I stand on the platformed high dive. What is probably only a 12 foot drop, seems to me, at the age of seven, the length of a cliff face.
To move from Goldfish to Porpoises jumping off the high dive is a requirement. In 1982 they call it a rite of passage. I call it cruel and unusual.
I already feel stupid because my same-aged best friend is already swimming laps with the swim team and I’m stuck on the side of the pool during lessons blowing bubbles under the water.
I see my father treading water below. He’s only in his mid-thirties, still really strong with a back that is tanned from the summer. He’s waiting patiently for me, squinting up in the sun. He’s gonna catch me, or close to it. At the very least he’ll be there to mop up the pieces of me that smack the water.
I can’t do it. The high dive is a magnet that is stopping me feet where they are. I gently peer over the edge.
My father still waits for me.
I jump, my face already wet with tears as I hit the water. The bright afternoon disappears instantly and I’m lost in the black WHOOSH thunder of the water. It’s in my ears, in my eyes. And it’s very, very dark.
I go much deeper than I had ever expected. Than I think even my father had expected.
For a split second I forget what to do. Do I kick? Swim with my arms? Which way is up?
I begin to kick and my father somehow has me in his arms. I don’t know if he’s swam below to get me, if he’s simply reached out to grab me or if I’ve swam up to the surface. It doesn’t matter because now I’m safe.
I’m safe. And I’m a Porpoise.
My Father asks me all the time to take jumps that require faith. Lately He’s been asking me to deplete all of my faith. And when I think I’ve given it all up, he asks me to give a little more. And then just a pinch more. And then, Sarah, how much MORE faith do you have?
Because I’m here, He says. I’m treading water and I’m waiting patiently for you. Yes, I know the water is dark. But I’m here in the middle of it. And you will do deep. Deeper than you ever thought you could go and you will be disoriented, you won’t know which way is up. But then I will catch you in My arms and you will be safer than you’ve ever known. And you won’t have to tread water in the middle of the deep end because I will be doing it for you.
But you have to jump.
Can you do it?
Can YOU do it?
sarah, you can’t even imagine how much i needed to read that this morning. . .i was praying last night for the Lord to hug me, remind me why i am trusting and having faith even when life is, for lack of a better description, hurting like hell. reading this this morning reminded me of why i hope. . .why i obey when it doesn’t make sense. . .my Daddy is right there treading water and He isn’t going to let me drown. . .
He absolutely will NOT let you down.
Thank You!
Your words speak directly to my heart this morning. Beautiful ending to this post!! I cannot wait for you to have a book on the shelf for me to buy!! You are a wonderful writer bringing all the glory to our Father!!
sarah,
i feel like all breath has just been sucked out of me. straight from the father’s heart to mine (ours) by way of yours. mercy. yowzas. okay. thanks.
i think…it’s like i’m too comfortable right now to be called to that level of faith, but i want to be called deeper. but, i guess i’ve had my own lessons to learn, which i certainly have even when it sucked and hurt and i was desperate.
but faith. that’s the deep end of the ocean i want to be, i want him to call me to. oh, lord. don’t let me be too comfortable for the high dive.
xo
i know what you are saying. I’ve been comfy for too long!!
Awesome reminder of a loving Father who holds us in the midst of our fear, our uncertainties and our in ability to trust our selves. Yes we can do it but not alone.
What an inspiring picture! Thank you Sarah for sharing this
you are welcome Charissa =)
Thank you Sarah. In these days when I want to turn and run, the Lord continues to ask me to stand. Stand in His power. Stand in His strength. Stand with Him right beside me, inside me, all around me.
We can’t trust much.. but we CAN trust Him. Always the same, yesterday, today and forever.
BEAUTIFUL! Thank you.
I am grateful for the gift the Lord has given you. Your gift prompts me to change my old thinking. It inspires me to reach higher. It instructs me how to see how God uses my ‘high dive’ experiences in my life to push me further, not hold me back.
Once again, thank you! I hope you have a great day. Our So-Cal weather is finally claiming summer! Have fun.
Thank you Tammie. and YES it’s HOT!!
About 6 years ago I woke up in the middle of crying out to God and feeling a sense of joy, fear, peace and relief…I sensed the Holy Spirit telling me promises to come and it was just like that…”I would go deeper than I ever thought”…That moment was so real to me, I wrote my husband a letter sharing what I thought God was saying. As years went on, I thought I saw God fulfill my promises in other ways, but I am slowly learning His ways are not my ways…and His ways will bring Him glory.
I would have never imagined that going deeper for me meant almost losing my marriage to gain it, stepping away from my career and losing myself, dying to self to live in Him. I was a “good” Christian…but God needed to make me uncomfortable for Him….to see there is no such thing as a good Christian.
He also taught me to seek for HIM. Not His promises.
oh, swimming in the deep waters is full of fear, but praise God He is treading water for me…
sometimes it’s so backwards in the kingdom: deeper is closer to God, more dependent is better…
ahh. so wonderful to know that he’s waiting for us.
I really needed to read this today. To be honest i feel like im drowning but i have faith and know my father’s arms will be there to haul me out of the water. xxx Thank you xx
and his arms are so, so strong.
Funny… I’ve heard Him tell me those exact same words.
Funny how He can say the same thing to us. Oh, but in perfect, individual words…
I don’t think I’ve ever actually cried while reading a blog post until now. I’m a swim teacher, so I get this. I see kids who are terrified to jump, or to swim all the way across, or put their eyes in the water. And I am the one who is there with them, like God will be for me. God spoke in a language that I understood today. He’s going to be like I am for them.
“Deeper than you ever thought you could go. You WILL be disoriented, you won’t know which way is up. You will be safer than you’ve ever know.”
This is when I started to cry. I think my life is safe right now, but it’s not the kind of safety I want. God wants more for me. And now, I think I’m ready to jump. Into the unsafe, so that God’s arms can be my safety.
Thank you SO much for this Hannah.
Only by His STRENGTH. I can do NOTHING without him!
Amen.
Come check out my hair disaster. It will give you a good laugh (just don’t laugh too hard at me)
i agree, Traci!
I am ready to go deeper than I’ve ever thought! I ready to be caught up in my Father’s arm and start seeing things for what they really are not what I think they are or what I want them to be. I ready to be so close to God I can taste and see!
that’s beautiful. wow.
thank you so much for commenting. =)
Wow. I was that kid on the diving board (literally). I still am (spiritually). Thank you for writing this and allowing God to speak through you and challenge me.
you are welcome amanda. thank you!
I hope so. It’s the scariest jump I’ve ever had to do. I know He won’t leave me…but I do wonder about His allowing me to drown.
Sometimes He does do that…
i hear you. i’ve been pretty close to “drowning” before. he’s always rescued me, though.
LOVE IT! I’m using this as my prayer with my husband tonight. We’re both in high-dive situations right now and could use this comfort. Thank you!
Wow! Thank you Mela.
I am so thankful the Lord lead me to your blog Sarah. Its so nice to read and share circumstances bout our daily life as we strive to please Christ in all we do. I did what you did at 7 yrs old when I was 36 yrs old in the spiritual sense. I broke up with my un-saved boyfriend of 8 long yrs (complete with huge diamond ring on left finger) to follow Jesus with my whole being. He did not want to Live for the Lord. It really stung when I found out 2 months later he had a live in girlfriend but I know the safest place for me is to obey the Lord and please Him and ultimately the plans He has for me are for my good (Jeremiah 29:11)It was really odd being single at first(I was either married or had a boyfriend since I was 15) but I have grown so close to the Lord in this stage of my life that it does not compare to any human love at all.
Thank you Sarah, I so needed to read this. I keep hearing God saying “trust me, trust me, trust me”. Yet, ironically God feels so very far away – so the analogy of your post is totally prevelant. I know I need to faith it and rereading Hebrews 11 – by faith!
I’m going to try including a poem here … it kind of fits this, so I hope that’s okay to do? I need to go deeper, to dive, but I’m not that good of a swimmer. Never seem to know what I’m doing even when I’m in the shallow end of His pool. I think I just will need a push! God bless you with lots of love as you keep diving for Him, deb
Psalm Beach
Waves of unknown lap unto
my slender beach of faith
O God of deep waters
and safe shore Savior
submerge me
drown what I see
call me from my bright blanket
to stand in cool shady shallows
cleansed by the crash of mystery
pulled by the tug of the unseen.