to stop and ask myself “did God tell me to write this or did I write it and then ask God to bless it?”