“…the great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear.”
Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
I know. I know. I’m late to read this. A little late.
But maybe I was supposed to read this now. Today. And not a few months ago when it released.
Maybe, just perhaps I was supposed to ingest Don’s random {but oh so NOT random} musings on writing and God, living and fear and most importantly STORY now. This week.
Because it’s speaking to me right where I’m at.
{I know I’m not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, but 1- I do it all the time, and 2 – how else could I have written that?}
I don’t want to be a novelist. At least not now. But someday, someday, I will call in all my novelist friends to help coach me through my ONE and ONLY novel that I will write {and will flop terribly}.
But all writers, regardless of novel-producing abilities, must have a good grasp on the idea of story. And I feel like I’m at a weird place in my own story. Sigh. Part transition, part wondering, part looking forward and not back. Stuck in the middle of my own book, not sure where the future will lead us, slowly figuring out my calling.
I so want to live a good story.
I want to listen to God, to be a good mother, to walk forward in my call and purpose. I want to be obedient. And in all of that, I don’t need life to be exciting, I just need it to be good.
I need to live a good story and I need to live it without fear.
So, I’m pretty sure this blog post is a commitment I’m making to myself to start to try to live with less fear {remember, I process life through writing? I didn’t know I was doing this when I began}.
Last summer I went with some blogging friends and their families to Bass Lake. At the end of the day, after the kids had all come in shivering from playing in the Sierra water, I suggested to my friends that we run and jump off the end of the dock.
Up to this point we’d been sitting in our bathing suits and cover ups in the rough lake sand making sure none of the kids drowned. Our shoulders were warm and pink from the mountain sun.
“Let’s jump in!” I looked at them and smiled.
“Why?” one of them asked.
And honestly, I didn’t have a reason. “Because we can,” I answered. And silently, I thought, because it feels good to face something “difficult” like that and get to the other side.
The lake would be very cold, and we were very comfortable on the shore. I dug my toes into the granite sand, “Come on! Let’s just do it.” I stood up and began to discard my dress.
About five minutes later the three of us ran, hand in hand, screaming down to the end of the dock and launched ourselves into the lake.
Cold water stole my breath but we all emerged laughing and decided that once was enough.
“No fear”, to quote a cliche.
We’d done it and we’d lived a story. It was a normal story but it was ours and we’d faced a tiny fear (of being uncomfortable) and ran right through it.
This is how I want to live my life: launching myself from the end of the boat dock for good reasons, God reasons, kingdom reasons. Risk is hard and feels bad sometimes, but it is only in risk that growth and change happen.
Are you living a good story?
But what are you afraid of?
I know what I’m afraid of and I wish it were only spiders because spiders can be escorted outdoors . . . or squished.
spiders. yes. i hate spiders. and thanks for your email too. =)
Sarah,
I love how you write. You have such a sensitive heart and I can “hear” it in what you are saying. Thank you.
“what am I am afraid of?”
of failing my husband and kiddos when I so want to have it all together. (even though I know I can’t…just trusting God that all will be ok, even if I’m not!)
i ask myself that all the time, “what am i afraid of?”
Yes!! I can almost feel that cold lake water…..
I am always afraid of not writing the story for my life that is GOD’S story for my life…I have spent way too much of my life thus far tearing off the trail and going my own way. My prayer is to stay on His path for me…even if that path does bring risk that feels not so great at the time!
risk is scary, isn’t it? i’m right there right now.
Funny: This is how I am feeling about your blog lately too. I had to have seen it before, being a daily reader at (In)Courage. But it is just in the past couple of weeks that I have rediscovered it and you have no idea how many of your words have cut straight to my heart again and again in this season of life. Thank you for being so faithful to share you heart with us day after day.
you are more than welcome, misty. so glad you are reading. =)
I am living a wonderfully captivating story…it has good parts and bad parts, but overall it rocks because it’s God’s story through me…and you know what, Sarah, I think your story rocks too!
I wrote about discomfort recently here: http://signsoflifeadventures.blogspot.com/2010/04/im-not-very-comfortable-with-this.html
Come visit me and leave a comment…I ‘d love to hear what you have to say about it.
thank you cari. i’ll try to stop by tonight. =)
My story keeps getting better and better! Thank God for all He has blessed me with!
Mary
yes!! i hope that all of our stories get better and better.
I think you are in the perfect place Sarah– where your desire to share your story for God’s glory is being eclipsed by the desire to live your story and let God’s glory shine through that however He sees fit.
I am in the middle of a book too, and I get the feeling that it will be just for me, for a long time if not forever. And I am honestly okay with that. Because in the end, I want to be a women of God above all. And even if words are MY passion, they may not be the means God wants me to use to reach others. They may just be the way God reaches ME, His little gift to ME.
Will continue to pray over you and your ministry and your precious heart~
Blessings~
Lindsey
wow, thank you so much Lindsey. =) i really appreciate it.
“we’d faced a tiny fear (of being uncomfortable) and ran right through it”
I leave for Burundi, Africa on Saturday for two weeks. I can’t ignore the niggle in the back of my mind that reminds me that I can’t take all of the comforts of America with me…
But I know it will be a good story, a God-story, while I’m there
thanks for the reminder & encouragement today!
you are welcome jenny. wow! blessings to you as you travel to africa.
I guess that’s the hope, isn’t it, at least for me, that I am living a good story.
I’ve really enjoyed your blog and would love if you’d pop on over to mine and have a look when you have time!
http://aprilfolkertsma.blogspot.com/
Hi…I feel like a total dork, and maybe I’m missing it, but I thought I just left a comment and it isn’t showing up…hmm. So, I’ll try to recreate it here and if it shows up twice, please feel free to delete delete delete!
And so, I think that the hope is, for me at least, that I am living a good story….with risk and fear and tension and tears and laughter and love. I’ll mess it up, I have in the past, but I’m sort of hoping that the mess ups, if they aren’t too bad, will be part of what makes it good. And that the goodness won’t be about me or from me or coming from me, but that the goodness will be His.
I sure have enjoyed your blog…I’d love it if you’d pop on over to mine when you have a moment:
http://aprilfolkertsma.blogspot.com/
thanks!!!
thanks april! i know, i agree. i feel like i’m gonna mess stuff up too, but i’d rather try, i think. than not try. =)
I want to not only write fearlessly, but to trust without fear. Hard to do!
ooo, i love that: “trust without fear”
i LOVED this book. d.m.’s words, “a life without a story is like reading a book about nothing.” hit me. i want to live a life with a story. even if i feel uncomfortable, and vulnerable in a bathing suit, even if my hair has to get wet, and dries funky, in front of my new real life friends.
the jumping into the lake was the living. sadly, my insecurities often get in the way of my living.
and didn’t you love that family! the one that jumped in the lake to say goodbye. they lived out loud.
and here we are after the jump.
http://victoryrd.blogspot.com/2009/06/unpacking.html
are we gonna jump off again at the end of the month? writing this post got me all pumped up for the lake!! =)
I often tell myself that if I don’t feel like doing something (probably out of fear or laziness), that’s the biggest sign that I should actually do that thing. Some of my best moments have come because I did what I didn’t feel like doing.
We hope that we’re living a good story and that it will be a God story primarily.
i agree. a God story.
and i was just thinking about that today: doing hard things because they are hard to do. overcoming something simply because they are difficult is bound to teach you something.
Sarah – you are a wonderful story, strong and moving, full of love and adventure! God is so delighted with you and is writing the next page as I type!
(You are a page-turner!) love in Him, deb
thank you debbie.
Sarah,
Your story is full of marinating flavor. I can’t wait to what it taste like once it’s thrown on the fire
:B
oh, what a cool way to put it. i can’t wait either. =)
Love this
thanks, brooke!
Sarah,
what challenging thoughts. But what’s funny about your question is that it was the word “living” that challenged me as opposed to “story.” Because right now with a new baby in the house, there’s a whole lot more surviving than there is living. I’m sure there is a story being written right in my midst, but I’m just trying to find time to take a shower. And right now there’s not a lot I can do about the circumstances (except maybe take out a second mortgage to hire a nanny), but I do want to remember to LIVE my story right now because it’s the only one I’m going to get.
ahh, newborns. yes. i totally understand survival mode. just hang on =)
and, what an amazing sweet and beautiful time.
(sigh)
I’m in such a similar place in my walk right now! I’m actually about to start reading this book too. I can’t wait to see what God has next!
Thanks for being so honest. I look forward to getting to “know” you better on Twitter and here at your blog.
Blessings,
Jennifer
you too jennifer! thanks. =)
What is so funny Sarah is that my friend and I did the very same thing last summer at her cabin. Our kids thought we were nuts!
A good story, now that is a hard one. I am trying to live an honest and humble one. I am working on giving EVERYTHING over to my Father God and keeping none of it. Surrender is so sweet but yet so hard. I am feeling the schackles of shame, sin and self beginning to leave and freedom is in the distance.
that’s beautiful Michelle.
HI Sarah,
I’ve been reading your last few blog entries. They are like a balm to me. I think you have a beautiful soul, so much to teach and share. Best wishes on your book. I can’t wait to read it!
aww, thank you kara.
I also want desperately to live a good story. I’ve avoided reading A Million Miles for fear that I will abandon everything in my life and go chase something else (I have no idea what that something else is but I feel like I might do that). I’m learning though to see the beauty in the story that I AM living and trying to be more intentional where I am. It is not always the easiest thing to do especially in this season where God is causing a lot of insecurities to rise to the service so they can be dealt with (and painfully I might add). But there is beauty here and I want to see it.
BTW, I think your story is a remarkable and incredible story and God is using you in such incredible ways. Thank you for making yourself available to Him.
Thanks Makeda. and no, the book won’t make you do that. =)
hmmm….living a good story? i guess for me that depends on who you’re asking.
trying to keep my eyes on Him, and the rest falls where it may. that’s what my story looks like right now, and it seems to be a pretty good story so far. Actually His story, not mine.
great writing,sarah…..staying away from those preposition sentence endings is hard, isn’t it?!
i think that’s the only thing you can do: keep your eyes on him.
Love it Sarah!!! The picture of running off the end of the dock hits home for me
But now I need to start translating this into my life with the Lord!! Jumping right in for His glory no matter how cold or frightening it may be!!!
Keep on writing you will get through the middle part
thanks. i wanna get thru the “middle part” =)
i am so thankful you didn’t post the after picture {insert insecurity here} and then denise had to go and link it :O)
denise has talked so much about this book and now your post on it…. makes me think i need to read it. i need to overcome fear/insecurity.
i want to live a good story. i want to be the heroine of my story!
i hope we do jump off the dock again. it is almost here… yeah!
miss you. love you.
uh, there’s an after picture? i don’t have it nor do i want it. =)
Oh Sarah, you challenge me to live a story, God’s story through me, and not to let life slip past as I let fear dictate so many of the decisions I make, decisions to not do things because I am comfortable where I am and am fearful of stepping out into new adventures, new plots in my story. To answer your quiz, fear of rejection, of being judged, keep me from doing almost anything new where I would have to meet new people on my own. That’s what holds me back. But the bible speaks of two different kinds of fear, one good, one bad. Reverence for God, FEAR of God, is a GOOD THING! Proverbs 19:23 “The fear of the Lord leads to life, then one rests content, untouched by trouble.” And Isaiah 41:10 encourages us, “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” So lets fear the Lord and trust that as we do He will keep our lives and our hearts ‘untouched by trouble.’ I’ll face my fears, my anxieties, fight the bad ‘spirit of fear’ and trust that as we (yes I am joining you on this journey!) as we journey away from this fear and trust that God is strengthening us and upholding us! Thanks for blogging, Sarah, you give my life a direction it needs every time I read what you have to say.
thank you kathleen. i love blogging and i feel it is an honor that you all read.
Thank you, Sarah. Needed to read this today as I consider some new writing ventures that have been on my heart for some time…
P.S. There is really no prohibition in standard English against ending a sentence with a preposition. It’s a made-up rule. There are times it is unnecessary and clunky, but there are other times it is perfectly acceptable. But, here’s a tip: when you find yourself ending with “at,” re-read. Most often, you won’t need it. “It is speaking to me right where I am.” “He asked where we are” (not “where we are at”) etc. Be free of preposition fear!
ah, thanks M. That line was a little tongue in cheek. =) i feel better knowing that all my grammar isn’t atrocious. =)
Great story, it is so vivid…I can imagine myself sitting there and thinking I am so comfortable, why would I get up and jump into a cold lake, but then I’d be sad I had missed out on the experience, on the memory.
someday we’ll jump into a cold lake together. praying for you and all of nashville today.
In September, we visited friends in Northern California, and we went hiking a lot. One day we came across a little cave on a river. It was dark inside, but we could see that the river went all the way through. We could BARELY tell there was a glimmer of light around the bend. The water was frigid, and the cave was dark, and I was totally freaked out about swimming through. But my friend and I did, while our husbands watched the kids. It was scary and uncertain and oh-so-cold, but we felt exhilarated when we made it through.
When I read Donald Miller’s book a few months later, I thought back on the cave. I realized I had written a great little practice story in that cave.
oh yes! i did a “cave” thing back in march. super scary and now i realize that it was because of all the fear i’d been letting go in other areas.
Two things, on a less serious note:
1. I’ve often thought the difference between someone who IS a writer and someone who WANTS TO BE a good writer is this: for the real writer (I think of Madeleine L’engle, Marilynne Robinson, even Jan Caron in her genre… to name 3 modern day authors) the story is already there, born in them. According to their own record of it, the story tells itself to them.
ha ha! I feel no pressure. It comes as it will come, like the wind blowing where it wills. And like the other post on “thought processing” – sometimes it comes in snatches and fragments. Have you ever read “Walking on Water” by L’engle? You MUST… it’s SOOO good. She discusses this at some length. I <3 that book.
So, when people tell me, “You should write a book,” I always say: “I will, when I have something to say.”
and
2. I just finished reading Marilynne Robinson's books "Gilead" and "Home." Um, please – just rock my world, why dontcha. She is an example of a stunningly gifted writer who wrote only two masterpieces. She has written several non-fiction books and 1 other fiction novel which is good but not the perfection of the other two. They ARE perfection, btw. So – yes, there are those of us who maybe WILL have something to say, one day, and then that will be it. But it will be enough.
And on a more serious note:
You will know what I mean when I say, "I understand about the middle of the book" thing. I totally get that. Great analogy.
911 yet again, is previously nine many years I will nonetheless recall everthing, really Say day, Wish the whole lot can easily turn out to be earlier tense to me.
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