The Same Page of the Same Book

After this weekend I’ve realized that I don’t need a lot to make my marriage happy.

There are giant seminars you can take; you can go to big Weekends to Think About Big Stuff and hear expensive popular speakers talk about all kinds of things from intimacy to kids to Affair-Proofing {as if it is the same as child-proofing} and Ten Steps to Something. You can do that.

We’ve done that . There is value to that.

You can read books that give you quick fixes with titles like If You Do Only One Thing to Save Your Marriage, Do This. There are couples devotion books, there are couples Spice Up Your Christian Marriage series, and there are most certainly stacks of these books by the side of my bed. Some of them gathering dust on spines and pages {because I ALWAYS throw dust covers away} and others of them have been regularly flipped through and live near the toilet.

You can learn Languages and “I” statements and all of those things. Yes, I am a big proponent of all of this.

But I’ve learned something new this weekend.

What might be more important than all of that, Important Speaker and Bestselling Book aside, is a simple, connected act.

It’s not sex, although that is a must.

It isn’t church, although that is really important too.

It isn’t listening or knowing or seeing or any of that.

It is holding hands and walking forward in the same direction.


It’s the simple act of creating a shared goal, grabbing mother- and father-worn hands together and moving toward that thing as one. A God-loving family, a family that isn’t afraid to do hard things, a family that will be able to say “We were scared but we trusted God.” Those are our goals.

Working with someone for the same end is fabulously intimate and amazingly connecting. And when my husband and I are on the same page of the same book then most of the rest of life works well.

We end up listening to each other more, we end up “speaking” in each others “languages” naturally, and we are intimately drawn to one another because let’s just face it, it’s attractive when are both working and walking together.

When we take the time to be on the same page of the same book as our spouse it is a beautiful thing.

Go to the Big Giant Marriage Weekend and buy the next Seven Step Book to Be Close. But don’t forget the

simplistic

minimalistic

perfection of standing side by side, seeing the same end-of-the-road in the distance and walking forward together.

What do you think?

Comments

  1. says

    Sarah, absolutely, unequivably true! It is the most amazing thing on this earth! In our marriage, when we both are working toward the same goal, honestly, my hubby has to take the credit that it was his idea and you know what? Whether it was or wasn’t his idea, I don’t even give him any grief over whose idea it was. A hundred years from now, it won’t make any difference. If he gets major thrills for getting the credit, hooray! There may be other times when I shine for my ideas. I love your phrase “walking forward together.” Totally perfect! Let love and oneness reign!!Super great blog! Thanks.

  2. says

    I think… you are right on! In fact, I need to do a little more of this hand holding in the same direction act with my hubby. “Being on the same page of the same book…” is a big deal, but definitely worth the simple time it takes to get there!

  3. mary kathryn tyson says

    sarah,

    thank you for this. i am not and have never been married but i have certainly danced my way through a parade of fools because, in the end, it is like you say…we just were on the same page of the same book. in some cases, we weren’t even two books on the same shelf. in some cases, we weren’t…just kidding.

    i am not desperate for marriage or family (any more). i have reached that place in my singleness when i really am comfortable just being me and i will be fine if i do and fine if i don’t get married. i would certainly rather spend the rest of my life single than with the wrong person.

    however. then there are times, at almost 33, when i think “maybe i’m too picky… maybe i have issues (that i haven’t covered in seven years of therapy and a few years of sobriety)…maybe i…” when, the truth is, maybe god’s hand on my life is so heavy and his purposes for me so strong…and, simply, his love so intense and so fierce…that i can’t afford to *not* wait for that person whose feet will be pointed in the same direction as mine.

    i am open, i am willing. in the meantime, i am waiting (though sometimes i don’t wait very well…)

    thank you for your post, sarah. i’m so, so happy that you and your husband had such a sweet weekend together.

    mk

  4. says

    God bless you, Sarah, and your marriage as you walk together and forward toward the same goal! Thank you for your beautiful insights. I can sense your intimate love from here and know that God is using you to bless so many. :)

  5. Granita C. Richardson says

    That was a great blog. It is so exciting when you and your spouse are on the same page of the same book. It’s so difficult when you have experienced the betrayal and one is willing to forgive and the other can’t forgive himself. That’s a long journey, but one worth the trip when you end up in the same place by the grace of God. Then you can really continue your journey together.

  6. says

    I LOVE this! I am a huge proponent of all the different areas of marriage ministry, marriage books, marriage seminars, etc… because I love to learn from those who are wiser and do what I can to learn how to strenghten our marriage.

    But NOTHING for me beats walking in unity of heart while physically walking and holding hands.

    Also, sometimes our hearts are far from unified and there is tension between us. And in those times, when we choose to physically hold hands in the midst of our disagreeing attitudes, it speaks such symbolism to me….”Yes, we don’t agree with each other but I choose to stay connected and walk forward with you anyways…”

    thanks for a great post Sarah! Hope you enjoyed your weekend :-)

  7. says

    We live in an information age when we can learn too much sometimes. The information overshadows the simplicity of just figuring out life together. Our mothers didn’t have fifteen hundred baby books about how to raise a kid. But we do. We read them all and freak ourselves out by what is the “right” way to do things. It’s the same with marriage, I think. The lists and the books and the new ideas are fine, but I agree, the Holy Spirit was working unity in marriages way before the “Five Love Languages” book was written. And I reckon He can still do that. :)

  8. says

    One of the things my husband and I cherish is our alone time. A meal out where we can talk. Holding hands as we walk. A quick cuddle as we do the groceries. We remind ourselves we are a couple as well as parents. I know I’m blessed as I get to work with my husband but we still have to take special time xx

  9. says

    Sarah — this is one of my favorite posts that you’ve written. It’s perfectly stated and I just wanted to say “thank you” for sharing it. God sooooo loves it when we walk hand in hand with a common purpose, a combined and true love for Him and a woven desire to serve Him through our marriage! Thanks again!

    -Joel

  10. Sharon O says

    Awesome encouraging note Sarah.
    We were in church yesterday and there was a couple sitting in front of us, I didn’t recognize them so they could have been visitors. The music band began to play and the lady just went limp and laid her head on her husbands shoulder and sobbed. It was tender and it brought tears to me for I was just a few feet away from her. What ever her heart hurt was she knew his shoulder would be her ‘protection’ and he covered her with both arms and put his head on her neck and they were alone in the midst of the music. It was tender, it was sweet, it was something to behold. I wanted to give her a note and say ‘if you ever need to talk, here is my number’ I even wrote it out. Then I hesitated because if he had that much tenderness, she could talk to him. It was a good reminder for my husband and I sitting behind them and it also reminded me of how ‘Jesus holds us’ in our sorrow. I don’t know who she is but God does, I don’t know her heart hurt but God does. I am glad she had someone to love her through her broken place.

  11. Tina says

    This is such a great post!!! I agree that holding hands and walking forward TOGETHER is what it is all about. There have been times that we have not walked together and it is a tough path.

  12. says

    SO SO SO true! For me, it took 8 years of marriage to realize this…looking back, i saw how although my husband and I were living side by side, we weren’t LIVING side by side…and although we were both looking forward, we weren’t moving forward in the same direction…i recently shared about this on my blog…come visit when you can.. :D I linked up the post to my name. ;)

  13. says

    absolutely love this and this is exactly what I’ve been learning lately…about how if you’re not on the same page in the same book then things get really rough and that you can try to force two paths together all you want…but if they’re not meant to go the same way then you better stick to your path because God has big things in store! hard…but so good! thanks for the reminder!

  14. Tracy says

    Sarah, you have beautifully described a perfect picture of the necessity of ‘being on the same page’. It was encouragement I needed.

  15. says

    It is holding hands and walking forward in the same direction.

    All I can say is…. I understand this all too well. Me and my wife have not been in the same direction all of our 9 years of marriage… and we’re separated at the moment :(

    Can we get to that oneness? I don’t know.

    But that unity sure looks inviting….

  16. says

    So eloquently put! I like how you said, “we end up “speaking” in each others “languages” naturally, and we are intimately drawn to one another”… I too have found that the more my husband & I speak each other’s love languages (that we’ve talked about and made known to each other), the more attracted we become to each other and it carries over into our sex life. Which in turn, helps us to speak each other’s languages more and meet each other’s needs…it’s a good cycle to be in. :]

  17. says

    wooohooo!!!!!

    i don’t know if i have EVER agreed with you MORE wholeheartedly than this time!

    amazed by Jesus’ love & you…

    dad

  18. says

    I would have to agree with your dad.

    I love this more than words can express.

    I can’t wait to follow Jesus with someone like that one day.

  19. says

    hey there I just wanted to comenmt your blog and say that I really enjoyed reading your blog post here. It was very informative and I also digg the way you write! Keep it up and I’ll be back to read more soon mate

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