We have had to look for a new church this summer.
And I hate it.
There has been nothing fun about the process. New Sunday schools, bad coffee, so-so sermons, worships bands. It got old very quickly.
No one knows us. We knew going into this that even when we did find one that no one would know us for awhile. We would have to put out energy and time and love into the new group of people we would become a part of.
But that’s what we signed up for. When we signed up for obedience, it was the same thing as saying, “whatever-it-takes” to God.
So we’ve spent the better part of the warm months searching. It’s horrible to look for something that at best, we only had a tenuous idea of what we were looking for. But we realized something a couple months ago. We’d been halfway expecting to walk into a church and see the equivalent of a halo over a pastor’s head and the sound of an angel choir coming from the worship team.
Without verbalizing it, our family had been watching the string of churches and communities file by us waiting for the perfect one to emerge.
That wasn’t going to happen because all communities are broken in some way. They are filled with people who are imperfect and subsequently the communities are imperfect..
Real halos don’t exist on earth and there really isn’t a perfect church.
Then one day we did walk into a church. There was no halo, no heavenly “choir” and certainly no ethereal glow from the stage. But something about it felt closer to home than any other place we have visited.
And there is something beautiful about that.
We haven’t made a firm decision but we feel much more hopeful than we have in months. I’d been waiting for a neon blinking arrow in the sky that was never going to appear and instead I got a handshake and a smile.
Hopefulness in imperfection, and that makes me feel right at home.
Where do you feel at home?
oo! first comment!
i kind of talked about this very thing today (i’ve been logging this week how and why i left my charismaniac church many years ago).
first of all, i don’t think i said this before…my little sister pointed out to me once that, when we leave or move or do something like what you’re doing, why wait for it to get bad before you go? why not just leave when you know you’re supposed to leave so you don’t overstay your welcome or before you burn any bridges. and so i just want to commend you and chad in leaving without your feelings being hurt or because something bad happened. that you’re just leaving to be obedient, even if you can’t explain it very well.
sometimes, when i have to make a move like that, i will either know why i’m leaving or what i’m headed for but not usually both. does that make sense?
anyway, for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you guys, even though i don’t know you (but feel like i do).
aaand, so. i feel at home in a living room where people just want to know god better and more. and we’re free to bring our questions and our bibles and sing off-key and we just really love jesus. and there’s not room or time for politics or drama or masks because we love each other too much for that. that is church/home for me. talking about god with one or two friends in a coffee shop is church/home for me. i think it’s just how i grew up, in my family’s retreat center, where that’s what church looked like.
xo
I just wanted to say, that I think your sister has some very good advice! Thanks for sharing it!
me too! i’ll tell her you said so!
thank’s mary. and i agree with your sister’s advice too. no hurt feelings, just trying to do what God wants us to do.
Great question… I don’t know where home is at the moment.
I do know that five years ago we followed a leading from God to move back to our home state and it was a rough journey but in so many ways that broken and bumpy road brought me closer to Him than I had been in a very long time… even though I had been sitting in church two nights a week and in a Bible study the other.
I know that your journey isn’t easy; finding a church home is very hard. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you can continue to draw near to Him on your journey!
I think I feel at home when I am at peace within myself and within my relationship with God- where He says to me ‘be still and know I am God.’ If I am home within myself…walking in a peaceful place…I think that is when I can accept different ways of worship and different ways of preaching.
It really doesn’t matter I see it as shopping in many stores they all have the same product it’s just that some display it better and some have a more welcome approach. I hope this makes sense. I will pray that you find the ‘place of worship’ that is good for all of you.
I felt the same way about this process when I moved to Nashville and was looking for the “right” church. When I went to Cross Point something just felt more comfortable. A few weeks into visiting they played “Inside Out” and I knew for sure. This was home. And it was. Man, I love that place. Seriously I get weepy just thinking about how the people there have loved on me and helped me grow.
I think God speaks to us through those instinctual feelings more than we care to admit.
Oh, and hi! Miss you.
Oh man. I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from on this one!
My husband and I spent ALL of 2009 looking for a new home church. Left our old one at the end of 2008 and found and settled at our new one January 2010. Really hard year.
I don’t like making our church experience about critizing and picking apart little details…but when you are searching you have to be aware of certain things that you like and that you don’t. Definitely hard.
Where do I feel most at home? Fellowship-wise – I feel most at home in my small group. A living room of people wanting to seek the Lord together. I feel home in the sanctuary of our church but I like the small group environment better. More of my growth happens there – I feel more connected.
Another place I feel most at home is on the sand of Huntington Beach. I love every single beach our coast has to offer but whenever I step onto the shore of HB – my heart feels at rest and at home.
Lovely post. The search for perfection here on earth is so dangerous to our spiritual lives. Sometimes we don’t even see it. But learning to let go and make peace with imperfection – in ourselves and others – is so freeing. I’m not sure why we always look for the big or obvious signs in life. God’ about small, quiet details so much of the time. Probably because it’s one way He can get us to slow down, pay attention, and draw closer to Him.
“Then He said, ‘Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.’ And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.”
I Kings 19:11-12
I found the perfect church home almost 20 years ago and it is the most comfortable place I can be besides my own home. They are family. It’s the perfect church for me because it’s full of very imperfect people who know, admit it, talk about it with each other, trust each other with all our baggage, and pray for each other, stand by each other, walk through the pit together and rejoice on the mountain tops together! I am safe in this place because there is transparency, vulnerability, and protection. And I am eternally grateful to have staggered into this place where I knew instantly, I was home when the pastor was speaking of his own real life struggles. Ahhhhh……
Changing churches is hard. Its hard walking in somewhere and feeling invisible. That smile and handshake says a lot of the people who will be there, the welcome you get from the priest or pastor is an insight on how he serves his community. Don’t lose faith you will find a new spiritual home somewhere, and it wil be perfect for you.
Have faith the size of a mustard seed and you will move mountains. Just trust (easier said then done, I know).
After a few ‘church burn’ incidents we are still seeking a home church – it can be hard when you have no real expectations but for the desire to feel ‘fed’ by the message, the music and the fellowship.
Because our area is very ‘churchy’ it is hard to start new, and I’m admittedly denominationally challenged, I am finding fellowship with believers on-line, and by spending time in God’s creation and getting into the Word with my husband and son.
There is a church home for us somewhere, I have faith in that, but I won’t push so hard for the wrong thing and the wrong place again.
Oh yes I know exactly where your coming from as my husband and I have had a similar search this summer. It doesn’t help that he is running sound every other weekend for another church but it seems our search is soon over. We are going to start attending one we’ve really liked which is now going to have a Saturday service for people who can’t always come on Sunday. I’m praying this will be our home and the search is over. My prayer is you will find the same when the time is right
I’m looking for another church as well. Felt an unsettling urge to leave last summer and finally left the church in January. Not an easy process to begin again and hard not to compare new places I go to the former church. Most of the time, I end up not going to look at new places of worship and sleeping in seems easier. no one @ former church knew I left or calls to see where I’ve been.
A place where I call home and the word alive seem to go together. I’d say hiking in the Rocky Mountains…THAT feels like home.
Love you, Sarah, and your honesty.
You are probably talking about church as home, right? I’m not attending church right now. (my special needs daughter just got to the point she couldn’t handle it there) So “home” to me is with anyone that loves me, and that, of course, includes God too. So I can always have that home feeling.
This is awesome Sarah. I always compare visiting churches to going to a family reunion, but you aren’t even part of the family! It’s awkward.
But it’s so cool how God is revealing to you that a place you can call HOME is really what counts. Jesus loves the church so much, it’s crazy- I pray you can do the same… fall in love!
I feel most at home in SLO (you’ve been to my church ‘home’ there). We moved there my senior year of high school, so other ‘old-timers’ know my family of origin as well as seeing Hubs and I date, marry, be part of ministry there, leave for seminary, start a family…It’s the one place I haven’t ever felt seriously misunderstood or have felt I need to explain myself, who I am and how I got to be who I am. There’s something really comforting about knowing that the people there know me in context.
We’ve been away for 13 years now, but it still feels more like ‘home’ than any place before or since.
We’ve spent the past few months finding a new church as well. While I welcomed the opportunity to choose a church that suits us (when church is your job too, the ‘choosing’ aspect isn’t often part of the equation), there’s been a feeling of being displaced in the midst of it.
Ultimately, the church we’ve settled in is the one that feels the most like ‘home.’ I look around and while I don’t know many people, I just have that feeling that ‘these are my people.’ The knowing (and being known) will come in time. And I know the place isn’t perfect, but the issues are familiar ones. It’s kind of like being comfortable with your own (dysfunctional) family because you know those dysfunctions.
I hope you find the church family you belong with. These transitions are hard, but there can be great things once you hit the ‘settled’ place.
Mary
We’ve recently moved into a new area and are also looking for a new “home” church. It hasn’t been as easy as i thought it would; i guess i expected to just walk into a church and instantly feel at home. And since we are now parents, it seems even more important that we make the ‘right’ choice. But we’ve met many fantastic folks that we have made friends with and hopefully, we will find a ‘home’ soon.
We have moved to Hawaii, San Diego, and Boston area all in the last five years. What makes me feel at home are things that are familiar…simple things, creature comforts. I also LOVE visitors. It is like a piece of my past life is sitting in my living room. So although you are changing churches, don’t distance yourself from other good friends that you have made in your walk.
I clearly remember the days of visiting churches. Maybe this is it — a few weeks later, realization sets in. And then: “The one.”
I remember saying to my husband on that day, “THIS is our church family. One day we will find out ‘stuff,’ and we’re going to stay.” And sure enough, a few years later, “stuff” happened, and we stayed and it was tough and painful but we’re a better church for it — and it’s FAMILY. That’s what you do.
We’re home now, in that very church, but there were a few years of “pilgrimage” that were hard. There are levels of breakthrough that happen and then you hit the next plateau. Like you said, it often takes work and service and sacrifice to build relationships and maintain community — but it’s so worth it, isn’t it? There’s nothing in the world like church family. Sometimes it takes missing it to recognize just how valuable it is.
We’re in the process of finding a church, too. It’s exhausting and felt sort of like speed-dating, which I hated myself for thinking. We may have found the right home and like you said, neither the preacher nor anyone in the congregation has a halo, but it has a hint of “home” that the other (terrific) churches we’ve visited had. I appreciate knowing someone else is going through the same thing!
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