Blogging can suck my soul dry.
And at one time, reading blogs did the same thing. It’s the reason why I’ve taken blogging sabbaticals {just a couple this year} and why I often take breaks from reading other blogs. I’ve also gone through seasons where social networks like Twitter and Facebook have been the reason why I’ve
cried,
shouted curse words {by myself at least} inside the safety of my van,
shaken my head in disbelief,
or misunderstood others.
These are just a few things that different aspects of social media have made me wonder about the validity of it, the necessity of it, and the way that it has affected my personal development over the past few years. I really do wonder if blogs and other aspects of online interaction, at their core, are beneficial to us as a culture.
I’ve a few friends who really have “been around the block” in social media and have been chewed up by the system. They’ve closed Facebook accounts and have become silent on Twitter for a variety of reasons. Most of them center around the fact that they are “over it.”
Sometimes I feel the same way. But I know that in order to engage culture, we must, at least in some ways, participate in social media because our culture is so saturated with it.
All of that to say, I think I’m beginning to work on a new project. I’m not quite sure how to define it yet, but it definitely has a direction. And I’m going to need your help. No money or anything like that, but I’m going to need your stories and input. Over the next few weeks I’m going to offer up some questions about social media in general (including blogs, Facebook and Twitter) and I’d love it if you’d be able to give me thoughtful, honest answers.
I’m also crafting an online survey that I’m hoping a lot of you will participate in. I’m excited about my new project and as SOON as I have the mission statement nailed down, I’ll share it with all of you.
This is, of course, the age in which we all collaborate on one another’s projects, and if you’re willing I’m happy to have you all on board.
What do you think? What do you think is the biggest problem with regular participation in social media {including writing blog posts, reading them, or engaging on Twitter/Facebook}?
Have you ever felt that any aspect of social media has “sucked” you dry?
Stories please!
i love facebook and twitter and blogging. but i think its important to invest more in the people around us than the online community. i think it’s so easy to get caught up in “online” relationships and forget to nurture “real life” ones. i often take time/days away from twitter/facebook and blogging to refocus and make sure that i am nurturing the people god has put directly in my path like my husband and children and friends and extended family. i take time to make sure i am looking for and meeting the needs of those in my local community first.
social media is a great thing…a great tool and a great way to connect with people you never would otherwise. but just like anything else it must be done in moderation:))))
Hi Sarah,
Yours is a complicated question. I was tempted to respond in an ‘original’ manner but realized I would just end up rambling. So instead, I’m sending you a link to something I had written almost 2years ago about Facebook and my perceptions of it /experiences with it. Amazingly, I still stand by those ‘truths’ even 2years after and I believe the same about the blogging world now. I have been more active with blogging in the past 2years and have found the same effect…sometimes it’s fun being in a ‘community’, but sometimes it makes me feel crappy about myself and what I have to offer. This negative feeling though, I think, happens everytime I start moving away from who I TRULY am, what I want to write, what is true about me. It happens when I start to compare myself to the successes of other bloggers, only for me to realize that they are doing something far different from what I want to do and who I really am.
Anyway, enough about that. Here’s the link for you to read for when you have time. Oh, and good luck on the new project! —
http://www.joypagemanuel.com/2009/08/somethings-gotta-give.html
For the very reasons you list I don’t Facebook or Twitter neither do I text. Ha! I’m in the stone age. If I did those things I know I would be sucked in. I avoid it because I know my weaknesses. Besides, blogging takes up lots of time and I enjoy it, writing my own and reading others. I do wish there were some way to clean up my subscriptions because with over 1000 unread posts I feel overwhelmed. Of course, I won’t read them all and usually mark them read and be done with it, but it always makes me wonder why I should follow if I don’t read.
I’ll echo what Melissa said. Real life relationships are more important than any media outlet and need to be nourished.
Yes, I can so relate. I’m not twittering right now b.c I can barely manage 3 posts a week and a FB page. I want quality, not quantity.
instead of ‘collaborate’ i read ‘celebrate’.
and, yes.
i’ve only been blogging now for almost a year, and tweeting since october so i don’t have near the experience or duration you and some others have, sarah, but, have mercy…it wipes me out sometimes.
today, even, is my last day at my office job (praise jesus) and i’ve kept it quiet on any media forum for the last two weeks out of respect for my (now former) workplace. so when i tweeted something about it being my last day, one of my bff’s asked me about it and i said, ‘i’ll write a post about it for monday.’
uh…WHAT. she is one of my BEST and OLDEST friends and she has to find out about my life via my BLOG. WOH.
thing two: realizing i sometimes prefer my virtual friends to my real ones MIGHT INDICATE A PROBLEM.
i discovered the purpose behind an RSS feed and so now i just read other blogs when i have time, very rarely adding anyone new anymore unless i find an absolute gem, because it gets overwhelming to read so many others’ thoughts and still figure out if i have any fresh ones anymore.
so, yes. it’s a drain. unless it’s not.
proud of you, friend. looking forward to hearing about your project.
xo
I think one of the biggest fallacies, one I have learned and experienced, is that because we read each others’ blogs, twitter feeds, and facebook stati that we think we really really know one another. And you know, it’s like the star syndrome. You watch someone on a movie, and read about their life in a magazine, and then see them on the street and you think you know them! You walk up and say, “Hey! ____” and they look at you like you are looney. Of course, that’s because it’s all been one sided. With the two sided relationships we’re not quite as ignorant, but neither are we as knowledgeable as we think we are.
that’s a big one. lindsey nobles wrote about that a couple days ago. a false sense of intimacy when it comes to online relationships.
thanks for bringing that up.
Wow, this has been on my mind so much lately. I don’t get into the social networking a lot. And my reason is because of what you wrote: it sucks me completely dry. I leave my laptop feeling exhausted, not renewed. I do Twitter for my blog and Facebook for my family and friends. I have my favorite blogs that I read on rotation. I’ve learned a lot from other blogs; it’s why I chose to start my own a few years ago. But the social blogging forums I can not get into.
I want women to read my blog because they WANT to read my blog. Not to gain a new follower or to get me to comment back on their blog. I want to meet women that I truly bond with and learn from.
Sarah,
First time commentor, LONG time reader! Love you!
Okay, here’s my deal: these days, I would RATHER collaborate (or celebrate! good one, Mary!) online than face-to-face. I have seen enough and been through enough in these last 3-4 years of “working” with people that makes me want to find the nearest rock and hide there. For a very long time. I don’t relish “getting together” or “doing life” with many people these days.
Alas, erasing people from my immediate realm is not an option (nor realistic. nor very WWJD.), I find connecting with people through FB, Twitter and blogs to be refreshing. It’s refreshing to be able to seek out like-minded people and share common themes. It’s also been amazing to find people of different ideas and thoughts and beliefs and discuss and learn from one another.
So, even though I might say I’d like to disappear some of those in my immediate realm, :0) I can say that FB, Twitter and blogs have been instrumental in keeping me in the game of life. It keeps me sharp. It keeps me grounded. And it keeps me from losing all hope in people.
I would love to participate, Sarah.
I have so many thoughts and feelings on this.
I do love blogging and Twitter and have had the opportunity to meet some amazing people through it. It is very valuable to me. That being said…
I have often asked my husband….”If I closed my computer and didn’t “tweet/blog” for a week, who would actually pick up the phone and call me?”
I could name only a few people.
I do believe that in a way, social media has stunted the way that people communicate. This isn’t a new idea-I’ve heard about a million people say it. The sad part is that people KNOW it and still knowingly engage and watch their friendships and relationships wilt.
Gone are the days when people just sat around and chatted and took time for one another {at least that’s how I feel}. People avoid using the phone/going out because direct communication is becoming uncomfortable and foreign.
I look forward to seeing what you come up with!
{I think we should address this at Blog Sugar, no?}
yep. lets talk on the phone and i’ll explain my project to you. we can see if it fits at all! i’m hoping to be done with it by then =)
I never could quite got comfortable with Twitter for some strange reason, so I closed my account. I love Facebook and blogging(although I don’t blog quite as often as I probably should), but I have noticed that – because there is no audible voice, some people tend to misunderstand the ‘tone’ of what I am saying and rather than second-guess everything I put out, I sometimes don’t bother. Maybe that’s the wrong way to go about it but it just gets tiring sometimes. *sigh*
On the bright side though, social media has given me the opportunity to meet some lovely people (even if it is just via telephone, since I live in Jamaica). I have spoken to, prayed with quite a few people who have sent their numbers my way, and those interactions are nothing short of amazing.
Sarah,
Rachel (No. 17) tweeted about this, and I figured I’d join in the conversation. This is actually a topic I’ve thought about a lot since I started blogging more regularly, and it’s something I talk about with at least one or two fellow bloggers on a pretty regular basis.
To put it bluntly, I think a lot of social media can contribute to insecurities we already face in the “real world.” I quit Facebook because I saw too much information about people I barely knew. I saw when I wasn’t invited to things (which certainly isn’t a big deal, especially as we get older and form adult relationships, but I miss the days when ignorance was bliss) or when people were arguing over issues that would much better be discussed in person. I see this a lot in the religious blogging world. Quite frankly, while I love seeing theology discussed online — and I’ve benefited a lot from religious bloggers that I read on a regular basis — I get frustrated by the brevity of comments that results in misunderstandings and hurtful arguments played out for the world to see.
Really, though, I think the biggest problem with regular participation in social media is the lack of effective communication (I honestly think we’re forgetting how to talk to one another) and the lack of time and effort being put into face-to-face relationships. I know some people who would rather post something to my Facebook wall than speak to me in person. I’m guilty of it too.
That being said, I only quit Facebook. I didn’t quit blogging, or Twitter, and I stand by that decision, because I firmly believe that for me, blogging has become a ministry and a community. I have been ministered to on countless occasions. Blogging has introduced me to Christ-like “kindred spirits” who I would never have met otherwise. It has given me an outlet to write and create, and I value that.
I think the key is balance. I personally have to get better at turning off the computer, and I want to check myself as I continue to blog. Do I blog for the followers? Am I beginning to feel “competitive” or “jealous” of fellow bloggers? Do I count comments? Do I stop writing what I feel called to write just because those posts aren’t as popular?
Anyway those are just a few of my thoughts on the topic. (I now realize I wrote you a novel… whoops!) Hope this helps a little, and can’t wait to see the conversation continue!
VERY good. Thank you Annie!
I’m not overly involved in FB or Twitter (at all), but I do blog. I think the greastest benefit are the global connections. The greatest detriment is mistaking the virtual world for the real one. Also, the seeming anonymity of the virtual world lowers inhibitions that may create unhealthy relationships or false personas.
Hi Sarah,
I am happy to help you with your new survey. My first helpful hint would be; get someone to help you sort through all the responses. Make a list of the criteria/answers that you only want, so your helpers can record the answers and narrow down the vast amounts of information.
you asked:
1. What do you think? What do you think is the biggest problem with regular participation in social media {including writing blog posts, reading them, or engaging on Twitter/Facebook}?
answer: I invest everything that I am into the on line relationships I cultivate, and not knowing everything about someone can make that a bad choice. Some people aren’t honest and you can’t really know someone fully from reading what they write. That’s the biggest problem for me. Other than the obvious danger of strangers knowing too much about you as you share yourself in cyberspace.
It never sucks me dry. I find it engaging.
I want to ruminate on the questions a bit more.
ttyl, Sarah,
Dawn
I’d love to be involved. I blog and tweet publicly, but I keep my facebook page limited basically to people I really know or have known. My attempt at some kind of boundary.
Worst social networking story I know: a friend found out about his beloved grandfather’s unexpected death on Facebook. Not cool. Too many people jumped the gun in sharing their thoughts and the family had not been fully notified.
Best social networking story I know: the power of social networking heaped an overflow of love and support during my sister’s recent cancer bout (a recurrence of a cancer from five years ago).
My initial observance is more about user error than about a problem inherent in social media. It seems it relates to identity and acceptance and self-esteem. In other words, I think it works for some and not for others. I also think we can learn to use social networking more effectively – so it becomes a benefit to our lives instead of a curse.
I’ll bite.
I’ll admit to having a love-hate relationship with social media. There, I said it.
And, I’ll also say that it’s not for everyone. BUT, there are distinct people that I think might benefit from it in a healthy way. And, I’d also risk saying they are a bit like me: creative, introverted, looking for some input/comrades/community.
Granted, I wish they’d do a commercial: “this is your brain on twitter” just to prove my theories that all this tweeting and pinging and rss-reading just melts our brains. I think my ability to focus (which is essential in real creative productivity) has been diminished by social media. Whenever I get still and quiet and ready to write something, my fingers want to click new-tab and check in online to see what I’m missing. That makes me crazy. I’ve found ways to work around it. And, with discipline, I can successfully check out. But it takes discipline.
I’m very interested in where this project will take you (and us!)
Oh, and sarah? I’m really really glad I found you & Chad online. Y’all had such an impact on my life.
I tend to agree with your assessment of social media engagement, since I am also “creative, introverted, looking for some input/comrades/community”.
But, for me, the investment has not paid off as quickly as I would like it to. That is mostly my fault, I think, because even in social media, I am extremely introverted. I do believe that it will though, because I see where it has brought that benefit to others.
I would love to develop that community in real life, but I have a hard time finding people in my real life circle that share the same interests. It is a lot easier to find those people in social media circles.
I intentionally do not have a facebook account. I blog, so I am aware of the importance social media plays in reaching others and sharing life together. Sometimes I take a blog-fast because blogging for me can become a great distraction to the things in which God has entrusted to me, most importantly my family. Blogging and other social media can very easily become an idol and a source of self glorification.
Blogging takes enough of my time, and though I write much about my relationship with Christ and what we have overcome in Him, I know He trusts me to use this outlet wisely. And I purposely restrict my involvement with more media sites that will require more time.
This is an area in which I feel strongly, thank you and can’t wait to hear more. Thank you!
I can absolutely relate to this post. I have often referred to my bi-polar interaction with Facebook and Twitter (but mainly Facebook).
My Husband and I found that not only do you find yourself sitting across from someone at lunch realizing you have no more small talk because you know EVERYTHING they have done via their Facebook/twitter feeds, but also how often Facebook is brought up in basic conversations. It is hard to go through a social event without the reference to or mention of Facebook ad nauseam.
I think Social Media definitely has a place in our society. However, like everything else in life….moderation is the key. And moderation seems to be the one thing that we as humans have a difficult time mastering, and Social Media just ads one more thing to moderate in our already self indulgent/absorbed world.
One of the negatives that I see in the facebook (or emails / texting)world is the anonymity of it. We tend to engage in conversations where if it was in person we would refrain. It becomes a slippery slope. I have seen a lot of marriages damaged due to emails/texting and Facebook. My own included.
In the same aspect the online support that we have received as we try to mend those damages have been amazing. Better then a lot of personal interact we have received. It has also been nice to read the truly authentic blogs out there that have been where we are and made it through. They are inspirational.
Blogging wise it can be hard at times. The insecurities we feel as women can get amplified when reading the “I have the perfect life” blogs. I am loving the trend of becoming more truthful in the blogging world.
Hi Sarah,
I’m looking forward to where you’re going with this! For me, the biggest challenge is TIME and how much of it I spend reading blogs, commenting and keeping up with facebook. I have this nagging suspicion that my time may be disproportionately spent on these things. I am not really a fast writer because I study a lot as I write each post, so my own 2 posts a week take a good chunk of time. Figuring out how to manage those other things, AND occasionally address things like housework and exercise, is my biggest challenge!
Hi Sarah,
I love reading your blog, although, don’t seem to comment very often.
I have struggled with Facebook especially, because I have more acquaintances on there that I spend too much time investing into what’s going on in their lives. Rather than investing in my family and close friends, I’m more concerned about what these acquaintances are up to. I took a break for a few months from it because I got so hurt from things people, ok . . . girls disguised as women, were saying that it really started to affect my life. That break gave me the chance to see that I was allowing them to control my thoughts and what I did with my life/time. I finally realized that the people I should be investing in on Facebook are worth the time, but I need boundaries. BIG BOUNDARIES!! I keep the acquaintances around, not to ruffle any feathers (heaven forbid!!), by blocking them or deleting them.
I have Twitter and I have a blog, but I don’t spend as much time on them as I do Facebook. Twitter is fun but I don’t really tweet, I just read. I read too many blogs, I can’t keep up with them. I find that I’m reading blogs more then I read a book. My poor blog is very neglected and I have lost readers due to this fact. I like having a blog, but I want to use it for a purpose, rather than a bragging place. Too many blogs that I read are all about “showing off” instead of about having a purpose or a topic that they’re passionate about. That’s what I want my blog to be and why I haven’t been too active with it.
Finding balance with face-to-face relationships and social media is tough, but so worth it. And that face-to-face contact brings emotion to the relationship, whereas with social media the emotional side of the “relationship” is lost, due to the computer or Smartphone being in the way.
I look forward to reading more about where you’re going to go with this.
I think the anonymity that the net lets you have can be some of the problem. That’s actually part of the reason I use my real name, to prevent myself from being tempted to overexpose. But it can also facilitate “truth” minus “compassion” because there isn’t much consequence when you hit “send”. Empathy on the internet requires imagination. Empathy in person is a bit more instinctual, in my opinion, once you see someone’s face and reaction. I know that I’ve received notes on facebook from people, really nasty ones, that I would not have received in person. There are fewer social controls on being nasty on the net.
I don’t feel drained reading blogs, I guess I feel empty sometimes. I read the written word for forms of truth, personal truth, world truth, and such. If the blogosphere is reminding me of the negatives, or if it’s just… I don’t know how to describe this… I guess it is like watching too much television. Maybe it is over stimulation, or that there is so much that we desensitize to it. I am not sure.
Most of my twitter/facebook use is to post interesting links or to reply to faraway friends (a use I appreciate since moving 3,000 miles away!). I don’t feel drained from that, for now I feel grateful. I mean, this is supplemented by emails and text messages and phone calls, it helps us stay in the loop. I may feel differently if we were still in that faraway place.
I am so glad I came across this and am not the only one who feels this way! I haven’t blogged in a few days and couldn’t really put my finger on why, but after reading this, it makes sense….blogging everyday, sucks me dry. Sometimes I’m just not up for it mentally. Sometimes I just don’t care! I recently shut down my facebook as well. It was such a time waster and caused drama, really! The internet is a great thing, but I wonder if its become more than what it was intended to be? Was the intention for us to really sit on the computer all day and get nothing else done? I may need an nternet vacation!
Take it. i HIGHLY recommend it! =)
Between blogging and Facebook, my greatest issue comes in fellowship. There are times when Facebook or others blogs are a source of great encouragement or laughter or reflection. But at other times, all it leaves me with is a sense of longing for interaction more than just through a computer. Facebook and blogging aren’t meant to substitute for fellowship with others but in our crazy fast lives, I think that is what happens sometimes, whether we mean for that or not. I can always tell when I’ve maxed out on blogging and Facebook and just need one-on-one time with others, because I get repulsed (almost) at reading what I’ve previously enjoyed. Instead of reading and savoring, I flip through everything either very fast or ignore it altogether.
My biggest problem with social media is how addicting it can be. People are already self centered, and facebook, Twitter, and blogs really feed that part of human nature even more. I think rather than becoming so involved with what “I” am doing, we are probably called to be more other-centered, but I think often because of the addiction factor of modern technology that is becoming nearly impossible.
Social Media has had it’s ups and down’s for me. I love reading blogs (yours included!), but have a difficult time posting on mine. I’ve been blessed by “friends” on Twitter and facebook, but both have caused pain like I’d never experienced before using those sites. But, in all honesty, I would be ALONE…completely, without those contacts I have there.
Count me in! Hugs ~ jo
The perceived currency of social media is engagement. We tend to measure that in blog or facebook comments, @replies and retweets (and/or the lack thereof).
Sometimes, we look right past the people for the post. People become a snappy avatar on our screen with sometimes witty words next to it. We see what they say, but not who they are, which leads to a lot of bad assumptions.
As such, our perceived relationships in the online-only arena are superficial and distant. We often expect those relationships to add more value to our life than they are capable of, which makes those relationships not fulfilling. That can be very draining.
I’m not saying that all of them are like that. I’m certain that fulfilling relationships can be carried out, with social media a part of the dynamic. What I am saying is that social media interaction is not a relationship. Social media is a communication tool that can help create relationships.
I think the key is to not expect more than social media can deliver. And don’t live or die by how much online engagement you get.
very well said. i think you’ve thought about this!! =) thank you for your input.
Sarah,
I believe as in anything if we overdo or put all our energies into something it becomes a god – and we know that God is our only One who should come first.
Addiction is one word; worship another – whatever idol we put first consumes our time and energy.
I wrote about Wandering http://jancoxabetterway.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/169/ when I realized that my computer had become my FIRST http://jancoxabetterway.wordpress.com/2011/05/19/first/
I like social media for the community it builds – for the love we share and how we can help each other.
Blessings,
Jan
The negativity within social media can be overwhelming. I appreciate the “hide” feature on Facebook, so I can effectively block people who use FB as a sounding board for complaining 24/7 without “un-friending” them entirely (especially family members!). That has helped a lot.
i’ve hidden a few people myself. =)
Although I love Twitter, I can only follow it for a little while and not even every day. I follow a lot of pastors and Christian leaders, and the things that they tweet either make me feel like I will never again have an intelligent thought again, or sometimes I really get the idea that some of them are so much about the thinking I wonder how much of the doing is going on. And I get really addicted to Twitter, reading new tweets as soon as they are posted. So I reallly limit how much time I spend on it. Facebook is a great way for me to keep up with my teenage children, their friends, and a boyfriend. I have my friends on there too, and we commiserate and encourage each other to greatness. But I am not a slave to FB and I am def not doing Farmville, Mafia, or anything like that. Weird. HOpe this opinion is helpful.
I have a very, very tiny blog. I have met a few lovely ladies through it, who have prayed for me and who I’ve prayed for. I love that, and I love the way I’ve been able to share my faith with others, so I keep it up, however minutely.
I’m not on Twitter. I have an 80/90′s brain still and I want to keep it that way (I like to take things slower). Also, I’m on Facebook simply because my 3 sisters are, and I like keeping up with them. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t bother, because honestly I don’t CARE that my boss from when I was 18 just had a coffee with her husband. So I rarely post on FB except to say happy birthday etc. to people. I find it a bit narcissistic and I am under no illusions whatsoever that ANYONE cares what I had for breakfast!! I mean, even I don’t!!
OK, now for the hypocritical part – I LOVE reading blogs!! I have about 10-15 that I read, comment on and like. I get a lot from them – learning, connection, engagement, encouragement, inspiration. The biggest problem I think with this? It takes time that I could be doing more productive things, like reading a book, getting fit, calling people, spending time with friends, cooking, etc. I don’t feel sucked dry, because I only write when inspiration strikes (i.e. rarely). So, there you go, for what it’s worth! Good luck with the project!
I go through seasons where I wonder if I have anything left to say or if anyone understands what I’m trying to say. I’ve become good at filtering out the blogs and social media that drain or tear others down and holding on to the ones that build me up. I haven’t come to a point where I’ve needed to remove myself all together but I have cut back on posting as often so that I’ll have time to pursue outside writing projects. There’s a balancing act to all of it. I’ll be interested to learn more about your project!
I think that one of the real problems of ‘social’ networking is that we develop very superficial and fake ‘friendships’. It is so easy to spend all our time on the computer or our phones and forget the real world. Forget that we really do need to focus on people.
We don’t cultivate real, true, honest relationships with people.
I don’t know if this has been addressed yet because I didn’t read all the comments, but I wanted to bring up a unique way I’ve been blessed by blogging/Facebook.
I’ve commented before about my daughter who has CdLS (I know you know Lisa’s David
). CdLS is a rare genetic condition. Emma has LOTS and LOTS of doctors and specialists and therapist appointments, and often even medical professionals aren’t familiar with the specifics of her condition. However, kids with CdLS have A LOT in common. When we got Emma’s diagnosis, we felt scared and alone. There are only a couple of families in the state who have the same diagnosis. But I blogged about it. In the online CdLS community, we have a culture that we set our Google Readers to be constantly searching for new CdLS references so we can support new families. Within an hour of my blog post, I had 10 comments from other moms across the country who introduced themselves by saying “welcome to our CdLS family.” This “online support group” aspect of social media is it’s own can of worms. It is it’s own ministry field (rare genetic conditions hit Christian and non-Christian folks alike) and it’s own version of the term “community” with all the false drama and weird pseudo-intimacy that have been discussed already.
But when Emma’s feeding tube was leaking in the middle of the night, someone was online to give me advice because they were up in the middle of the night with a child who just.won’t.sleep. And that person knew what to do when Emma’s pediatrician didn’t. Most of my ‘friends’ on Facebook are people I’ve never met, but I know that if I post as my status a question about a medical/behavioral issue for my girl, I’m going to get a good discussion from folks who have been there and I can then bring that to Emma’s doctors for suggestions of solutions.
But it is absolutely a place where I’ve struggled to find balance, just as we all do. I think it’s a reality in our culture that we need to learn the right place for in our lives.
I’ll be interested to see more discussion on this topic, it’s a good one!
Thanks for rescuing my comment Sarah!
The biggest problem for me is that I can begin to base my value and worth on comments or more often that not no comments. I question my call when I don’t get enough “likes” in a week or if someone “unlikes” my page. It is ridiculous how crushing that silliness is. I get trapped by watching the “big time” bloggers – wanting to be more like them rather than just allowing God to work through who He created me to be. Those are the down sides that make me want to crawl in a hole. But, the flip side of the community, encouragement and desire to follow Gods call on my life outweigh it in the end, if I let it. With Joy, Carey
I soooooooooo struggle with this, Sarah! I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. And I get exhausted reading blogs, yet also quite encouraged and inspired, and reminded of truth.
I’m overwhelmed and miss the personal contact, and I still can’t believe there are people who don’t email…even that is a bit more personal!
2 things immediately jumped in my head….
1. It sucks you in {blogs, facebook, etc..}we keep hopping..reading..and looking…before I/we know it a couple of hours have past/ been wasted/ simply gone. When I could have been doing ANY THING more meaningful!
2. I can’t believe how others feel its OK to “pull the chair out from under you” or “let you have it” for some thing that was posted on YOUR {meaning mine}blog or facebook. Seriously!! I fell it’s MY writing, MY blog, MY thoughts…let me have them…and if they don’t like them well, then kindly quit reading. But, don’t let me have it b/c you don’t agree. Sorry..its just my thoughts!
Sorry, one more comment:
If you’re thinking about doing some research about this, I would be curious to see discussion about what I call “pastoral social networking.” In other words, my pastor reads my blog and knows that Emma is having surgery next week and is therefore able to minister to my family without me having to make that awkward phone call to tell them something is going on and we need help. We go to a small church and having our pastors be our FB friends and seeing one another on FB is also it’s own can of worms. Walking up to so-and-so on Sunday morning and saying, “Hey, I read your son was sick on Thursday, how are you doing?” doesn’t take away from the REAL face-to-face community that we have there, but within a church context, all the foibels of FB are, I think, magnified?
Here’s my most recent impression of what social media is doing to some of my closest relationships.
A few weekends ago, three of my best girlfriends and I got together for a weekend. We live in three different states now but stay connected daily mostly through Twitter. We each tweet a fair amount and for the longest time I’ve thought that was so great, because it helped me know what their lives were like on a daily basis and provided this sense that I wasn’t really missing out on too much. It took the weekend and some thinking afterwards to realize that we didn’t talk *nearly* with as much depth as we have in the recent past. I worry that tweeting and this habit of keeping our thoughts to 140 characters has possibly lessened the depth of how we actually interact face to face.
I’m about done with tweeting, honestly. I’m finding it to be a cheap substitute for actual conversation and deep knowledge of how the people I love are *really* doing.
And social media in general? For me, it’s leading to a fair amount of envy and coveting. The perfect house, the bigger house, the ability to have kids, the never ending stream of crafty projects that might make my life prettier, the perfect outfits (and how to put them together), and on and on and on. It’s exhausting and I think I’m ready to ditch it all and just focus on what’s in front of me and what blessings God has placed directly in front of me.
But I’m a scaredy cat
I keep hoping that maybe there’s a way to pare back and use facebook and twitter for *some* good while not letting it control my life. We’ll see….
yep. The envy and coveting gets me sometimes too. Or just comparing my life to others – some that I barely know or haven’t seen in years.
I don’t like that part at all.
I DO like keeping up with my sisters/relatives. FB enhances the relationships I already maintain but I get sucked into the negative when it comes to FB friends that I don’t actually maintain in “real” life.
I am enjoying FB. I have been able to keep up with family members who are far away. I also have been able to have “everyday” updates on family, friends and even made contact with friends from long ago. Sharing updates, prayer requests and blessings, even using it to encourage one another in the Lord. I think it has enhanced my relationships with my family and friends, since the “things of everyday life” keep us so busy. Our church uses e-mail to share and update prayer requests, this has been helpful to our church family. As always Sarah, great thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
What a great topic! I have gained quite a bit from reading blogs. I have maybe 8 that I follow, and they often inspire me in serious areas like parenting and faith, and not-so-serious areas like clothes, crafts, and decorating. There are two or three blogs that I had to walk away from because of the way they affected me. They were like accidents on the freeway… In one sense I was strongly drawn to look, get involved, share and opinion, but ultimately they were sad scenes & I always left feeling angry/ frustrated/ “better-than.” And as much as I LOVE debate in real life, I’ve pretty much decided not to engage in debates on facebook/ blog comments. It’s a bummer because I love being part of interesting exchanges of ideas, but I’ve come to think it goes better with the accountability of face-to-face conversation. I use facebook or blog comments to share appreciation or encouragement, but anything potentially negative I try to say in person, or at least in a direct email to one person. I’m still deciding about political comments on facebook. Those can be controversial, but I hate to totally censor sharing things I care about. Have a great weekend Sarah!
I’m growing increasingly tired of the use of foul language and the negative posts (the ones that bash a particular group). There are times I want to un-friend or hide all their posts, but don’t because I may be praying for their salvation and/or trying to be a Godly example…
I find myself worrying even more than normal. I am a worrier by nature, but when I read other blogs that aren’t always positive, I worry even more. Blogs about infertility make me wonder if I won’t be able to get pregnant, either. Blogs about men walking out on their wives make me question my husband’s intentions. Blogs about cancer and disease make me wonder if that stubborn pain is more than just pain.
I try to remove myself… but it’s hard. I don’t go out searching for these posts, but they are there, and I worry.
On the flip side, I find most of my encouragement through blogs and I don’t know what I’d do without them and without my own.
Good topic!
Sarah this is a great idea to chew on. I’m like you about taking seasons away from social media. So, I love blogging & writing out my thoughts & my heart. I love the networking & feedback as well that people give. I like having a space to be creative & insightful that is unlike most places (this being my blog). When it comes to Twitter & Facebook, it can be a bit different.
Facebook is where I connect with real life friends who have moved away or live in my town. Twitter is where I connect with other bloggers that I have never met. I stay connected at FB much more than Twitter, due to knowing the people. One thing I don’t really care for about Twitter is trying to have my voice heard. It’s like I’m at a party & I’m telling a story & then all the attention gets averted to someone else. It’s a pet peeve of mine. I don’t like seeing someone not being given a voice. Twitter appears to be people competing for a voice.
That leaves me feeling discontent & less than my unique God-kissed image. There’s also that feeling that I “need” to be on there, in order to network. But I think that’s a bogus.
FB: well, that can simply be a time sucker. You know when you’ve eaten too much & your belly is uncomfortable full? That’s how my soul feels when I’ve spent too much time on FB. It’s time I’ll never get back.
I think it can be too easy to slip away into this “other” world while neglecting to be present in my very real, physical world. When I’m present in my world of mess, food on faces, little people, friends & lovely husband, I’m less prone to go to a world of anxiety, fear & discontent. I think it’s good, but when it’s all to easy to escape or go to some place else & our souls end up empty on the other end–is it worth it? those are my thoughts:) thanks for letting me share.
Bloggers wear me out when they overachieve and post everyday or twice or more a day. I’d reather have quality than quantity and totally disagree with the content is everything rules. I think that assumes people are stupid and have short memories. I’m smart. I can catch up. I have a reader so sometimes I save my reading and don’t read everyday anyway.
Twitter wears me out when those I follow tweet insider stuff or RT too often. Or worse, don’t read my stuff or return RT favors…so put that down as one of the first symptoms of “you have a problem of Twitter sucking you dry if that’s what you feel. Twitter isn’t that useful to me it turns out. I get few if any blog traffic from it, and few of who I faithfully follow and interact with return favors. Which should lead me to wonder about my writing/content, now shouldn’t it? My brain is too sucked dry though…
On the other hand, I decided Facebook was way more personal and should be kept personal. I have family and friends, church staff friends, and my writer friends I don’t really know but wish I did but they aren’t using FB like I want them to. In other words, they are posting on my Facebook and engaging in conversation with me personally. I should unfriend them but I don’t. Some actually asked to be my friend. I did unfriend all the work related people. In one case of moving across country to separate from that job and folks relying on me I felt it really necessary. The best thing about FB is I’ve gotten to know my highschool & college friends so much better. They are the first line of support when things are tough. It’s been amazing.
One thing struck me from what Frank posted up above, I automatically unfriend and unfollow anyone that uses foul language, posts horrid pictures, and flames in any way. I don’t have time for that. I’m image driven and I can’t have stuff in my face that lives there long after I want it to. That includes family. If they want to know why and what happen, I’ll tell them. Usually they don’t even notice. Frank is also right, the Lord uses us and we should stay prayed up for folks that need it, Exhortation is a Spiritual Gift, and should be used.
You are a blessing Ms Sarah Markley!
My personal problem with regular participation in social media is that it often causes me to miss out on real life. I’m so connected and engaged with online “friends” that I forget to seek real, honest, tangible, human interaction like looking people in the eye, giving & receiving physical contact; getting out of my house and getting my head out of my computer. In the end, I know I’m not going to say “man, I really regret not spending more time on my computer or phone”.
I think everyone else has touched on some of my thoughts too. I don’t do FB or Twitter. I feel I spend too much time on the computer now, reading blogs and responding to them. Writing my own. It’s a blessing, but it’s also work, in a way. It didn’t start out that way. There are other things that I could get done if I wasn’t doing this. So, I just need to be sure that it is what He really wants me doing. Thank you, Sarah, and God bless you as you go forth on this project!
Sucked me dry? Not. At. All.
Been too much at times. You bet’cha!
I just limit my involvement. That’s how I stay sane.
I started using social media primarily because I needed to for business. As I did, it just became a task I had to do daily to draw attention & visibility to a product and give value to a company. So I…. Just. Did. It.
In essence, isn’t that the motive for those of us who use social media, i.e. blog, twitter, FB, for personal reasons? Aren’t we trying to engage others and draw attention to ourselves, our opinions, our writings or our expressions. And just like a business, some accept our work and some reject it; some criticize it and some praise it. And, just like in a business some are positive but the loudest voice is typically negative. And, I would suppose, many more benefit from it without us ever knowing they have, just like a business!
True, it’s draining, time-consuming, and over-whelming at times. It’s hard work most of the time. Yet, it takes work to build relationships, credibility, invest in people, touch lives and have a voice. You’ve done that…. you’ve touched lives, gained credibility, invested in people and have a voice. How beautiful.
Give yourself permission to move and change and take a step back or a step forward towards something new. Sounds like God’s moving you towards a new project, and without the years of blogging and twittering and FB’ing maybe you’d not have this project perculating or waiting patiently to be defined. Sounds like you are stepping away to step forward!
It’ll be fun to hear how you + God put a new song in your heart.
Blessings,
Donna
I really want to be more connected with social media and more present on my blog. However with a busy life with kids and a full time job, it’s really hard. I often find myself feeling like I’m missing the party, or worse, I haven’t been invited. And then when I try to put myself ou the, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and sucked dry that I back out and disappear for a while.
Very good topic. I found myself spending WAAAAY too much time on my blog and reading others, so I simply limit it. To when the kids are asleep, and in the a.m. for about how long my laptop battery lasts. Then it’s time to stop. Twitter wasn’t my cup o’ tea, and I’m a dork on Facebook–one of those people who don;t really know how it works and “Likes” things like “I Dream of Jeannie”–The only real reason for me to be on FB at all is to monitor my teen’s account and brag about my kids. I really think you can fit the blogging into your new goal (maybe just one new post a week) without tipping the boat. Best of luck, whatever you decide!