When I was a little girl I hated to miss things.
If I had to stay home from school because I was sick, I would feel anxious.
9:30 — All the kids are probably coming in from recess.
11:46 — Are they going to lunch now?
2:05 — Everyone is packing up their backpacks and they have HOMEWORK I DON’T KNOW ABOUT!
If we stayed home from church on a Sunday morning, I’d count the hours until noon when the-place-I-was-supposed-to-be wasn’t vacant any longer.
Even as a young college student, if I had to miss class for some reason I would lay in my bed and picture my empty classroom chair, probably occupied by someone else. And I’d couldn’t really rest until the hour-forty-five had passed and everyone had filed out of the stuffy upstairs philosophy room.
I’ve always had odd anxiety regarding missing something I’m usually a part of.
My work desk would sit slowly gaining a micro-layer of dust because I didn’t shuffle my papers over it’s surface for a day. All my co-workers would go out for burritos at 12:30 without me. Voicemails would pile up in my inbox.
It’s weird and I can’t really explain it. I’m just anxious until the whatever is over and I’m not the girl-who-didn’t-show-up any longer. Everyone has moved on to the next thing and I’m just sick at home watching Growing Pains re-runs.
I have to fight this even now when my girls miss something due to illness, vacation or something else.
Sometimes I escape to Starbucks when the girls are in school or with a grandparent. I hum along with my Pandora stations, I return emails, write blog posts and then I panic. Is there something else I should be doing? I usually breathe it down but once in awhile it’s enough to make me gather up my computer and go do the “whatever” I think I should be doing.
Maybe there is something wrong with me.
So I have trouble saying “No” to things and taking a break from things like four-year-old dance class and gymnastics. I have trouble feeling like I’m letting someone down when I’ve made a commitment to be there. I have trouble doing all of this.
I have to force myself to rest. Really rest.
The kind where I drift with eyes closed and NOT mind-count the things on my to-do list. The kind where phone conversations don’t replay themselves in my mind before I fall asleep and I end up dreaming about people that I’m supposed to email.
I’m pretty sure the solution is simple.
Live each hour in the hour. If I’m driving kids to school, be there. If I’m sitting in Starbucks trying to grind down my list of things to do, be all there. If I’m staying home with a sick little girl, be 100% there for her. And if somehow in my hang-ups I’ve transferred my anxiety to my daughters, I need to do all I can to give them the tools to do the same.
So today I AM going to show up. But I’ll show up where I am. I won’t let a vision of an empty classroom desk somewhere else cloud my sight.
Do you find it hard to BE where you ARE?
Yes, I do. Lately I wake up in the middle of the night anxious about something I SHOULD have done the day before whether it be cleaning the house, covering something in school, etc. I have to pray God will give me rest. To be in the NOW and be ALL there? That’s a huge step for me and my ever wandering mind.
great post!!! i find myself doing the same thing…and i can’t remember the last time i truly “rested.” that’s such a foreign concept to me at the moment!
Totally know what you mean! Add to that, I have this constant obsession with needing to know “what’s next.” I can look forward to something, or know when a deadline is, but I have to know what comes after that. Forget spontaneity. I didn’t used to be that way (well, as bad as this anyway), and I wonder why. Getting old or life’s circumstances? Both? Ugh.
I have learned in the process of aging to slow down, to sit quiet and rest in the moment. You will too I am sure of it. wonderful post thanks for sharing another part of you.
Sarah,
I call this the “multi-taskmaster”. Always demanding more than I’m able to give. And no matter what good I’m currently doing, there’s always another good thing being neglected.
The secret to rest is found in the Bible:
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3
As I write this, I’m being tempted with about 5 things I can/should do today, but the question is, which one will win? I want to do completely what God has for me on this day, not 5 things halfway. Ugh – it’s a daily challenge.
yes, i have this problem a lot! also since childhood. It is very hard for me to just be, and not be thinking back or wishing forward.
Wow, you really nailed it “thinking back or wishing forward”… good luck being in the present today!
Yes! I find it so hard to be where I am in that precise moment… it’s something I’ve been trying to mentally do for the past year… I don’t know if I’m getting any better at it but I try!
It’s good to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this
Oh yeah! I did a post about getting there only to find my mind had already left and was onto the next thing, task, meeting, blog, whatever. I also know that when my kids were so much younger than they are now, and I wanted to be there for them in everything, and I was soooo tired, it was hard to take time for myself and rest. I didn’t even want their dad to take them to the park and give me time for a quick nap because I didn’t want to miss anything! (I wanted them to sit there quietly and do nothing until I could join them). Needless to say I wasn’t very productive and quite anxious all the time trying to make it all work out…for me. Wow, at the time I thought it was selfless but in truth it’s quite selfish.
All the time! This is something I struggle with. I am trying to learn to be present where I am at and not be thinking of where I could be. Good post!
i always fear missing out on something… i will avoid going to pee for as long as painfully possible just because i don’t want to miss even a minute of whatever is going on.
hmmm…
Yes. I used to be much worse than I am now also. I agree that it’s about being in the moment. A couple of years ago that began to be my goal. I see my husband and kids do it so easily and I realized I am missing out by trying to get the next productive thing done instead of just being with them. I was so bad even my girl weekends would be productive scrapbook weekends. Which I loved by the way, but I realized even in relaxing I had to have an agenda to get something done. It’s interesting how the Lord uses circumstances in our lives to stomp out certain traits that pull us away from living the abundant life we’re supposed to live.
I can totally relate to this. I am constantly feeling anxiety over bills that need to be paid, things that need to be completed, who to call and email. I am never fully present because I let my mind run my to do list over and over. I need to focus more on the moment that I am currently in, instead of worrying about the future…something I have absolutely no control over.
i’m so the never-miss-anything girl! i have to be a part of whatever is going on. but the last 6 months i’ve started saying no, and missing things on purpose. discovering i can and do survive without being at that party, that church, or event has freed me up to be part of my life here.. each hour.
now i’m the go-if-i-go girl.
Great, great post!! Thanks.
When our daughter who was gone to Virginia getting her Master’s degree came home between semesters, we had not seen her for a long time. When we all sat down, she noticed her Dad was talking a long time and I just all of a sudden had tears coming down my cheek, waiting to talk. Not that I had my feelings hurt, but I wondered when my hubby would stop. Our daughter said, “Mom are you having a hard time just being YOU?” I framed it, because she couldn’t be more perfect on target. So, for sure, I find it hard to BE and it happens a lot.
wow! what a great lesson! thank you for sharing it. =)
I feel like all moms have one thing in common and I call it the “curse of guilt”. When I am with them I feel guilty for not getting the chores done, and then when I am in a meeting I am guilty for not being with them. But I am OVER it. And I am shedding the guilt. And I am saying in the face of it, “I know I am not perfect. And I can’t do it all. But I will be committed to where I am at and WHO I am with.” It’s peaceful here. Now I need to stay here.
I struggle with anxiety as well and always have a hard time just being in the moment. I’m always thinking, what’s next? And oddly enough, I wrote a post about this on my blog today.
Thanks for the reminder to just rest.
I’m VERY much this way. I really struggle with just putting down the baby, and allowing others to help me. And when I do get help, I struggle with resting. I feel like I should be doing a million other things. I never was good with the “sleep when she’s sleeping” thing, because I felt like I needed to do more. I’m so glad I’m realizing this problem I have now, and can ask for more help from hubby and others. I hope I can learn how to rest better and live in the moment I’m in, instead of always looking for what I should or could be doing.
Good one Sarah! I can relate to this and agree that I also need to focus on the moment and to be really “there” with the people I’m with – especially my children.
I absolutely can relate. . .you described me most of the time. I need to make a more conscious effort to be in the moment more often.
Yes, I have trouble being where I am. I also hate the feeling of missing out on something. I like to be in the middle of everything. God has put me on the sidelines for a long time — teaching me the being with Him and where He has me and in THIS moment is the best place to be. And it is a good thing — don’t always like it. But it is good. And for that I am thankful.
This is the second time TODAY that I’ve been hit in the face with this concept. My girlfriend was talking about her husband’s lack of dedication and mentioned him being “present, but NOT present”. Talking with her reminded me that I shouldn’t pretend to be spending time with my kids while e-mailing on my BB. And here you are saying every.single.thing I suffer from.
I’ve said this before, and I always mean it – God leads me right to you, Sarah when he needs me to listen. I love what you have to say.
thank you kim. i’ve also been the recipient of many same-day messages lately.
sigh.
i hear you, sister.
totally did that when i missed school and still randomly find myself thinking about what time other people are doing things…sometimes this is good because then i can pray for them! but i agree..it’s hard to be missing things and just be present wherever you are!
I can soooooo relate to this! It almost feels like you read my mind. I would always feel this way whenever I missed an important event like a dinner party or a wedding and my soul would not be at rest until the event officially came to an end. Great post! Thank you for the encouragement to live in the moment.
i don’t know if it is the missing out on something or the guilty feelings for not volunteering/not participating that cause me to say yes far too often. i am learning to say no and only say yes when it won’t cause added stress to my life or our family schedule.
i am like southern gal where i can be up in the middle of the night thinking of things i might not have done, appointments i might not have put on my calendar, etc…
i am learning to rest. i am learning to be present. i am learning to be quiet and be comfortable in the stillness and quiet.
I have learned to rest…and then I forget what I’ve learned! Ebbs and flows!
Last November, I prayed and said outloud, you know to make it more real.
I wanted to be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable for Him. It has been a year of that…in many ways I wouldn’t have expected. But in that, I have been stretched and I have learned to “dream” bigger than myself, knowing that God’s plans for me will always be bigger than what I can imagine on my own.
oh wait – i read two posts and then responded in the wrong one…well, um, yeah.