Blogging can suck my soul dry.
And at one time, reading blogs did the same thing. It’s the reason why I’ve taken blogging sabbaticals {just a couple this year} and why I often take breaks from reading other blogs. I’ve also gone through seasons where social networks like Twitter and Facebook have been the reason why I’ve
cried,
shouted curse words {by myself at least} inside the safety of my van,
shaken my head in disbelief,
or misunderstood others.
These are just a few things that different aspects of social media have made me wonder about the validity of it, the necessity of it, and the way that it has affected my personal development over the past few years. I really do wonder if blogs and other aspects of online interaction, at their core, are beneficial to us as a culture.
I’ve a few friends who really have “been around the block” in social media and have been chewed up by the system. They’ve closed Facebook accounts and have become silent on Twitter for a variety of reasons. Most of them center around the fact that they are “over it.”
Sometimes I feel the same way. But I know that in order to engage culture, we must, at least in some ways, participate in social media because our culture is so saturated with it.
All of that to say, I think I’m beginning to work on a new project. I’m not quite sure how to define it yet, but it definitely has a direction. And I’m going to need your help. No money or anything like that, but I’m going to need your stories and input. Over the next few weeks I’m going to offer up some questions about social media in general (including blogs, Facebook and Twitter) and I’d love it if you’d be able to give me thoughtful, honest answers.
I’m also crafting an online survey that I’m hoping a lot of you will participate in. I’m excited about my new project and as SOON as I have the mission statement nailed down, I’ll share it with all of you.
This is, of course, the age in which we all collaborate on one another’s projects, and if you’re willing I’m happy to have you all on board.
What do you think? What do you think is the biggest problem with regular participation in social media {including writing blog posts, reading them, or engaging on Twitter/Facebook}?
Have you ever felt that any aspect of social media has “sucked” you dry?
Stories please!
Where did my time go??? I find that I lose track of time with social media. I have learned to set a timer and then be done for the day. If not, I am sucked into reading blogs, the comments and then the rabbit trail starts. Recently, I decided to start deleting blogs from my email feed I don’t need to see everyday. Some make me think and feed me…others I just simply enjoy. It’s important to me to tell the difference so I can use my time wisely and enjoy the people in my life more than virtual relationships.
I see my teenagers struggling with this. They text someone and don’t get a response so they wait..like we used to wait for the phone to ring. I say, live your life..if others put value on returning messages then you can make contact with them. At times I wonder if they only know how to communicate through media. funny thing is, they are always happier being in the presence of someone than through the phone, email, a blog, etc.
I’m feeling sucked dry right now. I haven’t written a blog post in almost two weeks and while it bothers me, I haven’t even tried to sit down and write. Living my life is so much better than checking twitter and facebook. I haven’t been on twitter much lately, either, now that I think about it. I think it’s because I’ve spent so much time trying to reach out and make connections and no one has reached back. So I’m like, why bother?
But I do enjoy writing and there are times when I know that God is telling me to write this NOW! and I have no choice but to write. But the rest of the time, it’s too much pressure to keep up with it all. Even things that I’ve enjoyed being a part of online have become pressure to keep up and I feel like I’m falling further and further behind.
I had a falling out with a friend. I said something(s) to her that hurt instead of helped, shamed instead of healed. It wasn’t good. She was a friend on Facebook. Well… I hung up the phone after hurtful words were exchanged and logged in to Facebook. I saw that her newest (“2 minutes ago”) status was juicy gossip about me. My name was not mentioned, but details of words that I apologized for and deeply regret were shared with over 200 “friends” including most of our Sunday school class and teachers. I then read comments from her friends who said they hated
Me. They did not know me, but I read comment after cruel comment spewing hateful messages about me. I logged off and flat out bawled my eyes out. I felt like I was in high school and wanted my mom.
Things went from bad to worse…
We are good now, but I am very careful now, and sadly I have closed my heart to deep friendships. Praying God will work this out in me. Trusting Him.
I didn’t answer your question, just shared my experience. I believe the problem with social media, in agreement with what others have already said, is the ability to hide, the seemingly green light to say whatever one feels like saying seems to come from the absence of face to face. Not thinking… “will this hurt or harm, or “if the person I am speaking of would feel worse after seeing these words, what are my motives?
It seems too easy to hit the send or post button when in person we would not even say it or would be slower to say it, quicker to apologize.
Biggest problem– comparing your reality to the perceived reality others present on social media. This is the most draining part to me.
It is SO easy to think everyone else has more friends, connections, fun, life, opportunities, etc because of the way some do not alway accurately represent themselves and their lives.
In addition, I have personally have run into a few issues with trying to help people only to find out they aren’t who they present~~ always creates hesitation in me to help the next person who asks.
I’ve also had to really be cautious with the amount of time I spend online so I can have time to focus on and be intentional with my relationship with God and my family and friends/neighbors who live around me. Logging in and surfing/updating can be deceptively “easy,” but before you know it hours have gone by and responsibilities and opportunities to shine Jesus to people right in front of you in need in person have disappeared.
I think it is a wonderful platform, but I also think that you have to have the right perspective when reading and responding, and being careful as to what exactly you expect out if it. I wrote on another blog that social media is more for information and inspiration to me, but I don’t EXPECT certain things like life long relationships or popularity or fame out of it. I just like to learn from others.
Very well said!
Social media cannot suck a person dry.
Social media isn’t the problem. I am. I think social media proves, in no uncertain terms, how addicted we are to living up to people’s expectations. It also exposes, at least for me, how twisted my motives can get. If I crank out blog posts because I need to because I need to build my platform, that’s twisted. If I blog because I have something worthwhile to share and I love my readers and I want to share it, that’s the sweet spot. I’ve never been sucked dry by a post I relished writing because I was loving my readers through it. I have, however, been sucked dry by blog posts I have to write because I didn’t write one yesterday or the day before and people are going to stop following unless I meet their expectations.
Love this reply! And, sooooo agree.
I think the biggest problem with social media is when you are using it as a replacement instead of a complement to what is already a foundation elsewhere in life. This can involve solid relationships, building a basis for your faith, etc.
I am on more of the front end in reaching out to others in an encouraging and informative way with the beginnings of a site, so I have more of a new perspective to offer. I have been exposed to but able to tune out as much as I wanted before. I can see how the pressure to keep up with it all would be a little much sometimes, when you just want to hit the pause button. Real life moves quickly, but sometimes I think social media is even faster!
Hi Sarah, I just found your blog through Mandy Thompson – and this is a great question. I’m excited about your project!
I love to write songs, so I’ve subscribed to a lot of creative-type blogs and followed a lot of creatives and songwriters on Twitter. My hope in doing this was and is to learn from them, to gather information on how to be more creative, and to be inspired by what they are creating and writing.
It took me by surprise, but on and off I have found myself spending more of my daughter’s nap times (those precious few hours of quiet and solitude) on my iPhone or on my computer rather than actually writing or creating. Suddenly, I am THINKING about creating and songwriting more than I am actually DOING it. And instead of being inspired and encouraged, I am starting to ENVY the abilities and status of these songwriters and creative bloggers.
Nothing sucks you dry like trading something that energizes you and gives you great purpose for discontentment and envy.
I saw this come through my feeder and wanted to comment, but haven’t had the chance until now. I also haven’t read all the comments, so I’m sure there will be some thoughts echoed by other readers.
My perspective only comes from the Christian Online Community.
1. Social media has the best benefits for those who are purposeful and have a clear goal. I have seen those who desire to create community or engage others in their ministry and/or product in meaningful ways. They are consistent with posts on twitter or FB, they have content that goes beyond casual conversation and contains an honest, authentic tone that resonates with the readers. I have seen relationships forged and doors open for ministry. It is a powerful tool!
Currently, the only social media I use is blogging. Others might consider me to be a “failure” – I get no comments and have “virtually” no online relationships. However, when I began blogging, I began with a distinct purpose and I’ve been able to build a small audience based on that understanding.
That said, purpose always evolves. We find our voice and then refine it. But there is always an attempt to be purposeful.
2. Social media will always take time away from something. As valuable as it is, it takes time. As does any activity. I really had to evaluate my return on investment. As selfish as it sounds, if my “online” relationship is one-sided (meaning, I am the only one sending emails to connect, reaching out or commenting on a blog) I really have to evaluate the connection. Everything takes time, but if I am the only one willing to invest in building online relationship, it’s likely no relationship at all. I would rather take that time and spend it on a new friend at church, or a mom I connect with at my daughter’s school. I do notice I make far more efforts to connect online with people who live near me because my end goal is to meet in person. I would rather meet over coffee than send emails back and forth.
3. Social media has exposed, heightened and magnified my own feelings of insecurity. While I don’t have twitter, occassionally, I will see a twitter feed roll on someone’s blog and sometimes people are talking about their fun night out with @somebodymoreimportantthanme and it reminds me how I long to have other Christian couples to have a casual night out or it stirs my desire to have a “clique” to call my own or friends I can call to help when I’m overwhelmed. I have to really put myself in check and remember there are so many more important things and that my life is a season. There are seasons with more friends and seasons of solitude. I need to embrace them all, ultimately being in tune with how the Holy Spirit is working in my life.
4. I used to say online relationships are not real because they only show a layer or two of who you are. But even in my “real” relationships, it’s almost impossible to show every layer of who you are. THOSE relationships are exhuasting and refreshing all the same and they are reserved for a very small amount of friends that I trust and that trust me.
5. Social media, through blogging, creates a convergence of common interests among strangers. I’ve had strangers at church who read my blog, come and share sacred things with me because they read a post on my marriage or my struggles as a mom…or they are excited about a DIY project I post. It gives a point of reference to begin conversations beyond, “How’s the weather.” I’ve had people email me (and vice versa) because my story has resonated with theirs…I get to see a person’s heart much faster because of social media and the expression that writing fosters.
6. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING can replace in person relationships. Humans have a need to be touched. More than 60% of our communication is non-verbal, none of which shines through online. It’s the combination of these things that cause relationships to flourish. I can have a great online friendship, but I know it will only go so far. I need to hug and kiss people on the cheek! Maybe that’s just me…
7. I personally am sucked dry when I:
- Try to write posts just to keep my community. When I begin writing for fear someone will unsubscribe due to my inconsistency.
- Comment on other’s blogs just to get traffic to mine
- Look at other’s more successful blogs and become envious and discouraged because mine isn’t as popular.
- When I forget my purpose in blogging in the first place
- When I neglect my family because of a blog post I HAVE to write
- When I try to get others to notice me
***Most of these are heart issues and if I am not finding my worth first in Christ, I will become dry to the bone.
Can you believe I even have MORE thoughts on all this…I will jump off my soapbox now!! I am annoying myself at how long this post is. I’m so sorry, friend!
Sucked me dry?? I don’t know about that but I do know that when I am on one of the major blogging sites for Christian women, I feel like an outsider. I find them commenting on each other’s blogs and interacting and I feel like I am a “wallflower” watching a group of popular girls. They have a huge community watching them– and some participate, but you know who the “in” people are. I say this to say, it doesn’t really make me feel good, but it makes me realize that in some ways it mirrors the world’s relationships.
The sad part is these women probably don’t “see” the wallflowers and they don’t know that they have their public clique like high school because their purpose is to created community. They do it but their real relationships are circling up in to the “cheerleaders.”
I am surprised by how few comments are about how much social media takes away from relationship to God and to being his hands and feet. This getting off the pew and into the world idea that was embraced by the young in the Christian culture may be getting sucked dry by the social media pulling them away to the cyber world. I am not sure yet on that one.
Thanks Sarah for thinking on these things and having us think on them.
I am totally with you and am actually writing a post right now on the subject. Hopefully we will wake up to the time wasted and the effect this has on our whole lives. I will not stop my blog but need to regulate my time and get my blog into perspective. I’m heading off to read other posts of yours now!
Hey Sarah,
I’m in total agreement with this, I fully endorse this project because i’m sure we can all relate to this, social media can sometimes be the causes of our pain. It is indeed truth. i will support you.
Great Idea
Thank you so much for including us in your work.God bless you
Hey Sarah,
I’m in total agreement with this, I fully endorse this project because i’m sure we can all relate to this, social media can sometimes be the causes of our pain. It is indeed truth. i will support you.
Great Idea
Thank you so much for including us in your work.God bless you