When I drop them off at Grandma’s
Or at summer day-camp,
Or when my husband rescues me and comes home so I can tuck the car keys into my pocket, slip on my flip-flops and kiss their heads as I take a few moments to myself
I feel like I’m finally not responsible for anyone.
I can walk into a store without holding a little hand, without feeling my heart seize with adrenaline as I watch the end-cap full of chardonnay wave and weave as they walk by it. I can walk through a parking lot without worrying that a distracted driver won’t see the little blonde head walking next to me, or that none of us will see the back-up lights of the SUV parked next to us. I can slide into Starbucks and drink a hot drink without having to entertain anyone but myself.
Listen to my NPR, take a jog outside, talk on the phone to a friend — all of this I can do when I’m not responsible for anyone else.
Gratefully happy to be responsible for little lunches, little laundry and little dirty shoes, this Mama needs a break from responsibility some of the time. So when I’m not responsible, it feels good.
Freedom. Responsibility-free (for a little while, at least).
I just realized something this morning as I walked kid-less into the gym {my girls are spending a movie day with their grandmother}: I am ALWAYS responsible.
Not only am I always responsible for my children even when they are with another person, but I’m always responsible for me. For my thoughts, for my attitude, for my spending habits, my leisure habits.
I, now, have only myself to answer to. It’s not as big of a deal if I’m grumpy when I’m alone because I’m not tempted to yell at anyone, but oh, maybe it might be just as bad! This is why: I still have to take care of my own attitude, that left unchecked, will carry down to my girls when I see them again.
Even when I don’t have another little person in tow, perhaps I’m even MORE responsible.
I’m responsible for what I watch, for what I say, for what I talk about because ALL of it creates who I am. And I want to be a mother who is healthy and kind and loving even when I’m not around anyone else.
I’m responsible for how my words affect others, for how my actions show {or don’t show} the love of Christ, and for how my thoughts turn my heart toward or away from my family. I’m responsible for all of this.
And it’s a good thing.
What are you responsible for? What do you do when you get some time to yourself?
Most times, I end up staying in, unplugging the phone, and doing clay facials, soaking and exfolitating my feet, and baking (just because).
I make sure to grab extra time with the Word while I’m at it, because – with a 4 y-o who rises early like his momma – sometimes my attempt to settle into the Word turns out to be an exercise in futility… and rising at 3 instead of 5 is asking for a raging headache… all day long.
Blessing to you, Sarah.
I’m responsible to leave a note on the corner of the counter to my hubby to tell him where I am going (at all times). I call it my “Carol Day” and trust me I stay gone all day. First I go to a Barnes & Noble to see what’s new, then get a cup of Starbuck’s…usually have a fabulous lunch exactly where I want to go….then I go to Macy’s and check out if there’s anything new at the Clinique counter and spend a lot of time conversing with my friend, Caryl, who is the Mgr. of Clinique. I go Mall walking to look at what I want to. I may take in a Movie that I want to see. (or I just drive and listen to MY fav. music.) I stay gone all day!
Sooo much fun! We have a traditional marriage where the Husband is the Head of the home, so I have my “Carol Day” one day a week. And like you say, Sarah, “it’s a good thing.”
Carol, I love this idea! (I may even warn my family with an entry on the wall calendar.) While our home life is not typical (my husband and I work opposite schedules), a day to myself now and then sounds like a great way to “refresh.” And while the guilt of spending that time to myself will probably haunt me during the day, I will try my hardest to fight it, and tell myself “I’m responsible” and like Sarah says, “It’s a good thing.”
Thanks!
Karen
Karen:
The main thing is being gone long enough for your hubby to miss you. He always calls me now (I cook all the time) and says “I know you are eating at your fav. place, so I’ll just fix a bowl of cereal or something.”) That is music to my ears!!! I’m a devout homemaker; gardner, the whole nine yards. I taught the ladies at church to have a “Connie Day” “Geneva Day”, etc. They all constantly remark how delightful it is. Our daughter in NYC will call me and just hear a couple of sentences from me and says “Mom, have you had your Carol Day?” I sorrowfully say no, but I know I get gripey when I don’t have one. Super great idea putting it on the Calendar. That’s cool! (Hug to Sarah for posting this one!)
God has given me a burden to pray for the persecuted church – and the suffering church body – I have a sense of burden and regret if I neglect those prayers. Also – the responsibility to pray for my children and grandchildren (I have 5 gchildren) (I have 4 daughters)
Time by myself? hmmmmm. I’m 59 so my time alone won’t look like that of a young mother. But I enjoy quiet and computer and reading. Oh and lots of yard work. I love yard work.
I sooo enjoy those very rare occasions when I take off down the driveway WITHOUT any of my 4 little people behind me in the van! It’s the only time I really attempt to listen to NPR like I used to in the days of commutes to and from work -before kids.
I very much enjoy your writing Sarah. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
thanks Jolene.
and nice to know I’M not alone in listening to NPR =)
I remember that sense of freedom for a few moments when shopping or doing anything without the children in tow when they were younger. But the second we become a mother – the moment we realize we are pregnant even – we feel that sense of responsibility for another and never again have that true self-centered sense of freedom again. Having had my oldest when I was in my early twenties, I immediately walked away from the social life I had at that time – everyone was off bar hopping and social drinking around bon fires, and meeting for drinks after work or taking weekend trips etc…I had to be clear headed and ready for whatever my son might need so didn’t join in, even when we did have a sitter, what if they called? what if he needed me? He’s 24 years old now and we have two other sons too and I have never lost that sense of needing to be available and READY if they call or need me…what if they’re in a car accident? I need to be ready to go to them. Once you become a mother, it’s a life time commitment to being responsible for someone else. I guess it’s why St. Paul encouraged some to remain single – that that sense of responsibility to stay healthy and ready to care for your children and spouse can interfere with the ability to focus completely on the Lord and His work…..but I still feel that there is no greater blessing in the world than my children and husband. We’re all called to different things. I’m grateful I was called to be a mother.
i am too. and yes, motherhood never stops.
I really needed to read these words today. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, life and advice with us!! I especially need to remember that I am responsible for my words and behaviors in front (and not in front) of my children. I also want to be the responsible mother who is healthy and kind even when my children aren’t around. I find I am kind with my actions, but not always with my MOUTH!!! Ha!!
My
me neither. sigh. god has been working hard on my lately – this is one of those things. =)
I love to take a few moments (or more than a few!) when my husband gets home, but I realize that sometimes it’s more than just time away that I need. It’s an attitude change. That’s hard sometimes, to say the least. But I come back refreshed and ready to tackle the munchkins and all my responsibilities when I have had a change in my attitude first (of course, a mocha with a extra chocolate helps, too). Thanks for posting this topic!
Melissa
It’s so hard to find take a few moments for myself, between the kids and the husband and the job. Thanks so much for sharing your words, you write beautifully.
well, i’m single. but i’m still responsible.
i have to go to work every day because it’s easier to put on my make-up with the lights on. i’m the only one who pays my bills & expenses.
i have to go home for lunch every day to take my dog outside. it’s my pleasure to do it, but it would also be cruel not to.
i show up to my sister’s house, who is also the only one responsible for her bills, a few nights a week to focus 100% of my attention on my niece.
i am responsible to show up for my friends who just found out their IUI didn’t take for the fourth time. or to throw or attend wedding and baby showers, gift in hand (even if it means i can’t buy groceries). or to cry and pray on the phone with my friend who just broke up with her boyfriend.
i am responsible to fight for the underdog and stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.
but in the end, i come home alone and put myself to bed and make myself breakfast in the morning. i’m still only responsible for myself. in the end, we all belong to god.
in my experience, being single doesn’t always equal self-centeredness or selfishness. just saying.
xo
Hi Sarah
Even though my sons are grown (24 & 21) …I still feel responsible for them somewhat, meaning that I try to conduct my life so it always honors Christ. I’m divorced from their dad and only 40 yrs old but I hope I am showing them how to live a godly life by practicing what I preach to them. Also I am responsible for my 2 jobs and teaching 6th- 8th grade girls Sunday School class. I unwind by reading my Bible and email devotions (your blog is my favorite),listening to worship music and munching on ice pops in the summertime.
Thanks so much Sarah, for talking about responsibility. It’s something that I feel a lot. My daughters are 18 and 23, but the 18 yr. old has special needs, so is as a little child yet. And then there’s my husband, my married daughter, my aging mother, etc. etc. Our lists can be extensive. I loved Kathleen’s comment about being available. And though I don’t get times away, God has been so faithful to give me what I need to do this and to stay available to Him as well!
feeling convicted! it’s so true that i’m still responsible for my attitude and thoughts, even when no one sees or hears them but me. and God. (therein lies the “ouch”…)
Great stuff!!! I am most responsible for my thoughts, because that is where I can really get tripped up! Yes being grouchy alone might be ok but ultimately it effects how you deal with others especially your family, you know? If my thoughts are always focused on God then I am good to roll
I’m one of those weird people that if I notice I’m going to have some time for myself I sabotage it by thinking hmmm surely there’s a girlfriend of mine that I could call up and hang out with or hey maybe I will take this one free day and spend it with my family. But on the rare occasion that I do take a day for myself I love to go and get a massage and then go to Starbucks grab a white mocha, listen to some chill music, curl up in a comfy chair and catch up on a good book
It is so wonderful to have moments to oneself. I cherish any second I have to myself, even if it’s just to breathe deeply.
This is so good. I have been asking myself lately to imagine my daughter sitting beside me. (she’s 10) Would I gossip? Would I say an unkind word? Would I build up or tear down?