There are blogs I read that I am scared to comment on.
I’m terrified. The content is amazing, but the community that gathers there is competitive, judgmental, graceless and all in all, scary.
The community of commenters attack disagree-ers, they are sarcastic and I just don’t have enough emotional energy to both deal with my own hard topics while getting personally attacked on another blog.
So I don’t comment. I keep reading but I don’t comment.
My goal here is to create a safe place where the community can gather to talk, to share ideas and struggles and sometimes to disagree with one another, but in that disagreement be grace to one another.
Once we’ve moved forward to find a niche with blogging we can create this safe space for community. Because people WILL come if we find that niche.
Here are a few suggestions that, again, aren’t the conventional how-to-build-community-on-your-blog ideas, but are ones that have worked for me and ones that I’ve learned along the way.
First: Be Real
To build a community, to make a place that is safe for it, you must be authentic and you must tell the truth. With the amount of people out there actually telling the truth {and maybe in fact, oversharing} none of us can afford to not tell the truth.
But strike a balance. Our online journals are only one facet of who we and our struggles. We must balance between telling the truth and sharing too much. Some of our lives must be kept private and only for the eyes of those who know us and live with us day to day life. Some photos are only for my kids. Some words are only for my husband. Some laughter is only for the friends who sit in my living room.
In all that I do share, I share authentically and truthfully. Only you can find that balance. There are really no hard and fast rules for this except for a few: Guard the ones you love, be honest with yourself and be humble about it, and remember that you cannot heal from big things in the eyes of the public.
Second: Tell Stories. And lots of them.
No matter what kind of blog you have, whether it’s a creative blog or a storytelling blog, tell lots of stories.
Undergird truth {or even your DIY project} with stories about you and yours that make you a tangible person and one who has shared in hardship {or joy} just like everyone else.
We’ve been created to listen to, to tell and to resonate with story. Use this part of human nature when you communicate.
And don’t just tell stories with words. Tell them with photos too. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t a good photographer; you can get better at that by practicing and by asking for help from people you know who are good at it. When we use photos {from our own lives and not necessarily from a stock photo site} we bring the reader into our OWN story. And that is very important.
Why have I included storytelling in a post about community? Because community is about the give and take between writer and reader and between reader and reader. When we share stories, we give others the permission to share those and we invite them to stand up and say, “Yeah! Me too!!”
Third: Carve Out a Safe Space for Conversation
Pretend your blog is your living room. You’ve invited friends over for desert and coffee and it’s your job as host or hostess to make sure everyone is comfortable and that your guests have all that they need. But it’s a conversation.
You don’t pull out a podium near your fireplace and tell your friends what you think about everything and assume that they’ll listen. Instead you sit down on the corner of the couch and laugh and talk with your friends. You enter the conversation without talking AT them.
I hope my blog is a place that people feel comfortable, they feel safe and they feel as if I’m a fellow journeyer rather than a college professor on whatever topic we talk about. Disagreement is okay {personal attack is not}. Questions are welcomed {bullying is not}. And an exchange of ideas is encouraged.
My goal is to carve out a quiet place on the internet for these things to happen: safe conversation in a judgment-free zone. To create a real community, I really believe we must protect it in the ways that we can. So I try to protect my readers against bullies, against personal attacks and against unfair judgment. As the blog owner, I believe it’s my job to do that.
I’ve asked myself over the years,
What kind of blog do I want to visit?
And told myself that I want to be the kind of blogger that I want to be friends with. I know that sounds simplistic and maybe silly, but I really think it’s helped. And hopefully I’ve been able to create a type of space that others feel safe to share in.
How do you foster community on your blog? In real life? When do you feel the most comfortable commenting on blogs?
Sarah – I just wanted to say thank you for carving out such a great place for us non-bloggers to comment. My husband is so private, he is not a fan of social networks – and yes, he won’t approve of any blog I would create. I have to honor that request, but I truly love filling my Google reader with blogs that matter to me. Blogs that discuss subjects important to me. Blogs about dogs – yes, those are my favorites!! Honey the great dane is my all time favorite – a great dane that wins free style dance? Bring it on!!!! I have always enjoyed reading the comments on your post, it’s a safe place to absorb and learn and laugh. Thanks again for your wonderful stories.
thank you diane. you don’t know how much it means to me. and yes! i love non-bloggers! i’m so glad you are here!
My blog is so new that I can’t say that I’ve fostered a community there. But I try to be as gracious and loving as I can to all visitors. I think you do that, Sarah, which makes me want to come back here. I can’t remember one instance of feeling like anyone was unwelcome here. I hope that I can follow in your footsteps in that way. Thank you for making a safe place for us. We need that.
you are welcome carolyn. i’m so glad. =)
I loved this post. thks for writing this.. honestly.
I’ve been personally attacked on my blog, by one obsessive ex-friend of mine, who continues to pop in every now and then to leave anonymous comments.. it’s frustrating but I can’t stoop to her level.. I keep blogging.. I keep sharing my life, my creative pursuits, and u are right.. there are parts of my life I keep private and that’s okay.. that’s more than okay.. Loved reading this.. xo
love to you
bonitarose
i’m so sorry that you have someone who does that on your blog. hoping, for your sake, she finds better things to do.
thank you so much for your comment. =)
i have the tiniest of communities on my blog. i think there are people out there that read my blog and i have no idea who they are. sometimes they tell me, sometimes they email. but mostly not. people say i write well. and when i just do that it works out great. i know when i’ve said what i meant. but sometimes i wish others would say they get it too. is that wrong? i have been questioning that about my blog. do i write to write or write for feedback? i have one more tidbit on audience…i think i tend to write with this one thought in mind, my family is reading this. it holds me back sometimes. a good and bad thing. thanks again for this series.
mmm, yeah. that can be hard. i have struggled with that and my parents have been fine with all of the things i’ve written. my extended family, not all the time. it’s something i think about too.
thank you for your comment.
This is an excellent post. I love telling stories with pictures…I carry my phone everywhere, often taking random pictures that cause my kids to roll their eyes…. I hate sarcastic and ugly comments….why the drama and why even read a blog if you don’t like it?
oh yes. i’m an iphone/instagam mom too. =)
Oh I can so relate. There are blogs that are always controversial or seemed to have become that way, I just stopped reading them. I’ve got enough of my own junk, I don’t need to add someone’s uncontrolled emotional bullying to it too. I want folks to come to my site and take something away that encourages them. After having a group of pedophiles target my site, I went back to monitoring comments because my blog needs to be a safe zone because of the topics I tackled. I will never allow someone to be cruel on my site. Moderating the comments seems to have eliminate meanness.
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
yeah. i hear you. i’m not sure, though, its just the controversy that’s hard. its the way it’s dealt with by the community. it’s the culture that is propagated in the community. and as the leader, the blog owner helps to create that culture.
thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful comment, mel. =)
ok, i also wanted to say EWW at the bad people targeting your site. i’m so sorry.
and yes, i’ve gone back and forth about moderation. i don’t. but i’m not opposed to it.
Great post! I think that the realness of the writer sets up the atmosphere of the blog, which sets the pace for the people commenting. Sometimes I read the post and, based on the tone of the blogger, I won’t even look at the “leave a reply” box…no matter what I think of what was said.
yes. yes and yes. =)
i don’t have a blog (and, as it turns out, struggle with community in real life) for 2 reasons: 1) i don’t feel like i have anything to say that the general public cares to hear 2) i’m obsessive about privacy/anonymity (irrational fears that my words will be used against me). HOWEVER, i love love love love love reading blogs. my google reader is full of feeds about home and kids, and i find a great sense of comfort in a few “christian” blogs. sidenote: i struggle with identifying as a christian because, these days, that seems to mean narrow minded and intolerant.
i rarely feel the need to comment on blogs because most of my sentiments are already expressed by previous comments, but the most conducive environment for me is one in which the author seems approachable and imperfect. i’m not going to throw myself into a conversation on a picture perfect decorating blog but i might consider replying to someone who i perceive as real. the act of someone sharing her imperfections, her struggles, invites me to do the same.
oh yes. i agree. the blogs i seem to be drawn to are the ones where it seems i could be real life friends with the writer. well said, anne.
and hoping that you find the community that you are looking for. =)
Sarah, thanks for all your hard work in building community through your blog. You are a beautiful person.
Thank you Gina. =)
I Feel like you are writing this just for me.
I hope there is a Blog Sugar next year.
And I hope that you are a speaker.
And I hope I can hear you.
Because I think I missed out this time.
Thank you for your wisdom.
And my favorite blogs are the story telling ones.
Sure I love a good craft or a recipe, but if that is all there is, then I am not that excited.
But a story to go along with that recipe pulls me in every time.
As for a safe space, I think blogs can be such a wonderful tool for reaching people who don’t feel safe in church or Biblestudy or other “relgious” places.
But on my blog I can share Christ with them and they can read, or not read.
I think that feels safe for them.
And I am not preaching at them, simply sharing my story and since Christ is at the center of my life, He comes through.
It’s beautiful how God can use us in so many different ways.
Love from,
Greta
oooh. i love this Greta. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment.
and yes, i hope that we can connect again! maybe next blog conference?? =)
Thanks, Sarah, for your honest blogging and invitation to comment in a safe space. I’ve been working on the same thing, hoping to get more interactive on my blog, and these are good reminders.
I needed to read this today!
Best,
Natalie
thank you natalie! i’m so glad you did!
This is so helpful thanks. I just starting blogging so really new to the whole thing. I use my site to encourage others who feel as though they have no hope. I love blogging it helps me and I find it very therapeutic, I need to blog more often I only write when I feel inspired by the Lord. I love using pics I just started doing that makes the blog more interesting, but sometimes I don’t have pics for topics I choose. So far my feedback has been it is encouraging others so many people feel lost that they will never come out of their trials. God can do anything and through Him we can do anything as well. I love your blog, thanks again for sharing.
wow! i’m so glad that you’ve been able to help others. it’s what i try to do (and then as a result, process thru my own stuff)
beautiful, sarah. =)
I know exactly what you mean about those blogs you’re afraid to comment on. I learned my lesson about a month ago. I left a simple, harmless (or so it seemed to me) comment on a big Christian blog, and literally within minutes I was attacked by a non-believer who proceeded to take every word I’d said and turn it around to use against me. I guess the thing that just amazes me is how these people hang out at the Christian blogs and websites, just waiting for a chance to swoop in and attack. Call me naive, but I just didn’t expect it.
Like you, I also want to be the kind of blogger that I want to be friends with. I think that helps make us authentic, and as you pointed out, being honest is so important. I don’t want to be anything but who I am, because that’s what is ultimately going to attract good people to my space.
i’m so sorry chrissy. that can’t be fun at all. and yes, i agree with you about authenticity. =)
Sarah, thanks so much for sharing these great tips with us! In the last post you mentioned that you don’t look at your stats… I try not to do that too!! when I first started blogging and realized you could track stats, I thought it was SO COOL! But then I realized that it took some of the joy away from writing simply for the joy of writing. It became more about who was clicking and how could I get more people to read or follow. That wasn’t fun for me at all. So I hid my list of followers and I stopped checking the stats. It’s helped me to feel more free in writing.
I read your blog all the time, but I rarely comment (since it comes to my email on my phone). Today I’m commenting because I’m actually at a computer (much easier to type). But I usually like to comment when I find something particularly helpful (like your blogging tips today!). What really stood out in this was your question, “What kind of blog do I want to visit?” That is really going to help me hone in on what exactly I want to be writing about on my baby blog. I want to write things that someone like me would actually want to read.
Anyway, thanks so much for this.
- Monique
I just realized “baby blog” sounds like I blog about babies. LOL… I don’t. I was meaning that my blog is really new/young. hehe.
wow. thank you monique. i read a lot of blogs that i don’t comment on either. =)
and i love what you said about stats. i agree. it frees me up to write from the heart too.
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for another wonderful and encouraging post for a newbie like me. I have so much to learn…I am still trying to figure out what my niche is, and also how to not let fear of judgment, fear of being misunderstood etc. keep me from being real…I also struggle how much to say b/c I want to respect the privacy of certain key people in my life… {which is why I use the phrase “key people”}
I keep praying for wisdom and courage to go where God leads, and to not let fear be the driver.
Thanks again!
Dolly – such an honest and transparent comment. thank you. i think blogging, like all of life, is a journey. keep at it. it will be rewarding, i guarantee. =) thank you for your comment.
This post confirms that I really wish I had gone to your Blog Sugar panel. This is good stuff, Sarah! I tell my stories through my photography & my recipes/parties. I am not the best storyteller through writing, but photography is my art form. I carry my DSLR with me everywhere. It is literally one of my body parts. ha! I love capturing life through my lens and in turn, I share those images with my readers. I try and foster community on my blog by being honest and real and sharing my faults as a working mom. I also try and reply to all my readers via email if they have questions for me. You are SO good about replying to your readers and creating a community here…so happy to have found your beautiful corner of the internet!
yep. i love taking pictures too. i’m so glad we connected.
LV said you were/are a KILLER soccer player. so cool.
I don’t think i’m a killer anything. =)
Sarah, it’s so very sweet of you to take the time to share all of your hard earned tips with us, thank you so much! I appreciate you and all the ways in which you “give back” to the community.
You set a pretty impressive, but real, blog/example to follow.
Trying again…this time I am typing in a document…so I won’t be writing to the air if this doesn’t post. Sarah…another great post…yesterday I was full of thankfulness and just wanted to tell you…so I sent you an e-mail yesterday because I could not get
my comment to post….
This knowing I am loved, chosen, treasured has been a long journey for me. But I rejoice that I have landed in the Land of the Loved. My husband of 31 yrs. has been Jesus with skin in my life. He just kept loving me…straight into my Father’s arms of love.
I love that I found you…I love your heart, story, and the spirit you create here in this crazy town.
Blessings~
I started finally experiencing the community I desired on my blog when I did one simple thing: answered comments. Just like you do here – even if it’s just two words “thank you” – it SHOWS your readers that you’re listening. You can remind them all you want that you read and treasure every comment, but until you answer theirs, they don’t feel you’re listening to THEM. But once you do, once you are not only sharing authentically from the heart, but LISTENING – that’s when the fun begins.
Thanks for a great series and great example. I’m now a follower of your blog – I only follow a few, but I can’t afford to miss good advice like this.
Hi Sarah,
This post was so well thought out and articulated. Really, thanks for this. I know that I will be coming back to this one time and again to keep myself on track. Authenticity is key, but it is so hard to strike that balance and to keep being authentic when you feel like you are just launching posts out into the ether for no one to read.
I also really appreciate what you said about not having a podium in your living room. I find it hard to strike that balance when I am doing a series on something that is important to me. I want to communicate like I would a friend, but often I feel like I am on a soap box which is not something I do with friends, ya know?
I’ve often had the same thought as you about being the type of blog I would like to visit. I think I am getting there, but I think I have a long way to go. It is obvious that you have really taken this to heart because your blog is such a comforting, welcoming space.
Thanks for being so open and honest. This has been super helpful to my thinking about my own blog and where I want it to go.
Heaps of Blessings,
Jessica
I love stories! I’m still working on fostering community. Sometimes the balance between teaching and inviting conversation is hard to find. I hear “rules” about readers needing something to take away and I second guess the power of story. I know I shouldn’t do that. I like your example. We are in a bigger living room. Still laughing. Still sharing. I am still working on this.
Great tips!
Look at that, Jessie follows Jessica. Ha