Yesterday was one of those lock-myself-in-the-bathroom type of days.
All summer discipline has been jeopardized by late nights and late mornings. The girls have already begun to grate on one another: the younger one too eager to play with the older one and the older one is just plain exasperated. I’ve been trying to pepper down days with sight words for said four-year-old and multiplication practice for my ingoing third grader. We’ve spent days at home, mornings at the local zoo and afternoons at swim lessons.
But no one wants to work at getting along, it seems.
Actually, no one likes to work.
And frankly, neither do I. At least not during the summer.
So my discipline lags and my daughters naturally follow suit. There is whining and crying and an occasional Get-Outta-My-Room! There might even be some scissors used in inappropriate ways, some left-out-of-the-container play-doh and many, many spilled cups of yogurt/water/diet coke {mine} and dog dishes. No one, not even me, is exhibiting much self-control around my house.
Oh I know it’s my own fault. I can see it on their faces.
By the middle of the afternoon yesterday, after I’d shut myself in my bedroom to dial off an emergency call to my husband. {So you know, I reserve these for the very most worst days totally only about 3 or 4 every year}
My littlest one followed me into the room. So I retreated one step further into the master bathroom, sat on the toilet seat and locked the door.
“I just can’t do this,” I tell him.
She pounds on the door.
“They are out of control. I’m out of control. That’s why I’ve locked myself in the bathroom,” I confess.
I’d like to say he calmed me down but he didn’t. He was just as stressed out at work as I was at home.
End Call. This wasn’t helping.
I took a deep breath, wiped the sweat from my neck and opened the door. My four-year-old stood outside the bathroom angry-crying that I wasn’t listening to her when I was on the phone with her father.
All it took was a few minutes by myself to get myself together. I guess I’d hit my “rock bottom” of summer parenting because I was ready to do whatever it took to fix the problem I’d created. I understood that the attitude in my home began with me. If I could be kind and calm with my words, they might be too. If I was disciplined, they would be more prone to it as well.
“Okay girls,” and I called them into my room. We sat on the floor and I doled out a few new rules, a couple consequences for what had gone on that day and I also confessed my own wrong.
I apologized for yelling and for allowing things to go on as long as they had. Then the three of us prayed together.
And then somehow in the mess and noise of the afternoon, a calming balance took over each one of us. We spent the rest of the day in {relative} harmony. Honestly.
There was one or two mishaps, but nothing like what had gone on before.
Tomorrow might be a different story but for now I’m working on my own attitude and discipline and watch it trickle down to my daughters.
Do you have a parenting confession?
What a great post that resonates with all mothers! I so relate to the hard work of helping everyone get along. We have been struggling of late. New home. No friends. “Trapped” at home because I can’t drive yet. No television or media. Just the five of us. Together. All the time.
And the ugliness of self is cropping up all too often.
But amid all the crappy attitudes and arguments over toys and complaints of boredom, I, too, am learning the hard lesson of leading well in our home. Ann Voskamp once wrote, “If I lead better, you would follow better.” (close quotation) I love that. Thanks for the reminder to lean on Christ to better lead my kids in contentment and love and gratitude.
I suck. The end. *wry smile*
ooh this one, REALLY was a page from my life. we had this day yesterday. i broke down and cried (after screaming to clean up the playroom one more time…why do we continually clean up 4 times a day when it IS a playroom…) anyway, I lost it, then I broke, I cried, I asked forgiveness…the sweetest still chubby 3 year old body snuggled in my lap and my 6 year old’s long arms wrapped around me and we prayed…we sang amazing grace…and then the sun came out again!
And after all that, I still want to want to home school next year instead of sending her back…grace is a great thing!
Yeah… I’m right there. I keep trying to turn them into big readers so they’ll leave me alone. =/
i like you
I like you, too.
Sometimes when I put my daughter in time out, I have to take a time out as well and pray and ask God to give me wisdom.
i am spending too much time on the computer {doing good things… reading great, encouraging, helpful blog posts… and letting my kids watch too much tv so i can do it… how did this happen? this is NOT the summer plan i had in mind.
me too. I read about how to be a good housekeeper and mother… so much that there’s no time to actually put it into practice.
that’s so true — I’ve been doing the same thing — reading how to manage my home better, but wonder when I’ll have the time to put it into practice….I laughed when I read that because I can totally relate. I’m so glad I’m not alone.
Oh my gosh. I thought I was the only one who did this! I even print out these helpful hints, only to have them clutter up my desk and kitchen table.
Oh how I can relate and I have been in the same place… but I easily forget it’s me that should be leading by example… thanks for the reminder today.
I need to learn the art of giving myself a time out. thank you for the reminder!
Parenting confessions?
Oh yeah – more than this space could handle.
Donuts for breakfast yesterday.
A TV show right now while I blog and answer e-mails.
The secret belief that I am asked to sacrifice more than my husband by doing this stay-at-home parenting job.
Noticing entire meals’ worth of food is stuck to the floor under my toddler’s place at the table before I force myself to sweep.
Oh – this is just the tip of the iceberg, really. The predictable, okay-to-share stuff.
It gets much much worse.
I suck too. The end. Lol!
Were you spying on me last week? Same scenario here, complete with unproductive call to the hubby. Kids are getting on each others nerves and mine. I just about lost my mind!! But, this week, I arranged a playdate and some “out in the open” time so we are not on top of each other. It’s not perfect, but it’s making a difference!
Confession from a pastor’s wife: We have searched out EVERY VBS in our area to see if they are in the mornings:) I have become one of those congregants that drive me nuts for dropping off their kids to have moments of peace!
It is so funny to read your post then all the others…..they are all the same. It is good (and comforting) to know that as mothers we all go through the same thing with our kids. My boys are 4(almost 5) and 10. There is about….15 min. every day that they get along. I know how i respond to the bickering is directly related to how they act but it is SO hard to NOT YELL! Especally when it is about the 100th time you have asked the same question. Anyway, thanks for sharing and making me feel “normal”…..:0)
sarah,
thank you so much for your post today; i can’t tell you how it resonated with my soul. God has been dealing with this very thing in my heart these past few days. not so much that i’ve let us become undisciplined over the summer, but more so in the fact that my attitudes and actions DO set the tone for my kids. i catch myself wondering why they are speaking to each other in a harsh tone or why they are being short and snappy with each other….then i hear myself and realize that they’re getting it from me. how can i teach them that a harsh answer turns away wrath when i’m not having self-control with my own mouth? i am so thankful for your post today…it was a sweet reminder of what God has been trying to tell me for a few days now. i love your blog and receive your posts via email. i am always blessed by your humility and honesty.
in Him,
~patty r.
This is my morning, my week….
I agree with the above post- it’s almost as if we do sacrifice more to stay home and do “the right thing” by our children. As I type this too, my kids are watching Toy Story 2 for the millionth time this week. It was all I could do to stay in my lane driving this morning because of the screaming in the backseat- over nothing!
My 2 year old screams if I do not respond to every “look mommy!”, which, in retrospect is really sweet- “see the bird, see the truck?” Why can’t I just make time for those things?
I quit calling my husband on the “bad days” because I never heard the end of it…the comments about my parenting were more than I could handle. And no, our husbands do not get it, they do not understand our daily struggles with disciplining the kids- or even our own self discipline. As I speak tons of laundry needs to be finished, and not to mention the dishes. Thanks Sarah for this post. i have truly been struggling this week- and today!!
Thank you so much for being so transparent — I’m so glad I’m not alone. I had this day yesterday too with my girls (ages almost 2 and 4). In fact, I cried those same words, “I just can’t do this.” I knew most of it was my fault too because they do follow our example.
I’m so glad His mercies are new every morning; great is His faithfulness!
Thank you again for sharing. You’ve encouraged me to start anew today.
Oh, Mama, I have been there. Recently. Self control seems to be the root of the problem here as well. And, like you, I can sense it begins with me.
I have definitely not been disciplined in helping my daughter with academics this summer. She truly struggles and regardless of my getting rest, I should have pushed forward no matter how challenging it would have been. Will I pay for it? Probably. Will I wallow in it, life is too short for that.
Yesterday afternoon, there may or may not have been a moment in which palms were on ears, eyes closed and the words, “I’m DONE with THIS!” said at a higher than appropriate decibel level.
It wasn’t one of the boys.
Just saying.
{something must change around here or else this “single” parenting thing will be all of our demise.}
Oh, absolutely! Summer is definitely the worst because of the slacker attitudes – starting with ME. And yes, the kids always follow suit. Repentance, forgiveness, and prayer is always a good place to start. Even though the struggles are frustrating, it’s such a beautiful thing when God restores harmony. And it’s in those times that your children see that life isn’t always easy, but God is always there and He can make a difference. Just think if our kids could learn this at an early age so that it would be their natural response when life gets hard! What a glorious heritage to pass along.
I can relate to every feeling & frustration posted. I have been battling a mental shut down for the past couple of weeks. As my business grows & my daughter progresses into the thick of the toddler years, I find myself wearing thin. Self doubt sets in, old insecurities arise as deadlines mount. I have started to slack in my “motherly duties” & wifely obligations.
Our schedule has become loose, the routine has many holes & arguements are becoming normal. Along with fantasies of starting all over & running away.
I realized that I needed change, professional help. A listening ear not related or associated with me in any way.
A safe, relaxing place to vent. This evening will be my first counseling appointment. Wish me luck!
My not even 2 year old is learning to talk and stomp. He can say 1 syllable words like, “Snack, Milk, More” Well last night in the bath he swims over to his 4 year old brother, pushes him and says, “MOVE!!!!” It the total whiny 2 year old way. And so I whip around and say, “Don’t!”
Talk about a bad example. Totally convicted he is NOT necessarily learning his bad habits from the toddler room at church, or the occasional trip to the gym, or even his older brother. I think quite possible he is learning bad habits from……me.
Self-control, or lack thereof. Yep. That’s certainly something I pray that the Lord helps we with on days as described above. I love the idea of just stopping and praying with your children. I will do this the next time I’m at that point, I think it would definitely help.
ha! I thought I was the only one who seems to have lost it less than half way through the Summer, and I’m not even a stay-at-home mom! We’ve moved and are transitioning to this new chapter of our lives, the heat and HUMIDITY has made it difficult to even think and I’ve blown it. It’s interesting how much can change in a matter of seconds!
I call those bathroom retreats my “fifteen minutes of vacation” and my son picked up on them when he was not even quite three. Ah, solace…and the companionship of our Living God…the only one who truly understands, and the only one who can calm our weary and fearful selves.
It’s at the end of ourselves where we find Him…and He lets us get there only to gently draw us to Him. Remember, it is in our own weakness when His strength is made known. Be encouraged, not discouraged, that those moments are for our own development, and for the development of others. It’s the journey through the Summer and the days of our lives, and not so much the things we do. Enjoy His presence!
And Peace be still…
Stop it guys you are scaring me. My summer doesn’t start until next week. Then again I have days like this without them on holidays xxx
AHHHH! I have been sooo lazy this summer. I haven’t really felt like doing anything at all! Cleaning, Dishes, Cooking, disciplining they can all wait for another day, lol. I asked my husband last night, ‘Am I a horrible mom, because sometimes when my son is talking I just want him to be quite???’ He said Nope! But even still after a breather and a little prayer, things always turn around
*quiet* not quite
I had one of those same days yesterday – lock myself in my bedroom, phone call to the hubby. After I told him what happened, he laughed. Yep, it’s not that he’s a bad guy, it’s just that my day yesterday was so ridiculously crazy, it played like something out of a comedy movie. And, after I relayed all this and he had a good laugh, I couldn’t help but laugh myself. Today I find myself covered in drool, scratches from my baby’s too-long nails, still up to my eyeballs in laundry from my four kids (all 6 yrs and under), but somehow so much better. How God’s love gives us patience in times we need it is rather amazing. Praise be!
Melissa
Hi Sarah
My two sons are 24 yrs old and 21 years old now…but I remember feeling some of the same sort of emotions that you and our blogger friends are writing about. I was not living for Jesus while my sons were in their youth. They saw my parents living for the Lord but not me. So,I did not teach them to love the Lord with all their heart etc. That is my parenting confession.The good news is 4 years ago I gave my heart to Jesus and have been showing my sons the right way to live now. They will have to make a choice to serve the Lord since they are adults now.They have a head knowledge of Christ but not a heart knowledge of Him. I pray for their salvation daily. It was beautiful how you prayed with your daughters and felt His peace after wards.
Blessings
Stephanie
“If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” is a saying on a little plaque that saw in a pharmacy the other day. The saying has been around for decades…..because it’s true! The mom/wife truly does control the attitude of the entire house/family! Bless all you hard working mothers and wives who need a little crying time behind a locked bathroom door and a little prayer time for patience before taking that deep breath and dealing with the day’s stresses. 1 Corinthians 13 – all those virtues of the fruit of the spirit but the greatest is love. So love yourselves and love your family. It’s all worth it!
Oye. Vay. I know those moments too well. My poor, poor husband…my first summer as a stay at home mom, last summer, I locked myself in my room and told them I would see them in September!
I am getting better now, though.
Hmmm…confession…well while dropping off the girls to VBS this morning…having forgot name tags and group-assigned-colored-shirts-which-i-despise… I said, erh, yelled, “You made a sacrifice! It was either be on time with no shirts or be late!”
I’m terrible…and now I’ll go hide under a rock! (and take my kids swimming and give them a popsicle for being so unruly!)…oh wow. i bribe my kids, too? Really?
Thank you for this post. It actually made me cry a little. I’m about to have our 3rd baby (by induction; scheduled tomorrow…) and have been having such a hard time thinking about leaving our other two children. I have been short with them and feeling extreme amounts of guilt because of it. I know it’s normal for all moms to have days like this and it is reassuring knowing I am not in this alone.
All I can say is “Yep. Me too.”
I’m sorry . .. I’m laughing now and smiling at all the comments, seeing myself in everyone. Good post, Sarah! Thank you for letting us confess and not feel so bad about this parenting thing! love, deb
Sooo good Sarah! Thanks for this post. I agree with you Debbie, I also enjoyed reading through the comments and am taking a deep breath…
I thought I was the only one. There are days when I run to the bathroom, close the door and hope that my kids don’t find me. A deep breath sometimes doesn’t help…
My mother always said, “The mom sets the tone for the house” and she was so right. We’re always modeling, aren’t we, whether we like it or not.
I’ve been there, too, and yes, a deep breath doesn’t always help. But a deep breath and a “Lord, help me” usually does.
I know I’ve said to myself, “SOMEbody’s gotta be the big person around here…I guess that’s me.” But it’s not easy.