At 10:25 last night when I walked in the dark toward the laundry room I paused at their rooms.
“I can go to sleep better when the dryer is running,” my eight-year-old said a few months ago.
White noise.
It’s probably why I do a lot of my loads of laundry at night. I put one in after their bath and then change another load after they’ve gone to sleep.
Sounds of their house. Like the owls outside our windows the other night having a HOO fight. Like the dog shifting on her bed downstairs and rattling her tags. Like the dishwasher, the fan in the attic or the sound of the air conditioning clicking on during a hot afternoon. For the most part, it’s quiet here.
Before I walked into change the laundry from washer to dryer, I made a detour into Naomi’s room. Her nightlights {a string of Valentine red heart lights} cast a bordello glow in her distinctly childish bedroom. Pink quilt, minty green walls, pink hooks on the wall for her purses and a pink and white doll house all rest as she rests for the evening.
Most of her was under the quilt but the top half of her wasn’t. I know she’d get cool in the night and probably come crawl in between my husband and I somewhere between 1 and 2.
I found her blanket {the one she’s slept with from the time she cuddled with it in a crib} and pulled it up over her shoulders. She sighed, so slightly, and didn’t move.
I just wanted to make her more comfortable. More safe. But I hadn’t thought about it with intention.
I walked into her room and did what mothers do.
Sometimes during the day I get so frustrated with messy bedrooms or disheveled playrooms. I get stressed over things to sweep or things to write and I very much hate the end-of-summer squabbling that is the most common noise in my house on any afternoon.
Late at night I can’t picture the screaming peanut-butter-in-the-blonde-hair child and during the day its difficult to imagine the quiet, sing-me-a-song-Mama little girl. The girl who wants the dryer on to soothe her isn’t the same child who destroys her closet to find a single toy.
But neither am I.
As I pray each day {usually during the day} a Help-Me-Be-Patient-And-Not-Kill-These-Children prayer I am not the same Mama who scoops them up in arms and swings them in the grass. Sometimes I’m the mother who feels like I just need 30 minutes to close my eyes so please, please PLEASE let me do that. And sometimes I’m the mother who cuddles into the quilt with one of them as the are falling asleep at night even though I have dishes, blogs and unfolded clothes taunting me.
I’m not perfect. And sometimes I expect my children to be.
I expect them to be lively and happy all of the time when I can’t even do the same thing. And I realized that today as I, in frustration, asked them to just be happy. And fix that attitude.
Sigh.
Do you ever expect more out of your kids than you give yourself?
What a wonderful post.
It could have been at my house.
Even now the dryer is on, the clock is ticking, birds coo-ing, me typing. Kids at school, yet when they’re home I expect them be nice to one another – to not fight or bicker and yet can I be nice all day? Never voicing my frustration or getting a trifle miffed at the clothes on the floor, wet towels not hung up, dirty shoes leaving sandy prints on my clean tiles.
Thanks for making me think.
Oh i’ve got those wet towels and piles of laundry too. =)
Loved your post today. It really “hit the nail on the head” with me. I hate to answer yes to your question but, I have to say yes I do expect them to do this or that, then find myself doing the complete opposite. I get sooo frustrated with myself for being this way. Thank you for helping me see that I am not alone & we are not perfect mothers.
Lauri
AMEN! That’s exactly what God wanted me to hear. We have much the same going on in my house as we do the conversion to school again. I’ve been very hard on my kids and my attitude is no better than theirs. Thanks for the reminder… Motherhood is such a mingle of “love” and “hate” at the same time. Love love love being a mom. Hate hate hate all the tedious responsibilities that take you away from the important parts of being a mom…like cuddling with them and sharing about the Lord. Thanks again!
“I’m not perfect. And sometimes I expect my children to be.” – guilty as charged, which i’ve become painfully aware of in the last few months….still not sure exactly how to stop this, but probably being aware of it is a good first step. it’s helpful to know that i’m not the only one who struggles with this, so thanks for your honesty!
Yes… i find myself doing this way too much! Why do we expect our children to be what we are incapable of being? I am trying to remember that I am flawed… broken… a mess! When I do this, when I realize what a Bozo I can be, it frees me up to allow others to be a Bozo… a flawed and broken mess like me. And then… Grace. It helps me to offer grace… i so desperately need it every moment (why shouldn’t everyone else, especially my children). And if I don’t show them grace, how are they going to know of God’s grace?? It’s an overwhelming responsibility when I think about it too much. So thankful that it’s not all up to me to get this right, so I’ll be leaning in to Jesus today. Thanks for the reminder! BTW… BEAUTIFUL photograph!
Loved Debbie’s comment up above.
And I ditto the beautiful picture of your beautiful girl. And I also ditto the times that I expect them to do something at their age that I struggle to do now at mine. That I want them to be mature enough and see what I have just learned, instead of giving them all the time that Jesus has given me to learn the little that I know and still don’t get right. Thankful for His grace that keeps us all safe and at His feet, still learning. love, deb
My sister and I grew up listening to the dryer every Sunday night. I still remember the first Sunday night after the washer and dryer got moved to the laundry room. We could no longer hear it and my sister and I lay in our beds not falling asleep. The conversation went something like this…Hey Aim? Yeah, Lor? I can’t sleep without the dryer on. Me either. We eventually learned to go to sleep without that noise but it had become part of our lives and our night.
Wow…this post really hit me.
I am Mom to a 5 year old, 2 year old & 4 week old. And I am tired, OH SO tired.
Last night it seemed like the youngest wanted to eat every 2 hours and only sleep for one – which meant I slept for an hour every couple hours. Then at 4:45 my oldest joined me in bed with a bloody nose. My husband had to leave for work at 4 am and I was on my own with the blood, the crying (both mine & the baby’s!!) and all I wanted to do was run away…far away, to somewhere VERY quiet.
I was reading a book about getting babies to sleep (because that’s what crazy sleep deprived Mom’s do even when they are on their third child!!) and it said something about how we expect newborns to be be 3 month olds – cooing, smiling & not screaming bloody murder all the time.
I know I have that expectation of my child – as well as my other children. I expect their behaviour to be older than they are & it’s not fair. Yes they must be kind, loving, use their manners & other “musts” but they are 5 & 2 – they need reminding. But so do I.
I am SO very far from being perfect – I say hurtful things, use a tone of voice I am ashamed of & spend way too much time lamenting than being thankful.
When you said that you pray the “Help-Me-Be-Patient-And-Not-Kill-These-Children” prayer I thought “I am NOT alone!!”
Thanks for your honesty & for being so open – I needed to read your blog today.
This makes me cry, as I tell myself and kids EVERY day, I AM NOT PERFECT!!!! But neither are you!!!!
Oh goodness how many times have I said the same words or wished the same things or held my kids to a higher standard than one set for myself.
Yes. I know exactly where you are coming from indeed. Some times I still do and my kids are grown.
I think if we can take the masks off and be real with one another (as your doing now) perhaps a day will come when mom’s (and dad’s for that matter) won’t feel like a criminal for being human and praying those desperate prayers for help and patience.
Wow…thanks for this. Very convicting.
Oof. I needed to read this one today.
Thanks for reminding me that I’m all those mothers, and my girls are each version of themselves… and that the only perfect One is watching us, and loving us no matter what.
Just what I needed to read this morning. I’m so guilty of this. GRACE!
I am SO that parent too. We just want the best out of our children and oftentimes forget that we are at our weakest moments, definitely not at our best. It rings so true for many of us and by the grace of God, we are all in this together. Desiring to be the perfect mother, setting all of the right examples and holding our children accountable. Now to get back to setting that example every moment of everyday while realizing that I too am human.
Dang it! Just what I needed to be reminded of today. We are crazy busy getting ready to move and all of life is upside down and not “normal” and I must focus on peace in the midst of our chaos. Lord, help me to continue to see!
i often do expect too much of them.
especially and lately, the 14 year old daughter w/a sometimes stinky attitude.
i think i see alot of myself in her and it scares me just a smidge.
great post.
Sigh. I’ve had a crazy day with my kiddos. This was a timely reminder to show them some grace
Excellent post. This is exactly what I experience in caring for my mom who has Alzheimers. There’s a real tenderness in my heart when I peek in at her after she’s fallen asleep at night, but during the day, I mostly feel frustration because I expect too much of her. I’m so glad God helps me through these times.
mmm – thank you for sharing that, Diane.
Fabulously said. And you are so right. We all do this way too often.
AMEN! AMEN! Thanks, Sarah.
I’m so guilty of this. It’s something God’s been speaking to me about this past week. Thanks, Sarah! This post just pushes me even harder to figure out a better way of relating to my children.
i hear you.
actually today was better than most. so for that i am grateful.=)
yes, yes, YES! i expect too much out of myself sometimes…. i can’t always live up to my own expectations.
i know i place expectations on my children that i don’t even always place on myself… not so much the cleaning up, etc…. but having the proper attitude, speaking with love even when we are tired/frustrated, etc…
a great reminder and something to definitely be intentional about every day.
ah, you’ve plucked the words right out of my head and laid them out so well about how I feel about the season of life I find myself in mothering my little men these days. I’m there with ya, friend!
I linked to you for my weekend link love!
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Thank you for your words. Really. Thank you. I forget sometimes that my children are just that, children. And I am so guilty of expecting them to act like adults… when it turns out the adult in their life doesn’t even act that way all the time. Tomorrow I will continue to teach them to manage their emotions, but I will do it too this time. I know you don’t know me, but know this. Tonight you touched a perfect (unperfect) stranger!
Hi Sarah,
I found your blog through (in)Courage and I love it! I also discovered looking through your posts that you know Chris & Cindy Beall. I go to one of the OKC Lifechurch.tv campuses and am familiar with them -in fact I heard Cindy speak at a women’s conference last month. So I when I saw the video of them singing I thought hey-that’s the Lifechurch Bealls! What a small world!
Anyway…I so terribly relate to this post! Just recently I went in to check on my daughter -she’s 2 1/2- before I went to bed, like I do every night, so similarly to what you stated. Then one night as I started to walk away from her bed, I turned back and just looked at her for another couple of minutes. I thought- ‘Gosh, how sweet she looks. She has such a sweet spirit. Even though earlier she was making me absolutely crazy! But she won’t be this little for long. And I’ll one day long for these days when amongst the tantrums and fights with her brother, she’s climibing in my lap wanting to snuggle and read a book. Stop and take it in.’
I think we often look to our kids to be ‘perfect’ because it’s easier. It’s not as messy. And it takes our eyes off of ourselves and our flaws. But it’s not real! Thanks for the reminder that they are flawed and vulnerable, yet precious, just like we are!
I’m getting through my inbox from a few weeks back, if that’s any indication of imperfection. This spoke to me, I see my children this way. My sweet babies I am too hard on at time. Perfection from a four year old? My goodness, that’s crazy. Yet, I do it. And this is a humbling post. And a telling post. Thank you for the reminder.