Pride – a disproportionately high opinion of one’s own importance.
Yesterday we wondered if women struggle with it in the same way men do. I think we decided that pride isn’t just a men’s issue or a women’s issue but a HUMAN issue.
Pride was the single most powerful thing that flung me into an adulterous relationship more than nine years ago. It was what helped me feel justified in doing what I did while I did it.
Pride told me that my body needed to be flaunted. Pride told me that I needed to turn a man’s eye other than my husband’s. Pride told me that I was deserving of someone who really loved me and treated me well. I was too good for this, wasn’t I? Pride whispered all of this in my ear.
And I listened.
Pride is the root and reason for destroyed families, wounded hearts, abused children, bitter relationships. Pride is the cause of a tunnel-visioned existence where the only thing that matters is ME and MY FEELINGS. I think for women most pride is veiled behind comparison or judgment or unforgiveness. For me it has been all of the above.
It wasn’t until later when I saw myself up against the perfection of Christ’s death, His blood and sacrifice that I became aware of the blunt griminess of my life and who I was hurting.
But it is
so
hard
to
escape.
But I am important. Aren’t I? Where is the balance between acknowledging my uniqueness, my lovable-ness, and my gifts but not wallowing in self-importance? They seem like conflicting ideas.
I’m chosen by God. I’m good because of His sacrifice for me. And I’m called personally by Him.
I think the key is to continue to watch myself through the eyes of humility. I can be unique and beautiful and worthy, but all of this in relation to who He is. Up against the cross. Up against the whole of Him.
And I need to close my ear to pride.
I’d rather listen to humility, to make my ear open to the grace that begs it.
What has pride whispered to you?
Love this, ” Up against the cross. Up against the whole of Him” Pride told me that I needed to “add” on to myself- grab a hold of other idols and things to worship- that Jesus wasn’t enough for me.
I want a depth of humility in my life that brings greater freedom, so that I can worship God with all of who I am!
so do i charissa.
I look at pride in a positive way in that now that our two kids (guy and girl) are totally grown and in their adult lives. I pride myself (through and of God’s tremendous guidance) that I taught them to respect, whether it be boss, Mom & Dad, Grandparents, friends, God, etc. And I’m so grateful and we all are thankful that pride whispered to me as a Mom teach my kids to respect now, or they may never learn it. And they did. And to this day when pride sticks its ugly head out, they remember what Mom and Dad taught them!
i agree, there are two different kinds of things that are associated with the english word “pride”.
i’m proud of my daughter for doing well at the speech meet.
i’m proud of her for making the right choices.
i like that kind of “pride”
I once heard that all sin issues take root in either PRIDE or IDOLTRY. The more and more God peels back the layers of my own heart, I can see these two roots. How they surface varies from person to person. Pride rears it’s ugly head in my selfishness. In the moments when I feel “I deserve…”
When who I am and what I do is grounded in Christ, then I find myself secure. Anything He chooses to give me beyond that, is my cup overflowing.
wow, manda. very well said.
It is how I am seen by my Creator and Father that determines how I view myself. I know who I am in light of how God sees me. I know who God is and how I will never begin to measure up. What I have seen in my life is that when I begin to expect others see me the same way as God sees me. Now yes, as Christians we are supposed to love and have grace on people the way God does, but I think there is a huge issue when it is EXPECTED by someone. No one can love me the way God does, and that is what brings me safe to His arms every time.
i agree. we put too much on others when we expect them to love with the width and breadth that God does.
but i do think that we can attempt to love others with a love that comes only from Christ – laced with grace, forgiveness and selflessness.
agree.
on all areas.
ugh.
me too.
augh Sarah! you always make me have to face up to my faults and acknowledge them. I should thank you but I don’t always want to know that most of my issues and problems come from my attitude and not from outside forces (like my husband or the kids or the house or the car problems or money problems). Pride has been whispering to me that I deserve better than I am getting from others. I still need to deal with this but at least I now see that that is what I’m dealing with. I don’t want to be married to the man I’m married to. I just don’t. I’m tired of his drinking problem. I’m tired of feeling neglected and abandoned and ‘second choice’ to his drinking buddies. His last “compliment” was “but you’re my crutch!”. Thanks. I don’t want to be anyone’s crutch, I want to be someone’s partner. I want to be adored and cherished. But that is my pride whispering to me that I deserve more. I really believe that once you take those wedding vows, you’re in it for better or worse. But why WHY WHY does it always have to be worse??
kathleen – i am praying for you too. i don’t have any good answers for you.
But I do know a few things: God sees you. He doesn’t neglect or abandon you. He’s called you precious and unique and beautiful.
He sees you.
thank you for being so transparent.
Kathleen it’s not too much to ask for better at some point in your marriage. It’s definitely going to take God to remove the resentment you feel towards your husband. My husband was emotionally unfaithful to me, but I decided to stay. As a result of the pain a book emerged. I had to pray every single day for God to help me to forgive him and her. I had to trust that God would work things out even when it looked like I was the only one who wanted this marriage to work. There is not a man or woman that God does not have the power to change. Oh I did quite a bit of changing as well, and I definitely questioned God as to what I did to bring this on, but through it all I’m stronger and my book by God’s grace will help other women to trust God. The bottom line is someone had to be willing to humble himself/herself so that God could be glorified when all seemed lost.
Kathleen . . .I am praying with you. I’m in a different situation, but could find myself so easy within your words. I remember asking God as He led me along, if I always have to look bad. ha! Isn’t there a short cut through this? Praying for His tender keeping and care for you. You are a precious life line to Jesus for your husband . . .not a crutch!
Sarah . . .I guess I kind of found out what pride whispers to me in my note to Kathleen. “You look bad.” Some of what God asks me to do is hard for others to understand. It makes me look “bad” that I’m not doing what most do. But I don’t have to listen, do I? Thanks so much Sarah! You are a blog angel!
Thank you for the prayer Debbie. I really appreciate your not judging me. I’ll pray for you too, to lift that burden of feeling you look bad to others. That’s a hard one too – I guess pride whispers that one to all of us! I guess of our Lord could endure the humiliation He went through being tortured and degraded on the cross for our sakes, we can endure a difficult marriage or looking bad to some people who aren’t walking in our shoes.
Debbie,
Sometimes doing the will of God will have others saying, “You look foolish”. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t obey the Lord.
In the early years of my marriage, pride whispered to me OFTEN that my flaws were not as bad as my husband’s…that I was stronger in my faith than he was, so I didn’t really have to submit to him or show him any respect…
That was about 8 years ago and God has since exposed my pride and changed my heart in THOSE areas…
Today, although pride is whispering different things to me, I’ve noticed its primary message is still the same as it was 8 years ago–doing things my OWN way is fine if I get tired of waiting on the Lord. YIKES!
I think the best way to keep pride from creeping in is to stay grounded in the truth of God’s Word and close to Him in prayer. To ask God to expose it in my life and to give me HIS perspective on it. (I’ve often asked God to break my heart over the things in my life that break His heart and pride is often one of those things).
Great post!
well said, amy. and i’ve SOO been in that same place.
break my heart, lord.
Your post was so powerful! Thanks for sharing so that others can learn and grow thereby.
thank you granita!!
I heard a pastor say once that if we are being humbled, then we are exactly where God wants us to be.
That has stuck with me…
i think you are so right. humility is beyond important.
For me pride has worn a very different face. I have struggled with feeling unworthy and unlovable in every way. I would always put others needs first, not always with the right motives. I didn’t “appear” to be a prideful person. But I was paralyzed by it.
It whispered all kinds of things:
~That no one could be trusted. I had to rely on myself.
~That my way was the best way. Others would only dissapoint or fail to live up to my expectations.
~That no one could really understand me, as if my sufferings were somehow unique.
~That no one could see my weaknesses or I would be even more unlovable.
~That I was alone.
It might seem shocking to say that all of these struggles were rooted in pride, but I think they were (are). Fear was the other major player for sure. For a long time my self reliance and self preservation tactics did appear to bring success, and I was praised for my hard work and my strength. When I realized that I could no longer keep up the show or manage on my own, pride kept me from asking for help and kept me in a state of despair and depression for much longer than neccesary. Pride still keeps me from admitting my need of God and keeps me striving after my own comfort and security.
i love what you said here: “Pride still keeps me from admitting my need of God and keeps me striving after my own comfort and security.”
i think that is the HEART of it.
This is a beautiful description of just how I feel – I feel inadequate and afraid of people’s expectations, and I so want to please everyone by performing well in what they ask of me.
God has shown me that the greatest thing I can ever accomplish is not to climb Mt Everest, not to be a great speaker, not to get a P.H.D, but to use all my gifts and talents to make HIS name great. When I think of it that way I’m not afraid to write, I’m not afraid to teach – it’s about making His name great, not mine, and so I don’t have to worry about failure – my eyes are off myself, and I feel free.
Thanks for sharing!
My grandmother lives in the house she moved into when she got married, 59 years ago. The same house that her husband’s previous aunt and uncle lived in, and which still resides much of their stuff. The house is Victorian with several antiques “worth a lot”. For years my grandmother stayed away from the chatty women in town who talked about her without knowing her story. Since then my grandfather has died and my grandmother remains with all the “stuff”. At 89 years-old, fear of what other people think still has a foothold in her life. As she prepares to welcome women from a small sewing group into her home over the weekend, Gram is worried about what they will think of all the ornate (and pretentious?) “things” – the artwork, the furniture, the crystal, the gold. She talked with me about how it all may be worth a lot, but it’s all meaningless. She’s true.
Gram has a heart for the Lord. Yet, she still struggles with this fear of what other’s might think. As I listened to her defend herself and rehearse by saying “but it was all here before I got here,” I was aware that we’re never done this side of Heaven. Fear has so many roots. It whispers things to us that make us believe our blessings are actually our “fault”.
i agree. fear is huge. so huge.
Just thinking.
Is all pride bad? (Being proud of my children or in accomplishing a goal?)
Is there a difference between humbleness and humility? (humility makes me think of humiliation, which leads to shame. I don’t want that, but I oftem feel humbled. Is humbleness a word?
)
I also get the one about my flaws aren’t as bad/as many as my hubs. Because, you know, I’m more Christian than he is, I desire to be changed when he doesn’t, I come from a better family, I have more grace… Pretty, eh!
humility is not humiliation although people associate it with that. which, i think, is where pride comes in.
godly humility is something jesus practiced, paul practiced, and isn’t shameful. it is understanding one’s correct position in relationship to God. and god is in the practice of calling us out in love, rescuing us and loving us unconditionally.
its a confusing and beautiful paradox.
Pride has whispered that I’m lonely, that I can do things on my own, that people don’t care about me.
it’s whispered that to me too.
Pride has made me disabled.
i’m so sorry.
This year God has been speaking to me a lot about entitlement. Pride obviously goes hand in hand with that. It’s hard not to view yourself as the victim, to fight the feeling that things are due to you because of such and such circumstance. Since January of this year, I’ve been extremely I’ll with morning sickness, overwhelmed as a pregnant SAHM of three under 6, lost my grandmother to cancer and had to deal with my husband’s crazy work/school schedule. All of those things are tough, but everyone has something they’re going through or just came out of. I’ve been trying to keep in mind Phil 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” If I’m looking out for others I become less absorbed with my own situation and feel less entitled to so much.
Pride makes me do too much and then just be overwhelmed and tired because I can’t seem to ask for help!
“Pride told me that I was deserving of someone who really loved me and treated me well. I was too good for this, wasn’t I? Pride whispered all of this in my ear.” ooohhh, I loved this! People are leaving marriages all over the place based on this. I have felt this, especially during the harder times in our marriage, like after the birth of our children (remember after Presley Sarah???). For me, I would get caught in the trap of “after all I do around here…I derserve to be treated better than this!” but time and time again the Lord reminds me that I shouldn’t do it for my husband, or kids. I (need) to do it for Him…and in that there is no room for pride, but there is so much blessing.
wow, again!
up against the cross…the only way to truly “see” ourselves…
up against the cross!
love you…
dad
” I can be unique and beautiful and worthy, but all of this in relation to who He is.”
I love this – I had never thought of humility like this before…
Pride has whispered to me that it would be easier to stay in shame and rebellion than to admit what I truly am before God and to admit that I need Him to change me. Pride has whispered that living a lie/in a false sense of self would be easier than the cross and death to my flesh that He calls me to. Thankfully God’s whispers of love, restoration, forgiveness and transformation are much more appealing. I have tasted and seen that He is good and His goodness and life is what I truly want (and that desire is one that He has provided).