This post is a guest post by LV Hanson.
When Sarah asked me to write a “short” blog about fear I didn’t think it was possible. It’s too complex, too involved, and way too personal. This blog is an admission and expression of my own personal thoughts on fear. I’m processing and learning, and I hope this behind the scenes glimpse into my own world offers hope and encouragement. Thank you, Sarah, for pushing me to write.
Fear
Often hidden…
I usually don’t know I’m experiencing fear until I let myself process the emotions that are often hiding it – most notably, anger or sadness.
Unexpected or Recurring
Fear hits me in two ways – unexpectedly or repeatedly. Examples of unexpected moments of fear can be when someone’s actions directly and suddenly impact me (like getting cut off while I’m driving) OR when I lose control of a situation.
Examples of recurring moments of fear, for me, can be remembering the loss of relationships, processing the unknown legacy of my life, OR simply, the fear of failure. A shameful past and an unknown future are powerful causes of recurring fear…I can quickly get lost in the maze of “shoulda, woulda, coulda.”
The Mind & A Rattlesnake…
Fear is often rooted in my mind, and the mind is not always trustworthy.
What if you’re mind was telling you something that was simply not true? Have you ever been there?
Imagine this – you’re hiking in the forest on a beautiful early fall afternoon. It’s your chance for a few hours of solitude. The weather is crisp, sunny, and a cool, calm breeze offers soothing comfort. The trees are lush, the flowers are still in bloom, and you feel the essence of pure peace.
But then…
You hear something that causes the hair on the back of your neck to stand straight up, your heart races, and you look down…a large rattlesnake is coiled 3 feet in front of you, poised to strike.
What do you feel?
Fear.
You’re frozen in place. Paralyzed. And rightfully so! You’re in a life-threatening situation…should you be scared? YES!
But then…
The rattlesnake, for some unknown reason, uncoils, and slithers off into the forest until it’s completely out of sight.
The snake is gone.
There’s no more danger.
Does your mind all of a sudden process, “No more danger! And look! It’s still sunny and beautiful…I feel peaceful again!”
No.
What are you still feeling?
Fear.
The weather hasn’t changed. The trees and flowers haven’t lost their beauty. In fact, everything is back to the way it was when you felt peaceful. So why is your heart still racing…why are you still feeling fear?
Your mind needs time to catch up with reality.
And that’s ok, but it’s a great picture for how we cannot always trust our own thinking. If fear is rooted in the mind, and our mind is not trustworthy, then we need help navigating through it.
Friends, family members, mentors, and counselors all help me identify the misfire that often happens between my ears.
Steps I Must Take in Processing Fear…
- Admitting it (not minimizing it)
- Sharing it (with a safe person)
- Asking for help in identifying truth (again, with a safe person)
- Taking tangible, measurable, and accountable steps of action, in spite of what I think or how I feel.
It’s important for me to remember these steps are not always linear. It may go 1, 2, 3, and 4. Or it may go 1, 4, 2, and then 3. The key for me is action. Trying to think my way to right acting is futile. It’s almost like I’ll try to think myself to feel a certain way before I act. At some point I must understand that I will not always feel like doing what I need to do. I must step out and act anyway. Once I take the first step I begin the slow process of feeling or believing what I’m actually doing. I may not feel like I’m safe after the snake leaves, but I can’t stay paralyzed. I must move.
I cannot think my way to right acting; I must act my way to right thinking.
Fear is powerful. But trust even more. If I trust that truth is outside of my control then I’m invited to appeal to the One who defines it. My fearful heart can rest in the love of God and His promise of hope, and if I grow to trust in His perfect love then maybe fear can begin to point where I ultimately want to go – back into the embrace of the Father.
“There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out all fear.”
I hope to come to a point where I don’t fear fear. I hope fear reminds of me Love, and gives me the courage to move through it.
LV Hanson is one of those guys that knows everyone. Seriously. He is heavily involved in the vision and organization of the Catalyst West Coast conference and is a fairly new Orange County transplant. Chad and I have had the chance to get to know LV this spring and summer and we are better people for it. LV asks hard questions and no one comes away from a conversation with him without thinking a little deeper about God, about church and about our responsibility to the world. He likes my dog, my kids and apparently my cooking. Follow LV on twitter here.
How do you “act your way to right thinking?”
I couldn’t help but smile when I saw that LV was your guest blogger
Great post, LV!
i know. didn’t he do a great job??
LV acting your way to right thinking is the key….. just a word from one who can understand helps me. It makes me lose the doubt and fear I had because it takes so little to make me glad. Just a cheering clasp of a friendly hand that cares.
I deal with abused women and take them to a shelter when domestic violence occurs. Once their mind is set on wrong thinking…it’s so destructive. It’s amazing how you gave true feelings from a man. I’m going to keep your blog because nine times out of ten, they will blame their husband or significant other by destructive comments and they dig a pit deeper. Grand blog! So needed.
Thank you, LV. I talked with my husband about fear this week and he couldn’t identify it because I was not giving him enough time to process the situation. I didn’t realize that’s what he was doing, until I put his delayed reaction against the words you spoke here, so thank you for helping me understand him a little better.
I wrote about fear this week – well in the face of confronting a bee! Ack! But the underlying theme had deep roots. And that is, if we can step into our fear, like you said, there is something beautiful to behold on the other side.
I think we need to trust that.
Absolutely loved the “realness” (is that a word?) of your post LV. I couldn’t help say “amen” after each step to take to overcome fear. I have been reading the themed posts on fear this week and nothing really hit home until this.
I realized that fear may be at the root of why I do things. When I don’t want to let go: fear of the pain and loss. When I feel paralyzed with guilt and shame: fear of what people will think. When I would rather connect with people than God: fear of a holy God and what He calls me to do and be. When I don’t want to make new friends: fear of being vulnerable and trusting.
I am there with you…learning to trust in His unconditional love and ultimate plan for my life to bring Him as much glory as possible. Learning to let go of control (as if I have any to begin with!) and follow carefully in the footsteps of Christ. To keep my heart undivided in this one purpose: to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, strength and love others as myself (OH have I failed!).
My prayer today is that where ever we are in processing our fear we will take that next step. To continue to move past the situation or fear that holds us back from the abundant life lived in Christ and more importantly from the very heart of our Father.
Great post, LV.
I act my way into right thinking by battling with the Word. Man, it’s tough. Love your line that “the mind isn’t always trustworthy”…dear me, that’s a good one.
That was totally my favorite line too!
I was really struck by the line, “I can not think my way into right acting; I must act my way into right thinking.” Hum, this is really powerful. I have so many ingrained patterns of acting and thinking that are destroying my relationship with my husband and my entire life. Hopefully focusing on the acting and letting the thinking follow will help.
Thank you for your honesty.
that’s the one that struck me too. have been thinking about it for a week…
Fantastic post LV. Really needed to hear that!
wow, some familiar friends and some new friends…so good to hear from you all! thanks for the encouragement, just honored to be a part of this series. and maybe herein lies a secret – “being a part” – I must be connected…to friends, family, whoever. I can’t battle fear alone, and that’s one of my greatest tendencies – to remain isolated. guess that’s why blogs can be so powerful…a first step in connecting with someone. Sarah, thanks for offering a place for first steps…
you are more than welcome. thanks for being a part of community with us. i can say with certainty that you’ve been a big influence on chad and me and we value your friendship very much.
Great post. Great action steps too. Thank you for writing it!
phenomenal post, LV.
how do i act my way to right thinking?
honestly, sometimes i just “act” like im in my right mind. and i dont mean that to be funny. im very serious. i realized this last July, after God had a lil pow-wow with me, that i was holding onto fears. personal fears. but i had covered them over with a facade. they were still there because i was just acting and not fleshing out real change.
yah. still workin on that.
i love when God has a pow wow with me… =)
The rattlesnake is a great illustration! “Your mind needs time to catch up with reality” resonated with me. I’m going to ponder this for a bit.
Sarah, I have absolutely loved the series this week and all of your guest blogger’s posts! Incredible! Even if I haven’t had the chance to comment on all of them, I have really, really enjoyed them and benefited immensely from them! Thanks to you and all of your guests!
This was insightful.
I loved the image of the rattlesnake. The haunting fear that hangs over your head even after it has left your path. I know that ongoing fear all too well. All too well.
Miss you guys!
“A shameful past and an unknown future are powerful causes of recurring fear…I can quickly get lost in the maze of “shoulda, woulda, coulda.” This statement is one of my struggles right now. But if I look back say 6 or 9 months ago the fear was bigger. I have slowly and deliberately been acting my way into a new way of thinking. I have heard my pastor say that many times and I am so encouraged to read it again here. So many people live there lives acting and then thinking, or just acting without thought at all. We need to take our thoughts captive and allow the Lord to guide us and show us when our thoughts are deceiving us. I find it hard to see and understand this while I sit by and watch others be tormented by themselves. Allowing their thoughts to take control of their lives. Unfortunately I see this in my husband right now, as we are in a major struggle, he is living in a place of fear and I do believe he is not only paralyzed by it, but is allowing the fear to lead him. His mind needs to catch up with reality, but he is so busy running and being led by fear it hasn’t happened yet. My prayer is that he will be still and that reality will catch up before it’s too late. This is a wonderful post, thank you for sharing it. Very encouraging.
Thanks LV and wonderful hostess, Sarah!
So much in this, to think about and act on. Right now how I act on it is pray and move forward through it if He says so.
God bless!
I also agree that this week has been very insightful hearing from different men regarding fear. This past year, which has been very (understatement) difficult, I was bombarded by many of my fears…one.right.after.the.next. Though there were moments when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore and that this trial might just take me down for good — by the grace of God, the prayers of many friends (and perhaps a wee bit of stubborn will) I lived to see the light of day. It wasn’t until I read LV’s blog and people’s comments that I realized I am now actually in the stage of processing it all. 1, 2, & 3 came months ago (insert loooooong pause) and now…4. I’ve been blown away by God’s goodness in all of it.
Thanks for the incredible insight. Looking forward to a repeat blog week like this in the future Sarah!