Last night we had to wade through the anger.
Bitterness.
Hurt.
Sarcasm.
To get to the prize.
When I was a little girl and we’d camp in the Sierras, we’d crunch the rough granite gravel of the banks of the Merced with our feet. Sand buckets and beach chairs weighed us down before the snow-water would wash the dust of the campsite off our ankles.
The water, burning and icy at the same time was such a contrast to the hot mountain sun.
If we’d camp in August, the river would be calm enough that we could wade across the river rocks in our flip-flops, nothing rushing higher than our shins. If we’d camp in May or June, after winter had begun to flow down the rock faces of the valley and into the riverbed, the water would be high and dangerous. Even my father couldn’t walk across.
But we tempted the river.
We walked a little further, and further, until the current tugged at our shoes. Arms out to balance. How far could I go before I had to turn around? How far before my feet would go numb from the cold water?
And then maybe I would find it.
Something, a rock. A glint of pyrite. A chuck of quartz. Anything that would catch the attention of my eight-year-old eye: the reason for the wading. Bending over I let the river run over my hand. Dividing the glass I picked it up.
The wading, the slow work of walking for something worth having, isn’t easy. It never is.
Last night we stayed up late, even after one of us stated very clearly that I have to go to bed at ten o’clock.
We stayed up late looking for the answer, for the connection, for the reason husband and wife kept missing each other for the past couple months even though we’ve been sleeping in the same bed.
Muddling through hurt and defensiveness, we waded through the anger and hard things before we found what we came for.
And when we did it was like seeing the quartz at the bottom of the river, clear through snow run-off.
Have you had to wade for something worth having lately?
Beautifully written, as usual, Sarah. I love that image.
thanks Mel. Miss you.
Still “wading” (and waiting, for that matter). And yet while my hope in Heaven and the things to come in eternity are 100% sure in my mind, I have resigned myself to the fact that things may never be different this side of Heaven. But the Lord has brought me over and over to Psalm 27:13-14: “I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” It’s almost like He’s revealing to my heart that things will be different, even pre-Heaven–just gotta be strong, take heart, and wait for the LORD. Your post today was one more way He has reminded me, so thank you, Sarah.
i love that passage. thank you for the beautiful reminder.
SO glad you found what you were looking for. I love and miss you guys much!
miss you too.
lots.
we’ve been talking about you. =)
seems like we have been wading alot lately.
the wading is bittersweet.
and it’s worth it. you’re right about that.
you are right. the wading is bittersweet
I have been wading in my relationship with my parents for a long time. We have taken the wading to the next level and are now in counseling together. All of us our tired of the work, but the desire to have a healthy and loving relationship once again is worth it, even in our tired minds.
wow!! that’s amazing. so proud of you for going to the next level with your parents. it would be too easy just to “move on” and try to forget.
thanks for the encouragment Sarah
simply moving on and forgetting has crossed my mind so many times; especially in the midst of so much hurt. But the relationship is too precious to let go of; I pray that God will give me the patience to wait and see what is on the other side.
also, I completely related to this post in the husband/wife sense. I experienced one of those nights about a month ago…one of the worst nights ever, too late to be up fighting!…but the resolve was so sweet and the moments of forgiveness so freeing.
i know what you mean. it’s worth the “fight” sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this with us Sarah. For some reason the past week I have felt led to lift you and your husband up to the Lord in prayer. So I’m glad you guys went “wading” last night.
I have only been following your blog for a few months… I’m a bloggerland newbie.
I love how you take things that happen in your life and apply them to truths and lessons learned.
God bless you!
thank you Debbie. I really appreciate the prayers.
Hi Sarah
Thank you for putting such a beautiful picture to such a difficult thing!! UUGGGHHH is all I can say sometimes when the hubby and I are wading through loads of miscommunication and hurt. It is by no means fun, and often times I would rather just walk away. But to have it settled, to discover the lessons in it, and to draw closer together in the end, is worth all the work of “wading through”
Love your writing and your heart Sarah:)
The hubs and I seem to have been wading for the past 4 years… Thats when it all started. Your story, my story it’s the same and ever since then the wading… Im kind of waterlogged now, but it’s getting better. We had an arguement last week and didnt talk for 4 days. Then I read your blog abot letting go of the little things. That’s what it was those little things that kept stacking on top of each other. Then it just seemed to blow.
I reached in the back of my drawer and pulled out my big girl panties and had to put them on… However if I have to pull up my big girl panties and deal with it one more
time, the elastic is going to break and I really will show my butt! LOL
Anyway I apologized and we “looked down through that water and saw the quartz”. We have a long journey in front of us and Im sure a whole lot more wading, but to know there is something worth wading for makes everything bearable.
Thank you for sharing this. I needed to read this today!
~Sarah~
Oh yes, that wading… I think I’ve been in the rushing water for a while, only recently discovering what it is I’m searching for under the current.
Also? I miss you. I want to be in California this week.
Beautifully put. I think this will resonate with many.
WOW! Just had this topic in a 12 step meeting yesterday. Making amends. I think it’s important to note that making the amends is Step 9. It takes a lot of work to get there. God doesn’t make one list every bad thing in the 1st step. It is a process. A process of acknowledging. The addiction. The powerlessness. God. All the while, learning how to deal with the harder issues. So that when I am ready to take on my responsibility in the amends, I am strong & in control (well, God is really in control). I had a responsibility in this or that. It takes me out of that self-centered thinking that took me into addiction. I have to learn to be aware of others. Their feelings. Their part. My part. My feelings. Especially my spouse. The same bed. Not really talking about “it”. Avoiding “it”. That elephant in the room. That shiny rock in the stream. The water is too deep to reach it. Sometimes it seems like the water is an ocean. Treading water. Praying.
Most definitely. I think I’d say I’ve been wading through disappointment but I know there will be something worth waiting for on the other side. Great post
So glad you found it again. It seems like life is a constant cycle of losing things & finding them again, and trying to grow in the process.
So appreciate your transparency. Beautiful.
You had me laughing at the big girl panties part . . .and that stretching elastic! You are so brave to go wading, Sarah, trusting that He will help you find what He desires for you. It kind of seems like He calls us all to wade, all the time. So I best leave my shoes off and my pants rolled up . . .:)
love in Him,
deb
Wow. Your imagery brings these stories, these facts, so much closer to my own life. Thanks for finding the most beautiful ways of sharing your life so we can see it in ours.
I used your analogy in sharing at a 12 step meeting today. The water is waist high for me. The current is strong. The water COLD. But, there is a solution. Quit standing in-between my worries & God. When I take self out of the equation, God will step in & ask “What took you so long”! Pesky
selfself-centeredness.For the past 6-8 months I’ve been wading through the sea of depression. Along the way I felt like I had drowned and never thought I would come up for air. With bumps and bruises I now have my head above water. I am working through issues and trying to see myself through God’s eyes. I never knew it could be so difficult to accept love from my heavenly Father.
i’m so sorry michelle. i’m so glad you are working through things. thank you so much for commenting.
Thank you Sarah. Got your message. Wading is a choice. No prize without it. Love it. God help me DO it.
Wow, Sarah, beautifully and powerfully said. I am waving to you from California.
Thank you for your post.
My husband and I have entered a season where he isn’t home long before another business trip. It is a season of insecurity for me and longing…I miss him. When he is here, he is beyond exhausted and not able to really be a support to me as I process things that I have been facing. Seems like I need to depend on…the Lord right now or something. Ha! Imagine that!
I need to wade through this time. Thanks.
hey, i’m in California too. =)
and yes, i understand what you are saying. it’s hard when they are gone a lot. but, keep wading. keep processing. you will get thru it.
I’m wading now… still haven’t found my quartz. Seems that everything in this life worth having is found by wading through rapids.
i think i agree. =)
This is beautiful. I’m not married so I can’t relate it to that. However, the older I get the more I understand that this is true about so much of what truly matters in life.
I don’t always like that. In fact, this week I’ve been fairly pissy about the work it’s going to take me to get through living w/family right now and figuring out what exactly all this unemployment means and where He wants me to be. My attitude has not been good because I don’t want to deal with my messy relationships w/family. And rather than put in the work to take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, I want Him to just kind of magically zap my brain so I instantly trust Him & never struggle again.
This is such a powerful reminder of the beauty that’s there waiting when we work past the struggle and anger and confusion and whatever else. So…thanks for that.
Wow, Sarah, beautifully and powerfully said. I am waving to you from California.
Thank you for your post.
My husband and I have entered a season where he isn’t home long before another business trip. It is a season of insecurity for me and longing…I miss him. When he is here, he is beyond exhausted and not able to really be a support to me as I process things that I have been facing. Seems like I need to depend on…the Lord right now or something. Ha! Imagine that!
I need to wade through this time. Thanks.
Yup. My own heart, my motives, my big “Why?”
http://www.bradhuebert.wordpress.com
I’m wading thru my Africa experience to find the gem of Truth and the take away God is teaching my heart… it has been SUCH a wonderful wading…